With my mother and aunt, once they were placed on hospice, they became the insurance provider for medical and prescription drugs, I don’t know if that is different from state to state. I also have a funny hospital bed story. My aunt passed away last December in her home. In August, I got a call from a medical device provider that hospice notified them to pick up the bed and the oxygen! Needless to say, they were picked up the week following her death and the house is empty and up for sale!
So the long term care facility is trying to not let us move my grandma in with her sister. They think she is too old. They are pressing us to put her in a nursing home which makes no sense. They asked us ,” well how does the 92 year old cook and take care of the house ?” I said , the same way you and I do!” In fact,her house is cleaner than mine.
My grandma has the beginning of some dementia, but not Alzheimer’s. Her sister always cooked and my grandma went downstairs to eat with her so that routine wouldn’t change. Her sister still drives and I’m comfortable with her driving. There is no way we can separate them, not at this juncture.
Funny story, when I was there last week great aunt says “are these your footies”? Me: yes, where did you find them?
Her: under the bed
Me: 
how did you see them under the bed?
Her: well don’t you clean from under your beds?
Lmao!!
When my mom is in the hospital the nurses and CNAs tend to shout at her, I assume because so many patients her age are hard of hearing. I try to let them know that she can probably hear them whispering in the hallway, no need to shout. It helps, usually.
@partyof5 Wow, the long term care facility is trying to keep her? She must be private pay. I’d be angry if I thought she was in a safe situation with her sister. It is a matter of quality of life.
@GTalum No she is not private pay! And I want the social worker to butt out! We would never leave her if we thought she wasn’t in a good situation. My mother is prepared to take her back to Ohio but she doesn’t want to go. Removing her from her sister would probably be the beginning of the end for both of them. My great aunt is more than capable. Heck I had to fight her to let me wash dishes when I was there. She also cooked dinner for us.
@MomofJandL - understand about hard of hearing assumptions; this wasn’t the issue with my mother’s initial hospice nurse. She would hover over my frail mother and speak in a booming, yet sing-song voice, with a demeaning tone. No way to tone it all down. Visits were most unpleasant, so it was a question of fit.
travelnut that is the case with my mother’s hospice nurse. We have had only one visit so far. I tried to give some tips afterward,diplomatically, but I got the sense the nurse’s ego was a priority. Question: how long did you watch the mismatch before you switched to another nurse?
We have seen 3 hospice nurses so far (last night at 11 one came over for pain mgmgt.). They were all fantastic. Just don’t see a fit with the one regularly assigned.
For all those who helpfully described the option for “board and care homes” in the past, I have now realized that in my state they are called “rest homes.” Smaller, more personal, less expensive- and a dying breed.
@compmom - I would maybe wait to see if the nurse adjusts her bedside manner with your mom on her next visit. If not, call the nurse case manager and tell her you don’t think it’s the right fit for your mom. They should easily be able to shuffle case loads unless there is only one nurse who is assigned to that facility. In that case, it may be trickier.
Yes, @compmom that is similar. In my area I had to search for “personal care” or “family care” home. But, I do have to say, especially with some recent price increases, not really less expensive to make it sustainable. Certainly more expensive than the local assisted living situations. But, it’s a niche market for someone who needs more monitoring than in an assisted living, but does not have the physical needs of a nursing home.
Fit is temporarily not relevant. I called hospice at 11pm the other night because my mother was in agonizing pain and codeine didn’t touch it. They trained me on giving sublingual morphine with syringe, after mixing with Ativan. What a relief to have these tools!!
Yesterday my mother slipped while sitting on the edge of the bed and the AL called 911. I intercepted EMT’s taking her to ER and signed a form refusing transport. So I appreciate hospice support in educating the AL NOT to call 911- certainly not for a harmless bump on the butt but for some really bad stuff that could happen too.
Grateful for hospice right now. Personality matches will only matter in the good times, which will return and recede and eventually keep receding I’m afraid.
I made lists for what the aide and nurse can do each visit, enlisting my mother’s ideas. So now when she asks why they are there and says she doesn’t need them, they are showing her the list and telling her that those are things she said she needed help with!
GT in the article on MA rest homes, they tended to have Medicaid residents versus private pay AL’s.
@compmom - we had 3 or 4 visits before I requested a change. In addition to her manner, the hospice nurse also didn’t grasp my mother’s medication profile. I spoke with hospice’s Dr, who helped sort out the medication challenges, the first nurse was not able to connect all the dots, the second made it possible for me to be a daughter, rather than an add-on to the team. Much better. Of course, communication and some advocacy was part of my expectation, but nothing was sticking.
Have any of you experienced this with your elderly?
My father is 87 and slowly dying from cardiac issues - blocked arteries and he needs valve replacement - but is too weak for surgery. The new issue is a state is suspension between asleep and awake. It may take my mother as long as 20 minutes to wake him - not every day - either in the am or from a nap. Once he is awake, he will describe being able to hear her and being aware that this thing is happening again, but that’s about it. He says it’s like being lost in a fog or trance. He does not want any medical intervention and plans to discuss with his cardiologist at his next appt in 3 weeks - if he is still alive then.
Thoughts? Do any of you know what this is?
I don’t know the cause.
This sounds very distressing. Are you comfortable waiting for the appointment three weeks from now?
Yes. Discussed with sister and mother and we are in agreement. He does not want much of any treatment and does not want to be hospitalized. If he dies in his sleep at home, that would be a good outcome. I’m just wondering what these episodes are and what they mean.
I hope you find some helpful information, and I wish for a peaceful end of life for your dad, whenever it occurs.
It sounds a lot like my FIL. He’s on hospice doe to his heart valve issue - one is not working, so the other one has to do it all, and not well. His heart rate drops very, very low. He will fall off asleep or seems to be asleep at the drop of a hat, but isn’t really asleep. The cardiologist and palliative/hospice doctors say he’ll eventually die from it, but when is the question.
His dementia gets worse and he’s also bent over from scoliosis. It’s keep him comfortable and try to make it as easy as possible for MIL.
Question about marijuana! My husband’s 96 year old aunt is wracked with arthritis and is struggling to get around. She has tried opioids and some kind of patch, but they seem to not agree with her. And I know she’s extremely scared of falling.
I read an article in the newspaper about some elders using lozenges made with marijuana and claimed it helped. I assume it is medical marijuana, which I believe is legal in NJ. No idea what’s involved in getting them. I have no experience with it, so I’m wondering if we should encourage her to try it. Does it make a person unsteady?
Marijuana is available OTC in my state; I had a friend advise me and we started my mother on the tincture which she calls “calm juice.” It seems to help her stay a bit mellow and with pain. Its certainly worth a try.