Parent more anxious than student!

Colleges and Universities A-Z College of William and Mary
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<p>I love that I have finally registered at CC. I really, really, really try not to discuss the waiting with my DD because it is killing me but she seems carefree. Reading the forums help me from asking her questions that she doesn't know the answer to anyway! I guess the issue is that I want her to go to ISS due to proximity (we live in Virginia) and she is happy to go to almost any of the schools to which she applied. Actually, like many teens, for her it is "the further away, the better". </p>

<p>All applications were RD because she didn't want to be 'locked in' as she doesn't really have her heart set on any one school. At least, according to her. Her top two choices in VA are W&M and UVA (no surprise there). We visited both along with U Penn, NYU, Boston, UNC Chapel Hill (this would be okay for me since still fairly close. ha!), and Northwestern. We didn't visit her two safety schools (Va Tech and JMU....sorry to fans of those schools, I know they are both good schools but for us they fell in safety zone) because I am fairly sure she won't be going to either of those. But, knowing my DD all her life I felt like, after visiting all, W&M is the best fit for her. She is a quirky, humorous, intelligent, somewhat geeky kind of girl who loves math and science. I think she would be LOST in some of the bigger schools and W&M is just the perfect size. And, okay, I admit it is also THE closest to our home at roughly 65 minutes away. :-) She isn't our first kid to leave or our last (we have the last going next year) but, for some reason, this one tugs the most at my heartstrings.</p>

<p>Am I the only parent going more stir crazy than the applicant?!?
The Parental Unit</p>

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<p>You are certainly not the only parent out there who feels the way you do. We talk to parents all the time who stress about this process and the transition for their son/daughter just as much, if not more so, than the student. The college application and selection process is something that taxes the entire family in both good ways and bad. The best thing you can do is be a great sounding board for your student as decision notifications are released and encourage her to utilize admitted student programs in April. She will likely know in her gut what she wants to do and the good news is with 4000 colleges out there, there’s no one right fit. A great student can make the most of any college experience.</p>

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<p>zparentalunit,</p>

<p>You may want to read the parents thread for the class of 2011 (HS)/2015 (college) as you will find plenty of like-minded parents dealing with similar issues. </p>

<p>Enjoy!</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/491386-high-school-class-2011-college-class-2015-a-678.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/491386-high-school-class-2011-college-class-2015-a-678.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Great suggestion W&M_grad. There’s always safety and comfort in numbers</p>

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<p>Parental Unit,</p>

<p>I can relate completely. In the case of my DD, she has been in love with William & Mary for years and it is her top choice. Although we live in upstate NY, my sister lives in a small town outside of Williamsburg and we have spent quite a lot of time in the area. The fact that my sister and her husband are right there – and DD is very close to both of them – allows me to accept the distance from home, albeit reluctantly.</p>

<p>DD would have applied ED, but my husband lost his job of 25 years in October, and DD did not think it fair to us because of the financial obligation (without any financial aid decisions having been made). </p>

<p>You might appreciate this – DD has been cast as “Fantine” in “Les Miserables” at her high school, which opens on April 1. My anxiety as a mom is picturing her opening her email (via phone) before going onstage… and, if it is not the news she wants, she still has to go on and end her big solo with, “Now life has killed the dream I dreamed…” I know Fantine is a tragic figure, but I don’t think DD needs any help in character development, if you know what I mean :). Actually, my DH and I have discussed that if she hasn’t heard anything by March 30 (which she most likely won’t), we are going to hold on to her cell phone so she can’t open her email with it… we will see if we can pull that off.</p>

<p>Best wishes to you and your DD. I hope that you are both happy with whatever transpires.</p>

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<p>Mom4Life,</p>

<p>We will be sure to post when exactly decisions letters will be released when that date is determined on our website, on our social media outlets and on CC. Hopefully that will allow your daughter to decide when to get the news without interfering with her performance.</p>

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<p>Hello, W&M Admissions Person!</p>

<p>I have to say that you are wonderful about keeping us all informed about the arduous, anxiety-producing admissions process. This is an example of the many things that impress us about the entire W&M family.</p>

<p>My previous response was intended to let another parent know I identify with her pins-and-needles anticipation. Please understand that my story, while based in fact, was told in a tongue-in-cheek manner. This medium makes it difficult to tell, sometimes, the emotion(s) underlying the text – hence the use of smiley faces and other emoticons. If I were more skilled at storytelling, perhaps I wouldn’t need to add, ;)!</p>

<p>No doubt my DD, a stage veteran since age 7, will do what is needed on stage regardless of her personal angst or euphoria. She’s a trouper. I do appreciate that you are thoughtful and conscientious enough to take the time to give serious consideration to my little tale, and I am equally grateful for the information. Thanks so very much.</p>

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<p>Count me as one of the mom’s who is overly anxious. March is going to be one difficult month! My daughter does not APPEAR to be as anxious as me, but I think I just vocalize it more while she internalizes it. So, if there is strength in numbers - count me in! W&M would be such a great match for my daughter and I hope to see her as part of the class of 2015.</p>

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<p>Mom4Life and NewJerseyMom, we totally understand. This is anxiety-ridden for students and parents alike. </p>

<p>While not meant to add any stress to the situation, prepare for April to be stressful too. If your student receives lots of admission offers, April can be stressful in a very different way because the student must make a very important decision in a very small amount of time so helping your student through that month can be just as crucial as helping them through March.</p>

<p>Good luck to everyone. The end is really in sight even though it doesn’t feel that way right now</p>

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<p>Funny thing about JMU as a “safety school”. They have a tendency to reject some strong applicants just because of that. My son who got into UVA and Va Tech and wait-listed at W&M was rejected (or wait-listed, can’t remember) at JMU, a total shock. The HS guidance office here is of the opinion that they throw the applications up in the air and accept the ones that land face up, as there isn’t much consistency to their decisions. Apparently some schools (Tufts is usually the example, aka Tufts Syndrome) will reject the very strong applicants who will most likely go somewhere else in order to keep their “selectivity” numbers up for school ratings.</p>

<p>Interestingly, VCU seems to take a different tack. They accept the high performing students and offer them money (our son was offered full tuition, although I understand they can only afford 1/2 tuition now due to funding cuts). They get some very qualified people going there that way. Probably one of the reasons they went from a Third Tier school in US News’ ratings to Nationally Rated (around 180). I expect VCU to continue to move higher - as for JMU, who knows?</p>

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<p>MadMarv, did you meant to post your comment in this thread? If so, fine. It’s certainly an interesting take on the process. It just seems off topic to the tone of the thread.</p>

<p>Do keep in mind that sometimes admission decisions are hard to make sense of from an outsider’s perspective. There are many decisions W&M makes (and other schools) that are simply hard to understand when one hasn’t seen the pool of applicants we see. Those of us making the decision have the advantage of a perspective or purview that comes with being able to see all of the applications submitted. The Admit It! Blog ([W&M</a> Blogs Admit It!](<a href=“http://blogs.wm.edu/author/admiss/]W&M”>Admit It!, Author at The William & Mary Blogs)) will actually have a post about this in the upcoming weeks.</p>

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<p>I posted here because the original post contained an allusion to JMU as a “safety school”. I just wanted to point out that JMU has a reputation of being a bit unusual in their admissions decisions so is not a reliable “safety school” for someone with a high academic record and to contrast it with what appears to be VCU’s strategy. Probably some “sour grapes” about JMU here. Sorry if I went too far off topic. </p>

<p>I understand that developing a well-rounded class is as much art as science, and I commend W&M for doing a great job. And I agree, March is a very tense month for parents, as college admissions are somewhat a reflection on the guidance you have given your kids, both in the academic area and in finding schools with the right fit and hoping they agree with you about your kid’s strengths.</p>

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<p>I’m an anxious parent as well!!
MadMarv, my son (a senior) was accepted to the VCU Honors College and received an offer of a full tuition scholarship. It is nice to have that as a back-up if one of his top two choices do not work out. VCU is working hard to get the top students. My son applied Regular Decision and received admittance by mid-January. He received the scholarship offer last month! </p>

<p>I only hope that we have the “stress” of choosing in April! Thanks W&M for keeping us all informed.</p>

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<p>MadMarv, totally get it now. Had forgotten the JMU mention early in the post. Each admission office employs various admission strategies to meet institutional goals. While helping applicants through the process and admitting good fits is certainly among those goals, each institution has goals related to selectivity, yield, tuition income, etc and all of those impact the way an admission office operates.</p>

<p>Glad you used the art/science analogy. We use it all the time and think it’s actually much more art than science. We also know that the decisions we make are sometimes debatable but what is important to us is that our process is fair, even if some of the decisions seem to be otherwise.</p>

<p>Good luck to all of you. No doubt your care and concern is evident to your students and they will have options come April</p>

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<p>hello everyone,</p>

<p>Thanks so much Zparentalunit for starting this discussion; I thought I was the only parent with an overly laid back child! Since reading the fora here on CC, I’ve been awake worrying at night, fighting nervous nausea, bad dreams…while guess-who sleeps like a rock in the room next door, hm?</p>

<p>My daughter told me early on that she was resolved not to get sucked into the anxiety vortex surrounding college admissions. She’s seen kids literally cry over getting a 98% on a math test, or a few arbitrary points off an SAT goal score, and thought, “…no way”. She also rows for her school’s hyper-competitive crew program and can only take so much wolf-at-the-door pressure to perform.</p>

<p>It’s been an nice emotional decision for her, but her attitude has driven my husband and me nuts!</p>

<p>Example: She refused any prep course, practice test or study session for the SAT and ACT, on principle, saying, “They’re aptitude tests…and, if they’re at all genuine, they should be able to reflect what I’m capable of academically without you wasting your money, and my time, with a prep course.” She didn’t crack a book. We almost opened our carotid arteries over that one…but we did persuade her to take the SAT’s twice without strangling her (again no studying…<em>sigh</em>…but we were grateful for small victories).</p>

<p>Example 2: My daughter loves art and biology (…in keeping with the science/art theme in the last posts:) and wants, perhaps, to be an artsy research zoologist, or technical illustrator, or some such hybrid, and major in both. She researched schools that could provide a good education in either, and/or technical drawing instruction, and simply applied to them…and forgot about it. She never looked into how she stacks up, competitively, as an applicant, and doesn’t care. We visited those schools, she loved them all, and said, “If one rejects me, another will take me…I’ll go somewhere.” We were frantic that she wouldn’t get in anywhere, actually, and have been panicked over the laissez-faire breeziness she projects. Now, we’re waiting on decisions from W&M (yay! my alma mater!), U of Michigan, Carnegie Mellon, and Cornell; she’s been accepted to Va Tech and was asked to go for their honor’s program, so we’re very happy she’ll not be hanging around the house next year! </p>

<p>Maybe she’s had more emotional turmoil than she shows, but I’m not sure: all of her friends have this same attitude. They’re sick of the gamesmanship surrounding college applications. Many saw the indie film, “Race to Nowhere”, feel like their mental health is worth something, and set boundaries on how much anxiety they’d allow in their lives to protect their sanity. None of them check in on CC, or any of the college discussion sites. </p>

<p>My daughter has talked to me about her general faith in admissions’ personnel, saying that they’ve played this game longer than we have, they know their jobs, and, if they see her spark within the crowd and pick her out, she’ll be in the right school. She honestly wanted to work hard, do her best, and throw her credentials out in the universe to see where they’d stick…without jockeying for acceptance by her teenage-self’s superficial concept of a ‘dream school’. I guess it’s a good stance, emotionally, but I’m not sure how realistic she has been, given the broad competitive field.</p>

<p>I’m curious: do you all also see this more fatalistic, chips-fall, approach to college choice in your kids, or their friends? Are they naive about the competition they face, or being self-protective? Is it a trend, or, perhaps, backlash against intense goal-oriented focus on getting into the ‘best’ school possible? I’d like to hear your thoughts; thanks.</p>

<p>Sorry for the length of my post…April can’t come soon enough for me!</p>

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<p>Maybe the “ignorance of youth” = the “wisdom of youth”. Their nonchalant attitudes certainly make for a good balance don’t they? :slight_smile: I agree with your point about them “protecting their sanity”. I don’t think any of us in the older set can fully comprehend the stress that is put on this generation of kids because we didn’t experience it. FWIW, I think your daughter is a wise young lady who could counsel many of us (including me!) Best of luck to you both!</p>

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<p>Your daughter’s attitude sounds incredibly thoughtful and mature. The one negative about the college application process is that too many students wrap up their self worth in whether or not they are admitted to certain schools and do not realize that admission decisions are not at all reflective of a student’s worth or value but merely a reflection of applicant pools and institutional goals.</p>

<p>So many high-achieving students have a lot of trouble with the rejection that can be a part of the application process because they’ve not experienced it before and the emotional roller coaster that is April can be a lot to handle. Sounds like your student may in fact be able to avoid equating her worth with which size envelope she receives and will likely be better for it.</p>

<p>While some stress and anxiety is likely okay (and no doubt she’s experienced some) too much can be exactly that. So don’t worry about her lack of worry. She’s right. In the end it will all work out.</p>

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<p>To Ulcerita: I compliment your D’s decision that this rollercoaster ride that students and parents are on for the admissions process is not for her. I applaud her approach and wish more students and parents followed suit. Your D is right, trust in the admissions system they know what they are doing. My compliments to you for raising such a wonderful person who will be a calming force to many others as they work through this process. </p>

<p>The other replies by KandK and W&M sum it up perfectly.</p>

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<p>Couldn’t agree more Woosah. That being said we realize that ulceritas’ daughter is more likely the exception rather than the rule. It’s hard for any student and parent not to get anxious about this process because it shapes the next four years of the student’s life and likely his/her young adult life as well.</p>

<p>There’s like a good balance of anxiety and nonchalant-ness that makes for the perfect college applicant. No doubt that balance waxes and wanes depending on where the student is in the process.</p>

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<p>Thank you all so much for your kind words,</p>

<p>I do agree with my daughter that the whole process has become decoupled from education, itself. Our kids attend a huge public high school in the DC area that is not well regarded, academically; in fact, it ranks among the worst schools in our state and is the most poorly regarded school in metro DC. </p>

<p>…yet my daughter and her friends honestly have received a terrific education; I dont’ know what more these teachers, from K to 12, could have done for her and still be true to the large numbers of low income/special needs/new immigrant learners they teach daily. I think the take-home lesson for my daughter has been that a good education isn’t necessarily equated with prestige (…or she’s watched “Good Will Hunting” too closely:)) …and she and her friends are unwilling to perpetuate this assumption, that they see as a myth. They dont’ want to play the game…they just want to find a great school, with elastic educational horizons, and a nice social scene.</p>

<p>Good luck to all of your kids, too, in finding that same great match! Thank you again for the kindness and support!</p>