My mother’s facility is closed to visitors.
She continues to ask me to bring her some gin when I visit 
Relying on the eternal “tomorrow”…
@compmom OMG what can you do?!?!?
@HouseChatte I am actually an exception to the policy due to my mother’s colostomy. But due to my own age and health issues, I have hired a private nurse to do colostomy wafer change every three days.
However, the nurse is not bringing gin
My mother calls about 7 times/day so far. I am going to go tomorrow with hearing aid batteries and wave at her through the window.
I had a flash back. In the mid-1950’s, when I was 4 and my brother was born, kids were not allowed in to visit their mother and new baby. I remember my mother waving out the window and missing her.
Now she is 93 and again waving at me through a window.
This time it is more like she is the child and I am the mother.
Thank goodness we switched hospice services. The doctor with the new company is wonderful! He is calling all of Dad’s doctors to find out his entire history. This way, Dad doesn’t feel obligated to go see each one of them (which he’s not supposed to do on hospice). The other hospice company didn’t even have a doctor we could talk to.
This doctor is also my mom’s internist now. How I wish my parents had been seeing him a year ago, when my dad went in for heart surgery. I think the outcome would have been much better. 
So glad to hear it @MaineLonghorn. Hospices are like all other health care providers - not all are created equal!
My heart goes out to all of you who have loved ones in facilities right now.
Well, in the midst of coronavirus and my S2’s postponed wedding, my MIL was taken to the hospital two days ago because she was disoriented and unable to stand. She was admitted, COVID and flu tests were done (all negative, thank goodness), and now they have done a CT scan and discovered that she has had 3 undiagnosed old strokes and a fourth near her speech center that is as recent as 4-48 hours ago. She is currently having an MRI to see if the clot can be dissolved or removed. She is alone in the hospital and my H is her health care proxy and feeling pretty guilty that she’s there alone (no visitors at the hospital - we are in a NYC suburb).
@runnersmom Always a scary thing and such a scary time. Hoping for a healthy outcome. It’s hard to think of staying away as taking care of her, but that’s what you’re all doing.
OMG, can we get a bumper sticker made of that! It is hard but true right now.
Hoping for the best for your MIL and family, @runnersmom. This is such a difficult time and family separation is among the most difficult.
@runnersmom that’s a lot to deal with. I hope they find some treatment for your MIL
MRI confirmed multiple strokes, and they’re calling in a vascular surgeon tomorrow because her carotid artery is almost completely blocked. She’s 87 years old and in poor health to begin with. It’s hard for my H because his siblings are impossible and either do not engage or engage inappropriately. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about the medical staff who have been generous with their time and communicating regularly with my H who is her health care proxy. Not an easy time for anyone to be dealing with our elders.
OMG, @runnersmom! As if you didn’t have enough to deal with! Totally can identify with the unhelpful/disruptive sibling thing! Sooo sorry! You and your husband are a good team. You’ll get though it.
My mother’s assisted living will allow her to come outside with me. Going after lunch.
For those with loved ones in facilities that bar visitors, it may be possible to visit with them outdoors.
IIt is a little warmer today (50) and I will remind her to bring her coat to lunch.
My 98-year-old mother lives at an independent living facility that also has assisted living and memory care. When they banned visitors 2 weeks ago, I brought her home to my house. She wouldn’t have managed without my sister, my son and me visiting her frequently. She has caregivers but she has dementia and she depends on visits from family. Besides, I figured that her building would soon have cases of COVID-19. They had a norovirus outbreak a couple of months ago that they handled badly so I wasn’t going to leave here there to suffer through something like that again!
Well, sure enough, today I got an email from her facility saying that one of the memory care patients tested positive. Since no visitors are allowed, and MC patients don’t mingle with AL or IL residents, the only way the resident could have contracted the virus is from a caregiver or staff member. So it’s only a matter of time before it spreads to the other residents. Thank goodness I brought Mom home with me! It kind of sucks to have to keep paying the ~$,5000 per month rent for a place she isn’t living in, but that’s life.
It hasn’t been easy but I still have a caregiver for 2 hours in the morning to give her a bath and a massage, so that’s a big help. She’s nearly deaf even with hearing aids and is barely ambulatory with a walker but we’re managing. I’m grateful that I live in the same city and am able to do this but I’m really looking forward to getting back to the way things were, and I’m sure she is, too. Change is difficult for both of us but it’s a small sacrifice in light of what’s going on with others. My thoughts go out to @compmom , @runnersmom , @MaineLonghorn and all the rest of you who are struggling now with their parents.
I live in a tiny one bedrom apartment that is seasonal and ends in May. My daughter has also taken refuge here. I wish I could bring my mother home.
Last night I was looking at a first floor apartment with two bedrooms that was $3,000. Cheaper than the assisted living for sure.
My mother has been happy with her apartment, routines and friends at AL. I wish there was a temporary rental so that she could go back if she wanted. But we don’t know how long this is going to go on.
I thank you though for the idea of taking her out somehow and keeping the AL apartment. Just don’t have any ideas how to do that. (My brother has a big house locally!!)
Sat in the sun for 45 minutes with my mother. She thinks I was just there and has no sense of my absence (10 days). She brought her pocketbook down so we could go buy gin. I told her it was not possible and she did not understand about avoiding stores. Perfectly content if a little disheveled. Lipstick was a mess, caramel dessert on chin, and several meals on pants. But the sun sure was nice and the staff were planting flowers, a nice normal activity that made me feel like there is hope.
Posting this here for those who have a parent in a nursing home:
My MILs ALF has been on complete lockdown. The staff are taking all necessary precautions, and so far no illnesses.
My H or one of our daughters call her every day; she’s not a joiner, so not doing much isn’t a problem, but not being able to leave the apt for meals is really hard on her.
They are starting to take some of the residents outside onto their patio area (with appropriate distancing), which MIL doesn’t want to do, but she has expressed interest in short walks down the hallway. Hoping that can be accommodated.
She’s on hospice, but definitely not sick. Residual effects from a stroke several years ago plus some lung issues do make her high risk. I’m just hoping they all stay healthy.
I sat in on a Zoom session held by the director of the facility my mom was supposed to move into in Austin this month. One employee has tested positive. This is AUSTIN, not a hot spot. They are testing eight other employees but nobody else has shown any symptoms yet. Thank God we hadn’t moved Mom in yet. My BFF’s parents, 94 and 98, are in this facility, though.
In other news, Dad is telling his main caregivers that he wants to start reducing care from the 24/7 level. OMG. So now one of them has started looking for other work and is trying to shift some of her hours to the others. He doesn’t realize that he stands to lose his BEST caregiver, the woman who works 7 am to 7 pm, five days a week, and has been a godsend. As much as she likes and respects him, she will be out of there if he cuts her hours. Then he will have to get people in there who don’t know him well and will have to be trained as to what he needs and prefers. He has gotten very short-tempered when people don’t respond instantly to him, so that would not go well. If he fell in the middle of the night, it would probably be fatal with his lung and heart issues.
My husband thinks my sister and I need to lay out the consequences and then accept that it’s Dad’s decision. I guess he’s right, but it’s just so infuriating and upsetting.