Adding my condolences and support from afar. May all your good memories give you comfort.
So very sorry for your loss. May you and your mom and family draw comfort and strength from being together. Sending prayers.
@HImom - I am so sorry for your loss.
My condolences on your loss. Remember to give yourself plenty of time to grieve, don’t be surprised if you feel unexpected rushes of feelings for months. The time of dying takes a lot of logistical work, now you’re moving into the next phase, what do we do about Mom? Can you transition to live alone successfully? How can we help her? Etc. At some point, when you stop doing all the work, feelings may come rushing to the surface. There are some songs that I’d better not hear if I have mascara on!
My condolences @HImom My thoughts are with you and your family. I am glad that he went peacefully.
So sorry for your loss, @HImom. My thoughts are with you and your family.
You guys are all so supportive—thanks. I am fortunate to have a loving spouse, kids, siblings and their spouses and kids. S flew in hours after dad died and D is flying in tonight. They are ok that they weren’t present at the time of death as they saw him a lot over the years. S was spending time with him at the hospital as well.
My extended family was able to see mom and dad in December, for the holidays.
We will move forward and mom is doing well at my home, for now.
She has a place at CCRC and we are considering adult day care for her.
My condolences, @HImom . I found it incredibly touching that your father, a man of faith, died as the last rites were administered. For him, a seamless transition between life and afterlife.
So sorry for your loss.
@HImom - I’m so sorry for your loss. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
@HImom adding my condolences. You navigated these last years as a faithful daughter. Wishing you peace and good luck helping your mom adjust.
My dad signed the DNR form this morning. While I was relieved, it was harder on me than I expected. The hospice team was very supportive.
A non-profit organization called Swan Song is going to put on a concert for my parents at the house soon. There’s no charge. What an amazing idea!
I couldn’t shake the horrible feelings when I sought hospice for my dad. The right thing is not usually an easy path. I’m sorry @MaineLonghorn
I’m sorry for your loss @HImom. I’m also glad he was able to stay in Independent living until this last hospitalization. We will journey with you as you and your mom adjust to new circumstances.
@MaineLonghorn so difficult as your dad was so healthy and active previous to this cascade of medical crisis. For me, when I have already lost my mom to dementia, it was easier.
@GTalum , I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. @MaineLonghorn’s Dad was healthy and thinking clearly just a short time ago. In my last recent loss of my sister, hospice was not as hard a decision. The medical option was not a viable one and she had had a serious hospitalization before where she wished she had not been resuscitated. And having another parent to consider makes it doubly hard.
@MaineLonghorn That is a relief. But it isn’t over. I remember I felt like the main battle was over once I convinced my dad to sign the DNR for my mom and then we switched to enacting the hospice decision, which meant me and my brother taking turns being with my mom. For me, the being with her was easy, I was the one who had done hospital duty for the past week, but for my brother it was very hard as he had to confront the fact she was dying.
Yes, now there’s the constant question of when to call hospice with concerns.
He’s clear headed but he still doesn’t totally understand the situation. He talks about going to see a specialist about his vocal cords or getting a dental bridge - “I want the best people.” I told him I think it would be very hard for him to travel to a doctor or dentist at this point.
And yes, you all are correct. The fact that 11 months ago he was functioning as a much younger person, consulting and flying internationally, makes this surreal. I keep thinking, “It’s not fair,” although I know that’s life.
@MaineLonghorn , we are right there with you about when to call hospice and when to leave it alone. My dad has been on hospice for 3 months now, and just got recertified (what they call it to continue services). But he woke up happy this morning, and that is a blessing for him.
Also, don’t forget about the other services they can provide. We have had two LONG meetings with the chaplain, and he was wonderful.
I’m back from seeing my parents. The visit got worse. My mom walked into a wall when I was out taking my dad to run errands. Staff said she got up from the table and walked straight into the wall. She’s totally lost her depth perception along was all sense of spatial relations 
She was super upset and teary for hours afterwards. I think she was terrified the staff was going to take her to the hospital. It was just a tiny cut that didn’t even need a bandaid but she was traumatized from her stitches last summer. No amount of reassurance helped and it was an emotionally draining time for me. She was also frantic at one point that I didn’t have my daughter with me. She was shocked when I told her she was in college. She was thinking of her as a little person.
I got back to my dad’s condo totally exhausted to find him drinking with the neighbors. Apparently they are the drinking buddies. The house full of drunk people was not great for me. The angry drunk emerged at 7:30, I excused myself to take out trash and clean up, and went to bed. Super uncomfortable for me all around.
I know my dad isn’t going to change, ever, but it makes visiting so much more stressful for me. My H says I should go for shorter visits as my dad seems to have a two day max of holding it together. I may need to go back to staying at a hotel even though it’s so costly.
I’m exhausted but thrilled to be back home.
@MaineLonghorn , call and talk to hospice all you want. They have training and also different staff to handle different things. My experience is that they want to help. And since you have a S to worry about as well, take care of yourself A LOT.
@momofsenior1 , It is heartbreaking to see someone like that (either or both of your parents!) and if you need a hotel, it will be worth it because you have to be considerate of yourself as well. I stayed in a hotel and just felt it was as necessary as any medicine.