<p>Okay that post has been bugging me every time I check into this thread. Exeter does have a robust debate program–son has friends who are very involved. If you look back, that comment was a misinterpretation of the lawyer/debater vs. scientist analogy someone was proposing for the difference between Andover and Exeter. The original comment had nothing to do with Exeter’s actual debate program.</p>
<p>My daughter was accepted at Groton with no coaching and no “hook.” She wrote her essays in her own words – I actually suggested several edits that she did not accept! I didn’t want to be part of the craziness and suggest that she “package” herself in any way. Her application and interview represented who she was - it was very authentic and I’m proud we proceeded that way.</p>
<p>This is so timely. There are so many parents and students who are hurt right now. But I got to thinking about my city where unemployment is high and the number of foreclosures in my once very stable middle class neighborhood.</p>
<p>Anger from a rejection (job, BS, etc) is a natural part of the process. As is grieving. it’s what we do with that energy that defines us. </p>
<p>So yes - I visualized burning down a few campuses (in my head) then watched my daughter recover more quickly and dive into her day to day life with more focus before she tried a second round.</p>
<p>So the idea of a celebration - that there was something learned in the arduous six-month application process - is a good one. Our kids will be so much better prepared for the college rounds than their peers.</p>
<p>Maybe we start here - with celebrating that everyone on the CC boards (students and parents) - regardless of outcome - are already stars ready to shine in someway, somewhere in the future. The amazing friendships that have started as a result of us coming together to share knowledge, joy and pain has been amazing. So…(drumroll) Let the cyber celebration begin!</p>
<p>Don’t need 5 paragraphs to put this whole thing in perspective. I can do it in one word:
JAPAN.</p>
<p>@ Exie–I am starting the party music!!!</p>
<p>@Madaket-yes Japan!</p>
<p>I echo glowmom- my daughter was accepted 8th grade at Groton- no coaching, no help, no hook- just 100% her sweet self. I understand the grieving process, I was fully prepared to grieve this year as we were NOT feeling confident- but don’t assume that kids that were accepted all cheated- they did not</p>
<p>It seems like such a long time since I posted this. I wasn’t intending to imply all kids were cheating. But at the time, I had heard about a few kids that were being overly coached, and it upset me (rightly so in my defense). But no,of course not all kids cheat, and yes, admission officers do check for that. Like I originally stated, I had sour grapes, and just needed a safe place to vent with those that understand. Watching from the wings this go around, I feel much more prepared casting a wider net the second time around and trusting the process. After all, I am a member of “Team Best Fit”, and believe that if you find several that fit your child’s ideal, one or two are bound to become reality. Congrats to all who have had success, and here I am passing a cyber tissue, and some junk food, to those that are upset. This is a very real stressful process for all families involved. The traveling, the taking time off from work, the students interviews, visit days, filling out the apps, the testing, etc. Kudos to all who are willing to try this whole thing. Just sometimes, it can feel like BS stands for BullCrap when you feel slighted. 
But hey, life is about taking some interesting adventures, even in education.</p>
<p>I’m not angry at all, just heartbroken, and feeling somewhat naive. I actually thought that it would be easier this year. She was also not coached and was very much her sweet self. I guess that’s what hurts. </p>
<p>The thing that makes the most difference in her application she has no control over, but has to do with the career path that my husband pursued. It doesn’t pay much, but has a lot of rewards. Unfortunately, one cannot pay tuition with the self esteem of preteens. In a sense, we have sacrificed our own child’s education for the sake of other kids’ school experience. Ah well…she’s healthy, she’s still the amazing girl she always was. She’ll just have to fight tooth and nail for educational opportunity at her local school for another year, more than likely. It’s not the end of the world.</p>
<p>Neato! Great to hear from you I hope that the WL situation will show some promise. I am sure you are feeling quite drained. How is your daughter feeling this weekend? Out of curiosity had you looked at St. Andrew’s? I understand they are need blind there?..No need to address that if you are rubbing your temples right now…maybe there will be some promising developments within the next few weeks. As Exie always states, when it appears all the doors are closed, there may be one opening for you…And it is mostly true in the end, isn’t it? Thankfully your daughter has you as her Mom!</p>
<p>I have also heard, this has been a particulary brutal application cycle with FA this year.</p>
<p>Yep - harshest I’ve ever seen.</p>
<p>And Neato - we’re with you. We’re stretched and we both took jobs that give back to the community when we could have very well stayed on the corporate track and made more money. I don’t think this has anything to do with the quality of your child or your husband’s job. I think she got caught in a temporary whirlpool and will most likely be able to get out of it with some strategic contacts at the school’s that waitlisted her.</p>
<p>What I think happened is the schools - given her strong stats - assumed the family preference was going to be Exeter where her brother is a student - especially since Exeter is known for strong FA. I’m really hoping that if you contact the WL schools in order of preference and tell them she’s hoping to attend - they’ll hear the sincerity in your voice. That will let them know they aren’t the “rebound” schools. One is bound to listen if they discover they are your daughter’s one true love.</p>
<p>Gladtobehere - I’m with you. I worry that when we try to explain why schools don’t scrutinize scores with the same intensity as before - because some students skew the data - that other parents will assume we’re saying “they” cheated. That’s not the case.</p>
<p>Neato, full pays get wait listed (and rejected) too. Even with 95% SSATs and 3.9 GPAs. And great recs, heartfelt essays, interviews where you’re told DS is a perfect fit, three seasons of sports and meaningful community service. It hurts no less.</p>
<p>albclemom, It must be frustrating to not see where the reasoning was behind the decision not to accept your child. In neato’s case, financial aid was probably a more obvious factor. But I think she will be able to get thru to a school. I hope for those that know where they are going, to please let the other schools know ASAP. That is one more anxious child and family coming off the waitlist. Here is sending good Karma to Neato and all those in WL situations!!</p>
<p>^^^I echo GladToBeHere - if you know you won’t be attending a school, let them know ASAP so as to move the waitlist up, and speed up the hopes and dreams of another applicant. My daughter was accepted to 3 (including her 1st choice), and waitlisted by 1. One of her acceptances offered her a 4- year merit scholarship. We called the school with the merit scholarship immediately to let them know that she would not be attending so that it could be offered to another candidate. She has withdrawn herself from the waitlist of the school that had her waitlisted so as to move someone else up right away, and she has also declined the offer of her other admit school. This was all done right away. She is so grateful to have her 1st choice happen for her, and it is important to not be a part of what is dragging out the process for someone else.
Wishing you the very best Neato, and to everyone else in the purgatory of WL land!</p>
<p>albclemom, What I meant was that if I was able to write a check, or even do a monthly plan, or get a loan for that matter, for the cost of tuition, she would be in a much better position to go to a different school’s admissions office and say, “Do you have a space for a late applicant.” But because of something out of her control, she doesn’t have that option. That hurts me as a mother - that I can’t do that for her. I didn’t mean to sound bitter or belittle anyone else’s disappointment and I’m sorry if it came across that way. I know full well that it is very difficult for anyone to get into the top school. But she applied to a number of lovely schools that she could see herself attending and has nothing. She cast a wide net with schools that she would love to attend. It’s hard not to take it personally, as you know. It makes me wonder if there is something about her that I just didn’t see, some glaring fault with her app that escaped me other than the need for FA. It just strikes me as ODD that she was waitlisted to so many, across the board. It would be different if she were only wled at schools with <20% acceptance and high average scores (she had those scores, btw), but she was wled at schools that are not nearly as selective. She kept an open mind and never fell into the “HADES or bust” mindset. She truly loved all the schools she applied to. Perhaps that was the problem, too many and she reached a point of diminishing returns.</p>
<p>Mayhew, my son did the same last year. It was our hope that the money that they had allocated to him would go to others rather than sucked into some kind of FA-yield vortex.</p>
<p>(note: Posted simultaneously with Neato, who makes a lot of the same points)</p>
<p>I hear you albclemon and don’t want to diminish the heartache either family feels. </p>
<p>The one difference is that a FP family can almost always find a school–maybe not the top choice, or even one of the top 3 or 4 choices, but a good school, with some AP classes and arts and fellow students who at least plan to go to college. They’re not quite so stuck. I think that’s what Neato may be feeling right now–her kid would have been denied at some of those schools regardless, but almost certainly not at all of them. And even if she had been, there are schools with rolling admissions or junior boarding schools or decent day schools in the area to consider. </p>
<p>Unlike lots of FA parents, of course, some of us are well educated and consciously chose careers that we knew wouldn’t make us wealthy–and mostly treasure our lives and don’t have regrets–until it seems all of a sudden that our choice is causing our children pain that coud have been avoided had we chosen a different path. That’s what can hurt. Of course all parents probably feel a version of that hurt at some point, because we almost all sacrifice something–time, money, whatever–for our goals, and at some point, in some way, that affects our kids. </p>
<p>Switching topics, I think Exie’s got a good point. Do you think it might be harder for the second child–if his/her stats are as good as or better than the first kid’s–because all the schools will assume that second child will be admitted to the older kid’s school (even though we’ve seen at least two instances where that wasn’t the case this season)? If so, it almost seems as if it would be better to NOT apply to the older sibling’s school, so that second child can stand in the same light as first.</p>
<p>But classicalmama, you were much more elequent than I (you English teacher, you ).</p>
<p>That’s exactly what I meant, but formed without crazy-mom-what’s-going-to-happen-to-my-baby-emotion clouding the logic.</p>
<p>A big ole hug to all of you suffering right now. Mine is off to college in the fall, but today I was remembering that it was just a bit over four years ago when we got the high school news. That news was good, but there were big disappointments in earlier years. I remember wailing “Nobody wants my little boy!” at the KINDERGARTEN level which, when you think about it is pretty crazy and sad.
Good friends have gotten bad news too, over the years, and gotten past it. So, again, just big hugs to you all.</p>
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<p>Oh . . . [cursing quietly] . … that better not be it! If someone tells me the reason my son didn’t get in is because he applied to too many schools, I . . . I . . . [speechless]</p>
<p>A kid who needs full or almost full FA should cast a wide net. That’s what we’ve been taught, isn’t it?</p>