Parents are forcing me into a college that I despise.

College Search & Selection
1

<p>I've worked hard the past four years and, after becoming a national merit finalist, my parents made me apply to Auburn due to the full ride scholarship. We had hired college advisory people over the summer who would help negotiate academic scholarships between schools, and I was told that, by applying to Auburn, it would be a good reference number since the more academic awards you are offered helps.</p>

<p>However, I really am not fond of this university. I've visited and my cousin attends (which she only does because it was one of the few colleges she could easily get into...), so I know about the atmosphere, and I know it isn't for me. Still, my parents are, despite our good income, seemingly unwilling to spend any money on my college education, and my mother continues to threaten me with the fact that I will not be able to take out enough loans in my name to pay for school. She threatens that, "You won't be able to take out 70,000 dollars a year!" which is null anyways, because I have offers for at least half tuition from several other universities...</p>

<p>So my question is--if I register for housing, will that lock me into the college? Can I still cancel attendance there? My mom is consistently pushing me to fill out all these things so that it seems like I'm "serious" about the Auburn offer. Secondly, how can I deal with the financial side of things if my parents will not pay for college? How can I take out loans when I'm only 18 with no credit, is that even possible?</p>

2

<p>[So my question is–if I register for housing, will that lock me into the college? Can I still cancel attendance there? My mom is consistently pushing me to fill out all these things so that it seems like I’m “serious” about the Auburn offer. Secondly, how can I deal with the financial side of things if my parents will not pay for college? How can I take out loans when I’m only 18 with no credit, is that even possible? ]</p>

<p>Kbell349:</p>

<p>At 18 years of age and zero credit (like most students your age) you will not be able to take out any loans in your own name. Independent student status begins at age 24, and there are just a few specific exceptions (ie, unless you have a dependent, have served in the military,etc). I’m sorry to tell you, but you will not be considered a financially independent student for many years to come. Although it is not impossible to cancel a Housing Agreement, it’s probably not in your best interest unless you are 100% certain that you will not be attending the University. Once you retract the Housing agreement, that unit of Housing is placed back into the system for someone else. It will be awkward to contact Auburn a second time, resubmit the payment fee, and then have to again extend a subsequent request for Housing. Furthermore, you could risk loosing an opportunity to reside on campus all together should you elect to cancel your current agreement (There is no way to be certain as to when campus Housing will fill ?). </p>

<p>:(The only loan that you can secure in your own name is the federally subsidized stafford loan in the amount of $5500. That is all. </p>

<p>I suppose YOU could always “cancel” your attendance at Auburn by writing admissions and rejecting your Scholarship, but you’re going to need the support of your Parents in order to have any other options. If the other scholarship opportunties you’ve mention provide HALF TUITION merit, then you’ll need your Parents concent in order to attend Schools other than Auburn. Schools that you (on your own) cannot afford. </p>

<p>Try and work this out with your Parents if at all possible. Have a CALM discussion with your Parents and intelligently state your concerns and see if they are willing to consider your arguments/issues. I am a 49 year old single Mother, and I can tell you that my Teen gets a lot more mileage out of me when he is respectful, fully listens to what I have to say, and then continues to dialogue with me in a way that illustrates his respect and appreciation. </p>

<p>TONE…goes a long way with Parents. </p>

<p>Perhaps the “answer” might be to embrace the 4 year opportunity that Auburn is offering, and then set your sights on attending the Grad School of your choice? </p>

<p>Don’t weaken the relationship with your Parents over this issue. Try to talk to them (write a letter if necessary) and try to get them to understand your concerns. At the end of the day however, “He or She who foots the BILL has all the SAY”- regardless of the scholarship offers you’ve secured. (And believe me you’ll want it that way too, should you ever become a Parent).</p>

<p>Much continued success to you Kbell349. Congratulations on your multiple scholarship offers! Take another look at Auburn and make a list of some of the positives the University has to offer (your Parents will appreciate your “balanced” discussion). Good Luck.</p>

3

<p>If you don’t like Auburn, you don’t have to go. If you have earned scholarships at other places you like, that’s is great. Your hard work paid off. Read on the Auburn website and the docs you have received about whether you can get out of the housing contract if you decide to. For ex, my ds had to put down a small deposit for UW-Madison housing (even though he most likely will not decide to go there) prior to committing to attend which in small print, at the end, said you can get this back if you notify them by 5/1. What docs are you signing to show how “serious” you are about Auburn? Read them. I believe 5/1 is the date to accept admissions nearly everywhere and you cannot put down double deposits (two colleges) without violating some of these agreements (I believe there is a thread about this). It sounds like you want a more academically strong undergrad, can you find that within Auburn? If not, what are your other options? </p>

<p>The truth is (don’t get mad) despite your belief that your parents owe you your dream school because of your hard work, they don’t. As a parent, I am shocked about how much college is going to cost us, despite my ds’ hard work. We keep talking about fit but it’s also the fitness of the financials. We might look like we are doing well to our kids, but with the recession, we are just getting by. As a parent (and this is my advice to you), I would respect a non-confrontational discussion with my kid where they could present the final COA (including the merit scholarships you earned) for each school along with the merits of each school. I’m sure your parents want you to be happy (because happy kids do well in school and graduate on time!) but they also don’t want to have to sell a kidney! Good luck!</p>

4

<p>*She threatens that, “You won’t be able to take out 70,000 dollars a year!” which is null anyways, because I have offers for at least half tuition from several other universities…</p>

<p>*</p>

<p>That $70k number and your “half tuition” amount ARE IRRELEVANT. The fact is that with a half tuition scholarship, you still would have to come up with about $35k per year for most privates. YOU CAN’T borrow that much either.</p>

<p>As a freshman, you can only borrow $5500. That’s not going to get you far with a half tuition scholarship.</p>

<p>You will NOT be able to borrow enough to go elsewhere without your parents assistance. Period. You have to accept that facto</p>

<p>Since you are a NMF, there are probably other schools that will give you the same deal.</p>

<p>BTW…I know that you’re disappointed with your parents…but even going to Auburn won’t be free. Your scholarship doesn’t cover your meal plan and it doesn’t cover their honors Super Suites. It also doesn’t cover books. Your parents will still have to pay some money…if that’s your concern.</p>

<p>What is your major and career goal?</p>

5

<p>This is something new to me! </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>The fact that your parents went so far as to hire the above listed experts should tell you that they are doing everything they can to help you achieve your NON-Auburn dreams. Sometimes the finances just don’t work out. Please don’t assume that your parents are “unwilling” to spend the extra money - it may be that they are unable to or that it simply is not a wise financial decision. In this economy - all financial decisions need to be well thought out.</p>

<p>Auburn’s honor program has a fabulous reputation…</p>

6

<p>In a way I know that these are somewhat empty threats because I will get, at least in part, some money from my parents. However, it seems that they don’t want me to have debt in the future (because the loans would not be in their names anyways).</p>

<p>Financially, I know that they’re doing well. 250,000 dollars a year approximately as my father has just gotten a promotion to Vice President. In part, because my mother is relatively selfish (in my eyes anyways), she is unwilling to give up some of her luxuries (handbags, shoes, expensive vacations) for my well being.</p>

<p>I don’t feel like I “deserve” my dream school just because I work hard, but I DESERVE to make my own decisions about my future. And, in my opinion, it is a waste for me to go to a school that I despise and have to figure out how to transfer. I know that Auburn is not a good fit for me as I am a north-east type of girl who likes being in a more urban area and the programs at the school are very important to me. I’ve done plenty of research/visits and I know what works for me; Auburn just does not work out. Not meaning that it’s a bad school, just that it isn’t right for me. Same with Vassar–the location and environment were not a good fit for me, and just because it has good academics/relative prestige does not mean I should attend. Similarly, just because they give me a lot of scholarship money does not mean I should attend Auburn.</p>

<p>Thanks, I’ll try a rational discussion, perhaps with my father as my mom is not a very “rational” person.</p>

7

<p>Try contacting Fordham and see if they’ll give you their full-tuition scholarship for NMFs.</p>

8

<p>“That $70k number and your “half tuition” amount ARE IRRELEVANT. The fact is that with a half tuition scholarship, you still would have to come up with about $35k per year for most privates. YOU CAN’T borrow that much either.”</p>

<p>I don’t mean that I think I CAN take out the $35k, I mean that she was wrong about me having to take out 70k a year…she was largely exaggerating. The tuition at even the most prestigious private schools is around 35k. (Yes, I know that this does not include books/housing/etc.)</p>

<p>I know they want the best for me, but they are unfortunately unable to see things from my perspective which is rather disappointing.</p>

9

<p>First, I would strongly suggest you not say that you despise Auburn, even if you do. It’s not a good tone for a rational discussion.
Second, although you do have a right to have a big part in the decision, your parents also have a right to decide how much money they will give you for college. They also may know more about finances in general than you do, and probably want to make sure you don’t make any big mistakes this early in your life.
Your comments about your mother seem rather harsh. As a parent, I enjoy some luxuries too. Luxuries I earned, in part by giving up a lot earlier.
Your future does not depend on attending the ‘perfect school’. You need to sit down and chart out the real costs of all the schools that you might attend, then you can have a reasonable conversation with your parents.</p>

10

<ol>
<li><p>At least I’m being honest about it. Not that I despise the school in itself, but it isn’t a good fit for me, so I despise it <em>for myself</em>.</p></li>
<li><p>I recognize that, however they know little about the things I want in life and are, much of the time, unqualified to evaluate MY future decisions on the basis that they know me and what atmosphere will contribute to my success in university, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>You don’t know her, so…you may want to withhold your opinion in that respect, thanks. She used to have a bit of a shopping addiction, if you must know, and probably wastes a good deal of money on unnecessary items. It is a bit over the top at times.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Honestly, I am the type of person who feels guilty for asking for things, and I am NOT asking for my parents to pay for the whole of my college degree. I am willing to take out loans in my name (cosigned with parents obv. so that I can actually do that…) and deal with the ramifications. Additionally, I do have a college fund, and my family CAN afford to pay for a good chunk of my education plus scholarships that have accumulated. I’m not looking for the “perfect school”, and will probably NOT attend my dream school because of finances and the fact that I would feel too guilty. I am a realist, and have looked at costs, so I would prefer it if you wouldn’t assume what I do and do not know. Thanks.</p>

11

<p>ask your parents if their money is more important than your mental health.</p>

12

<p>I have seen some posts here where the students explained they would contribute X thousand dollars to attend a different school. They present a plan to their parents of how they would get the money through summer jobs, selling their stuff etc, local scholarships etc. When the parents realized how much the student was willing to contribute and sacrifice, they look at things differently. As many have suggested, you need to make some involved excel sheets to consider everything.</p>

13

<p>Thank you–I will definitely put together a formal presentation. I am more than willing to sacrifice time and money of my own in order to be able to have a say in where I go to school for the next four years. :-)</p>

14

<p>Which other Schools have you applied to that might also offer you full Tuition? </p>

<p>And if so, is there a School (offering full Tuition) that you feel would make a better “fit” academically and otherwise? </p>

<p>:)Here’s what you KNOW you’re up against… </p>

<p>You’ve got Parents who are willing to contribute towards the cost of your college education, but they are being financially sensible and are insisting you attend a University wherein you (nor they) will be straddled with 4 years of debt and its accompanying compounding interest. Aside from the stafford loan, the unsubsidized and PLUS loans available, are loans that only your Parents can obtain. </p>

<p>Full (or Half) Tuition cost is one thing. You’ve accomplished exceptional academic effort resulting in your being rewarded multiple merit Scholarships. CONGRATULATIONS are most definitely in order! I understand your feelings in regards to Auburn, and know you realize books, room & board, fees, labs, miscellaneous spending monies, insurance etc, at those other Schools are also factored into the total COA along with Tuition expense. So (for example) a School with a $35,000.00 Tuition/$50,000.00 COA…looks to your Parents like this: :(</p>

<pre><code> COA- $50,000.00
Example: Tuition- $35,000.00

                                            *(Half Tuition)- $17,500.00

                                           ______________________

                                          Difference: $32,500.00 per year

                                                             X's 4 =

                                                        $130,000.00 

                                                + Miscellaneous expenses 

                                                              so...

</code></pre>

<p>WHICH PARENT(S) DO YOU KNOW THAT WILL PAY THIS KIND OF $$$$ WITHOUT ANY HESITATION ?</p>

<p>:)Although you cannot be pleased to have to think about things this way, you must KNOW that your Parents have legitimate concerns. </p>

<p>Our economy is in a recession. Families who are fairing financially better than most are still fearful of over extending themselves. Don’t be angry or resentful about how much your Mother spends on herself (and PLEASE don’t mention your Parents personal spending habits during your discussions ) I’m sure you know not to do that ! </p>

<p>Present valid concerns/issues, mention academic data to support your arguements, and then give your Parents a reasonable chance to digest your unhappiness in attending Auburn. If there is another School that has offered you a full tuition merit scholarship, take a good look at that School and its academic standing, course offerings, location, statistics, and discuss with your Parents whether or not they might be more agreeable to considering your choice? </p>

<p>Remember be calm, respectful, and appreciative, and use the appropriate tone with your Parents at all times. You NEED THEM to help YOU afford your college education, and you are BLESSED that they are offering and willing to do so. </p>

<p>Take care !</p>

15

<p>Thanks. Looking at costs, half-tuition results in reasonable payment in my opinion. Especially as they were more than willing to pay my way through four years at UT Austin which would be approximately half of that cost, and I would be more than willing to work/take out loans in my name on the other half.</p>

<p>As for me talking about financial standing…honestly, this is a rather anonymous forum, so I don’t really have qualms about it. I’d rather be straightforward, especially as that is a problem that is pretty prevalent in paying for college.</p>

16

<p>Which other Schools have you applied to that might also offer you full Tuition? </p>

<p>And if so, is there a School (offering full Tuition) that you feel would make a better “fit” academically and otherwise? </p>

<p>:)Here’s what you KNOW you’re up against… </p>

<p>You’ve got Parents who are willing to contribute towards the cost of your college education, but they are being financially sensible and are insisting you attend a University wherein you (nor they) will be straddled with 4 years of debt and its accompanying compounding interest. Aside from the stafford loan, the unsubsidized and PLUS loans available, are loans that only your Parents can obtain. </p>

<p>Full (or Half) Tuition cost is one thing. You’ve accomplished exceptional academic effort resulting in your being rewarded multiple merit Scholarships. CONGRATULATIONS are most definitely in order! I understand your feelings in regards to Auburn, and know you realize books, room & board, fees, labs, miscellaneous spending monies, insurance etc, at those other Schools are also factored into the total COA along with Tuition expense. So (for example) a School with a $35,000.00 Tuition/$50,000.00 COA…looks to your Parents like this: :(</p>

<pre><code> COA- $50,000.00
Example: Tuition- $35,000.00

                                            *(Half Tuition)- $17,500.00

                                           ______________________

                                          Difference: $32,500.00 per year

                                                             X's 4 =

                                                        $130,000.00 

                                                + Miscellaneous expenses 

                                                              so...

</code></pre>

<p>WHICH PARENT(S) DO YOU KNOW THAT WILL PAY THIS KIND OF $$$$ WITHOUT ANY HESITATION ?</p>

<p>:)Although you cannot be pleased to have to think about things this way, you must KNOW that your Parents have legitimate concerns. </p>

<p>Our economy is in a recession. Families who are fairing financially better than most are still fearful of over extending themselves. Don’t be angry or resentful about how much your Mother spends on herself (and PLEASE don’t mention your Parents personal spending habits during your discussions ) I’m sure you know not to do that ! </p>

<p>Present valid concerns/issues, mention academic data to support your arguements, and then give your Parents a reasonable chance to digest your unhappiness in attending Auburn. If there is another School that has offered you a full tuition merit scholarship, take a good look at that School and its academic standing, course offerings, location, statistics, and discuss with your Parents whether or not they might be more agreeable to considering your choice? </p>

<p>Remember be calm, respectful, and appreciative, and use the appropriate tone with your Parents at all times. You NEED THEM to help YOU afford your college education, and you are BLESSED that they are offering and willing to do so. </p>

<p>Take care !</p>

17

<p>…Sorry, didn’t you just post this?</p>

18

<p>Sorry Kbell349…</p>

<p>The Mail Man just came to the door and delivered my Son’s Senior Class ring…:slight_smile: While we are talking about expenses… I’ve got some that are OCCURING right at this very moment…lol ! </p>

<p>So sorry for the double post. </p>

<p>Prepare a good proposal for your Parents and then try and stay positive and pleasant when dealing with them. I think once the dust settles, you’ll be at the College you’ll want to attend. It might be hard for your Parents to PAY for a School their child is 100% against attending. I suppose your folks just need to hear all of your valid concerns. </p>

<p>Let us know how it goes once you’ve had the talk? </p>

<p>MUCH MUCH success to you. Congratulations again !</p>

19

<p>Thanks, I appreciate it! Good luck to you too :-)</p>

20

<p>kbell:</p>

<p>I agree 100% with the advice you received from Moreover (post 12). It is very effective way of showing your commitment to your dream school. It shows that you are willing to sacrifice for your dream. As a parent, we love to see our kids take initiatives over things they feel strongly about. A few questions:</p>

<p>Are your parents set on Auburn strictly due to the scholarship or is their some other connection such as alumni status?</p>

<p>Have you found your “dream” college that fits all your criteria? If so, did they offer any scholarship money?</p>

<p>You have mentioned Auburn and UT, both large universities, and that your parents liked both. Do you also like a larger university? </p>

<p>One final thing, please do not equate family income and personal wealth. You never know how much debt is involved. My brother makes an ungodly amount of money but that does not stop him from calling me for loan every year. The recession added a lot of debt to everyone. Good luck with your search and I hope you end up someplace that will make you and your parents happy!</p>