<p>Wow, how awful. This is what a smart kid would do in my state (and I wish I had done this when I was in an abusive home that I left at 17).</p>
<p>In my state, a parent is legally liable for child support until age 21. This means that if you live on your own and cannot support yourself because she forced you out, she will pay child support. You may want to tell your mother that if you have to withdraw from school, you have every intention of suing her for support so that you may live in your own apartment away from her rules. You might also tell her, if you are still under 18, that her failure to support you could constitute child abuse which may subject her to a child abuse registry. You might also tell her that in order to emancipate yourself for financial aid purposes, you will consider getting pregnant, but that as someone under 21, she will be paying to support you when you apply for public assistance, as they will surely pursue it. And you will not let her see you or her grandchild. In my state, a parent can also be ordered by the Family Court to pay college expenses if you petition for them as a part of child support. Such petition forms are available on the court sites on the net and they even have clerks in the buildings that will help you. Get a form, start filling it out, and sit it in front of her so that she knows that you mean business.</p>
<p>Whatapainthisis: Going so far as threatening her with legal action and measures of this sort would probably cause the mom to do whatever else she can to make life even more difficult for the OP.</p>
<p>Justbreathe: I am very sorry for your situation. You indicated that your mom may still be bluffing, so I would continue planning as you are doing and prepare for the worst but hope for the best.</p>
<p>I do agree with Whatapainthis is in that if your mother does withdraw financial aid, some drastic measures on your part might be effective. I would research the law in your state and find out what your options are. As someone mentioned earlier, legal advising and talking to a chaplain and financial services at your college would also be good steps to take. </p>
<p>PS about chaplains: they'll also invite you to services, but that's just meant as a way to suggest some friendship in your life. You don't have to take up that suggestion, nor should you consider it pressure. It's just something they say automatically to students, because for some it is cheerful or supportive. It's not a requirement, in order to engage their help! Just didn't want that one misinterpreted.</p>
<p>Marite, The Catholic chaplains at Harvard are funded entirely by St. Paul's (which is the local parish) and donations from Catholic alumni. The university itself gives the Catholic chaplains ZERO funding. My understanding is that the same situation exists for the Jewish community. Harvard has a Protestant "unversity chaplain"--I think it's still Gomes. He is paid a salary by the university. </p>
<p>Brown is OFFICIALLY multi-faith and has been since the 1960s. Thus, the Catholic and Jewish chaplains DO get university funding--and have since the 1960s.</p>
<p>Beef, the tactics used by the OP's mother are the tactics that were used by my own father in many ways. I left home at 17, and my mother left him 2 weeks later, after years of garbage. No matter how diabolical, my father was smart and intimidating. I had a partial scholarship to college, so he refused to turn over his tax forms or social security number so that I could apply for financial aid-- unless my mother returned to him, which he felt I had the power to make happen. So I didn't go to college at that time. By the time that I did, I was a single mother on welfare. While it worked out for me in the end, I know now that if I had known about what was available in the courts, I could have used it. And if OP's mother is anything like my father, public embarrassment is enough to turn the tide.</p>
<p>To this day, my father has remained demeaning. One day when I was camping, I saw a plaque that said "Be nice to your children, they pick your nursing home". On one of his particularly crazy nasty email days, I let him know that he "sounds as if he needs help" and let him know of the plaque that I had seen. Since then, I have gotten nice cards for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Easter, all addressing me as "Supreme" rather than "Mrs.". This is no joke. I know, he's nuts.</p>
<p>justbreathe: i dont know the specifics of your situation, but just wanted to say i'm sorry about it all. if you ever need to vent to a fellow 17 yr old, pm me:)</p>
<p>I do agree with you, and I think you have some great ideas. Obviously since you have experience in this you are also more qualified to give advice than I am. I was just suggesting, though, that maybe the OP should be 100% sure that the mother will remove tuition before she employs your tactics? She did pay for a semester of college, so there might be some doubt there. Just saying.</p>
<p>I want to note also the reason that I think this harsh response may be necessary because no loving and normal parent would suggest "a separation" to their child who behaves as the OP states. Estrangement is the most emotionally abusive scare tactic that can be used by a parent who knows that the OP is dependent. The OP also states that he/she has never spoken up for him/herself with this parent. The way to respond to this parent is to confront her/him in a very calm, matter of fact way with your options in the even he/she goes through with this plan. </p>
<p>OP, something in your post reminded me of me. If anything that I've said rings true, do whatever you can to take that parent out of the equation financially. I know that as hard as it was for me to leave home at 17 with nothing but the shirt on my back, I would have lived in a cardboard box on the street rather than continue to take the abuse. They use tactics called gaslighting to make you think that you are the problem. My leaving gave my mother the strength to leave and never go back. I know threats of estrangment are painful, but in the long run, you are better off without this parent. Parents like this are crippling to their children. I have two siblings and to this day, I am the only who has ever been able to confront and deal with my narcissistic, intimidating parent, and I still have to work on it at almost middle age. I've only done it because I could not respect myself if I ran like a scared child my whole life.</p>