<p>You are wise. When I as a prep, there were kids who were trying to “harm themselves” because they were enrolled in a school based on parent preference. Or pressured to get good grades and freaking out over a “B” (when a “C” for instance was like an A+ at public school). Some of us used to make references to “Trouble With Angels” where some parents sent kids there because it was a legacy issue or they were too busy and wanted surrogates to raise their children. And it showed.</p>
<p>Now boarding schools are trying hard to look for the students who WANT to be there. It makes a difference.</p>
<p>And yes - it isn’t that hard to tell who was prepped and coached because the application doesn’t match with other aspects of the application or bares no resemblance to the voice and style of the child who showed up at the interview.</p>
<p>But occasionally some slip through - and a few of those crash and burn when they have to fly without that safety net.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the words of wisdom and support. I am definitely eating a lot and watching LOST…By the way NeatoBurrito, please don’t think I believe that all parents help their kids with their essays, are the only kids going to get into the school.</p>
<p>It is just that when you play the game with integrity, and sometimes you hear about those that don’t, it is a bit harder to be gracious about the whole process. I am cranky…but I will get better. I also think the thrill of the chase is something I miss too…By the way, anyone know of schools that take admissions over the summer?</p>
<p>I can understand your dismay. There are schools that have openings, but it is best to call around after the official response date to see which ones are still looking for students. I think these decisions are hard to understand, and some excellent students are not taken for no really good reason other than there is not enough room for all the applicants. </p>
<p>In some sense the interviews (and the whole process) are like job interviews. Haven’t you ever gone to one where it just did not click? You know you were great for the job, but that guy interviewing you just didn’t seem that interested from the start. </p>
<p>I would cast a larger net the next time around, and I am sure that you will come up with something that is more satisfactory. I really discouraged my own kid from picking a favorite school until the acceptance letters were received. Then she could pick from those schools, and forget the others.</p>
<p>The class composition, an individual school targets, also plays a roll in the selection process.</p>
<p>Dean of Admission at each school is trying to create the best class, when selecting potential candidates who apply. They need to balance the class with equal no of boys and girls, select students based on diversity ratios targeted by individual school, etc. and select students who are bet fit for their school. Until a potential student enrolls and gets admitted, the school is also playing a guessing game and hoping to create the best class composition. (That is why yields come into play too) </p>
<p>As indicated by other on this post, a lot of other factors also play in the selection process. Will the selected kid ‘fit-in’ with the rest of the class? No Dean wants to see a student leave before matriculation.</p>
<p>There is no reason to get upset with rejection letters and trying to find answers and racking our brains to figure what went wrong or blaming yourself or others at this stage. </p>
<p>Think positive and support you child with all the efforts he/she put in, trying to get into a BS. It was a tremendous effort for a kid going through the SSAT, maintaining grades, requesting recommendations, studying, etc. As parents we need to be strong and encourage our kids with their efforts, even at time when results are not positive. This helps your kid in the long run, and they are likely to recoup with the loss quickly. It is important for a parent to be strong and move on expoloring future opportunities for their kids. You kid needs all the love and support at this stage.</p>
<p>Looks at all the positive things you Child have been through this journey. I am sure, you child learned and matured through interviews, plus studying for SSAT helped him/her gain knowledge for future, in becoming a better citizen.</p>
<p>As parents we also gained and learned a lot from this experience and it made us a better person.</p>
<p>What about still applying to the “heart-sick” for school? My son got into his fourth choice but is still longing for his first. We consider the school that accepted him in the top 5 in the country, but still it wasn’t the one we all wanted. Would he still have a chance if he went to fourth-choice, but applied to attend 10th grade at top choice BS? Would they frown on him wanting to switch BS, even if he feels more comfortable at the other school? My guess is that they won’t take students away from each other, and in the end it will be a lot of work for nothing and a second round of heart break. Still, shouldn’t you puruse your dream? It isn’t enuf to say fall in love with the school that fell in love with you…we tried…</p>
<p>redblue, my daughter was heartbroken five years ago to be waitlisted at her first choice school. Then we revisited her second choice school and she hated it. Things seemed to be falling apart. We returned to her third choice school for a second revisit - she ended up there for four wonderful years.
If your son goes to the school that accepted him with the intent of transferring out, he may not make the good effort to be part of the community and to settle in. If he goes, he should give it his all.</p>
<p>redbluegoldgreen - It seems your son’s choices are (1) stay where you are for 9th grade, and apply again for 10th grade, (2) go to 4th choice school knowing you don’t plan to stay there, and (3) go to 4th choice school, make it the best experience you can, and see how you feel in November. If it were my son, I’d encourage him to go with options (1) or (3). </p>
<p>It’s asking a lot of a 14-year old to readjust to life at one boarding school, finally get used to it, and then switch to a different school a year later. If that’s what has to happen because the kid’s unhappy at the selected school, then so be it. But I wouldn’t start out at a school knowing you plan to switch a year later. </p>
<p>As for what the school would think, it’s my understanding that the schools take the applications at face value. They’re not going to deny admission to a qualified candidate just because he’s already attending another top school. But he’d better be able to defend his decision to switch schools if an admissions officer asks him . . . be upfront and honest.</p>
<p>Redbluegoldgreen, I agree with Dodgersmom and Shelly14. If your son attends boarding school next year, he should be free to throw himself into life at school. Very unhappy adolescents can always find trouble. </p>
<p>It’s been only three weeks since March 10th. I don’t think any schools have had revisit days. Rather than trying to figure out how to get your son into his favorite, favorite school, what if you attended all his revisit days, and see what you think? </p>
<p>At revisit days, you have the opportunity to see much more of the school community. You are able to meet teachers and administrators, and you can observe all other students the admissions team feels are good fits for a school. You might find that he can thrive, and be happy, at his fourth-choice school.</p>
<p>Don’t send him to a school where he is not “feeling” the vibe. Also - there’s too much pressure on discussion forums about which school is better than another - so I hope that isn’t causing his angst.</p>
<p>Schools admit with the hopes the students will integrate into the student body and stick around (especially if FA is involved). Some students figure out they don’t fit after the fact, but I don’t think many enter knowing it up front. BS is more than just classes - it’s a total experience.</p>
<p>My personal sense, as an interviewer, is that if he’s not feeling the vibe at his 4th choice school - stay home and try again the next year - making sure he only applies to schools he would want to go to if accepted. Leave the spot open for someone who really wants to be at the school.</p>
<p>BUT — a revisit, now that he has an offer, is wise. He may like it once the pressure is off and the school is in full “recruit” mode. You never know. Sometimes our “top” choice is not the best choice after all - maybe the school that took him is the one that really wanted him best of all.</p>
<p>redbluegoldgreen, what schools are you talking about here. You said that he has been accepted into one of the top 5 schools, but it just doesn’t happen to be his “favorite”? </p>
<p>I think you should have a serious talk with him about whether he really wants this or not. It almost sounds like an excuse. Please forgive me if I am totally off-base here. I’m just having a hard time understanding where the angst is coming from. You have mentioned in previous posts that your local public is “almost as good.” If this is your opinion, then it might make more sense for him to continue there and try again next year. Just keep in mind that there is no way to know if he really would be happier at his first choice or at the school that has accepted him.</p>
<p>Exie is right: a BS, not an applicant, often knows which kids will fit best in its school. The collective wisdom here of a BS built over years should be deeper and richer than the thoughts of a very young man or woman tossing out school applications hither and yon. </p>
<p>Last year, we thought that PA would be the best BS for our son. PA thought otherwise. While Andover waitlisted my boy, Hotchkiss accepted him. Athough we knew much less about Hotchkiss than Andover at that time, Hotchkiss, luckily, knew more about my son than we knew about it. Now that my boy has been at THS since last fall, it is clear to us that the match between it and my child is near perfect. We couldn’t have prayed for a better arrangement. Thank goodness, PA waitlisted my boy. If it had accepted him, we would have missed out on the match made in heaven. </p>
<p>So, for what it is worth, try to trust the ancient wisdom of the boarding schools. Often is it much better and trustworthy than the thoughts and wishes of the applicant and his parents; at the very least, such was the case for us.</p>
<p>I guess one thing to learn from the BS application process is to face the reality and settle for the “next best”. The “next best” may turn out to be the best - you just didn’t realize it before, but that’s not the point. The point is sooner or later (probably sooner than many others) these young fishes, as they jump in bigger and bigger pond, will “hit the ceiling”. To know one’s limitations and how the world is setup is valuable for the development of a strong and resiliant character.</p>
<p>All sage advice. I guess he and we are struggling with disappointment. Not good to have your heart set on one school. We applied to 4 BS’s and 2 day schools, and didn’t submit an app unless we thought it was a school he would absolutely be happy to attend. But that was then. He loves one of the HADES schools, but was accepted at another. I think Andover missed the boat on this one. Exceptionally qualified and showed the hunger they wanted to see. Top scholar, athlete, non-sibi, good character, NICE person…all of it. I really think they made a mistake on this kid…but we are trying to make another school work…don’t know about giving up my critical thinking that BS’s know best. He would be a good match for Andover. They may have gotten scared because it was something he wanted and worked toward for a long, long time and showed it on his app. They seemed to suggest at their Andover Day in January that they don’t want to take kids that are pushed at them…seems like you have to play a little hard to get, like in any relationship. I don’t know. Can’t keep beating ourselves up. We are afraid that if he passes up this opportunity to attend another HADES school, that in the end he will be dissatisfied at the local public school which is in an affluent community with parent endowment for extras and that does get a fair number of kids into an ivy league school. that wasn’t all we were looking for though–we wanted the preparation for life, not just college. Maybe we just need to go thru the stages of disappointment like the first post related…it’s just part of accepting our fate. He could also stay and try to do a gap year, but I don’t think that’s the best route for him, just to have Andover on his resume.</p>
<p>My son also had his heart set on Andover and Andover, in my opinion, also missed the boat when it failed to accept him.</p>
<p>That having been said, you should - as others have suggested - embrace the opportunity for revisit days with open arms! You may discover something wonderful at this school which clearly discovered something wonderful in your son.</p>
<p>And, at risk of overstepping here, might I suggest that you let your son take the lead going forward. It is clear that you were all heavily invested in choosing Andover as his #1 school . . . but it’s time for you - his parents - to let go and move on. This is not the time for you to rethink the mistakes you might have made, but for your son to consider the choices now available to him. Chances are that your teenager is quite a bit more resilient than you think, and might eagerly embrace another school if he thought you would support him in that decision. As a rule, kids bounce back much more easily than we adults do. Give him a chance to show you what he can do!</p>
<p>RBG2, a little disappointment here is understandable. A lot of disappointment, I’m afraid, isn’t. You need to shake it loose ASAP, in my humble opinion. Yes: PA didn’t tap your boy. Sorry. But then she didn’t select mine either or thousands of other chidren, for that matter. Please don’t burn up your heart and soul chasing after Miss America. She doesn’t love your son, sad to say. Instead, take Ms. First Runner-Up. She is really good looking and, best of all, she loves your child! </p>
<p>Love the school that loves your baby. To pine away for someone or something that will never return that love is a complete waste, if not death itself.</p>
<p>toombs and dodgers–agreed, easier said than done, however. He definitely will take the lead now. It’s his decision. I can’t go for him…as far as giving up on the crown–it’s a bitter pill to swallow. We are sad, angry disappointed…all the above… Yes, time to let go, but very difficult indeed to let go of a dream. There are downsides to the school that accepted him…a little further away…just doesn’t have the same poetry…C’mon…Oliver Wendell Holmes library!!! the seal forged by Paul Revere, the patriot, the genuine regard for multiculturalism and non sibi as a way of life…although yes school #2 is a suitable place, it’s n\just not the same. I wish there was some mechanism for the school to reconsider kids with broken hearts. Maybe they don’t always know best.</p>
<p>To the extent that you give in to your anger and disappointment and - what’s worse - share it with your son, you are handicapping him. There may be dozens of reasons why PA meant so much to you, and each one of them may be valid . . . but this isn’t about you. It’s about your son. And I’m guessing the Oliver Wendell Holmes library may not be as important to him as it is to you. Yes, you want to expose him to all the wonderful things in life . . . but you should do it when he’s home for vacation! He’s a teenager, and boarding school is about a lot more than libraries . . . .</p>
<p>If you look at the threads the kids have started on their side of this forum, I don’t think you’ll find a one about libraries. Clothes, yes, dances, yes, television, yes, . . . and homework and bicycles and . . . !!! M’thinks here’s more to the next four years than Paul Revere and Oliver Wendell Holmes . . . (who are both dead, you know :)).</p>
<p>I get it red blue as we are in the same boat. 99% on ssat, fantastic transcript at challenging indepdent school on par with the BS, athlete with size and speed and experience, warm and personable with solid interviews, great extra curriculars including significant community service and entrepreneurism, plus wrote such great essays, one AD even emailed us to say how moved they were. Yet 3/10 was filled with some disappointment as there were waitlists from some of the schools we had hoped to be in. We have choices still, and are definitely grateful for that. But there is something that feels like you somehow did not succeed fully, that it is “miss runner-up” as mentioned or 2nd choice. Maybe FA affected some of the decisions. Maybe not writing a clear first choice letter hurt some of the decisions. Maybe not using connections we had could have changed things. </p>
<p>But there is no second guessing the process of getting to where we are now. Rather now we have to decide about the ones that said yes, despite the sting from those that said sort of but not yet/now.</p>
<p>Yes it is easy to say THEIR LOSS is the other school’s gain, but hard to do and sad to think about PA or the other schools missing the boat on this great kid. It just is.</p>
<p>yep to both Crar and Dodgers. Had to laugh though about the library and dead celebrities though. It gave me the laugh I needed. I think you are both right…time to focus on the glass half full. He didn’t care as much about Oliver Wendell Holmes as I, although he did fall in love with all the intangibles about PA. Now he’ll have to decide whether the school that picked him will work through revisit day. One of the problems is that it’s just not about the next 4 years, its about where you graduated from… for the rest of your life, saying you’re a (whatever, name of BS) graduate. I keep coming back to the kid I knew in medical school who graduated from PA. Not the most stellar student, didn’t turn out to be a particularly great doctor. At the time, I didn’t even know what Andover was when he talked about it…Not to put it down now or anything… but as we got to know it up front and personal…wow, what a tremendous place. We fell in love. Maybe in reality, it’s not the place we idealize. We’ll never know…</p>