<p>newebs, it is hard not to. these schools are all so special and grab the imagination in a way that college can’t for me.</p>
<p>Technically, Andover admitted a lot fewer students this year. The total number of acceptance is 405, about 50 fewer than last year, and among the admitted, 13% are attending a foreign school (international by definition). Last year I think that percentage was 8%. So, when it comes to domestic students, they admitted 352 vs. last year’s 414.</p>
<p>Yep, newebs, RBG2 broke the cardinal rule in this dating game and is now paying the painful price for that breach. It hurts, but I know he/she will get over it. If not, there is absolutely no good that can come from this bleeding wound.</p>
<p>“Love the school that loves your baby.”</p>
<p>Well said, Toombs61</p>
<p>I have been sitting here trying to work on what is also stressing me out about the whole thing. We were hoping for Roxbury Latin because of their low tuition, and emphasis on classes and activities he ejnoys participating in. We would not qualify for fin. aid elsewhere, but are not wealthy. My son is several years ahead in his current private school, but it only goes to 8th grade. He is not interested in boarding schools at this time, and I don’t want to push him into it. RL seemed like the best route. Local public schools have offered to let him skip some grades, but he likes to hang out with his peers. Any suggestions, or are we just stuck?!</p>
<p>I am not in your area, so I have no particular school in mind, but in our area there are various types of options. I will mention them, and perhaps it will give you some ideas. In some local schools the “gifted and talented” can take courses in math and science at the actual HS. They can progress to higher levels, take more AP’s etc. later, and still be with their class. In a k-12 private or 6-12 private, you might be able to do the same thing in math, science and foreign languages (which in my opinion are focused on tracks because of skill building), but stay with the peer group for elective, english, and social studies. In many of the privates that are competitive for admission (you are in Boston?) in areas which draw from a populated area you will likely find the overall caliber of student more motivated and at a higher level.</p>
<p>While people say that the honors track at our local HS is excellent, I know it is not as good as the top area day school in terms of content of curriculum, rigor, and last but not least, personal attention.</p>
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<p>Oh, redblue, I so disagree. Most people have never even heard of the high school I attended, and yet it was “home” to me more than any other place I’ve lived, as child or adult. The four years are what matters . . . not the name.</p>
<p>I know - MIT takes a more than 1,000 students - and a significant portion of them don’t come from “named” schools. I doubt you could name any of the schools sending kids from my midwestern town - and there are quite a few.</p>
<p>It’s about the person and what he or she does with their experiences during high school. The kids I think fare the worst? The ones that worried about getting into “big name” high school and getting into “big name college.” I much prefer the kids with fewer opportunities who somehow find a way to make stuff happen anyway and get what they need.</p>
<p>That parents put so much of themselves into this process is problematic. </p>
<p>Go back and read that post with the link to the article about Warren Buffet being turned down by Harvard. </p>
<p>Sometimes a “no” opens a door to a much better choice.</p>
<p>Exie, I know of which you speak. I myself am a product of a public high school, WL’d by my top choice college-- Yale but accepted to Cornell and Brown. Studied with a Nobel Laureate in Chemistry and went on to a top 20 med school. All that said, we all want more for our kids, right? Somehow PA was a dream, a star reached for but not secured. This thread though has helped me enormously to move on. I tell my son its not the school that makes the man…you’re still the same person wherever you go to school, it’s what you bring to the school that counts. I know he will be fine. And yes this granddaughter of immigrants who themselves had to leave school at 14 to work in a factory, whose granddaughter put herself thru med school on an Army scholarship now has a descendent admitted to a top school. I know the ancestors, those who shoulders we stand on are cheering my son on…we’ve already come such a long way. Now this goal as a parent can be marked complete. I am looking ahead to my own stretch goals of working in healthcare overseas, returning to Africa. You gotta have goals, you gotta have dreams. I tell my son, he reached for a star and got one–not the one aiming for but such a bright one nevertheless. We have a lot to be thankful for, and I am so glad we took the journey even though the destination wasn’t the one we planned. And I am sure he will continue to have a marvelous journey ahead of him no matter if he decides to stay locally or take a risk and try something new.</p>
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<p>Whoa Nellie!!!</p>
<p>rant deleted</p>
<p>Thanks Scholwannabe. We grieved last year when my daughter didn’t get into her dream school. This year we applied to multiple schools and her dream school fell to almost last place. She fell in love with two other schools and so did I when I realized how close in match they were to her personality.</p>
<p>And if she had been rejected by everyone - as I’ve noted has happened to some students here - we would have pigged out on Brazilian Rodizio and Passion fruit creme brule. Then she would pick herself up, dust herself off, and study with a vengeance towards her college dreams at her “no name” high school. At least she would have been surrounded by friends who love her if she stayed.</p>
<p>People need to see the big picture - but I’m beginning to think parents who keep insisting on what school is best don’t see the big picture. When I was in Boarding school there were three suicide attempts. And when I went to college, a young man I liked a lot during the first week, committed suicide a week later.</p>
<p>People project undue pressure on students by insisting on some arbitrary (often false) criteria about what is best - or what looks good on a resume - or . . . without giving a hoot that we are all distinct individuals. That simple changes in DNA sequence makes millions of unique beings and they can’t all fit (or shouldn’t fit) in the same boarding schools and colleges.</p>
<p>So is the kid fretting - or just projecting the emotions of the parent.</p>
<p>Let it go, parents. Let it go. Life is too darn short to waste it thinking of what might have been. Life is better when you spend it maximizing what “is” and turning it to your advantage.</p>
<p>Ditto Neato. </p>
<p>I was having one of those deleted expletive moments when I read that quote. Sigh. Maybe that kid should escape to a school far, far away where he/she can be deprogrammed of all that drama and put on the path of a fulfilling life.</p>
<p>No, I’m both scholwannabe at home and RBG2 at work. That kid will do all right. We have decided that we can’t chase Andover and that the school he got into is the same caliber. The dream of getting into a top BS which affords more than a better chance at getting into an ivy has been achieved.
But wait, maybe I’m the only one who has nerve enuf to state what many are thinking. The name on a resume whether a top boarding school or top college or both does matter. Most people won’t look too far beyond Harvard or Yale to understand this is a top student who got in–never mind the grades. Don’t worry about my kid; stay focused on your’s. I’m just expressing disappointment in not getting our “fell-in-love” with school; as a previous poster said, our biggest sin was falling in love before we were accepted, no more, no less. We have to be honest with all our emotions to work it thru. I’m a psychiatrist so I know. Eveyone else out there, let us have our disappointment, our anger, don’t judge…</p>
<p>Okay, redbluegoldgreen. I have been lurking for the past week but feel compelled to login. </p>
<p>I read “'<em>our</em> ‘fell-in-love’ with school” and “before <em>we</em> were accepted” and have to say…</p>
<p>Holy freakin’ jeezus!</p>
<p>This is not about YOU!! <em>YOU</em> DID NOT APPLY TO BS!!</p>
<p>And the idea that you are a psychiatrist… Shudder. It just boggles the mind.</p>
<p>Well, I have to say to many families applying to BS is as much about the parents as the child. It’s an exacting task to all parties involved. Often times, to “protect” their 14 or 15 year old from getting hurt too much, parents have been more involved. I can totally understand the disappointment. I think most ppl have been trying to help redblue cope with the disappoinment and many of them are going through the same, until her “its about where you graduated from…” comment. It then became an argument on values. I think some of them feel that they are being judged by redblue (though I am sure it’s not her intention) for sending their kids to a lesser or no name school <em>happily</em>. That’s why they started judging you.</p>
<p>I think the school name on the resume doesn’t matter, once you graduate college. As a matter of fact, after a certain point, it shouldn’t appear on the resume. </p>
<p>Is is a strange thought that it might matter more to people with medical training? I’ve just noticed that doctors seem to care more about markers for high intelligence. Medical training is a rigid sequence of tests and schools. Those thought to be the best do everything right? </p>
<p>I do think that the knowledge that you’ve attended a boarding school will mean something to those who know. My kid had a great conversation with total strangers at an airport. The younger sister wore a sweatshirt from a school we had visited. There seems to be a shared culture.</p>
<p>Now, as to rejection and parents. I think the tendency to rank schools also leads to a tendency for some parents to take the rejection of a child as a statement that the child “isn’t good enough.” I don’t know any parent who would take that well. That’s one of many reasons to resist ranking schools.</p>
<p>Then again, there are more serious things in life. Just think, it could be cheerleading tryouts in Texas! If you want to see some seriously aggrieved parents, take a peek at the folks on the college side of this site whose children weren’t cast as the lead in the school play!</p>
<p>College name matters particularly in medicine, law and of course wall street. Your undergraduate college affects your chance of getting admitted to graduate schools and your graduate school affects maybe first 10 years of your career. But, I think high school is more about getting prepared so one can succeed in colleges. Do you really write your high school name on your resume? If you care about other benefits of going to an elite boarding school, then I don’t know. We can actually ask ExieMITAlum. If she doesn’t think going to Exeter is any different than going to Taft or Governor’s, maybe it doesn’t really matter after all?</p>
<p>I didn’t realize this is about selective prep/boarding schools. OP is angry b/c her kid was rejected from one and suspects that other parents helped their kids advantageous in competition in gaining the admission.</p>
<p>If you don’t mind I’d like to place a question; If that angers you and I am not saying it is not justified, how would others feel, 99.99% of middle school kids and their parents in the nation who go to public school and have to compete against you guys in four/six years? I am afraid I am having difficulty to feel sympathy. We are lucky to send our kid to a private ensuring continuous education. I never felt that we are entitled to it or it’s our right.</p>
<p>I agreed Periwinkle, the boarding school experience was and still is a “shared culture” for me. I am a graduate of Kent. I went to a southern college and ended up rooming with 2 girls - one who went to Taft the other St. George’s. I met my husband at college - he attended Westminster. We have many friends who did not attend prep school, but there is definitely a connection among those that have. After college, I worked in NYC. Some of my coworkers had attended prep school. We didn’t look at each other differently because one went to Andover and another went to Miss Porters. For me, I have never considered a Kent education “not worthy” enough. I am so thankful that my parents gave me the opportunity to go. It was a wonderful experience. It is the boarding experience that connects you to others down the road not the school. Just my opinion.</p>
<p>To Scholwannabe/RBG2 - If you don’t learn to stop meddling in your child’s life - if you continue to be the dreaded “helicopter parent” we all fear, you will RUIN your child’s chances of getting into a competitive college no matter what high school he/she attends.</p>
<p>Hear me?</p>
<p>I have noted on interview forms which students have overbearing, controlling, meddling parents because it’s an indicator that the student is not ready for college.</p>
<p>Even when the student comes to interview without the parent I can tell who has a healthy supportive relationship, and who is bowing to their parents ideas of a “perfect” college.</p>
<p>Trust me - your kid has too much competition for a college to have to put up with you being part of a package deal. And I suspect your constant focus on what is “better” is going to make your kid sick. Again - I’ve known kids who commit (or attempt) suicide because of being unable to meet their parent’s expectation. Can you imagine?</p>
<p>So about that “unspoken” truth about which boarding school is better? I’m an Exeter Alum. I’m an MIT alum. I interview for both schools - have been doing it for decades. I have a good idea of who fits and who doesn’t and the criterian might surprise you that it isn’t all about grades. Subtle factors such as lack of an independence at all or too much focus on getting into a “name school” will leave your poor kid on the outside looking in if you don’t get a clue fast. Even if you don’t say it - it shows. It’s infused in every aspect of the application.</p>
<p>Either he/she is old enough, and grown enough, to make this decision, or they need to stay home with their babysitters.</p>
<p>For the record - my 14 year old, picked the schools, made her own interview appointments, worked it out with me so we could coordinate flights, hotel and rental car, made a spreadsheet, texted her teachers while on the road to remind them about recommendations, and pretty much drove the ship. </p>
<p>And blew everyone away based on their comments to me. Still, she didn’t get into every place she applied but she’s thrilled with the places she did get - especially after reading these boards and realizing HOW MANY students are waitlisted or rejected from every school they applied to. At least you have a choice.</p>
<p>But again - when my oldest daughter was registering for college I made a comment to the counselor that I was not a helicopter parent. She laughed and said “I’m impressed you even know what that is because we have a lot of them here we’d like to get rid of.”</p>
<p>You, my dear, are a BS and College’s worst nightmare. And you will, I guarantee it, make it impossible for anyone to see him as a worthy candidate if it’s between him and someone whose mother knows how to step out of the limelight.</p>
<p>Because at most colleges (my hubby also interviews for his alma mater and also med school) we don’t give a flying fig where your kid went to school. We only care what he did with his time there. That’s why some public school kid got into Andover and yours didn’t and the same will be true for college.</p>
<p>So - my opinion stands - get some comfort food. Then get a life of your own.</p>
<p>Rant over.</p>