I did hire someone just to come to my mothers home to talk with her for an hour daily. They played cards. It worked for about a year but then her dementia got worse and she became paranoid and refused to open the door. I also called her daily to talk.
@rockymtnhigh2 I hope I didn’t sound like I was implying that that would prevent dementia or that people weren’t talking to their parents. It was more of a separate random observation that just struck me yesterday.
How nice that you did that for your Mom. I am sorry that you went through all that. Many , many strong caring parents on this thread. I think many of you are handling all this much better than I could. My Mom is doing well right now ,but I am nervous for the future.
In England they have appointed a "minister for loneliness " citing it has a health risk.
My mother claims she would be content to be home, alone, most of the time. Reading and watching the Food Network and reruns of British tv shows fill her days. She has never been a terribly social creature - she and my father were joined at the hip. Now that he’s gone, however, my sisters and I worry that she needs more social contact than she even knows. So, we each call every day, and I suspect that adds up to about 1-2 hours of conversation a day. Our local sister stops by at least 4/7 days a week and takes her to the store, or out to lunch or dinner. Now that she lives in an apartment that is actually part of a hotel, she at least sees the front desk staff each day when she goes to get her mail. I think she could use more social stimulation, but its really hard to, as they say, teach an old dog new tricks. For now this works…we’ll see as things go forward.
She will be 86 in May and is physically quite remarkable for someone who has been dealing with cardiac issues (major heart attack when she was 38) for what seems like forever. Our middle sister did arrange for a local pharmacy to work with her doctors and provide her meds in blister packs, separated into morning and evening doses. It’s much easier and takes away the stress of knowing that one of us needs to fill the little boxes weekly. It also eliminates the possibility of her dropping the boxes and not being able to refill them accurately. Another thing she fought us on because it meant acknowledging she was no longer able to safely do what she had done for years, but even she admits now that it makes her life so much easier and we feel that she is safe. As my father used to say, there’s nothing golden about the golden years but it’s better than the alternative! I think the key is introducing those things that can make life easier for all, and safe for the senior in a way that doesn’t diminish their self-worth and self-confidence if they are still able to understand what’s going on. It’s not an easy journey, and my heart goes out to all who are dealing with the more stressful end of this spectrum.
My mother was perfectly happy alone, reading and watching TV until she was close to 90. I went on a cruise and had somebody here with her all the time (I go to work every day) and she enjoyed being coddled; when I suggested that the same person come three times a week, she was ready for it and then we graduated to five days a week. She was still “alone” because the person knew her and didn’t stay in her space all the time. She enjoyed the company more than she was willing to admit.
techmom99 it is hard to find info on vascular dementia. My brothers, kids and I all feel hers is progressing very very rapidly. This past weekend she forgot it was Easter and when I called from NY that night could not remember a single thing she did. She called me 6 times this morning as I drove back home, three of them with the same question. She asked me to come over for something and forgot what it was. Etc.
I took over bills and so on some weeks ago. When I visited today she was at her desk mulling over her checkbook again- my 5 days absence caused a relapse! I have taken almost all the papers out of her AL apartment and grab each piece of mail as it comes in. If she doesn’t see things, she doesn’t fret.
I have power of attorney and her bank card. I do have her sign checks but I make them out. I am legally allowed to sign them so may do that soon too.
I explain to her that it is not necessary to balance her checkbook. People of that generation are really stuck on this. I do list every check written for her, but it is easier to just get the balance at the ATM than add it all up!
I am requesting an echocardiogram and PRN Lasix for her heart.
The appointment with neurologist to discuss things.
Maybe hospice at some point.
And buying fake gin to mix in!!!
Any good books or articles on vascular dementia?
I am not so much “struggling” as seeking info.Techmom99 the end stage catatonia must have been awful. I wonder if that is typical. Sorry for what your family went through.
The books, in my experience, tend to be not specific for any particular dementia and focus more on Alzhemer’s as it’s more common. Rate of cognitive decline tends to be faster than Alzheimer’s and be what we call a “stairstep.” There is a decline but evens out until the next TIA comes. But many with Alzheimer’s have a vascular component like my dad, who had at least one hemorrhagic stroke as a complication of his Alzheimer’s (cerebral amyloid angiopathy). The type of cognitive decline really depends on the part of brain is effected.
Thanks GTalum. I spent a few hours with my mother today who wasn’t doing well at first and was very tired and confused. I basically MADE her go down to exercise class downstairs in her AL. She was gasping for breath on the way down and I worked with her to relax and stop gasping, which actually triggers asthma.
Anyway she stayed for the whole class!!! She was pretty uncoordinated so I sat next to her and demonstrated the moves and in three cases physically moved her arms in the pattern they were doing. She wants to go back!!! I think her competitive spirit was awakened for a few minutes there.
They had “brain games” afterward and she moved up to a front chair. Everyone made words out of a chain of letters on the board and she was totally lost. She made a face and I got her out of there fast! Stick with exercise class!
She has not left her chair during the day time in about two months so this was big.
Not helpful to anyone else but I was so happy about it I am posting it 
ps we are no longer able to see the stair steps- it has apparently turned into a slide!!
I have never heard of vascular dementia but have heard about multi-infarct dementia, which is caused by a series of small strokes and often stair-steps. Could these be similar?
Yes calla1, it is the same. My dad will stair step in his decline. He seems particularly cognitively impaired, seems to get better, only to repeat the cycle again, each time being worse.
Good for you @compmom - lack of motivation from my parents was the most frustrating part of their disease.
@veruca- no problem, no offense taken!
Oh geez, I measured my mother’s jigger that she has used for years to measure gin for her two drinks. She has always said the jigger is two ounces but it is FOUR!!! She is having 8 oz. of gin every night in the space of about 45 minutes tops, followed in two hours by Lunesta. Good heavens. This sheds a new light on not being able to get up in the morning. Now I have to look up Korsakoffs!!
AL talked detox again today and want to meet about showers. Her propensity for falling is behind their concerns- liability. She refuses help with showers.
Large liquore store did not have non-alcoholic gin so going to order and start reducing amount of real gin slowly.
Oh, my that’s a lot of gin. She must be pretty tough to have managed that much all these years. I had never heard of non-alcoholic gin, but am continually amazed at the lengths posters on this thread go to lovingly care for their sometimes very challenging elders.
When mil wanted a gin and tonic, we just served her tonic with a lime slice. Since gin doesn’t have a strong taste (to me, at least,) she didnt realize it was missing. Maybe you put (flat?) tonic in the gin bottle?
Alcohol can interfere with so many meds.
@compmom -
Here are a couple of basic articles on Vascular Dementia. My aunt had hypertension from a young age. I just started taking high blood pressure meds myself so I am now worried about it. She may also have had some TIA’s. We didn’t autopsy her so we’ll never know what the condition of her gray matter was. Doesn’t matter, I miss her every day, more so than either of my parents.
https://www.alz.org/dementia/vascular-dementia-symptoms.asp
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vascular-dementia/symptoms-causes/syc-20378793
Thanks very helpful…
Wow @compmom that is a lot of gin! Certainly that is a contributing factor to the dementia as well as to her bleeding so much with the coumadin. It’s also difficult to control blood pressure with someone drinking a lot of alcohol. Wishing you much luck with this.
On a good news front, my sisters and I completed the sale of my mom’s condo this afternoon. She is so excited to be free of that responsibility and watching her enjoy her rented apartment makes me think I’m ready to be free of the burdens of home ownership sooner rather than later.
@compmom, that IS a lot of gin! Will you have to slowly replace with the non-alcoholic stuff? I would think she would go in to DT’s if you cut her off. My mother was accustomed to 2 mg of Ativan over the course of a day, and when she got agitated in the hospital one of the doctors or nurses said she might be having some withdrawal issues, but the cardiologist said she thought it was a stroke. They did agree that it could be a combination.
We are definitely concerned about withdrawal. She just fell again! Her cardiologist is doing tests and may hospitalize her. That might be an opportunity. Last time in the hospital they had to give her Xanax. Runnersmom I sold my house and got rid of most of my stuff and live it!