Hi, so I’m new to this community and the main reason why I’m here is because I really need help with an issue involving my parents and an AP class. So to give you a bit of a background, my parents are strict Caribbean parents, and i mean STRICT. I’m not allowed to go to places like the movie theater or the park up the hill from my house. They even complain when I tell them I 'm joining a club or sport because they don’t understand why, even though I tell them multiple times it’s what I want to do and also colleges don’t just look at my academic achievements. So basically, I was recently in a meeting for a class I plan on taking next year which is AP Photography. Photography is not my absolute passion in life and I don’t really plan on taking any photography major or minor in college (might take as an elective though), but I really liked my experiences in the class and love my photo teachers. This meeting discussed what the requirements are for the class and one of them included a minimum of 100 photos each marking period and 100 photos that need to be taken during the summer as a summer assignment. I already had a concept in mind and I’m really passionate about this concept because it’s something I’m very familiar with. However, I tried to make my mother aware because these aren’t photos that can just be taken in my backyard like I’ve been doing in my past photo classes, I’m actually going to NEED to walk places, and my parents will not be available to drive me anywhere. Well, just as suspected, she continued yelling at me because she didn’t understand what I was talking about, and when I got my older sibling to translate for her, all my mom did was continue to ignore and called me something that means that I mess everything up (common offensive name in my language). I literally broke down in tears because I was getting aggravated and I’ve already been through this nonsense multiple times and seen it done to my older siblings when they were my age and still even now. She eventually caved, but it was just to shut me up. However, I know my parents and they’ve pulled this bull before. Next thing you know, they’re going to forget their word and refuse to let me go anywhere, even if it’s to take photos for my class. This is a very extensive class and I cannot risk taking an F and my GPA dropping because of my parents. After this whole thing, I’ve lost motivation to even do this class because of the fear that my GPA will drop if I’m not allowed to take it and also the fact that I cannot handle the constant nagging that will come my way from these people. Not only that, but her arguing with me and making me unmotivated prompted me to think about the concept I had for my photo theme and I’ve realized that I don’t even have enough people willing to be photographed for my concept to come to life. I’m already dealing with problems mentally and I don’t want this to make it even worse and I seriously need advice.
Thanks in advance for those who took the time to read my post and give me advice.
My school is located in NJ, but in the college board I believe it is seen as a form of AP Studio Art, because in my AP class there is a lot of working digitally.
Is AP Photography the right thing for you to take? Not just because of your parents, but because it is not your passion/you don’t plan to do anything with it?
Strict parents also usually want you to do well in classes. Can you say that If you do not take the photos over the summer you will fail the class? You have to communicate that this is homework you are assigned over the summer.
As a young person you have to live by your parents rules…esp if you they will be paying for college. This will be the price you will have to pay for college to be paid for.
So…suggest talking to them about their concerns. Say that you understand that they are concerned about you getting into trouble/whatever you think their concerns are… tell them that you understand that they want to raise you in a good way. But then tell them that soon you will be going to college where you will have more freedom…and that you would like to practice having more freedom, but the kind they are comfortable with.
What could make them more comfortable? Using a “find my phone” app where they can track your whereabouts?
For clubs, having the adviser contact them if you don’t show up? You showing them the photographs so they could see where you go? A sibling going with you? Them going with you on the weekends?
But basically ask them for solutions…you need to take photos of people and landscapes and nature and how do they suggest you do this given that you will fail the class if you do not do it?
Can your guidance counselor or someone who knows the US college expectations but speaks their language explain what is needed for students for colleges these days? If they didn’t go to college or went to college in a different system this all may be very foreign to them.
1.) No, AP Photography is not my passion, but I don’t want my school life to be solely based off of trying to get good grades in this or that class for college. I wanted to take AP Photo because it is the next and final level in my school and I really enjoyed the class.
2.) Here’s the thing with my parents. It’s not the fact that they want me to do well in my classes, it’s because they want total control. This is how they were raised and that’s how they chose to raise me and my siblings. I’ve told them countless times what honors/AP classes are and it goes in one ear and out the other. Every time I try to tell them how well I’m doing in a class, they don’t care enough to listen. Even if I tell them it’s for a class, they’ll ask me why is that class required and when I answer that I CHOSE that class, not only will they yell at me, but they’ll immediately tell me to drop the class.
3.) No, I am the one who will be paying back college costs and loans, if I take any out. My parents are the type that solely believe that whatever they say is right and no one can prove them wrong. I’ve brought the conversation up with them multiple times about me needing freedom and how I’m a good kid and have done nothing to make them believe I’d do something wrong while I’m out. Referencing what I previously said, anything I talk to them about that they don’t care to hear will just bypass them no matter how much I say it’s important. My parents are terrible with technology, even when I teach them numerous times, so the find my iPhone plan wouldn’t work out. The problem is that they don’t care if I prove that I’m where I said I would be, it’s the fact that they don’t want me out at all. I do have siblings who always take me places because they know no one else will take me, but I don’t want to keep bothering them, especially with a situation where I’m going to need to leave the house numerous times due to the fact that they do have jobs.
4.) I did have a junior conference earlier this year with my counselor and mom. Unfortunately, there is no counselor in my school who speaks creole, but let me explain how my mom’s understanding of English goes. If it’s said in a certain way, then she will understand it. She’s grown accustomed to many English conversations and she DID understand what my counselor was talking about because when we got in the car she was saying how I need to make sure I start the scholarship search and going on naviance, but my parents do not care enough to keep the information in their heads because to them, they believe that the only person who needs to hear this is me because I’m the one applying to college and that they are just responsible for helping me with my financial aid.
Now that you mention it, I can recall traveling around the town where we live with one daughter, with her taking photographs of various historic buildings. We spent at least a couple of days doing this. I am pretty sure that she took photos at other times as well, and that this was for some form of art class.
To me it seemed like this was teaching my daughter about photography, but she was also learning about the history of the town.
@Marshmellah , my son just completed Photography I and will take Photography II next year. He really likes it, but like you, does not consider it a passion or something he plans to pursue in college. If you parents will not allow you to leave the yard alone and will not take you on photography trips, you have two options.
create a new plan that will allow you to conduct your summer requirement without going further than your parents allow. You may have a “dream” project planned, but being mature means being able to adjust your plans when it is necessary – and still being successful. 2) If you cannot come up with a project that will keep you within your parents’ boundaries and satisfy your teacher, communicate with the teacher now and tell him the problem. I’m sure he’ll work out something with you that will not result in a bad grade for the class. The key is to talk to the teacher now, not after the summer is over and the class has started again.
The bottom line is your parents are in charge. They can draw the boundary lines wherever they choose. It doesn’t matter whether you like it, or even if you don’t understand it. You should abide by it.
And again, I am certain there is some project you can come up with that will keep your parents happy and satisfy your teacher.
@Marshmellah - yikes, you have my sympathies. First off, I am sorry your mother uses insulting language towards you when she doesn’t understand what you are doing. This happens with MANY parents from traditional cultures, not just yours. My husband’s father used to tell him he would amount to nothing and would be a failure - 50 years later, those scars still are with him. You will continue to have these challenges because your parents expectations of what you need to do to excel in life and your school and societal expectations for success are different. There will be field trips, photography expeditions, group projects, independent research projects, after hours school activities - all of those will be viewed with suspicion. So - you have a problem and it’s not AP Photography. I don’t agree that you need to follow everything your parents say - but you do need to find some way to communicate with them. Is there a school counselor or a teacher or a church elder or anyone they would trust who you can go to for help? Anyone who understand the cultural chasm you have to bridge?
Sorry to hear all the trouble you are having over a Photography class that you might actually find enjoyable. You know that today it’s photography, tomorrow it’s living away from home. I dealt with this once upon a time myself. It’s not easy.
Are you a part of a Caribbean community? It would be helpful if you could reach out to someone that would be understanding in addressing some of the fears your parents may have. Someone that was formally educated in the US would even be helpful to you as a support.
Don’t get discouraged. Keep your eye on the prize!
@CaMom13 Thank you for the response. It is sad that this type of behavior is popular within cultural families. I do talk to my counselor about these situations, but I advise them not to contact my parents at all because my parents have strictly told me not to tell anybody about family problems and such, so it would only lead them to be more angry.
@Meddy Thank you for responding I’m not really part of a Caribbean community that I can reach out to, but I will definitely look into that because I didn’t even know such a thing existed. I have friends who either have the same exact culture as me or similar so I do lean on them for support sometimes, but I don’t like burdening my problems on people a lot.
Hi everyone, I just want to thank you guys for your responses and providing me with with much needed great advice. Unfortunately, after talking to my dad today, it looks like me taking AP Photography is a no go. I’m really upset about it but like many of you said, I live in their house and I do have to abide by their rules whether I like it or not. I’m looking to see if there is a place for me to take another class that the same teacher is teaching that I used to take during my freshman year. I enjoyed photography a bit more than this class, but I still liked working in it and I really liked how my assignments/projects came out (this class is Digital Arts). Good news is that if all goes well academically/with my student activities for me for my upcoming senior year, I’ll be able to get a lot of scholarships and grants (maybe even a full scholarship if I work hard enough) so that I can go on campus for college because I cannot handle my household anymore.
@EconPop Thank you for the uplifting encouragement! I definitely use my current situation as a way to motivate myself to do better because I know I’m gonna hate staying in this type of environment during my college years.
I’m not really part of a Caribbean community that I can reach out to, but I will definitely look into that because I didn’t even know such a thing existed. I have friends who either have the same exact culture as me or similar so I do lean on them for support sometimes, but I don’t like burdening my problems on people a lot.