While my son has never had a formal diagnosis, he shares many of the high functioning autism challenges. His main challenge has been with social interactions and understanding words too literally.
He was a top student while in high school and is currently finishing his junior year at an engineering college. He works part time on campus. Overall a great experience so far: supportive environment, good grades, etc.
I found out last month someone at his work called the campus police and said my son fit the profile of a potential school threat. My son was asleep when the police knocked on his door and asked to search his room for weapons. While the police did not give the person’s name they did say he/she was someone he worked with.
After the search the police talked to my son who was very upset that someone would suspect him such a thing. He went back to work the next day and it hasn’t been discussed since.
My son only told me of this last weekend. He was reaching out because he can’t shake the experience and feels everyone at work knows. He told me he has had episodes where he was so upset he vomited. Work has been torture and he is struggling in class. (nothing but Bs, Mom ;))
I understand a school must take action if anyone suspects someone of potential harm. I think the campus police handled the situation well. But where do we go from here?
Part of me wants to ask for a meeting. I don’t want this to reflect on my son long term. His whole college experience is at risk now. He is saying he might not return for his senior year. He is worried that this could some how follow him if he applies to another school. He is hurting and while I think he has handled this far better than I would have, I feel powerless.
I’m so sorry your son is experiencing this. Most campuses now have an interdisciplinary team to handle crisis situations and potential threats. If your school has such a team, then the co-worker’s complaint should have gone through that committee. Presumably, that would mean several people–your son’s boss, campus police, a dean of student affairs, and a psychologist, usually–would have reviewed the facts. I would suggest you first find out if such a protocol exists at that school. Second, find out if it was followed. Third, yes, I would ask for a meeting–at the very least with the psychologist on the team, who can perhaps help your son deal with the aftermath of this unfortunate incident. Honestly, I’m a little surprised they would not have personally followed up with him already. I hope this helps.
Sorry this has happened. I would strongly encourage your son to return to school and if he wants he can find another job. I’d also have him talk to a therapist ASAP to help him to get over the incident and perhaps also to give him some behavioral cues which may allow him to understandwhy he might have ever been suspected. You and your son may want to follow-up with the Dean of Students at the college as well.
I am sorry, too. Why don’t you and/or your son speak with a dean or counselor at his college and talk it out? He may be able to receive reassurance and support… and maybe help your son to feel welcomed and cared for at his college. Maybe the dean could also speak with the boss of the campus work place, who could help create an environment among the work colleagues that would be more understanding and accepting. Or maybe, if your son wants, they could help him find another job so that he would not have to be wondering all the time which colleague reported him.
In the meantime, see if you can help your son to view it as a matter of the other person’s perspective rather than anything “off” or wrong about himself. Sometimes people misperceive things. For example, there was the recent situation where a parent on a college tour called the police because two touring students seemed to her to be behaving suspiciously. The issue was not that the people who were reported were doing anything wrong, but that the reporting person’s own anxieties (and maybe also bias, in this case) led her to perceive a threat where none existed. Talk about the situation, and then draw a parallel.
People are very anxious right now about the possibility of campus shooters, etc. Some people may be walking around paranoid, perceiving danger from those around them, and reading newspaper articles and wondering about warning signs… and completely overreacting when one behavior catches their attention as resembling a named warning sign… without realizing that many behaviors have other explanations and that all behaviors need to be considered in context.
I am so sorry to hear about this. I know a young man who recently left college after one year due to a similar issue (he is definitely autistic and couldn’t shake his experience dealing with someone’s complaints about his social behavior which led to some kind of hearing at the university level). I sincerely hope this does not happen to your son and that he can find a way to move past this. We don’t have control of what others think and say about us, and not understanding what caused this would make it hard for anyone to just “get over” it, but I hope he doesn’t let this derail his own goals.
I just want to add that you’re right and parenting is hard. I know my friend was devastated when her son decided he wanted to come home and I understand your concern. Hugs.
This is horrible. I am so sorry this happened. The school must recognize this and provide some counseling. Being falsely accused and having a police search is traumatic. You can’t just put a trauma like this behind you.
I think you should go with your son to talk to someone at the school about the handling of this situation. At the very least, your son could get some reassurance that there is no mark on his record, and the incident won’t follow him anywhere.
How awful! This is VERY traumatic for anyone and, don’t laugh, but based on what you said about his recent change in performance, your might want to consider getting him evaluated for a form of PTSD. He was traumatized. I agree with everyone who says to seek counseling.
Unfortunately, this type of reaction to Asperger’s or high-functioning autistic individuals is not unusual. My friend’s son was fired recently from a part-time job because a customer thought his behavior was “inappropriate.” She complained and made sure that he lost his job.
i might consider hiring a lawyer or if finances prohibit that, at least meeting with one. Does your son know why the co-worker felt he met the profile?
This is awful, horrible, unjust. Your son may not get over this and may have to leave, if something isn’t done. This won’t just go away.
Agree. Based on this and the incident with the Native American students on a college tour, it seems like anyone can just call the police and say, “This person seems like a shooter,” and then the police will do their job and check it out, traumatizing the targeted person.
So sorry your son is going through this. Since you said he has had an overall positive experience at the college and has done well academically, it seems reasonable that he could work with a therapist over the summer and go back for senior year. If you and he talk to school officials and explain the situation, you could request that they find him a new campus job so he can start fresh in the fall. It seems likely that the story does not extend much outside of the work environment.
I’m so sorry - this must have been traumatizing. And the fact that the person who called the police on him gets to stay out of the discussion of the repercussions seems very unfair.
I think i would want to help him advocate for himself at work and get to the bottom of this.
Can he, upon reflection, identify anything he might have said or done that could be misinterpreted? Can a therapist help with that?That would be my top priority to ensure this doesn’t happen again, particularly when I’m not around to assist. I might even ask one of his coworkers, if he is friendly with one, or supervisor, for any advice-was this just a fluke event or do others understand why there was a reason for concern.
Thanks to everyone who responded. The kid has never been in trouble his entire life, save for the time he walked into the girl’s bathroom in the 6th grade. (On a dare). He did talk to me last night and I think that helped.
I’ve already contacted our physician for a therapist referral. It’s good that we are heading into summer for time to reflect and heal.
He begged me not to take this any further with the school. He said they told him that they had to take the call seriously, but he wasn’t in trouble. No one has brought it up since that night. His boss hasn’t even mentioned it.
We are going to see him in a few days for a family event. My husband and I will take the opportunity to ask more questions and go from there.
He tends to keep to himself on campus. He hangs out with his room mate and plays video games for much of his free time. I have always encouraged him to go out to the events and be more social. I think I might talk to a favorite teacher who helped with social skills in the past. Maybe there is a class/support group we can join.