<p>Laxtaxi, an evolution indeed! I was the one who did everything---and I mean EVERYTHING for the BS! Husband had only heard of Andover and Exeter..and didn't even know they were BS either. I can still remember his expression when I showed him the tuition...but ever since I literally dragged him on board, it really has been an evolution for him as well! Now he's talking about which bs to send d2 when I'm sitting here struggling with what's to come --- I think that part hasn't come to him yet.</p>
<p>While this is the Parents' Cafe, I will add my two cents as an uncle. Our family situation is thus: my niece (well, technically my partner's biologically, but we are both Uncles to her) is being raised by her elderly grandparents....As you parents can imagine, being young and having kids is hard enough (of course, immensely rewarding as well!), but taking care of a teenager for a couple in their late 70's and early 80's is even harder. My partner and I thought about having N move from state in NE to where we live, NYC, for high school to make life easier for grandparents. But, then there is the issue of where would she go to school? Very few public high schools in NYC are good, they require testing, we probably would have to prove that child was an NYC resident, etc. And next option, NYC day schools are almost as much as boarding schools. Also, some of them are K-12, so probably difficult to enter as 9th grader. Therefore, the idea of boarding school seemed like a good compromise. </p>
<p>What it offers: the opportunity for great classes, all types of diversity, and another huge key is the extracurricular activities. Your children will choose what they want to join, without you having to worry about driving them there, worrying about who will take care of the other children while you are running from soccer practice to piano lessons, then to the doctor's office, then to the market, then back home. Being full time parents is a LOT of work, and in all honesty, I am amazed how some of you do it. By your children going to boarding school (I don't like to use the word send - they have to WANT to go) you are opening SO MANY opportunities by letting them go. By not keeping them back home just for your own sake, you are showing how great you are as parents. You are looking to find what is best for them, not what is best for you!</p>
<p>And in our family, partner uncle and myself did almost all of the work for the application process. Grandparents had agreed as best for child, and were of course supportive, but never seemed that into it....until this week, when acceptance and huge FA package arrived from Andover.</p>
<p>The next few months will be hard...knowing that your children will be going away from you (sometimes quite far). But, you are providing your children with a great thing! Keep up the good work.</p>
<p>I waved frantically and smiled as I drove off with one final, "I love you." And just like that, we were empty nesters and our only D began her life as a young BS student sans parents lurking overhead. She must have thought we were ready to let her go; we were not, I was not. My heart broke, I cried, there was a hole in my heart that I thought would never heal, I got through the day in a zombie-like state, and I wondered why I (we) ever let her go. I dreamt of bringing her back home, of tucking her in bed, of seeing an unmade bed and dirty clothes on the bathroom floor. I was certain I'd bring her home after my first visit...surely by then she'd be ready to come home. So a month into BS, we visited. There she was, walking quickly toward us, huge smile on her face, "Momma!!! Poppa!!!" Ah, there she was our little girl, ever the same and yet somehow different. Where there was once a hesitation there was none, she was still her but ever so much more confident, poised and self assured; she was happy, I was proud (we were proud). The hole filled with pride and relief, this is where she belonged.
I did that same wave, the same smile, and, "I love you" again this year as I dropped her off to start her freshman year of college. No doubts anywhere, no fears at all.
Hang in there parents. If your S or D picks a BS with his/her heart, they will be fine and, because of it, so will you!!!</p>
<p>Halcyon, you just made me cry...</p>
<p>I'm speaking from the other end of the tunnel. My daughter is now 23. She went to BS as a high school junior. I NEVER thought BS would be in our family's plans, but our D was a talented musician who felt out of place at her local elite prep (girls) school. It was suggested that we look at Interlochen. When she and I visited, we fell in love with it. On that visiting weekend, the headmaster gathered all the kids and parents together in the auditorium. He spoke to the kids, but of course the parents were all ears. He told the kids that the very fact that they were sitting in that room meant that their parents were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, which was to hand over their most precious thing (no, not their money, he said), which was their children. He said it showed what a commitment we had to their art and education and how much we loved them. My daughter has never forgotten those words and still appreciates what we did for her by allowing her to go to Interlochen. Her maid of honor for her June wedding is her Interlochen roommate. I can not emphasize enough the strength of the relationships formed with peers and faculty. It is truly life-changing.
Same for WildChild. He bounced around a little, but had experiences that he will carry with him forever at ALL of his schools. The MAPL school from which he graduated I truly feel provided HIM (my son, my kid) the best education possible- in ALL areas- academic, athletic and moral. I wouldn't have put him in Exeter or Andover in place of where he went. This was the place FOR HIM. One minor drawback was that his freshman year at an Ivy League college did NOT provide him with the same intellectual and emotional sustenance as the prep school idd. Watch out for that.</p>
<p>BrooklynGuy, hats off to you and your partner. Your niece must be a very special girl and a lucky one, too, to have uncles like you.</p>
<p>Halcyon07, I am touched by what you wrote. I feel a hole in my heart already but it's comforting to know that the hole will be filled.</p>
<p>Linda, I should have added a few more points. It's not that I am arrogant enought to think those 'topt' schools are the only ones worth the trouble. As a matter of fact, here in the south, there are some great BS, including the one where I was a day student, and those schools are never mentioned on this site. Just as with colleges, there are many great schools below the Ivy League where kids go and excel. I think what I was thinking is that given the local choices of private schools some of us have, it's hard for me to buy into the BS concept unless it comes with great prestige for college admissions purposes and over the top academics. That view does ignore the fact that those schools are not best for every student and there is still much to gain from the others. My S would not be a fit at the largest BS's mentioned and would do better at the others just as yours did. Only a parent can know what is best for their child given the choices available.</p>
<p>Only a parent can know what is best for their child given the choices available.</p>
<p>Ay, there's the rub. Maybe only a parent knows what's best, but it doesn't mean every parent knows what's best! That's why I started this thread, and you've all been immensely helpful.</p>
<p>We have three choices: (a) remain at our town's public high school; (b) go to the local private school, 3 miles from our house, to which D was accepted; or (c) accept the slot at BS to which D was accepted (and/or hope to get off waitlist at comparable BS which D favors). </p>
<p>Driving D to school today as I do most every a.m. (I'm going to miss that!), we discussed her coming day. She was dreading science class. It appears that, in order to study "flowers", her science teacher is showing The Bee. Yes, the cartoon with Jerry Seinfeld. Three whole classes devoted to this movie. D is disgusted. Can I blame her for not wanting three more years of this mediocrity? it makes (a) easier to rule out. </p>
<p>(b) seems attractive, but I think it may be a compromise that is more about we parents than D. It's not a great private school - better than most in the area, but not great. I know families whose kids go there, and they are nice enough kids. Few, though, would qualify for acceptance at the schools to which D was accepted or waitlisted. But she'd still be home...</p>
<p>(c) which brings us here. </p>
<p>BTW when D started this drive to get us to allow her a BS education, we considered maybe we'd wait until 11th grade. Having read what I have on here, however, I can see that that is not a good option. It seems that it's harder to get an 11th grade slot because there are fewer spots and almost as many applicants. Is that true? I'd like to know so I can rule this out as a justification for keeping her home another year...</p>
<p>laxtaxi -- it won't get any easier to let her go next year, and she will miss an entire year of being part of the school community. I would suggest that you make the decision this year. A year of continued mediocrity might make the decision clearer, but it won't be easier to let her go.</p>
<p>From reading your post, I think you know the answer -- the BS is the best fit for her, given the other choices. But it is hard to let go! Draw up a list of the pros and cons for each school and do some comparisons, that will make it clearer. Go to the revisit days -- you will meet plenty of parents who are also worried about their children living away from home, but you will also see kids who are excited about the opportunities that only BS will give them.</p>
<p>laxtaxi - For 11th grade - typically fewer spots and fewer applications. BUT...also I think ny22 pointed out that those that do apply are typically much stronger applicants, so yes, it is harder to get in as the pool is much more compeitive even if it is smaller. Waiting would certainly be a crap shoot.</p>
<p>We actually had similar choices. We felt that the quality of education at the BS would be much greater than the other choices. For us, our son will only be an hour and a half away so we are lucky and plan to be able to go to his games and have him come home weekends when he wants. I know we will miss him, but it is an opportunity we can not pass up giving him. </p>
<p>HopefulDad - I think likely if we were in an area where there was a day school option like yours, we may be thinking more alike. Since we don't have that option, we have to look at what is available.</p>
<p>One thing that we learned that the education at boarding school happens around the clock. My son and a bunch of other "jocks" started a Friday night philosophy club in the dorm, believe it or not. There were frequent debates at dinners led by faculty members, and small group discussions at faculty homes. Reading the New York Times and the WSJ were encouraged. My kids were both at top private day schools in Dallas, but boarding school was a whole different level.</p>
<p>Another thought about 11th grade admissions...</p>
<p>The highly competitive schools use 11th grade (and PG's in some cases - particularly athletic) admissions to bolster programs (music, arts, athletics) where previous year's recruiting efforts have come up short or there has been turnover (creating the empty slots). These holes that need to be plugged are better served by proven upper classmen who can reinforce the quality of the program immediately, leaving the 9th and 10th grade slots for kids with promise.</p>
<p>And it is probably easier to do 10th at a boarding school and transfer back to the local day if not happy than vice-versa. You have a bird in the hand.</p>
<p>I would make whatever change I was going to make this coming year. From my experience, I should have put my foot down and moved him to ptivate before he started 9th grade. I caved in and now it's even harder to move him. We don't have to settle for what is local when our kids can handle the rigor of a better school. Many public school adminstrators I have talked to despise having to teach to the lowest common level of intellect. I would not gamble on space being available due to attrition. Also, by waiting a year, the student gets one year less benefit of the better school. Just my thoughts..</p>
<p>I wouldn't wait until 11th grade. That's usually a very intense year, in which the students produce the grades which the colleges will look at most closely. There's always an adjustment period, and it's better to get that out of the way earlier in the high school career.</p>
<p>I have been following this thread since it was thankfully started. Also, I have been part of this virtual community since the early fall, when our very small but extremely close family started the indebt research of BS. Well, the acceptances are here and the choice is looming. My question for everyone, in the couple of visits to each school, one for the interview and the other for revisit, how do we get to know the feel of the campus and student body? Oddly enough, my D walked away from one campus and said she liked the vibe more than the other. My wife and I were a bit surprised because we thought she would say just the opposite. My concern is there is not enough time built into the formal visits to really get a feel for each school. During our visits, it is obvious that the schools are putting on their best. So I even wonder if we are seeing reality. We all are convinced that our D will get the best possible education and experiences for her by attending a BS. But it is close to a crap shoot to pick the right one. This is why I spend so much time researching each school and reaching out to current students and parents for input.</p>
<p>There's a good chance that there isn't just one "right one". Your daughter could easily thrive at a number of schools. If the schools are similar, let her make the choice. If you are picking between a Culver-type and Exeter, there may be some other considerations. All you can do is do your homework!</p>
<p>Our PLAN is to let her choose. This works for my Wife and I because we don't think she can go wrong with her choices. The major issue we (my Wife and I) are having is my D's favorite is a BS a plane ride away and our favorite is a BS 2 hour drive away. Big difference. </p>
<p>I am a bit more neutral than my Wife. Her words say one thing but her body language says another. I just hope that our D does not try to please us with her choice and subconsciously sacrifice her true desires. She has pleased us for 14 years and counting. It is time for her to make a large decision for herself this time.</p>
<p>FatherofonlyD - although it is true that the schools do put on a bit of a dog and pony show during revisits, your daughter will get to meet and speak with a lot of the kids, attend some classes, etc. Different schools really do have a different vibe which I think ends up coming through even though they are trying to put their best foot forward. The most important thing is for everyone to go into the process with an open mind.</p>
<p>As for wanting the choice to be your daughters, and not wanting to unconsciously influence her in a particular direction - I can sympathize with your dilemma. When my son applied last year, one of his top choices was my alma mater, another was a school that was closer, and that his mother liked more. We both did our best to let him know that he was the person who was going to be spending the next four years at whatever school he chose and that ultimately, what was most important to us is that he ended up being happy where he was.</p>
<p>P.S. He ended up going to my alma mater and seems to be really thriving.</p>
<p>prpdd - Your situation sounds very familiar. I just pray that we (the parents) can provide just the right amount of input and guidance that will help our D make the best choice. At the same time I hope we will be able to get that "vibe" from the school that she chooses. At a minimum we need to have that feeling of security of leaving our D in their hands. And when I say best BS for D, I mean picking the school that she really loves and is excited about. An excitement that will last for at least 4 years. </p>
<p>I am very interested to see how this will all work out in the end. My D wants to fast forward to April 10th. I tell her, it is rewarding as a parent to watch her grow through this decision making situation. Funny thing is, BS is giving her/us this incredible learning opportunity even before we choose a school. </p>
<p>PS -> Months ago, we all agreed that our D could make this decision and that it would be her "first" big official decision that will effect the rest of life. She was excited. Now, I am not sure if that same excitement exist. I response "...welcome to the real world..." :-)</p>
<p>fFther of only D: my son is choosing to go to BS 8 hour drive or more likely Southwest flight away rather than attend the fine boarding school he was admitted to 2 hours away. We have totally justified our son's decision despite the physical distance,inconvenience and cost. Furthermore, I am leaning away from revisiting his 3 options, and just visiting his number one choice to ask questions and meet other students. How important are these revisits if your child is 99% sure?</p>