Here is what is keeping me up at night. I am so concerned that one of my parents may die (from anything, it would not be a shock if one of them had a heart attack/stroke etc) and then the other has to remain in Memory Care - with no way to grieve with family. The process must be hard enough for people who cannot have funerals right now, but to have a cognitively impaired person going thru that, well, it is unimaginable to me 
I think many facilities donât want liability and donât want to end up on the news due to harm to reputation.
I am kind of proud of my motherâs AL for still trying to balance quality and quantity of life. They have resumed meals downstairs after a tummy bug ran through the residents, which they contained quickly.
Now that meals have resumed downstairs, my mother wants to stay in her room. She likes this! However, I reminded her she can have 2 oz gin at dinner and that did it.
I think the risk is some family suing for wrongful death, based on the same isolation they think is helpful. Then the publicity.
It doesnât matter if the suit is later thrown out. These are not people suited for time so alone. Iâd think most of us arenât really. But we do have the resources to try. Or, eg, stay in touch by phone or web.
JMO.
Just read an article on the lack of information being given to families and released publicly. Fears are of 1) DPH 2) litigation 3)bad publicity
I hate to think the worst of people unless they show me they deserve it. So I will continue to believe that the administrators are trying to protect their residents. Preserve life vs. prevent lawsuits. Not wanting to have unnecessary deaths on their conscience.
If itâs for a few weeks, weâll all hate it but can get through it. If it drags on for many months something will need to change.
The policies are often coming from higher up: I suppose the legal and reputational concerns are inextricably entwined with concern for the residents anyway, but it is not direct care administrators making these decisions.
These policies are blunt instruments. Decisions may be better if more nuanced. Again I appreciate my motherâs assisted living facility for maintaining some normalcy with meals in the dining room, appropriately spaced with two seatings to accomplish that. I donât know what kinds of negotation has gone on behind the scenes for this.
As soon as a patient started vomiting, residents had to stay in their rooms, but 5 days later they are back in the dining hall.
For people with dementia all these changes are difficult. I am coaching my mother by phone. It only takes 2-3 days for her to forget what normal was. Two days of meals in her room and she forgets entirely about the dining room.
As mentioned many times, the prospect of 2 oz gin convinces her to go back to eating downstairs. Hopefully after two days that will seem normal again, until it changes again!
I feel badly about the disruption elders and their caregivers are enduring as facilities navigate this virus. Poignant and worrisome. In my state, there are multiple eldercare places that have had residents and staff diagnosed with Covid 19, and some deaths. Hard to take intermediate measures when asymptotic transmission is deemed a likelihood and congregate living is a risk.
The inability to be present if a loved one is sick is one of the worst aspects of the pandemic, amplified for the most vulnerable. I think of all here often and wish you and yours the best. This is about as challenging as it gets and you are all working so hard.
My mother is calling crying saying she doesnât feel well. She is staying in bed. I am feeling helpless. I contacted the nurse and nursing director, realzing they are busy. My mother had a tummy bug last week that only lasted 24 hours. Thinking of everyone.
How worrying @compmom Hope she feels better soon!
My dadâs caregiver is in line to get a test right now. We donât want her to work for Dad again until she is cleared. We found coverage for one of her three night shifts this weekend. My sister will stay the other two nights. We donât want to introduce more caregivers into the house now.
Dad requires NO oxygen at this point. It really does seem miraculous. The doctors have no explanation. We may need to take him off of hospice soon.
Private caregivers will no longer be allowed at my momâs CCRC. An aid will come twice a day for a brief visit to take care of her compression socks, but other than that sheâll be alone all day. Itâs the right thing to do and completely terrible, the worst thing possible except for all the other options.
My momâs future facility is having Zoom sessions at 2 and 4 pm each Tuesday and Friday. Iâm very impressed with the communication and the steps theyâre taking. Every staff member gets a wrist band after being screened at the beginning of their shift. Itâs cut off once they get screened again at the end of the shift. The wrist band is a different color every day so they can easily spot if someone hasnât been screened.
They had one staff member test positive. Five of eight residentâs tests have come back negative and theyâre waiting for the other three (none of these people had symptoms, but they did come in contact with the ill staff member).
@MaineLonghorn Your parents sound like they would be much better off staying put at home. But sounds so difficult for your sister. Best to your family. Crazy times.
Okay thereâs a COVID-19 positive resident at my motherâs facility. I have an email in to ask if aides are still rotating and if by any chance that resident had been out with family or friends.
@compmom that is scary. But hard to avoid. It just takes one staff member and then what do we do?
We drove over and waved to my mom outside her window today - itâs her birthday. She didnât understand why we couldnât come in. And asked if we would be able to come to her wedding next week 
Oh gee @surf city. I hope you said yes!
Waving through windows are going viral almost as much as balcony singing!
So are people taking their parents out of facilities when there is COVID-19 in the facility?
I live in a tiny seasonal apartment. I was looking at larger two bedroom apartments in the next town over.I wrote the director and asked if aides were rotating floors. She wonât like it butâŠAlso asked if the sick resident had been going out, trying to find out if the source is in the facility. Packed elevators are a big problem.
My brother, who has a big house w/apartment in basement, to me âYou would be at risk yourself because she might have been exposed.â
Me to brother âWell she could quarantine for two weeks first at your house.â
Me to other brother in Florida, getting darkly humorous at this point: âWe could fly her down to your placeâ (Large 3 bedroom in a resort)
That brother âSure anytime. The pool reopens soon. But I think she is safer where she is.â (Missing the dark humor.)
Me, over the line by now âDo they serve gin at the pool?â
My momâs future facility allows only four people in the elevators with marks where theyâre supposed to stand. Donât know how much good that really does, though.
We got info today about protocols being followed with temps taken, masks and gowns etc. in the memory care unit now that someone was positive.
However, the staff has still been rotating between memory care unit and other floors and it is pretty clear since noone has left memory care since 3/17, that the case originated from staff.
Residents are spaced well at meals but pack into the elevator and director says nothing can be done about it. I asked if a staff person could stand at the elevator to sanitize and give residents masks.
Masks are available to residents at front desk but noone is wearing them. My mother refuses. I told the director that I have an invoked proxy and my mother cannot make decisions for herself, legally. I indicated that I want her to wear a mask, at the very least in the elevator. I am not trying to be difficult, but this is the consequence of an assisted living that holds onto people with cognitive impairment who should be in memory care, and I wish I had succeeded in moving her myself.
Iâll switch to worrying about my daughter now. I kind of alternate between the two but for perspective, itâs our kids who are a priority, and my nice elder services social worker reminds me of that all the time.
Wow Iâm surprised theyâre not manning the elevators. Asking for trouble.