My brother and I took my mother to Vermont because my brother has acquired what used to be her second home and is renovating it. We had her look over some stuff that belongs to her (she was not up to this really so I made decisions). My brother bought her two nips of gin because she looked for gin in the house and there wasn’t any. Nips are 1.691 oz (liquor store told me!). First drink, she got tipsy, slurred speech, wobbly, and emotional but in a positive way. Second drink, worse. Then she lost count and wanted what she said was her “second.” We told her she had had two and we didn’t want to give her a third. She became vicious, telling us she wished she had different children and none of us cared etc. We tried distraction, explanation again of how it was her third (to no avail) and finally I had my brother put water over the ice and gin residue and she was satisfied with that. Quick change back to friendly because she didn’t remember being angry. This was like being in a tornado.
We are both shaken. Granted, being in a different environment and tired etc. might have played a role.
There doesn’t seem to be much help with this problem. I am going to try a respected psych. hospital’s geriatric unit for advice. Or maybe AA?
Clearly the alcohol is making dementia worse. Plus Lunesta, that covers half her 24 hour days.Not good.
Right now I am bringing her gin again, diluted 2 parts gin, one part water, moving toward 50-50. She isn’t noticing. I KNOW of course she has issues with measuring and remembering how many she has had. Objectively, she is NOT capable of dealing with alcohol in her room. We also witnessed her craving for more and more.
The time it takes to go through a bottle would seem to indicate she is having 4 oz a night. That is more than 2 drinks via the jigger I bought her but better than the 7-8oz she was having months ago. But too much.
Now, if I don’t bring it to her and she has none, she calls us 20 times a day and cannot have any conversation other than about gin. She gets angry and relationships with everyone tank. She goes into other residents’ rooms (sometimes with their consent after the fact, sometimes with them there) to get gin. She makes scenes in the pub.
With the gin in the room, she is pleasant, leaves other residents alone, doesn’t call, but stays in her room more- and falls. Yes, she has had one fall - no wounds- since I resumed bringing the (now watered down) gin.
I think abstinence would be easier. Would she forget about drinking the same way she forgot about nicotine gum? In the hospital she never mentioned it.
The problem is, that all AL’s have pubs and also residents drink in their rooms.
I cannot explain to her that she has dementia and her friends don’t. I have tried in a roundabout way. She has no idea she has such extensive problems (she says it is normal aging). There is no way to explain why only she cannot drink in her room.
Sorry to vent but this goes around in circles. Our goal has been to keep her in her apartment. I considered living with her, as I have said on here, but not a good idea. I am going to start looking at memory units because abstinence is possible there. More money and she would lose her apartment and friends.
Ugh. At a loss.