<p>I have a student athelete, far from home,under serious pressure not sure if he can handle all the changes in his situation. Fighting the urge to bring him home. Any advice for me and him would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>Is it homesickness, or something more?</p>
<p>Hang in there. Is he a freshman? Does he have some support at school? Coach?</p>
<p>How long has he been at school, and is the pressure from the sport or academics or both?</p>
<p>Is your son under academic, athletic or social pressure? If you are seriously concerned can you have him go to the University’s Mental Health center and talk with someone?</p>
<p>What makes you fear he can’t handle the pressure? It’s hard to advise without more information.</p>
<p>Is he ASKING to come home?</p>
<p>Please share a little more detail if you can. It’s hard to understand the nature of your son’s difficulties.</p>
<p>If there’s serious pressure b/c of academics, he should go to the Student Support Services for academic support and also his advisor as well as his TA/professor.</p>
<p>If it’s serious pressure due to Health, he should start at the school’s Infirmary or Health Center. They might recommend Mental Health services.</p>
<p>If it’s pressure due to his athletics, he should speak with the coach or assistant coach.</p>
<p>If it’s related to dorm life, he could speak to his RA or Residence Director.</p>
<p>If all else fails, he should speak to the Dean of Freshman. They all have jobs and want to help kids who experience problems like the one you are worried about. These days, colleges are quite equipped to be there for the students. but your son needs to seek out the help; it doesn’t come to him. If he’s overwhelmed in general, let him find an outlet and share (even here), because what you DON’T WANT is to keep his feelings bottled up or make stupid choices.</p>
<p>If you’d like to share more, we’d love to add some support.</p>
<p>Would it make you both feel better if you visited for a weekend? I find that sometimes it’s easier to understand how to help solve problems if you can see the situation yourself.</p>
<p>On second thought, I was just remembering the thread where the parent was so concerned after a phone call from the student that they jumped in the car and drove a couple of hours to the dorm. Who did they see strolling across the lawn, laughing with classmates, but the formerly distraught child…</p>
<p>suggestion to other posters:</p>
<p>DO NOT WRITE ANOTHER POST, UNTIL THE OP RESPONDS. just thinking it’s a bit too vague, we all stepped up to add support, but OP has not responded. ■■■■■?</p>
<p>I am sure that is a part of the problem. First time away from home.</p>
<p>Yes he is a freshman and a football player under partial scholarship,he moved about 500 miles from home about a month before school began.</p>
<p>He has been hiding how sad he has been and we were told by his hometown girlfriend that she is very concerned,when I confronted him with it he broke down and admitted he is having a rough time, he knows no-one at school but has found a church and told me there is someone he talks to there. He said the reason he has kept it to himself,and his girlfriend,is because he did’nt want to worry his mother and me.</p>
<p>No,he insists he is not a quitter but has also asked we check his obligations in his scholarship contract.</p>
<p>Sorry about the non-response I am new to this site and thought I would be notified via e-mail if there was a response.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for your concerns we will be visiting this weekend and will ,hopefully,get a clearer picture of how serious his issues are. It is hard as a parent not to get too emotional and give sound advice.</p>
<p>scary: being away at college can be a sad time, and intimidating, especially when there’s 500 miles between you and parents. It all depends on the kid, of course. My DS3 is having a great time and there’s no need for us to worry. But, he’s a very optimistic kid who makes friends easily. However, my oldest is different. He had a terrible time adjusting to college and being too far from home was a disaster.</p>
<p>Here’s what I would do differently: go visit him. Don’t think, “no news is good news” if he doesn’t easily share. And don’t think a phone call is enough. Physically, get on the plane and spend sometime out there. Allow your kid to spend the night in your hotel room so he can get away from college. (He might not want that.) But, getting away from the stress of college is healthy. </p>
<p>Also, plan an excursion weekend and go somewhere vacation-y. Do something that can totally fun and different (a para-ride, or a major hike through the woods, or whale watching boat ride,) to distract him so he’s not thinking about school, or football, or his roommates, or even his GF.</p>
<p>When my older son ventured off to college he felt like he would never have a home again; he felt like our home was no longer his and he had no perspective on the flow of a college year. We went over the calendar with him and reminded him which long weekends he would be coming home, and looked toward Thanksgiving. He realized over xmas vacation that home was still home and then after freshman year that it was much different from high school, finishing a month and a half earlier. He spent summers at home working until after his junior year and has now successfully launched. However. He felt homeless that first term at college. It was a scary and sad time. Lotta growth, though.</p>