Parents caring for the parent support thread (Part 1)

@compmom - you’ve been so diligent in caring for your mom, I don’t know how you did it at the AL for this long. I hope MC proves a better fit for her current needs and yours.

@psychmomma thank you so much!

@compmom, hugs!

All the best, @compmom . Hoping you find the MC staff a great resource for your mother and much peace of mind for you. You have been remarkably tenacious in tending her and assessing needs. May you feel less pressure all around.

You need to do what’s in your mother’s best interests and in yours. Best of luck with the new facility and staff, @compmom.

@compmom, FWIW, I think you are making the right decision for your mom.

Thanks all!

@compmom All the best to you. Is there any way you can also be relieved in this new place of your mom’s colostomy care ?

No, unfortunately.

@GTalum, you’re right, the decision to take the unit should be a no-brainer, but I think it’s hard for my dad when he’s in the hospital. Not seeing the apartment is hard, too. Since he’s been on the Board of Directors of the facility for awhile (the governing BoD, not a group of residents), he’s hoping they will give him a little extra time to pull the trigger.

Well, after 8 months of nonsense, it finally got so bad I will be filing a formal complaint with the hospital tomorrow. The WEEKEND case manager (who wasn’t in today, so maybe she’s just in on Saturdays??) came into my dad’s room yesterday and told Dad she had decided they could discharge him immediately. He told her that he didn’t think that would work, because he had no in-home care arranged and he was also supposed to have surgery on Monday. She was pretty pushy. Thank goodness, our advocate showed up about then. The advocate asked the CM which doctor had signed the discharge order, and of course no one had. It’s pretty obvious that the CM had not looked at my Dad’s file closely at all. Dad was pretty rattled at this point.

I am going to call the CM supervisor tomorrow and ask her what happened. I will listen and then let her know how furious I am. Then I will file a complaint.

My SIL thinks we should take Dad to Mass General. If it wasn’t over 2,000 miles away from Austin, I might consider it. SIL had nothing but good experiences at MGH (she had a rare type of tumor that they successfully treated).

I hope they take the unit if it is a good one. Can someone take photos or a video and show it to him?

How can they discharge when your Dad has surgery Monday? I don’t understand…and isn’t an MD signature required? Puzzling and stressful.

MGH saved my daughter’s life and I get cancer care there. But not sure a 2,000 mile trip is worth it. I know people whose hospital docs have done consults at a distance with MGH. Is that possible?

@compmom, yes, that’s why I’m furious at the CM. She had no idea what she was doing. That’s why our advocate confronted her and she backed down quickly.

My sister took photos of the unit. I toured several units with my parents last Thanksgiving and this one looks very similar to one of the apartments we looked at. So I hope Dad is OK with it. I really think he’s just struggling with his lack of control over everything. He’s used to being in charge. Except for sad situations with two of his grandsons, he has led a charmed life. This transition is really hard for him.

Sad news. Today the doctor discovered that the infection in Dad’s chest is very terrible and he will not survive. The doctor thinks that perhaps the medicine Dad takes for his chronic leukemia has compromised his immune system and that’s why the infection worsened. Dad has some time left, so I think all five of us will fly down to Austin for Christmas. I’m so thankful my son is graduating and coming back from Beirut! He may just fly onto Austin after landing in Boston on December 22. I have already told him the news so he would know to hold off on making any plans. I have to figure out how to tell my other two kids now.

Dad is still groggy after surgery, so the doctor will give him and Mom the news tomorrow. I don’t know what Mom will do. :frowning:

So sorry, @MaineLonghorn! That is so sudden and so hard for your poor dad, mom, you and all loved ones. I’m glad you will all be together for Christmas—I’m sure it will make your dad happy.

Oh, gosh, I’m on the phone with Mom. She hardly ever calls me anymore. She’s talking about their move to the retirement facility. :frowning:

Oh no! I’m so, so sorry @MaineLonghorn

@MaineLonghorn what a shock, I am so, so sorry.

@MaineLonghorn, so sorry to hear the news. We are pulling for you, as always.

ML, I can imagine how difficult this is and am sorry.

I am so sorry to read this news. You and your family are in my prayers. How hard.