My parents place just sent a letter to all the families saying the understand how difficult it is to have their loved ones in “lockdown” (they used a different term of course) during the spring holidays, but they cannot let anyone take their parents out during this time. (I’m shocked that they were getting requests!)
Memory Care floors are usually on the first floor, so I am lucky that I don’t have to worry about elevators. I don’t know what they are doing for the AL side with that.
There is no social distancing possible with MC patients. They need their meds handed directly to them. They need someone to walk them to the sink to brush teeth. Yesterday when I “visited” mom outside her window, she got a care manager to help her open the window (only about 6" but that was nice) and then she gave her a big hug to thank her.
It has been four weeks since I have seen my dad (in Memory Care). It makes me sad, but I get it. We call and check in with the staff to see how he is doing. Evidently the entire facility has not had any cases. I guess their very strict policies have paid off. The Memory Care unit is only letting 6 people be out in the general area at a time. For the most part they let my Dad be out there all the time because he likes to walk around. For as cranky as he can be, they are very good with dealing with him and I am very thankful for that.
My mother’s facility is so much more lax than the others I am reading about here. And there is at least one case in the memory care unit, which shares staff with assisted living.
My mother is unable to recall the word mask. She has these blocks with certain words. I had been haranguing her about getting one at the front desk. She called me yesterday and said she had “that thing that is part of my head.” I finally ascertained this was not hearing aid but mask!
I would say that the majority in assisted living could qualify for memory care. Her friend keeps saying that her husband is alive. One woman comes down on the elevator and stands there until someone tells her where to go. I know them all pretty well.
Most of them are not capable of understanding social distancing, mask use, washing hands etc. Then again, they aren’t that capable of staying in their rooms either. Perhaps the facility has just given into reality. Not enough staff to enforce staying in rooms?
Meals are still in the dining room, now with two seatings so they are farther apart. Activities limited to 10. Residents milling around outside on their own. (I visited last Monday and saw them.) Families can still take residents out but don’t seem to be. I met my mother in the driveway and stayed ten feet away with a mask.
This is worrisome. I feel badly that I don’t have a home to bring her back to.
Got a text that there is another case, making two. The text from the facility says "no staff have tested positive " but when pressed, staff have not been tested, so…
I messaged my brother, who has a big house with an apartment downstairs, that maybe we should take her out, quarantine her for 14 days and then I could live with her for awhile.
I don’t know how we are going to feel if she gets sick and dies alone. I kind of wish I hadn’t even thought of taking her out. Once I thought of it, the alternative feels like leaving her to get sick.
We took my mom out the Night they told us that effective the next day she couldn’t have any visitors including family. She’s been living with my sister, with rest of us having her over for the day here and there.
Folks from the independent living side (where she lived) are allowed to continue coming & going and do lots of errands. CNAs and others continue coming in and out of the building as well. Many staff have you g children.
I got this encouraging text from my dad’s caregiver: “Just wanted to let you know that your father is doing really well. His energy is back He is now awake almost all day. His appetite is fair and he’s walking and exercising every day! He is such a strong willed man. I can’t believe how well he’s doing. As I said before doctors don’t know everything. Only the Lord knows when it’s our time. Also your mom had kind of disassociated herself from him. When he first came home from hospital. Like a survival mechanism. Yet they are now bonding again Its so cute ?WellI hope all is well We will get through this pandemic. One day at a time…”
She did go on to say that the hospice doctor said “he could live like this for months.” So it’s not like his prognosis has improved that much. But every extra day is a blessing. I just hope he hangs in there long enough that I can fly down to see him again.
Compmom, my SIL’s dad is in AL/MC and us keeping him there. Things were just too toxic when he lived at home with them. His facility isn’t allowing visitors and seem to have things pretty well locked down (this is in northern NJ). My FIL is at home, but has a caregiver and PT coming in to the apartment. To me, that’s the greater risk right now.
My dad in GA is at home and staying there. He wasn’t taking it seriously while I was down there a month ago, but has gotten with the program. He desperately misses his 3x/week pool visits.
Bringing my dad home is not an option. I am still working (healthcare) so that would put him at an increased risk. And truthfully even if I wasn’t, we can not handle him. To be fair, he doesn’t really know who we are when we visit(although we visit often), and probably has not fully processed that we have not come by. I have thought about the fact that he could die and we would not have seen him in a long time. And that makes me sad, but to be totally honest I really lost him a long time ago.
It’s been a month since I have seen my folks in person too. I have FaceTimed a couple of times - they really love it, thank goodness. No one is alllowed in or out, except staff who are checked every day and are supposed to be wearing masks now, but I know that will be hard with MC residents.
I could not bring my folks home. They do not retain enough to remember to wash hands etc and I think they are safer (for now) there, where there are nurses to administer meds and check blood sugars and give insulin shots. It is sad, but it is what it is
I’m so sorry for all the feelings you are having @compmom. I have a tendency to overthink and overworry, not that those are possible in this current environment. I had been planning to put my mom in a local nursing home this spring for a month or more so I could work on the clean out at her house. That will need to be postponed indefinitely for now.
You’ve done so much for your mom - more than most people would ever consider. I can understand feeling scared that she could end up sick and alone. Even though my mom is with me, I have that same worry - that she could end up sick, but in the hospital alone without being allowed any visitors. This is such an unsettling time for everyone, but I think it especially hits home with those of us responsible for elderly loved ones who are at high risk. I hope you and your brother can come to a decision where you will both be satisfied.
The evasiveness of the facility and their relatively lax measures for containment don’t help. Apparently the evasiveness is common. I have read many articles and the path to success in containment involves testing. Our state has, I read today, set up a program to test residents of long term care facilities but so far nursing homes have been a priority. I am going to call their hot line.
Quarantine is not possible, when I think about it. Her colostomy needs to be cared for. Bringing in aides or nurses would increase chances for exposure and unless I know for certain that my mother is not exposed, I can’t take the risk myself in caring for her.
Even aside from the fact that I live in a small one bedroom with my daughter squeezed in. So reality is reality. My brother can decide for himself. I am turning my efforts toward whatever I can do to urge the facility to be safer, or getting the state to do it.
My mother doesn’t understand why I am not coming, the need to wash hands or wear a mask, etc. etc. That said, if she were in an apartment with me, hypothetically, there would be constant arguments about cooking, going out to play bridge (which she hasn’t done in years), and especially- gin!!!
I contacted the facility my mom was supposed to move into last month and is currently paying for. I was hoping they would agree to give us a partial refund for food in April, at least. Before I could even ask, the employee said she is going to ask that Mom get a credit for the ENTIRE month’s rent! She needs to get confirmation from the director, but she doesn’t think that will be a problem. I was really impressed they offered that.
My dad’s situation is still up in the air. She told me how much more it would cost for him to move in, also. It’s not much at all, surprisingly. We agreed we would talk in early May, and hopefully their situation and my parents’ will be clearer at that point.
Case #3 in my mother’s facility. This one still on the 4th floor. The facility has finally dedicated staff to the 4th floor and stopped rotating them from floor to floor but it’s a bit late. I called a state hot line today and was told that spread is inevitable, but that at this point our parents could be exposed so bringing them home might be a risk to us. With enough space, it would ordinarily be possible but the colostomy complicates things. Sbling denial continues.
Dad is talking about reducing caregiver hours again. Sister and I are ready to give in. We’re tired of fighting this battle every 10 days. ?. The hospice nurse and advocate have both told him he still needs 24/7 care.
So sorry , the sibling issues are always interesting so glad you and your sister seem to be okay @MaineLonghorn .
@compmom “sibling denial continues.” I don’t think it’s that uncommon that siblings disagree on the best course with very elderly, compromised parents, even in the best of times. All the best in these especially difficult times. I know it is very hard.
@MaineLonghorn—so sorry you’re having to fight this battle. It’s exhausting but part of the patient’s desire to remain independent and show he is still in charge.
We had to tell my brother he had to keep my parents’ CNA for an hour every day—took 30 minutes just for dad’s meds every morning, plus the other things we wanted her to do.
My brother kept questioning how important it was by fortunately was willing to reluctantly go along with all of us.
Well, Dad backed down when Sister and I talked to him tonight. He said he was just thinking about reducing help in the future, not now. He said he told the nurses he wouldn’t make the change until they were comfortable with it. Well, that is NOT what he told them, but we’ll take this version! And he’s already looking ahead to moving into Mom’s new facility with her, but says they’ll need a bigger unit. Ugh. Even if he improves enough to move with her, it’s a beautiful unit that Mom loves so Sister and I agree we’re not changing it. I told him they can start out in that unit and then if they decide it’s not big enough after a few months, we can think about looking at a larger one. I keep reminding him that it feels roomier than their current house, since they’re living on the first floor and it’s full of stuff, stuff, stuff.
@HImom, yes, it’s definitely Dad’s way of trying to stay in control. Sister and I agree that MOM should have more say now since she’s always been in his shadow. Dad is not used to her speaking up!
The National Guard has been deployed to do testing in long term care facilities, first nursing homes and now it has been extended to assisted living facilities. However, due to demand, this is triaged and a facility must have a certain number of symptomatic residents.
I just read that in Cambridge MA they did testing of all staff and residents via the Broad Institute.
The only way to contain this in facilities is to test all staff and residents and contain, via quarantine, then do contact tracing. The state hotline person reminded me too that a person may test negative and then in 48 hours test positive so even testing everyone won’t do it, but it sure would help.
I can ask my mother’s facility about testing but they are too busy in meetings at this point. I emailed and I am sure they just love my suggestions.
Nursing home in Augusta, GA was just tested – 67 residents and seven staff were positive; only 17 were negative. My dad’s been in that facility’s rehab center before post-op. Thank goodness he is medically stable right now.
From the Red Dawn email chain published by the NY Times and others today:
“The next thing we need to think more about is the nursing home. Should we think of compartmentalizing the nursing home? The risk to the nursing home is primarily from staff since turnover of nursing home residents is so low . Are there ways to create a LTC home where we break the nursing home into smaller subunits or LTC homes with a small number of dedicated /assigned staffing to minimize the introduction of infection from staff into the nursing home or at least shunt it into a subunit of the nursing home? It is easier to minimize the introduction ofCOVID thru a patient (would need to quarantine all new admissions in an another area for 14 days before allowing them to be introduced into the nursing home community ). Would also need to make sure that the staff caring for the quarantined nursing home admission do not care for any nursing home patients or mix or mingle with other nursing home staff. I cant underscore enough the importance of early TLC in a community to tamp down community transmission and reduce the probability that a staff member working in a nursing home will become infected . These strategies help to minimize the disruption should infectious individuals (primarily staff) slip thru our defenses .”
THIS was my issue with my mother’s AL. I am sure there is complexity to arranging dedicated staff. But only after two cases had already occurred, did they initiate dedicate staff for the 4th floor memory care unit. Note that this email says the primary risk is from staff. But for assisted livings, add in the factor that residents were still allowed to go out with families (and still are, today).
Otherwise, for facilities as with society at large, testing, containment and contact tracing is (was?) the only real answer.
I read the entire 80 email chain this morning. Using cruise ships as a model, in early March one email said “True to the form of the COVID-19 andthe mortality of elderly, which is 1. 3% , 3.6 % , and 14.8 % from 50 years onwards , for every 10 year age bracket . So we see the very high mortality of the nursing home,” however this does not include 90+. Still there is a majority chance of survival for those age groups even in the 80’'s (at 14.8% mortality). Hope that’s true!