Parent Reaction

Colleges and Universities A-Z Naval Academy - Annapolis
1

<p>My parents have known for a very long time that I'm fixated on attending the USNA. However, for some odd reason, today was the first day that my mom learned that I'm pretty set out on making it to the marines. To say that she "flipped out" would be an understatement. I tried to explain to her that I've given it a lot of thought, and came to the conclusion that this is the best path for me in life. For some reason, she just still doesn't understand. For the most part, she's close-minded. (I'm a girl by the way)</p>

<p>Any advice from parents or other students with this problem?</p>

2

<p>well, the only thing I can offer is to slow it down a bit -</p>

<p>let your mom adjust to your seeking a military education-and career- first. Give her- and yourself- time to experience the academy and all it has to offer- including the service selections open to you. You may well decide the Marines is for you- but then again, maybe it will be another service community that strikes your interest- </p>

<p>lots of time to make these decisions- but in terms of moms that worry about their kids, perhaps letting her adjust- in incremental steps- might be a way to go-it may not be as much an issue of "closed minded," but rather fear and concern of the unknown....so approacing things a bit slower, having those heart-to-heart discussions, giving her time to get information and come up to speed- sort of like swimming- dive into cold water, and it is a shock to the system....dip your toe in, get adusted, go in up to your knees, adjust, go in up to your chest- more adjustment- you get the idea. Your marine comment might equate to being pushed in- most unexpectely.</p>

<p>In the end, it is your life-and your life to live- and mom's adjust- we never stop worrying- but we do adjust.... some of just need a little more time with the process...and patience is a virtue- especially towards those who love you. Let her get her toe in first.</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

3

<p>navy2010</p>

<p>great advice to gonecoknutts. my d will be joining the 1200 plebes of the class of 2011 that will undergo this summer's transformation. BTW, will you be joining us in Centerport on 17 June? Will be nice to put a face on the moniker.</p>

<p>Semper Fi</p>

4

<p>Gone,</p>

<p>I was all on board (and still am) with my son going into c/0 2011. We hoped and prayed and hoped and prayed some more, until one day, his appointment came. It hadn't been opened for a full 25 minutes before I sat down and started sobbing. Although I knew in my mind my son would go away, it hit me at that moment that he was growing up, going away, and more than likely, not coming back. First one out of the nest and that's tough to handle. The weird thing is, I thought I'd be just fine. We're a military family. I should expect the unexpected, right? Right! But not when it comes to the kids.</p>

<p>He, too, mentions the Marines from time to time. His friend from high school didn't get an appt., but he did get NROTC and will be joining the Marines (I have no doubt). </p>

<p>I know it will be his choice and I know I have no say in his decision. I pray, though, that no matter what his decision, he'll be led where he should go and that he'll be kept safe. </p>

<p>Give your mom some time. As 2010 suggested, let her put her toe in first.</p>

5

<p>Although I am no mother and I have yet to attend the Academy. My mother too, had the same reaction. She knew that I had been wanting to attend the Naval Academy for awhile and then one day she started to be all negative about it. Like she wa trying to steer me away. It didn't really work it just kind of mad me angry. She asked,"Why do you want to join the Military?" I was so mad because we had gone through this before when I told I was speaking to a recruiter. Over time she kind of got over it <em>atleast she does'nt show that anxiety anymore</em> She started reading information from wherever she could find it and eventually she came to be excited for me. Every once in awhile she shows a glipse of that negativity but she hasn't "flipped out" in a while :)
So yeah just let her do some research and she will warm up. Tell her that your considering the Marines after the Academt but a lot can change after 4 years. Any mother will be paranoid if her daughter/son says the words "Marines and join" in the same sentence. Even though it is your own decision to make try not to present it like that don't make an ultimatum like my friend did. He basically told his parents he was jioning the Marines and he said you can sign the consent or I will do it when I turn 18. Time is the best thing no matter what she will support you and love you she just gets worried.</p>

6

<p>gonecokanutts, there's a wonderful book out there called " Keeping Faith: A Father-Son Story about Love and the U.S. Marine Corps" by Frank Schaeffer and his John Schaeffer. Get the book for your mom and let her read it. It's by a father who had no military experience at all when his son joined the Marines right out of high school. It may help her find some perspective.</p>

<p>Remember, four years is a long time and things can change. Our son was all set to go Marine Corp as a plebe, but after three years of life at USNA, he's decided that he'd rather go Navy Air. He truly respects the Marine Corps, but he's had enough experiences now that he's found something else he's passionate about. </p>

<p>Stay calm and remember your mom is coming from a place that you can't understand until you have your own kids. Don't overreact to her comments. She loves you and that's the main thing. She may never be happy with your decision, but if you can show her that you're mature enough to respect that, she may come around.</p>

<p>Good Luck!!</p>

7

<p>To rehash what's already been said, it's not so much that she isn't excited for you to do something you really care about, but she is probably concerned about your safety, and may just be apprehensive about you leaving home. That was the case for me when I mentioned an interest in becoming a USAF pilot. Now, I am about 3 weeks away from USAFA and she is still sad about my having to go 1200 miles away to go to school, but is happy for me because she knows this is something I really want to do.</p>

8

<p>so much truth in the above posts....</p>

<p>and too bad a manual doesn't come with the stork on all the "how to's" of parenting!</p>

<p>
[quote]
My mother too, had the same reaction. She knew that I had been wanting to attend the Naval Academy for awhile and then one day she started to be all negative about it. Like she wa trying to steer me away.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>or you can look at it this way- perhaps she was challenging your thought process to see how much you really understand the ramifications of your decision, how determined you are, and wants the reassurance that you know what you are doing- both eyes open! If you can look at it this way, perhaps it will soften how you react to her fears and concerns....for no doubt that is where she is coming from.</p>

<p>
[quote]
BTW, will you be joining us in Centerport on 17 June? Will be nice to put a face on the moniker.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>you bet! Just look for me or my better half- we will be the ones with the camera- in our newly-elected role as "historians" we get to record all the events for the next year! </p>

<p>
[quote]
Although I knew in my mind my son would go away, it hit me at that moment that he was growing up, going away, and more than likely, not coming back. First one out of the nest and that's tough to handle.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Can fully appreciate where you are coming from- and the first one out of the nest can be particuarly hard- but you will survive, and so will your son. If truth be told, you will both learn to appreciate the other more from the experience.....in that, please trust. </p>

<p>As for "and more than likely, not coming back".... time for a quick reality adjustment.... he is leaving for plebe summer- and then plebe year. He will be back....if not for Thanksgiving, then for Christmas. Add over spring break and summer break. Times that by 4 years. Let him graduate- and then worry. In the meantime, support, support, support! And make sure you get support for yourself so that you are in a position to support him when it becomes necessary. </p>

<p>I have suggested before, but will offer again- take it slow-bite off managable pieces- get through I-Day, then plebe summer. Get through the first semester. Get him back to the yard after the taste of freedom over Christmas break. Get through the second semester. Celebrate Herndon. Then get through the rest of the experience- the final 3 years. Celebrate the successes.....and yes, adjusting to an empty nest- or one not fully full- can be a challenge, but it is a right of passage shared by MILLIONS of parents with college-bound students- so you are in great company!</p>

<p>And when he does come home, it will be like a ray of sunshine has lit up your house again..... until you start tripping over the size 12's left on the stairs, the laundry left for mom to do, the dishes piled high in the sink from the "snacks," .....the fight with the siblings over "who gets the car"..... they revert back to "normal" in a heartbeat, and you just might find yourself counting down the days 'till they return to the yard.....(ask me how I know! ;) ) </p>

<p>So relax- enjoy- you will get through this! ( I would suggest you join the merlot and chocolate group from CC- but will refrain from going there as I do not want to raise anyone's BP unnecessarily! ;) )</p>

<p>Congrats to the Class of 2011!!!! Hope you are all breaking in your running shoes! (Zman07....here's to a happy doolie day! ) :)</p>

9

<p>Thanks for all the comments. They are truly appreciated.</p>

<p>I'd just like to say that I don't think I'm "overreacting." My mom literally was yelling about it, as if I never told her that I wanted to go into the marines when that dream was my initial reason for looking into the Naval Academy. </p>

<p>I guess I just can't comprehend why some people freak out when they hear someone say that they'd rather live a short life if they could save another's. I know she's worried about my safety, but I can just as easily die walking out of my door or driving in a car.</p>

10

<p>A word of advice from a mom...even if you feel that way (live a short life if one can save anothers) don't say it to your mother. That's valid feeling, but there must be a slew of different reasons you want to take the path you do. Find other, less emotionally charged ways to get your point across. And get your mom that book!</p>

11

<p>Yeah, my S (NROTC) once told me (at the beginning of his search for his "military education")
" Don't worry Mom, I know where I'm going when I'm not here (on earth) anymore" which put a giant lump in my throat, brought tears to my eyes and made me want to shake him and pull his hair out all at the same time!</p>

12

<p>goncokanuts....atrmom already made the book suggestion I would, although I would add that Frank Schaeffer has written several more books on the subject so you might check out the others.</p>

<p>Also if you think it would help your mom talk to another mom with a daughter already at USNA, already planning to go Marines and is taking Arabic as a major to prove her earnestness already not to mention a host of other things my precious daughter has told me for the past 6 years....I would be more than happy to talk with your mom and help her deal with this emotional shock wave you are giving her.</p>

<p>here is my private <a href="mailto:email....nofoolingme2003@yahoo.com">email....nofoolingme2003@yahoo.com</a></p>

<p>we mommies are hardwired to NEVER, NEVER NEVER imagine that when the doctor put that perfect, beautiful, wonderful, new baby daughter on our tummies - that little life we waited 9 months to hold, to cherish, to hug, to kiss, to love, to raise, to dream of her wedding about, to imagine braiding her hair, and sharing girl moments together....to enjoy dress shopping, and answering makeup questions, to agonize over a boy together, to cheer wildly at a school event she would star in....Trust me - mommies have all these ideas/dreams/hopes running in our minds in those early hours/days/months/years....AND NO MOTHER EVER EVER thinks at that point in time..."Just think! My daughter will one day be a Marine in combat leading others in war!" It just isn't wired into our DNA.</p>

<p>I feel gut terror at times just at the thought of what my daughter wants to do. Gut wrenching terror thinking about war, what she wants to do for her country....yet I feel pride and joy knowing this little girl who I love with all my heart has taken everything her dad and I have poured into her about duty, and love, and service, and using the gifts our loving God has given her to the best of her ability...and choosing to willingly lay down her life as a military officer in the defense of freedom....is there at the United States Naval Academy preparing for this very calling on her heart.</p>

<p>Please tell your mom that I understand her terror at the mere prospect of what you want to do. I am only a few years ahead of her on this exact same journey and would be happy to answer any and all questions. I have several moms ahead of me in this same journey with young women already commissioned officers and deployed in combat areas who help me tremendously. The world of the military is like this - where we link hands in a chain of support from the more experienced to the newbie. Tell your mom that we are there for her fears/questions/concerns.</p>

<p>And one more piece of advice? Be a diligent, loving, faithful, honorable high school senior - Do your best - love your family - keep your word to your parents and she'll see that the very ideals she put into your as a mom are bearing fruit in ways that she can be very, very proud of this year and beyond!</p>

13

<p>n2010
Based on what I have read and, now, what we are experiencing, you can forget about spring break, thanksgiving, etc. x 4 years.
You will get the first year. Other activities, desires, draws, etc. will tug them away, even during their time at school.</p>

<p>I figure we are good for about six weeks a year now. Three, maybe four, or so during the summer and, probably, Christmas. I don't really expect Thanksgiving this year. Spring break? Maybe, just becuase of some local activities that are attractive.</p>

14

<p>^^^^bill- so very true!</p>

<p>Competetion for christmas break was keen... incuding gf, regular friends, USNA friends, foundation friends, skiing, ice hockey, sister time, parent time, usual holiday gathering time.....</p>

<p>but knowing he was home and in his bed for at least several of them was a comfort! And since spring break is automatically a "no go" for us (heart of lax season) there goes that one too...</p>

<p>but just trying to soothe the moms out there sending their first born out into the wild wild world by reminding them that this is the start of the journey, not the end, and there will still be opportunities for them to visit the yard, or have their plebe / Mid return to the nest, even if only for a short time here and there..... so not to plan on giving their rooms away just yet! ;)</p>

15

<p>We actually have seen the boy more this year than any of his "regular" college friends parents have seen their kids! He came home for one day while on travel for an away football game (was able to arrange a very long layover while flying to CA so that we could see him) Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break, Intersessionals, and will be home June 11th until July 30th.
Certainly more than I ever expected!</p>

16

<p>What I meant by "not coming back" is that he would rather die than drop out. He will NOT quit, not that he won't come back to visit. I'm extremely realistic about this. Of course he's going to come home for holidays. I'm not that much of a drama queen.</p>

<p>Thus, he's on his way to his military career, whatever that is.</p>