My dh’s father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly this morning. He seemed to have really improved after his shunt procedure, and we were scheduled to arrive for a visit in six days. I’m unclear of the sequence of events. Taken to hospital in ambulance. Had back spasms and a cough yesterday. We spoke via phone to the doctor - sil is local and met them at he hospital. They had stabilized him, but doc said survival chances were slim. He died an hour later. Doc had said PE, pneumonia, and cardiac arrest. Lungs were filled with fluid and blood. I’m wondering if the PE triggered the cardiac arrest??? Thought he had perhaps aspirated into his lungs from the cardiac arrest.
I’m now thankful I moved heaven and earth that make graduatiton work.
After reading all that everyone deals with on this thread, I think his manner of death was merciful. Doc told sil he would have definitely had brain damage from oxygen deprivation.
Sorry if typos. I’m on my phone as we are driving.
@Hoggirl sorry for you and your DH. While sudden deaths are not easy, it sounds like you (and he) may have been spared a long time of poor quality of life. Hope your DH is okay.
So sorry, @Hoggirl. In my experience, quick is a blessing, especially if the alternative is a further diminished life. May his memory be a blessing to your family and I applaud all you did to have him at graduation.
Thank you, all. This is such a caring and supportive community.
My dh is okay. I think he is stuffing a lot of emotions down right now. I’m sure it will be tough once he sees his mother and sister and our ds. Our ds was on extended travel in SE Asia prior to starting his job. Telling him was very hard. He has made the decision to curtail the last two weeks of his trip and fly back for the funeral. We drove about 10.5 hours today. About five more tomorrow.
I do think quick is a blessing. The hard part for dh was he was not able to say goodbye. I don’t think mil or sil did either, but at least we were there with him
I think in many ways, it’s better for the deceased not to linger for weeks to years in increasingly diminished state. Your H sounds like he was a very good son, @Hoggirl, as was your son a GS and you a DIL. Long goodbyes are overrated, imho.
Condolences to you and your family, @Hoggirl. A faster exit has its challenges, yet the protracted ones can be stressful and exhausting. Smooth travels and best to all.
So sorry Hoggirl. I feel like the possible death of our loved ones is never real until it happens. And it is a shock. Good luck with all that you have before you this week.
Sorry for your family’s loss @Hoggirl. The manner of his death was a blessing. I’m dealing with the 7th year of my parent’s dementia and I always hoped for a quick end to their and frankly my own suffering. My son did a 7 month SE Asian excursion between jobs as well. Unfortunately, he headed home via Australia and in Sydney for over 2 years now.
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss, @Hoggirl . You were a very good daughter in law. And I agree with the others that the quick passing was ultimately a blessing. I am sure he knew how loved he was.
I’ll join in. My dad is 80 and on oxygen. My mom is 77 and up until this summer was perfect shape and a go-getter and a caregiver. She started experiencing odd reactions this spring, starting with eczema, then what she thought was a dust allergy, then deciding she was sensitive to electricity. She always felt prickly and couldn’t sleep. Spent a lot of time focusing on her symptoms and staying home and off the computer and TV. And not sleeping. Then she started severe anxiety attacks and some psychosis. But she wouldn’t take anxiety meds because she’s a nurse and she knows things…On my dad’s 80th birthday she really broke down with shaking and yelling episodes and those now come and go. She feels evil spirits and fears for her salvation and ours. It’s so sad and has to be terrifying for her. She’s always been super strong in her faith and helped so many people. I took her for the weekend and to a neuropsychologist Monday and the ER. She’s been in a mental health unit since Tuesday. She did go willingly after getting used to the idea for a few minutes. I’m just worried about how long she’ll get to stay and what if she is not able to live at home after she is released.
If anyone has any mental health success stories I would be glad to hear them! My niece with a Masters in Psychology saw her this weekend and said a lot of this is typical and can be fixed. Yesterday was not a good day for Mom.
My dad is finding out he can do a few things for himself as long as we keep him supplied with food. He’s glad to get full nights of sleep without her there, and to use the computer and watch the Cardinals. I always hoped Mom would be able to take care of him as long as he needed it but now he’s the easy one.
I have 3 siblings but I am the nearest and I work in the town they live in. Was sure glad to have my sister with me through all this though.
Wow @bjscheel So much to deal with. But, I don’t share your niece’s assessment this is “typical.” I’m sure your mom will be tested for things such as a urinary tract infection and med reactions. For older folks who have such a reaction, I worry about Lewey Body dementia, but you would likely see tremors associated with this. Any bipolar history in the family? Some older folks have had bipolar symptoms all their life, but mild so that nobody notices. And then with age, they may start having mania. This might be the best case scenario as it’s treatable. If it is a stress reaction to care giving duties, she will likely be able to return home to live but will not be able to assume her previous care giving tasks and will need help.
My first recommendation is talk to your dad about getting power of attorney. Both durable and medical so you can make decisions for your parents. I’m glad you have a supportive family.
@GTalum@rosered55 Thanks. I work in a law office and fortunately they have durable and medical POAs done. She has had a CT scan, MRI, two urine tests, blood work twice (and sample sent to Mayo). All came out normal. I just looked up Lewy Body dementia and it has some similarities, not all. She doesn’t have trouble with body movement. A doctor is supposed to call me sometime and I can ask about it. I guess today was good, Pastor’s wife and some of my family had a good visit.