<p>Blair, if you have a loaded grandfather from this well know old money family, why doesn't he offer the money? Isn't that what wealth grandparents do?</p>
<p>To suggest to a kid whose parents make $160K and does not have exceptional circumstances that they will get more than a loan is just irresponsible. Especially if they are typical people at that income and own a home with equity. The loan won't even be subsidized.</p>
<p>My niece is in this same situation right now. She's sad that a whole slew of highly ranked colleges are out of the question for her because they offer only need-based aid. Her parents have told her how much they'll pay each year, and she's going to need merit aid to make up the difference. She's worked hard to get good grades, she's been an athlete all through high school, and she's worked summers to save for college. </p>
<p>I'm trying to make her see that she got many more benefits during the 18 years that her father made good money than she'll lose during the 4 years she'll have to go to a lower-ranked college. Her mother was home for all those years, driving her and her siblings to classes, lessons, sports events, etc. She's been able to use a family car to drive to her summer jobs. She was able to go to a special program in Washington D.C. last summer because they paid for it. The family took vacations every summer. She lives in a highly ranked school district and goes to a high school that has many AP classes. </p>
<p>Her mother and I grew up in a poor family and we got need-based financing from colleges. But with both parents working, we didn't have the money or the transportation to do any extra activities at school. We didn't play sports, we didn't go on any special trips, we took the bus to summer jobs (and that takes a lot of hours away from actual working). Some of the money we made went to help support the family. We went to a high school that didn't send a lot of students to college and the advising wasn't great. When we were there they offered 3 or 4 AP classes and that was it. </p>
<p>There's so much research showing that where you go to school has less to do with future success than other factors. I don't see how there can be any comparison between 18 years of being in a more-well-off family and 4 years of a free ride at college because you come from a less-well-off family. I got the free ride and I'm here to tell you I would have traded it in a second for the chances my niece had to get more out of high school, do more traveling with her family, and just basically having a different lifestyle than I grew up with-- even to things like having more access to medical and dental care. </p>
<p>To everyone who's sad because they might end up at a mid-ranked college that gives them merit aid, I have to say, there are many worse things that can happen in life. If that's the worst thing that ever happens to you then you'll be lucky.</p>
<p>Totally agree. When kids post that the best EFC is zero, they clearly don't know how the other half lives.</p>
<p>Actually, that almost sounds exactly like how my parents are. Frustrating, isn't it... :(</p>
<p>"She's sad that a whole slew of highly ranked colleges are out of the question for her because they offer only need-based aid. Her parents have told her how much they'll pay each year, and she's going to need merit aid to make up the difference. She's worked hard to get good grades, she's been an athlete all through high school, and she's worked summers to save for college."</p>
<p>I agree with you in that your niece has no idea how much she has benefited by having parents whose income puts her out of getting need-based aid. I speak as a parent who is in the same situation. My kids were extraordinarily lucky to have been able to have: excellent public schooling, summer programs, music lessons, acting lessons, extensive travel as well as the benefits of having well educated, sophisticated parents.</p>
<p>With both sons, we set a limit of what we would pay for college. This is in part because we feel it's important for college students to have to contribute financially to their own education. Both my husband and I did this, and we both feel that it paid off in terms of building our characters.</p>
<p>Most students in the country have financial restrictions on where they attend college even if they don't mention this to their friends. That's probably why so many students -- including high achieving ones -- choose to go to their in-state publics even if they have the ability to get into more competitive colleges. Indeed, most students go to college within 250 miles of their homes.</p>
<p>As for your niece, there are plenty of excellent colleges that she could apply to and have a chance of merit aid. While HPYS don't offer that, places like Grinnell, Oberlin, Emory, Wake Forest Washington University, Duke, University of North Carolina, University of Virginia, and NYU do -- if she manages to gain acceptance to such colleges , and if she's so competitive that the colleges want her enough to lure her with merit aid.</p>
<p>"When kids post that the best EFC is zero, they clearly don't know how the other half lives."</p>
<p>Agree. They need far more exposure to the world, because their statement sounds extremely stupid and naive.</p>
<p>As for the OP whose mom makes $160 k a year, unless there are some extraordinary circumstances that the OP hasn't mentioned (such as the mom's having some staggering medical bills to pay off), the OP won't qualify for need-based aid. My family makes far less than his mom makes, and we didn't qualify for anything.</p>
<p>1) Don't try to act snobby to your mom
2) Make some friends</p>
<p>"I myself always assumed I would have to pay for college, but am finding out now that's probably not the case, though I will prob be expected to work demeaning low-level jobs and whatnot."</p>
<p>Demeaning? As long as it's honest work, what's demeaning about it? Indeed, most people --even Ivy students -- start off working low level jobs.</p>
<p>My father was a dentist, but refused to pay anything for my college. As a high school senior, to save money for college, I worked as a cashier and doing domestic work in someone's house. I did include that info on my application, and it probably helped me get into Harvard because it was very clear that I was serious about getting an education, and wasn't too proud to do whatever it took to get the money (I lived in an upper middle class, highly educated place where next to no students worked while in h.s.).</p>
<p>In college, I also worked, including at low level jobs. I don't remember feeling demeaned by doing that. I was really glad to be able to go to the college of my choice even though that meant that my friends there who had doctors and dentists for dads were flying off to Europe and the Caribbean for summer vacations when I was working.</p>
<p>I also had loans, and proudly paid them off on time.</p>
<p>Reading 12 pages, and hearing all kinds of stories, I have to admit to myself, I'm spoiled. My achievements are a joke to his and man, OP really worked his/her butt off. I have to admit, I'm pretty lucky, when I was choosing colleges, while I did weight heavily on the cost of the school, I have to admit I was weighting in also the social dynamic of the school in my choice as well (a controversial note... but I do believe a higher school have a difference experience with other students than the experience with other students at like a state school, though the quality of education is the same as long one push themselves). Hell, when I chose the school I'm going to over another, I turned down a lot of money. Even still, my mom still pushes to foot the bill on the difference and even living expenses (though not as bad thanks to a mix of merit and need-based financial aid, but I still dislike the thought of putting burden, and yet I’m still doing that). </p>
<p>Now after reading through this thread, I have to note of the two camps of thoughts, and it pretty much lies that the perspective of the student and the parent. </p>
<p>The perspective of the student (to be honest, I can definitely identify with this side better, I’m 18 going to college) who thinks back and remembering the all-nighters, the time spent practicing for the SATs, the stress on the body (and yes, there is an effect if a person miss that much sleep), achievements accomplished, awards won, pressure felt, and all the time spent for that little approval. These students never done drugs, never drank, (many) sacrificed social life, listen to their parents well, and gave them great respect. Then there are the other kids, the ones who never push to anything in any field (especially academics and athletics), always a distraction in class, put energy into a short-term fruitless efforts, and have absolutely no self-awareness or care in their actions, yet (well at least I) have seen their parents still giving more support than the students who jumped through hoops. I have to say snifitmcbob and quark49’s story (on page 6 and 4 respectively) is probably the most poignant one. (I feel sorry for quark especially since the mother who sounds like she just wants to mess with him, also for the father too, marrying a woman who wants to do threaten divorce to ruin the father and the child). </p>
<p>Then there is the camp that says the parent has no obligation to the child to give support. I can understand a bit, many times, the parents went through hell themselves (such as my parents) escaping as refugees, paid their own way through college, and worked damn hard to get where they’re at. Some parents make the child pay to build character as they did through the same trials and hardships, others I’m not so sure of. Trying to think from the OP’s mother viewpoint, I suspect she likely had drudge through much hardships to get there, maybe she even feels that all her hard work will be wasted as the child will have a degree is meaningless compared to the investment. I can see the mother who so focused on money, it would be difficult to understand the child’s passion for literature and politics. However, her blaming the child for marriage troubles and calling him/her a “loser” does raise some flags. </p>
<p>It is true the parents have no legal obligation to support them passed 18. The parents (with money) could do it, the question that repeatedly is should they do it. I don’t know, actually I’m not sure there is a correct answer. At least there is a consensus that they should contribute at least part of it.<br>
Now I guess there is little point for advice now, the OP seem to have already listen to the first page, the rest seems to just repeat it anyways (I have to agree, a “lesser” school giving out a lot of money is still pretty darn good, and the likely school the OP would be able to enter itself is probably no lesser than attending Ivy League). If the OP is still reading, I just want to add to look into the Gates Millennium Scholarship as it can give a full ride to a Masters and this guy probably can write very well as based on his life experiences.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the Gates Milennium Scholarships are only for students with financial need. A student with a parent making $160,000 wouldn't qualify even though the parent won't pay for college. After all, most parents wouldn't pay for their kid's college if Bill Gates would.</p>
<p>I think If I were this person I would apply to lower rank schools and get merit aid. They are not Ivies but having a college degree is better than having no college degree. And please don't look down on any menial job, it's the attitude that counts not the job. You're not going to get stuck in these low paying jobs for a long time, it's only temporary.</p>
<p>"They are not Ivies but having a college degree is better than having no college degree"</p>
<p>An excellent point - and one worth repeating.</p>
<p>IMO he should go to a community college/a state school for two years and transfer to his 'dream' school after two years. He'll at least save some money..</p>
<p>I said that I will be expected to work even if tuition is paid (which I do not know it will). This doesn't upset me; it seems more than fair. I never said I was worthy of more. Yes, menial labor builds character.. that's why I will be expected to participate.</p>
<p>Nope. Still not buying it. It's just not true.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, thanks for the tip about Wake Forest-- the other schools are all on my niece's radar already for merit aid, but that one wasn't. She's also looking at Knox, Denison, and Wooster, which seem to have good merit aid too. The pinned threads here about merit aid schools have been invaluable.</p>