I hate confrontation too but I sure got good at it dealing with doctors, my dad and my sister!
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It was hard but I brought up the Prozac question. Mom says that she is still taking it and intends to continue. So yea! Small victories. I told her that I thought it helped keep negative thoughts out and I think she needs to continue to be positive.
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My mom stopped reading & watching tv. Although she never got a definitive diagnosis before she died, Iām guessing she had frontotemporal dementia. She had issues with executive function. Following a recipe and even doing laundry were difficult ā¦ the more steps required, the more difficult it was. I hope your mom is just having a minor issue, though. Maybe get her eyes checked to make sure thatās not the problem.
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@greenbutton, long ago my brother took over my fatherās/stepmotherās finances. He let her make believe she was in charge and it worked out fine. Hope the organization is willing to try something like that, at least for a while.
(Five years before my father died, my brother had a big fight with him and one day he said, "your turn!ā and it was, until the end.)
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You know they are having major issues when they āforgetā to eat, or how to put together a sandwich - put food in front, and they hungrily scarf it down. Hid signs for years until couldnāt hide any more.
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Continuing the story of the blue glasses my father is missing. They were found - there was indeed a pair of blue glasses and he has them now! So funny, that all of us assumed the glasses we found which, were not blue, were the ones he was missing and he was somehow misremembering their color!
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Yup, sometimes they are right!
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I think we all would have been more inclined to believe him - if he had said these are the wrong glasses get me my other pair - instead of insisting that these were not his glasses at all. Because obviously they were his glasses as they were in his room.
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The most disturbing symptom my MIL suffered from was Capgras syndrome ā believing her husband had been replaced by a look-alike impostor. Itās not that distant from insisting that the glasses in your own room arenāt your glasses.
I apologize for changing the subject. I have a question that Iām hoping you all could help with. My mother-in-law has been in assisted living for three years. Itās a nice enough place. Has itās shortcomings, but itās clean and the staff is very nice. Sheās not the type to make friends. She mainly keeps to herself, but she has settled into the routine.
We recently discovered a place about 20 minutes further that is not only better, but it is $2,000/month cheaper. Needless to say, this would be a huge financial savings and make her funds last a lot longer. I donāt know what weāll do when the funds run dry.
Problem: She doesnāt want to go. Obviously we donāt want to make it a forced situation. But the the combination of a better place for her needs at a 20% savings make this a move worth making.
We were able to dig deep in a serious conversation with her, and it turns out that the reason she does not want to go is because she thinks she āwonāt surviveā the transportation there. Itās irrational because she has no health problems besides the fact that she broke her hip and is in a wheelchair. But she truly thinks that if she gets in a van and is transported, she will die.
This is a dilemma. Should we just ārip off the bandaidā and arrange it? Sheād be there in 20 minutes and itād be done. Or do we forgo the substantial savings to honor her irrational fear?
Who is paying now? How old is she? Does she have enough money that she would probably not run out of money even if she lives into her 90ās , etc., etc. If she has enough money to cover her costs and is competent to make her own decisions, not sure what you can really do?
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She is paying for it, but her sons (one of them is my DH) are in charge of her money. Sheās 99, but we are confident she will be a super-centenarian. Sheās as healthy as could be. The doctor (geriatrician) said sheās the healthiest person in their 90s heād ever examined. My guess: Sheās got a good five years left. Maybe more.
But the money will run out much sooner. Sheās not incompetent, but sheās irrational. She has made up a story out of whole cloth to explain why she broke her hip. She says she fell because she had a āmini strokeā (not true) and that it could happen again at any moment if she doesnāt just sit still in one place. (She fell because she had a spontaneous fracture from severe osteoporosis.)
Will it help for her doctor to say he knows the trip to the new place is safe? Does she trust him?
I do think you figure out a way to get this done ASAP - and it may be a traumatic day. Once she is there, her fear will be behind her.
I know about family longevity - DHās grandfather had 4 sisters that lived to be 101 - 108. Grandfather lived to almost 96, but had we believe a form of cancer ā he got ascites, and they drained the fluid but also needed platelets or blood transfusions. He also stayed up in his chair longer before he died that night - he enjoyed his last bit of life with sitting up longer in the late evening.
I understand. My MIL has said that the AL where she has lived for almost a year is the last move sheāll make while sheās alive. Moving last year was really hard on her. She moved three hours, though. Twenty minutes is pretty doable, even for someone who doesnāt like to go out. Perhaps the idea of how difficult it will be to pack up, move her things and settle into a new room is overwhelming her. It sounds like a good move for several reasons - maybe continue trying to help her understand that? Assure her that she wonāt have to pack anything. Show her pictures of the new room, and talk about where her things could go in the room. It might not work, but it would be good to try.
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Rather than talking to her about a move could you talk about a visit there? I know either way she is getting transported in a vehicle but maybe somehow this would make more sense to her. And then if she agreed, she could see it, know she survived the trip and maybe have a different view???
Tough decision.
She shouldnāt even have to get out of the wheelchair in a transport van. Maybe she doesnāt understand that.
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Once my mom was able to see her new living situation, she was on board with the move.
I think itās the uncertainty and change. The older you get, the less you like change.
IMHO better idea would be have a trip visit, and once there, stay there.
Anyone with recommendations on a good hospital bed mattress? The one mom has is 2nd hand (as is the bed) and thinning and needs to be replaced. Last time we asked about a mattress, we got a gel pad delivered and are now told since we have the pad, she isnāt entitled to new mattress for 5 years!
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Does she have any pressure sores? If yes, you may be able to get her qualified for an alternating air mattress.
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