<p>Very good point about the gender gap! Another thing to discuss with the OP’s friend.</p>
<p>I see the gender gap happen almost every day here. Our twins’ stats are very similar yet DS has gotten mailings from far more selective schools than DD. They have been accepted to all of their schools, applied to a handful of the same schools, the rest different. DS has gotten a LOT more money from these schools and DD is a recruited athlete at these schools. It’s been very interesting to see. Of course the one lottery DS applied to doesn’t have the lopsided male/female ratio so that won’t help him there :D.</p>
<p>OP- Please let us know how the conversation goes. That list is pretty selective. I’m not sure what I would have said if someone ask me. It’s tough to say hey your kid is great but so are a bunch of other kids that are applying…People are correct that it would have been better if she has an 800 in math instead of writing. </p>
<p>I probably would have had my son talk to her daughter.:)</p>
<p>OP, just wanted to add that I wish you good luck, but my guess is your advice will fall on deaf ears. I was in a similar position last year. Told my friend that I thought her son’s college list was top heavy, with only the University of Maryland a likely admit. While she had asked for my candid opinion, there was a bit of coolness from her during the following months. The fact that I was correct and her son was rejected from all of his reach schools was sad for all. He is now a happy freshman at Maryland and I am hoping she does not ask me for my opinion on her next child’s college list!</p>
<p>While my kids didn’t swim in such an elite pool, I’m also on the bandwagon of recommending a true safety. I think the advice of pouring it on thick about how great the child is is a good strategy…maybe couch it in terms of easing the child’s stress during application season or something…</p>
<p>Any update? People with no true safeties always worry me.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I agree.</p>
<p>Actually, those with a bunch of highish reaches and only one safety also worry me. That’s because if the safety is the only acceptance, the student may feel that she never really had a choice.</p>
<p>I remember one of my son’s classmates that applied to a bunch of high reaches. Auburn was her only safety…and her only acceptance. After all of her rejections, she kept referring to Auburn (a school that she liked) as her Consolation Prize…which she would say with an air of sadness and frustration. I think if she had had a couple of acceptances and got to make a choice, it would have been better for her morale.</p>
<p>Unless a parent of a reasonably high achieving youngster is aware of the current state of college admissions they are often told by others who are also unaware that they should “expect” to get into the best schools and get scholarships. Our D heard that a lot from her sophmore year on. CC was eye opening to me. I think it behooves you to mention what you have learned. That’s because the elite tier of schools is so competitive there is little guarantee for any one person regardless of scores to be accepted. You learned that it is a good idea to research schools and find out which schools would match your D needs and scores and find those that she would be guaranteed to get into to. I would also mention that finances play a role as well. I think other than getting them to think about where their D would be a good match, I would stay away from making it too personal and talk in generalities. By presenting it this way you may find your friend asking more questions and giving you the opportunity to explain the challenges associated with college admissions.</p>
<p>I sometimes forget how much I have learned from being on CC. I had no idea what a liberal arts college meant, and as it turns out, my D ended up attending this type of college. One of the CC commandments is “love thy safety,” such an important concept. Well meaning family and friends can comment all they want about how any school would love to have Terrific Kid, but the reality of admissions is a world to itself. And as others have mentioned, financial issues and social fit come into the equation as well.</p>
<p>Thanks CC!</p>
<p>Some parents are fragile when it comes to hearing the slightest thing that doesn’t match their perception of their children. If rarely give my own opinion, who am I to judge, but when asked, try to be helpful. If you see a hint of hypersensitivity, you are on the edge of the Rubicon-Don’t cross it. Any good advice you can give at that point will be wasted on deaf ears.</p>
<p>Madaboutx–in that case I usually use the “we had a relative or we had a friend who…” to try to get the point across. “We had a relative who only applied to schools like your child is applying to that got rejected from all the schools. They were really top students (inflate GPA/test scores if necessary:D)” then go on to point out the 5% acceptance rate at those schools saying that a lot of kids with really high stats get rejected because so many kids apply and for no other reason.</p>
<p>I have been in situations where I have been asked advice, and then lost friendships over it, so I feel your pain!</p>
<p>However, I understand your sense of integrity and concern about not misleading this person. Since your child did not get into any ivies, you have a personal story to share, as you can commiserate about how hard it is to get into so many top level schools, despite great stats. There are many great suggestions here, but if you kindly and tactfully share your loving concerns for their child in hopes that they are not left out in the cold, hopefully the parents will take it into consideration and do the right thing. At least you will know you did the right thing.</p>
<p>Update: Made the call this morning - didn’t know my hands would still sweat so much!!!
Anyway, broached it kindly, gave stories of our experience and others, etc. Also, talked about how it could be nice to be the “top dog” at a school. Gave some suggestions based on geographic areas where she had applied (and where applications were still being accepted.) Ex: Ithaca College, Syracuse, Duquesne, Butler (IN), and also told them I would e-mail links to some websites where they could look around for more ideas.
Overall, I think it went well. I didn’t feel like she was offended nor that it was falling on deaf ears. I’d say that perhaps they just really didn’t understand what it meant to have a “safety.” It was more like they thought there was “safety in numbers.” In other words, apply to a lot of good schools, you’re bound to get in to one of them.
So…I feel better about not having kept quiet. Don’t know what the outcome will be…will just have to wait and see.</p>
<p>And thanks again to all for getting me to make the call!</p>
<p>Aren’t you proud of you? We are! I am sure that was not an easy call to make, but it really was necessary to prevent a possible disaster come April. Congrats doing the right thing no matter how nervous-making it was. Safety in numbers does not equal a safety.</p>
<p>Nice work, hsmom2dncrs! You did the right thing. You gave all the necessary info your friend and her daughter will need for the next steps should they choose to take them. </p>
<p>I will have to remember that phrase: thinking “safety” is safety in numbers, and not knowing that isn’t the reality in these times.</p>
<p>hsmom2dncrs, I am glad it went well. Thank you for letting us know. I am glad you passed along the info and I have no connection to these people!</p>
<p>Do you give tact lessons? I could use some!</p>
<p>Hsmom2dncrs- I am so happy that the call went well. I am sure your friend appreciated some more suggestions and advice. For me it was very helpful to have friends with older kids talk about the application process and of course finding CC as a resource was great. </p>
<p>Great list of additional schools you gave her for sure…</p>
<p>Way to go! Glad it went well, keep us posted on how her D’s search comes out. </p>
<p>One other thing I thought of (too late for your conversation, but for anyone else in this boat) is to talk about how the Common App has changed things in the past few years. The top colleges now get deluged with applications, and you have to worry that your kid’s is going to be buried under the many thousands of applications they recieve for such a small number of spots. Even if your kid is great… those numbers are disconcerting.</p>
<p>OP–good for you! I just started reading this thread this evening so of course it’s done! But I would say you did what a good friend should do–you watched out for their best interests. I for one would be really appreciative for that phone call if it was warranted (which it was). And I hate to say (but it’s true…) that sometimes you have to ignore H’s advice–although it makes your path clearer at times!</p>