Parents role in study abroad?

Student Lounge College Life
1

Sorry if you see this twice–I posted in the parents forum too because I wanted to get parent perspectives. Also, sorry in advance about the length!

I’m 21 and finishing up my junior year. My parents are HUGELY financially supportive (although I will note that 1. they can very much afford to be and 2. I am an only child) and this summer I’ve been deciding between internships in two different places. One is in Chicago, one is in San Francisco, and both are relevant to my studies. My parents have offered to pay 75% of my housing/transportation costs.

I missed a deadline for Chicago and had been leading toward SF all along, so I decided on that, and I told them last night. It turns out they had decided they wanted me to do Chicago because they thought the internship looked better and was more relevant to my studies, so they would have paid the remainder of my costs. Although they denied it, I definitely suspect that the fact that they’re conservative and religious has at least a little to do with why they would rather I not go to San Francisco.

I essentially told them this: I appreciate how much they’re paying for me either way (whether it’s 75% or 100%) but the fact that they decided to only provide extra financial support for one and not the other because they think it’s a more interesting and relevant program (when I already explained to them how both are super relevant to my studies) makes it seem like they don’t entirely trust my opinion and judgment on this matter, when I’m the one who’s going to be heading alone to a new city this summer.

Now I’m wondering if this is selfish or ungrateful of me? I was more than appreciative of their offer to pay 75% and made my decision assuming the costs would be the same either way. Now after committing to SF, I’m finding out I could be saving $1,000+ by going to Chicago, simply because my parents decided one program would be better for me than the other. Am I being selfish about this or do I have the right to be a little upset?

2

Also, my bad, I titled it “study abroad” because I was distracted and talking to a friend about study abroad at the same time. Whoops!!

3

Are the costs really the same? SF is known as on of the most expensive cities in the US. Maybe that part of it.

Have you considered that maybe they felt Chicago would be a better resume builder. They might be basing their decisions on factors you didn’t consider and their experience in the business world and life. Did you ask them why they felt Chicago would be better? Did you explain why SF is better? It sounds like you were trying to give you an incentive for Chicago and let you decide.

To answer your question. As a parent, I feel the choice should made by the student. However, if I am paying for it, I should be consulted to the extent that I can make sure that MY money is being well spent. If I feel that it is not a good use of MY money then I have the right to adjust my support.

Bottom line your parents are footing the bill for 75%. They did not go back on their promise to pay for 75%. They did not withdraw their support or force you to pick Chicago over SF. They were fair and just offer to sweeten the deal if you pick Chicago. You should be grateful. It sounds like you are still going. So what is the problem? Is it that you don’t want to spend your money for SF but it okay to spend theirs? If they were truly against SF for the reasons you stated, I am sure they would have refused to pay anything. But they didn’t. They supported your decision and provide the financial support they promised.

4
  1. They are supporting you and they don’t have to
  2. They are keeping their end of the bargain
  3. Paying the rest of say, $6000 for Chicago could be less than paying 75% of let’s say $10,000.
  4. It is very easy for you to spend other people’s money…don’t do it. They very well might want you to reap the consequence of your decisions…SF is very expensive, it might cost more to travel there, it may or may not be better for your internship…if you don’t want to pay more for that opportunity, why should they?
  5. Where did you go to college? Did you pick a value option or an expensive one?
5

Don’t the internships pay your housing/transportation costs? If they’re unpaid, don’t take them it’s not worth your time.

6

This is the same as your last thread with this question.

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1882371-parents-role-in-internship-decision-can-i-have-other-perspectives-p1.html