Unpaid internships are volunteer work. The wording didnt phase me at all.
My questions still is thses…
will the summer earnings be used to pay for the summer expenses in Chicago?
Does this student expect his family to make up the financial difference in terms of money he could have earned...and not spent on summer expenses in Chicago...or are college finances not a concern at all...for spending money or any other reason?
Honestly, the living with girlfriend issue is a separate one. @compmom totally agree that housing on a college campus migh be better…but then they won’t be able to live together…which is part of the plan.
To the OP…
In my family, you would have needed to,explain how you were going to make up the summer earnings shortfall (because you would,be spending your summer earnings in Chicago…not having them for spending money in the fall).
You would,also need to show me how,the volunteer opportunity in Chicago was a significantly better one…NOT the city itself…the voulunteer op.
Who is paying for this? For transportation there? for housing? for food?
You think you would just show up and say “Hi! I want to volunteer!” Often there are only so many volunteer slots and they can be full, or you are required to attend an orientation and they are only offered once a month plus you need to make sure you have a blood test to make sure you don’t have TB or whatever and have a flu shot. So it can often take 2 months just to get ready to volunteer. Investigate this ahead of time.
Are you saying that you have already secured the part time job? Have you already secured a volunteer position, and if so doing what? Have the two of you researched housing and are you fairly sure that you can find something affordable and reasonably safe?
You sound like a very responsible person, and this could be a great experience. I just think that you have to nail down some of the practical details.
Are you going to go anyway if you haven’t secured a worthwhile volunteer job in advance? If you haven’t gotten a part time job in advance? Are you going to be willing to work fast food or something like that? Note that it can be VERY hard to find summer employment in many places, especially for shorter periods of time.
BTW, if I were your parent I would understand your desire to do this, but I would be sad that you weren’t coming home. I think that if you commit to come home before and/or after you leave, that might help.
Honestly, @TJsc13 , I’m with your parents on this one… I think you’re really underestimating how much money you’re going to have to spend and how difficult this will be.
A summer sublet in downtown Chicago is going to be incredibly expensive and difficult to find. In addition, many landlords probably aren’t going to want to rent to anyone your age, and people who are subletting a room in their apartments aren’t going to want to share an apartment with a couple who have never lived together before or lived on their own.
And you probably won’t be able to rent a hotel room either while looking for a sublet or in case of emergency (a lot of, if not most, hotels require you to be 21+ to get a room), which brings up another question… how are you going to find housing if you don’t want to stay in a dorm separately from your girlfriend but can’t stay in a hotel? I doubt anyone will sign a housing contract or let you stay in their property without meeting you first.
Also groceries, transportation, utilities, household necessities, laundry, eating at restaurants… all of those things are going to be more expensive in Chicago.
A couple thousand dollars may seem like a lot to earn, but it’s nothing, it’s absolutely nothing after living expenses. And if you’re buying your own tickets to fly there and back, I don’t think you’ll have any money left over by the end of the summer.
I understand why you want to do this, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s a realistic plan.
Ahhh, young love. Let’s not kid ourselves - you’re going because you want to be with your gf. The rest is all just other reasons you came up with to convince yourself and your parents that it was a good idea. I’m not saying they’re not good reasons, but I know how the teenage mind works.
My advice would be to work it out with your parents. You probably shouldn’t go if they’re really uncomfortable with it, or you should work out a compromise - maybe spend 4 weeks there and 4 weeks at home. You don’t want to cause any needless rift between you and your parents, especially for a girl.
Just a couple other thoughts:
How long have you been dating gf?
Do your parents know her?
Do HER parents approve of you going along to Chicago?
Do either of you have relatives near Chicago?
Were you parents counting on you to help out this summer with your siblings or with other household things?
I agree with @apresski that everything is harder when you are not over the age of 21.
(and I agree with @megan12 , young love trumps rational thought in some circumstances)
You seem like a great young man and your parents should be so proud of you, maybe you and the GF should sit down with them and show them that you both have a very specific plan and budget. Once parents can see these things on paper, it sometimes makes things more acceptable. (although if it were me, my answer would probably still be no, especially the first summer of college, but i am kind of like the mom on the Goldbergs so there you go)
I have a nephew that was strongly encouraged to have shown some volunteer experience in a medical setting in support of his med school applications. There is value to your future in having the experience you have arranged for.
As a parent, may I also suggest that your parents may not be completely comfortable with the idea of you living with your GF and just not know how to express that to you. I have dealt with some awkward questions from other parents in regard to my DS’s GF merely visiting him on campus–which I am okay with but they seem to need to comment upon. I can only imagine how direct their friends might be about you actually living together for the summer.
Well…I am the resident prude on this site, so I too would say no. Apart from not approving living with your GF, I’d have two other issues:
Is any of the “money you already have” money that your parents might expect you to contribute to your expenses at college? If your parents are financing your college education, they may feel that you should be using this money to pay for college and/or to “launch” yourself when you graduate. Is there any chance that they think you can make and/or save more money if you live at home and think you should contribute some of this money to college?
What happens if you are your GF break up? I’m sure right now you are convinced this is the “real” thing, but what happens if you do break up–either before or while you spend 8 weeks living together? Your plan is based on you two living together and sharing expenses. I know, I know, you don’t want to hear this, but there’s at least a chance you won’t make it until the end of the summer as a couple. If she’s getting housing through her position, it’s highly probable that you’ll lose your place to stay. Do you have a back up plan?
What happens if she’s offered a BETTER position in a different place for the summer? What happens if something goes wrong and she can’t work this summer?
If your GF is already a physician and you are a freshman, I see another issue from your parent’s perspective.
If you are on an ROTC sholarship, which you haven’t confirmed, then I understand the money isn’t as big of a deal because of the stipend. But @jonri raises a valid point about breaking up during the summer. One of several reasons that I am against cohabitation. It is harder to back away from a relationship that is going south because you become homeless at the same time and you increase the chances because you don’t know each other well enough.
I still remember the look on my mom’s face when I told her I wasn’t planning to come home at all the summer after my freshman life of college. Instead I went to stay with my boyfriend at his parent’s house (on the other side of the country for a month before going to work (4 hours away from boyfriend but at least in the same state) as a camp counselor for the rest of the summer. I had the whole thing planned out and arranged before springing it on my parents. The only hitch was the plan also included a couple weeks at the boyfriend’s house between camp ending and school starting up and his parents uninvited me in the middle of the summer. So my parents ended up paying for a last minute plane ticket they couldn’t really afford.
As the parent of college students now my gut reaction to your situation is that I would hate your plan but if you really have your ducks in a row and could show me that your plans were all well thought out and the money added up I’d swallow hard and support it. College is a time for exploration of all kinds and there are risks to always playing it safe too.
BTW, I married the boyfriend and we are still married today.
The OP sounds responsible to me and also stated that if he goes home he will not be “bringing in any income for himself” but rather “running errands” for his parents. Seem like he has figured out how to finance college on his own and that gives him credibility in my mind. My advice would be to have a conversation with your parents and explain the benefits of going to Chicago. Emphasize the resume building volunteer work and the extra income from the part time job you have already secured.
My only other thought is how does your GF’s parents feel about the summer living arrangements? I assume the relationship is a serious one and you might not want to burn any bridges if they have objections. Also how do your parents feel about your GF and will the living arrangements for this summer change their views on her? These are things to think about if you are planning a future with her.
As a parent, I would hate my son or daughters living with a SO, especially as a college student. That was fast, if you didn’t know each other in high school. I tend to encourage more personal independence and less reliance / interdependence on a non-marital relationship for job choices and housing. It also bothers me when students choose a college, internship, or post college job based on a love arrangement. My now husband graduated before me and move to a different state. I tell my children I would not even have left the county to follow him. Married yes, everything else, be a free agent. If your GF weren’t going to Chicago, would you make this decision and support yourself?
I agree with @TQfromtheU but this is only a summer break…low risk if things go wrong. If your name is not on the lease you just leave and go home. But when you graduate, I agree that you should optimize your choices for you and not a GF.
I loved @Marian 's post. Why not ask your parents what their concerns are, specifically?
These really have to be arranged ahead of time. You’d think not,as you’re offering to work for free, but our local hospital is very picky about volunteers and won’t consider any that can’t make a 3x a week/6 month commitment. IDK if that is unusual.
My D spent most of her summer after her first college year doing an internship (with funding) in her college town but I was in the loop as she applied and such so I knew she hoped to be away, it wasn’t a surprise. She had her expenses and college contribution covered.
Internships and volunteer opportunities are usually arranged in advance. A lot of students secure their summer internships as early as the fall of the previous year! My daughter and her friends have internships lined up for this summer that they applied for in the fall. So, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go to Chicago unless you have a volunteer job, internship and/or paying job waiting for you. Congratulations to your girlfriend for obtaining a research opportunity! But what about you? You need to think about your own goals, whether academic, job experience or financial, and what you need to do this summer to accomplish them, apart from your girlfriend.
And there are all the financial, housing issues brought up by other posters. Also, perhaps your parents have reservations about you centering your decisions about how to spend your whole summer around someone you are dating at 19. For one, how serious is your relationship? IMHO, I feel that moving in and spending a whole summer with a girlfriend at 19 is taking the relationship to another level. That’s just my opinion. And yes, definitely ask your parents what their specific concerns are.
@tjsc13 You’re old enough to make adult decisions. Where you want to stay for the Summer is really your business…unless you need mom and dad for money. I’ve read your responses and don’t really understand your financial situation. If mom and dad are footing part of your college costs, they certainly have a say in what you do during college even during your Summer breaks. If you are 100% scholarship and loans, then do whatever you want. It may be a great experience or you may look back on it 10 years from now and regret it, but you’ll never know if you don’t do it.
That said, I have a hunch you’re leaning on mom and dad to support you through the rest of college financially. Take care of that relationship with them. If they have serious reservations, then take those reservations seriously yourself. Maybe I’m traditional, but I think it’s still ok to not to be a live-in boyfriend at age 19. I’m a little surprised that your girlfriend’s family doesn’t have some reservations about this also. It doesn’t seem like a great place to put your relationship by straining your closest family members.
