We can all go with HiMom 
http://www.amawaterways.com/ships/amasonata
@ksm â Iâm so sorry youâve reach this point, another fork in the road involving difficult decisions and transitions. You were smart to hire someone to keep an eye on her, as suspending your own life until sheâs settled isnât good for either of you. Though she may never realize it, you are doing the right thing.
Fang, what a fabulous time youâre having. Biking through beautiful parks â for you, what could be better?! So glad there are things for your mom to do as well. It sounds magical for all of you.
Hah! Love how so many on this thread need a vacation. Saw all the new posts and worried it could be bad news.
Good for you, CF. I wish I had taken my now deceased mother on a âtrip of a life timeâ, but her health failed before there was much flexibility in my life. We do build in some fun experiences with our now adult kids.
ksm- I moved my father to memory care when he needed it, yet was with it enough to wonder if he belonged with people who were very confused. My line to him was everyone there receives the care they need, just like in AL, where some use walkers and others donât. I talked about what he would be getting out of the experience. At the time of the move, it was the ease of built-in socializing, as he could no longer keep track of plans and schedules. (Not to mention the peace of mind it brought me.)
All the best with the transition.
The cabins are pretty big, for a cruise. Each room has a mini-balcony just big enough for two chairs. . The documentation says the rooms are 210 to 235 sq ft.
Many thanks! Youâve said your mom has spent much of her time on the ship - it looks like the line offers various levels of activity on the walks/tours. My mom can handle up to a mile at a time, slowly. Will she be able to take advantage of the tours? Given the expense, I think this one will just be me and her, but I look forward to some trips with mom and my whole family as it grows, hopefully, with three 20-30 something currently unmarried kids!
CF - oh gosh, Iâm just drooling with envy! Good for you! Whatâs the average age on the cruise? Iâd love to do something like this but am concerned Iâd be the youngest by decades.
Iâd say most people are in their sixties. Average age probably high sixties. Weâve heard that people on the longer cruises are okder.
CF glad you have tulips to enjoy and hope all stays fun fun fun.
I just got back from a trip to see my Mom, was supposed to be a trip to see new cardiologist, but turned into a nursing trip as she had a relapse from the flu. Lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. And was dehydrated and unable to stand. But with enough 7Up and pedialyte, got her on her feet enough to wheel her to breakfast before I left. Really really scary to see her so skinny though.
I didnât take her to the Dr. ⊠thought hard about taking her to hospital for an IV, but I hate to put her through all that. so just got her to drink more.
Dr. said it was not uncommon for elderly to lose that much weight all at once!! ??? I was surprised, but he didnât seem at all worried for it.
And a tip I didnât know was the AL place is able to put in a temporary order to do stuff (like walk her to meals and get her to drink more) so I didnât have to up her level of care right now. The temporary order is while she is ill, so maybe we will have to up the care anyway, but maybe sheâll get back on her feet.
eso, regarding the weight loss, my frail father had very little muscle mass from the waist down, and any time in bed or the hospital would result in losing what little tone he had. A doctor once told me that for every day he spent in the hospital, heâd need a week in rehab. I donât know if that kind of quick loss of muscle translates to weight loss, but itâs something you could ask about for your mom. Factor in two weeks of taking nothing in, and 10 pounds doesnât seem too far-fetched.
Aunt fell againâ3rd incident in past month. Sheâs in cardiac unit at hospital and had recent heart attack. She is 92. She lay slumped over shower/bath probably 14+ hours and was found because she had MD appt and didnât answer her friendâs 10 phone calls.
She hasnât been regularly taking her Rx because virtually NO short term memory. Her S is flying in tomorrow and should be talking with med social worker and case mgr. Her 90 year old brother says she needs long rehab, but who knows? As far as I know, no word from her retired D who lives a 5+ hour plane ride away.
Aunt seemed very cheered that S would be visiting, but kept forgetting and was surprised and pleased every time she heard it in our short 40 minute visit.
On the + side, she did remember name of my H and my BIL (theyâve been married to me and sis for over 20 years), so longer term memory seems much better than short term.
3 years ago when she fell and lay for hours before being found and hospitalized, her kids were told how dangerous it was for her to continue to live alone. Briefly, she had someone come in 2 hours/day, but fired her. She also got a medic alert type bracelet that you could push the button to get help or it would sense when you fell. No idea why this wasnât used or effective or discontinued?!?! We donât want to overstep, but thus is NOT a good or safe situation.
Ugh, HImom. It sounds like itâs past time to override her wishes and get her into supervised care. Not your responsibility, but perhaps a bug could be put into your cousinsâ ears? It should now be obvious even to them that she can no longer care for herself or make good decisions for herself.
Sounds like she needs either supervised care in a facility, or aides in her home.
Yes, her S will arrive sometime tomorrow. She told my sisters who had separate visits hours later that my sisters were the only visitors. She had no memory of my visit with her earlier that day, with dad, her only surviving Sib! It is ok if she forgot H and me, but NOT her brother and SisIL.
My dad has been telling her S for years that it isnât safe for her to live alone, but really her S and D need to step up and take action. I know they donât want to deal with this, but its really unreasonable to keep expecting her to be rescued, and it may he too late next time.
Have not heard that her D has made any plans to visit her mom. Sadly, aunt and her kids really arenât that close. They live in CA (from when they left for college &never looked back) and she in HI. They rarely visit her and she rarely visits them, even when she was healthier and traveling.
Well, am picking up my cousin from the airport. I plan to talk with him about some of the available resources he may wish to consider. He has to talk with the medical social worker and the case manager, who work M-F. He has to come up with some plan beyond the short term and quick fix. He also has to have some arrangement so aunt canât just decide to fire someone if she doesnât want people in her home.
I need to also try to get dad to agree to call 911 and get an ambulance if he finds his sister unconscious or lying on the ground again. To me, itâs too dangerous for dad and aunt for him to be trying to pick her up and move her. He could injure his 90-year-old self and/or her 92-year-old body. He really isnât a young man any more and sheâs dead weight when sheâs unconscious.
HImom- Hope your aunt can get appropriate care. Continuing home care sounds like a low likelihood of success.
You are correct that picking up someone who is frail and has fallen, without appropriate medical training, can be dangerous to both parties. Also, calling 911, getting medical people involved and her children contacted by hospital tends the immediate concerns and validates the need for other arrangements. What is that Einstein quote about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
Best to you all.
True, travelnut.
HImom, I canât look back right now, but IIRC sheâs in the hospital? If so, and if theyâre informed that she canât care for herself and has no one who can care for her (sorry, but another nonagenarian doesnât count as an adequate caregiver), then I think theyâre prohibited by law from sending her home. Maybe they could be so informed. 
Yes, sheâs in the hospital. Her attorney S is there as well. She was interviewed by the case manager and insisted she wants to go home. The case manager wants to send her home. I told the S that he canât let her go there or heâll be stuck and suggested he call my BIL immediately, since my BIL had to deal with frail parents who also wanted to go home, even tho it wasnât safe for them to do so. He got them placed in a intermediate care facililty & then got them some care in their home.
The S is planning to fly back to his home on Thursday. Iâd be surprised if much gets settled by then. When he was talking with the case manager, I reminded him AND her that they need the next placement and what happens after that. My aunt USED to be able to walk and function OK. She can not walk right now and is easily connfused about whatâs going on and even where she is. The S says he will have his S (the grandS) come down and have a visit with granny (canât see how that is in any way helpful to the situation). The S also says he will be back.
I told her S that aunt is NOT allowed to drive per the MD due to her heart attack & her S agrees. I told him he has to take her keys and do whatever is necessary to be sure she doesnât drive any more, or itâs on his head if she kills someone. (She has been an awful driver for a long time already but he just said he couldnât stop her from driving & my dadâher brotherâsaid the same thing.)
Fortunately, only the S and the D (both living in CA) have durable power of attorney and my dad (auntâs bro) does NOT, so he has no standing in any decisions.
So the case manager understands how poorly sheâs doing at home and wants to send her home anyway? Wow.
Iâm sorry. This is so frustrating for you, and youâre powerless to help.
Yes, her 2 CA kids have power of Atty and show no interest in an appropriate placement for her. Really sad. Her home is worth 7 figures but they donât want to use any of that for her safety or comfort and just say she just wants things to be the way they are (which she does), but its obviously VERY unsafe.
Did warn my bro to call 911 and have ambulance move her next time, in case she gets paralyzed or had hidden injuries, so he isnât blamed. Bro seemed to accept that rationale.
It is really awful, as her S and D knew sheâs not safe alone since her fall 3 years ago but just shrug and say sheâs stubborn! #%&! Argh!
HIMom- Is she a candidate for a skilled nursing rehab stay? That could be a way to see if PT, consistent medication administration, time, monitoring, etc. could make a difference. Additionally, it puts professional eyes on the situation while buying time for more thorough after-care planning. The level of help required to navigate her days would be documented and could help designated reps step up to create a viable plan. Medicare covers up to 21 days after a qualifying 3 night hospital stay and many elders have a Medi-gap policy that covers significant additional time. I realize this may have already been considered, but raise it just in case. Her immediate family sounds unlikely to rise to the occasion.
I have friends who simply decided to take their soon to be discharged relatives for a walk in the unit. When standing and any ambulation were marginal, they communicated this to staff, citing safety concerns. It was off to skilled nursing. Family members should not assume a thorough assessment of potential pitfalls has been done just because discharge is recommended.
All the best. Sad when the tail wags the dog.