@ams5796, may you and your mom find peace.
Thank you everyone for your kind words and hugs. I really appreciate that. I’m trying to pass the time and take it all one day/one hour at a time. @calla1 That’s interesting to hear the time frame. I was wondering how close we are to the end.
@ams5796 much peace to you and your mom. It’s hard to imagine, with your mother not eating and drinking, that she can last until next week. If she isn’t eating or drinking anything, it is typically no longer than 2 weeks.
What I’m seeing now, is the second time I am losing mom. I gradually lost her about 8 years ago to dementia. Because of this, I am surprised about how difficult this second loss is.
@GTalum -
I bought sweat pants from Modell’s for my aunt. She was very frugal and would have had a fit if I paid Land’s End prices for her to have pants to lie in bed with. She would have preferred me to take in her current pants as she lost weight but I don’t sew and taking them to the tailor would have cost more than new stuff at Mo’s.
Elderly parental loss indeed can be in stages from the dementia to the final chapter. MIL’s behavior is painful for H - he doesn’t deal well with ‘emotions’ as an engineer/geek type of guy. IMHO we are in for more difficulty with this final chapter.
@SOSConcern , I hope your in-laws can stablize and not cause too much grief, there is already enough of that.
@ams5796 I am sure you will be sad and still be ready for your mom to be at rest. There is nothing harder than the last month. Sending white light.
@GTalum I found lots of pull on pants at Marshalls in smaller sizes. Didn’t matter the color or construction because I only cared about soft and easy on. Mom couldn’t talk but she didn’t like one pair of legging because she finally communicated that she thought they were just long underwear and she didn’t want to wear them by themselves.
Here’s a guideline. It may give you an idea. https://www.ecfr.gov/cgi-bin/text-idx?rgn=div5;node=42%3A3.0.1.1.5#se42.3.418_120 See eligibility.
The initial 6 months diagnosis can be extended. The initial 6 months is a front end way of looking at the end of life path. Frankly, I never heard of the tables, above, though it’s not in my range of experience.
Some orgs will look more at palliative services, if the prediction is longer than 6 mo. And just to clarify, the facility isn’t a hospital. It’s an “in-patient unit” or IPU. Or IP facility.
I’m sorry, but not eating is one of the signs of end of life. It can be willfulness, but not solely.
Here’s the CMS link. https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/hospice-care
Yes, not eating is a end of life sign, which is why mom qualifies for hospice without any other specific end of life diseases or conditions. It’s not willful, she is just not interested. She is in better spirits in the 2 days hospice has been involved as the staff now don’t feel they need to push her to eat.
I’m thinking of scrub pants with a drawstring. I have a small co-worker who has old scrubs.
@ams5796 and @GTalum, so sorry! GTalum, how do you think your dad will do assuming your mom goes first?
@ams5796 Did your mom decline that rapidly after the placement in the AL? Is there a chance they are/were overmedicating her?
@oldmom4896 No telling! Fortunately, hospice assures me they have experience with managing loss for demented spouses. The other nice thing, is that they are including the care home staff and residence as part of mom’s household. This way, the staff and other residents can receive grief services as well. There is a meeting they want to set up with me, my husband, and the staff.
@jym626 no we were doing her meds until the end.
I want to thank all of you for all your compassion until the end. Your compassion really helped me. Sadly, my mom passed away tonight. She had a very peaceful and comfortable end surrounded by her family. The hospice nurses told us her ending was so peaceful because we took such good care of her. I like to think that was true. I will miss my mom every day, but this couldn’t have gone on the way it was. I don’t know how the next days will be. We’ll see.
My best to all of you.
My condolences to you and your family, @ams5796.
I’m so sorry ams5796. I hope that you can find peace in your memories.
@ams5796 {{{hugs}}}
I’m so sorry, @ams5796.
Prayers for comfort and peace as you navigate the painful days ahead. I’m so sorry.
Sorry for you loss @ams5796. Peace for you and your family.
So sorry, @ams5796. May her memory be a blessing.
Sending condolences, @ams5796 . Wishing you comfort and peace; your mother was fortunate to have the support of caring family members.