Oh @momofsenior1, I am so sorry.
@momofsenior1 this is shocking. A shocking way to find out and so difficult with COVID. So so sorry.
@momofsenior1 sending sympathy. This is so hard.
May his memory be a blessing.
@momofsenior1 - So very sorry for your sudden loss. I can only imagine how hard this is on you and your family.
@momofsenior1 Oh, I am so sorry to see this. What a shock. Please take one day at a time and reach out to friends IRL and virtually for help!
Thank you all so very much. Been on the phone basically non stop and need to take a mental health break and get in a nap. I feel like I’m moving through a fog.
@momofsenior1 so very sorry. Remember to take care of You. Wishing you peace…
@momofsenior1 - sending my condolences. Such a shock and I wish you comfort.
@momofsenior1 I am so sorry for your loss. Please take a little time for yourself.
I did a “window visit” with my dad at his Memory Care this week. You have to make an appointment and they meet you in the parking lot. It was good to see him. I was afraid he would get agitated, but he did OK. I sat on the patio and he sat inside next to the window and we talked through the window. He probably asked me to come in 20 times, but other than that we had a good visit. My sister will try next week.
My mother’s assisted living facility has had window visits for a while, helps with Facetime, and a couple of weeks ago added supervised outdoor visits, spaced with masks. Yesterday they announced that we may now visit in the apartments, distanced with masks (some of the apartments are small!), for 30 minutes. We will be escorted to and from, not sure if we will be supervised for the whole time.
We get two interactions a week from this menu, and schedule them in advance.
This seems impossibly amazing. How quickly our standards change!
Unfortunately my mother’s hearing aid broke two days ago and won’t be fixed in time for my first visit inside, but it will be great to see her in her apartment.
This is MA.
So happy for you and your mom, @compmom.
My mom hasn’t been doing well lately. She’s losing more of her basic comprehension- like what it means to sit up and stand up. She’s also been unable to stand and walk without significant assistance, which is a change.
On the plus side, we subscribed to Disney+ to watch Hamilton, but I’ve found many old movies that my mom loves. The Shaggy Dog. That Darn Cat. Herbie. The Love Bug. The Apple Dumpling Gang. The Sound of Music. Swiss Family Robinson. I’m thrilled to have a new set of shows to keep her attention - and all family friendly.
@psychmomma so sorry about your mom’s new disabilities.
Shaggy Dog! Wasn’t there a song about dancing, to “Do the Shaggy Dog”? I think your mom is enjoying some of the movies from Sunday Night Disney of my childhood 
I was about 25 minutes from our beach destination on Thursday afternoon when I got a call from the MC facility, saying mom’s behavior is so bad they were thinking of sending her to the ER to be admitted to the psych unit. The head of the facility (whom I like) said I would be needed to sign her in since she would probably not commit herself to a psych intake.
I tried to explain that I had my D and 2 dogs with me so I’d have to get to the destination, then turn around and drive another 3 hours (minimum) to get to her, so if she needed to do anything she’d have to keep that in mind. I was also concerned with A) would I even be able to be in the hospital with COVID (I had just been on another hospital’s campus the day prior and they had signs all over saying NO VISITORS). B) Would mom get any treatment or help, really, until Monday, with it being a holiday weekend? I have had family members hospitalized over holidays and IME they basically assess you and take care of anything urgent and keep you alive until the holiday is over. I said I did not feel like I could manage mom if she was acting crazy as I am not trained in behavioral health (plus, it is extremely emotional and exhausting for me to manage that for hours on end. When she was hospitalized after her stroke, I was exhausted mentally and physically every day after visiting her.)
C) Is hospitalization the best route anyway? Removing her to an unfamiliar situation would likely make things worse in the short term.
Anyway, I got to the destination and was utterly spent. I’d spent the last half hour in awful traffic, trying to keep my composure with my D and my mind racing about mom’s latest situation. There was no way I was getting in the car right away. Fortunately the nurse on duty called and said she wanted to call the hospital first and see if they had a bed, etc etc. and ask if I would be needed to sign papers or couldn’t they do that via email etc?
She was calling the psychiatrist to see if he wanted to adjust or add any meds, which was one route we had talked about. I told them that I didn’t mind if they kept her on Xanax or something over the weekend til regular business hours. I hated to think of mom so agitated and then in turn antagonizing dad. The thought of her sitting in a chair all day watching TV sounded like a wonderful alternative, terrible as that sounds.
So as of today, she is still at MC. She had a good day when I called yesterday.
But clearly, this situation is not going to get better. Over the last few months, I have had calls about dad acting inappropriately and now mom. There is now discussion about whether one of them should live in another facility. There are 2 near me that have wings for “advanced dementia” patients. My dad falls apart when he can’t lay eyes on mom for an hour or two. I don’t know how this is going to work.
Any info on how places handle dementia patients who may act aggressively but are otherwise very healthy? If you saw mom, you would think she is fine. She can easily fool people and I worry that she can get out of the locked unit because she can appear to be just another visitor.
Ugh, I’m so sorry.
No advice, but I would think they check EVERYBODY trying to leave the locked unit. They checked ME when I was leaving the psych floor at the hospital! I was a little offended at first but then realized they have to be careful.
@gtalum ?
@surfcity this is heartbreaking. Can the geriatric psychiatrist or NP handle this on site without your mom going to the hospital? And I would hope they would keep her there with your dad a little longer with one more try with meds.
Locked wards are hard to get out of
My mother went to the geriatric psych. hospital and we ended up changing all the meds they put her on anyway. It seemed to satisfy some legal requirement for the facility she lives in. I wonder if the MC has some liability concerns here.
So sorry. Hope you can enjoy some time this weekend where you are.
@surfcity - I’m so sorry! What terrible timing with the holiday weekend. So glad your mom was able to remain at the facility.
FWIW, my mom’s memory care unit was very hard to get out of. The door was always locked and the the front desk was right there. Visitors all had to be buzzed in and out. Staff are very aware of who is a resident and who isn’t.