<p>Hello everyone. My father and stepmom and I have gotten into a huge issue recently about me going away to college. I was accepted to Boston University with an excellent scholarship package, leaving only $8000 to be paid for Fall 2013. I am a Biology major and plan to be on the Pre-Med track.</p>
<p>My stepmom has been severely against me attending BU (and any really good college) since I started applying. I have bad relationship with her because she thinks I can't possibly be smarter than her two kids who couldn't get into the big college here and had to go to community college - and when I got into several good colleges, she said there was no way they could pay for it. She wants me to go the same route as her kids because that's what I "deserve" and thought I was lying when I said I had a majority of tuition/fees/etc covered by scholarship. Sorry ranting. So now my stepmom thinks the advisors are not doing their job right because ONE elective class was full and I could not get into it. I was added into a different elective that I would have normally taken in the spring, so the two are just switched - but that's a problem. She also thinks I need complete control over my schedule and made me try to change some classes because they were too late, but the earlier ones are full. Because of these disagreements with BU, she thinks that no one is doing their job and told my Dad that he shouldn't pay the remaining bill and that "we" should just go with "our" plan of going to the community college. Even though my Dad makes all the money, he told me he can't pay like we previously agreed.</p>
<p>Sorry for the long explanation, but how can I come up with the remaining money? I know I can get around $5000 in loans but that's still $3000 not accounted for. I only have a few hundred in checking from working. I do not have complete freedom of my money until I turn 18 in December so my personal savings is untouchable. Please help!!</p>
<p>If your net price is $8,000 after financial aid grants and scholarships only (not loans or work-study), then you should be able to cover it with a $5,500 direct/Stafford loan plus $2,500 in work earnings. The latter is within the typical expected student work contribution for most colleges. However, if you do not have any work-study eligibility, it may be more difficult to get an on-campus job since work-study students will get first preference (due to the subsidy – work-study subsidizes the pay of students who take eligible jobs at the school or qualifying non-profit organizations, so they will prefer work-study students over other students to fill the jobs).</p>
<p>You can also go through the budget to see if there are ways to live frugally, such as spending less than $1,946 on “incidentals”, choosing the cheapest housing, looking for cheaper book options (on-line vendors like Amazon, used, rental), etc…</p>
<p>I’m afraid to ask for a cosigned loan because I don’t want my stepmom involved in this process anymore. Using their income is probably enough reason to keep me from moving up to Boston.</p>
<p>The remaining $8000 is for fees, room, and board (which are at the lowest options). My summer work money and some savings was supposed to be given to me for living expenses, but now I’m only relying on summer work money. I have books already paid for through a private scholarship as well. I do not have work-study funding. I wasn’t planning on working based on my classes, but since this issue has come up I’m now looking for a weekend job.</p>
<p>I’ve seen this sort of thing happen before, when one step-parents’ children went the cheaper CC route, so they don’t want/think more money should be spent on you.</p>
<p>Yes, get the $5500 loan, and look for a weekend job. How were you going to cover personal expenses anyway??</p>
<p>Ask your dad if instead of paying $8k, can he pay $3k or so? Maybe that would be more doable. Afterall, the CC probably cost that much, right? (how much does attending a CC by you cost for tuition, fees, and books???)</p>
<p>leaving only $8000 to be paid for Fall 2013</p>
<p>Wait, are you saying that your dad was supposed to pay $16k for the YEAR? If so, then that is a different situation. I dont see how you can close that gap.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids - i’m sorry, i forgot to split up housing/meals/fees into semesters when trying to calculate everything. it is $8000 for the year, so about $4000 is to be paid this fall.</p>
<p>I do not have a mom - she left before I could ever remember anything about her. My dad has no idea where she is or what she is doing and I know nothing about her aside from a few photos.</p>
<p>Before this issue happened, my Dad was going to give me a $500 allowance for each semester out of my savings fund to pay for personal expenses. I have $883 in my bank account right now, so I would use a little from my earnings and from my savings allowance. I wasn’t planning on getting a job to focus on getting good grades. I had a 4.0 since sophomore year and would like to try to maintain that type of GPA in college for med school purposes. If I needed to work, I would do so after the fall, so that I can be aware of what my limits are and how I handle classwork, bio related volunteering and research, etc. My priority is med school and I want to have a pretty basic, inexpensive lifestyle so I can focus on doing well in school and having a well rounded experience.</p>
<p>The community college would cost about $2000 or so BUT I do not have a car since my stepmom won’t allow it. The community college is about half an hour away by car, ~2 hours by bus, with the closest stop being 3.5 miles away. My stepsiblings had no choice but to go to community college because they had GPAs under 2.5 and didn’t even bother taking the SAT or ACT. They also party a lot, do illegal things, go for a long time without having a job, etc. and live at home even though they’re in their mid 20s.</p>
<p>The problem with my Dad paying is that my stepmom won’t allow ANY of “their” income go to me. My Dad makes a substantial amount of money, but she does not want any of it going to me because her kids are better than me and they didn’t make it into a 4 year college. She will not even let me touch my personal savings account, so that has to wait until I am 18. Even though I feel like I did everything right, she is not very accepting of me or my hard work. And even though my Dad recognizes my accomplishments, she overpowers him a lot. I hate it. It’s very frustrating since she makes no money and it seems like my Dad should be in control over this, but it’s not the case.</p>
<p>Edit: With loan money taken into account, the remaining balance for the fall will be around $1500. So the number we are working with if I can get the loans is a lot more manageable, but I don’t know how to get $1500 within the next few weeks (nor do I know how take care of any other expenses that may come up while moving to BU since I don’t have that money from my savings to count on anymore…)</p>
<p>The community college would cost about $2000 o</p>
<p>You need to sit down with your dad and talk to him. if you can get that $2k that would have gone towards a CC, then would be enough. Otherwise, you’re going to have to work during the school year to get that money. </p>
<p>Explain that the CC option isn’t workable since you don’t have a car. The $2k per year from your dad would make ends meet and wouldn’t require a car.</p>
<p>Contact your school on Tuesday and have them add a $5500 student loan.</p>
<p>*but I don’t know how to get $1500 within the next few weeks *</p>
<p>Is that for DIRECT school costs? If so, see if there is a payment plan at your school.</p>
<p>Hopefully, those who’ve been thru blended family issues like this (jealousy) can help with some suggestions.</p>
<p>It’s not right, but you have to schmooze your stepmother into allowing your father to give you 4K for college.
Making your father choose between you and his wife is counterproductive.
Your goal is to go to college.
You need to swallow your pride and get it done.
Until you are financially independent you are at the mercy of your evil stepmonster.
My sympathies.
Your revenge will be a happy life away from her and her loser kids.</p>
<p>Sorry you are in this situation. If your Dad/Mom allow the withdrawal of the original level of support the final $8000 is doable. I’d suggest this …</p>
<p>1) Ask your parents to still pay what they would for community college … and include everything … tuition, books, fees, food while in school, commuting, parking, cloths, backpacks, supplies, new shoe laces … any expense they would pay for community college. Hopefully, this will be a $1000-$2000 per year.</p>
<p>2) Take out the full federal student loan each year.</p>
<p>3) Work 8-10 hours per week during each semester.</p>
<p>4) Work all summer … possibly two jobs.</p>
<p>This should get you very close to $8000 year.</p>
<p>My last two years of school were pretty tight but I made it worked. I worked during school, took out the student loans, had summer jobs starting as soon as I could and finishing as late as I could, found a second job each summer, worked during winter break, did extra jobs for my parents during the summer for bucks like painting parts of the house. I LOVED my schools and wanted to be able to finish there. Could I have had more fun if I didn’t work so much … sure … but I couldn’t have finished at my school.</p>
<p>Is your stepmom’s name on your personal savings account? You have every legal right to take money from an account in which you are a co-owner. Do you have an aunt/uncle or grandparent who would co-sign a loan for you? Does BU have any co-op housing where students do some of the housekeeping tasks to reduce their housing costs (at my daughter’s school, that type of housing is a 40% savings)? Frankly, you are so close to covering this bill at a great school, there has to be some way to get the money. Do you have any valuable music equipment or clothing or media that you can sell? Can you sell your blood plasma? Know anyone who needs help painting their house or refinishing a deck? I know this is not usually recommended, but a motivated, strong student can handle a part-time job first semester and still do very well in class. I know several that did so, because they had no other choice. My apologies if some of these suggestions sound absurd but I am throwing every idea I can think of out there while trying to comprehend how a parent can just abandon his financial support of his child because of a vindictive spouse. Kudos to you OP for getting huge merit money. Good luck following your dreams.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions. I was looking into the payment plan already and will call them Tuesday. I did some last minute phone calls today to see if there was any way I could get the scholarship if I return at a later date (for the Spring semester when I’m 18 and have access to my savings account) but that wouldn’t work. Hopefully it’s not too late for the payment plan and that my current earnings can cover remaining expenses til I get a job at BU.</p>
<p>I’m really uneasy trying to get my Dad to give me money if my stepmom is this strong about not letting me attend BU at all. She does not like it when I work against her because she really thinks I’m undeserving of ANYTHING good. Don’t know how she can logically come to that conclusion, but oh well. If I did somehow convince my Dad, she might leave him (which is good for me, but my Dad really loves her) and maybe even find a way to take his money. Right now she seems extremely adamant on making me go to the school that I “deserve” to go to… even though I earned 60+ credits from AP at BU. Again, sorry for ranting.</p>
<p>I don’t know how to convince him anymore than I have with a 4.0+ in high school, 2180 on the SATs, a huge scholarship… I don’t know what else will work. We’ve talked about community college vs. BU tons of times. Really, any school is better for me than a community college because of my college prep in high school and ability to get scholarship money. I don’t know what’s a good argument. I’m just fed up with this and can’t wait to start working toward med school and have a great experience in Boston - even though my stepmom is convinced I’ll fail out after a few weeks! I just hope this all works out.</p>
<p>hoosiermom - My stepmom’s name is on the account unfortunately, it was set up by my grandparents when I was 6. My dad’s an only child so no family around and my grandparents are retired. I wish I could sell my blood or something like that, but I am a bit too small to do so. I never looked into co-op housing, but it looks like only girls are eligible for it at BU (unless I just can’t find it for males) - but I’ll do more research!</p>
<p>3togo - my Dad is not allowed to pay any money to me unless I go to the community college. Even though it looks like he would have to give me less for BU if I have loans, it’s still not allowed. my stepmom really thinks I don’t deserve this.</p>
<p>Does BU have a payment plan option? Just wondering, because my college allows us to pay a monthly bill instead of all at once. The tuition is increase by a teeny amount of money because of this, but it is convenient for people who, like you, can’t come up with the money in a short amount of time.</p>
<p>On a sidenote, your stepmom sounds like an evil person. “The evil stepmom.” I’m so sorry!</p>
<p>Have you tried talking to your dad on the side, privately, and seriously? Like see if he can give some money to you in a way the stepmom will never find out?</p>
<p>my stepmom really thinks I don’t deserve this.</p>
<p>Deep down, your stepmom probably does know that you’re a better student than her kids (after all, your GPA would indicate that), but she doesn’t like the “in your face” comparison with her kids. She likely fears that you’re going to turn out much better than her kids and that will somehow mean that she didn’t raise her kids right. </p>
<p>Maybe someone here can suggest some words you can say that will nicely diffuse your SM’s opposition without making her feel badly that her kids aren’t doing very well. </p>
<p>I do find that her choice of words is odd…“you don’t deserve this”. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been a bad kid. Maybe she thinks that you haven’t had the struggles that maybe she thinks her kids have had (prior to her marrying your dad??) </p>
<p>Anyway, you need to diffuse some of this and get her on your side otherwise she’ll always be setting up obstacles so that you won’t outshine her kids.</p>
<p>Yes BU has a payment plan option. It is either through TuitionPay or the other payment service…can’t remember! I would imagine you can set this up now,for the 9 or 10 month plan. Call and ask.</p>
<p>I wish I knew the exact reasoning for all of this. This really wasn’t an issue til end of sophomore year after my first SAT - then things started spiraling downward from there. I really don’t flaunt my work or accomplishments in anyway, but she refuses to even acknowledge anything I do as something good. In fact, she just all of a sudden starting working against me and trying to keep my Dad from seeing me do anything right (she didn’t even attend my graduation and actively tried to find a way to have my Dad miss it - which didn’t work). I don’t know what I’ve done personally aside from set goals and work hard to get what I wanted… but I guess not everything has to make sense.</p>
<p>For the record, I don’t see her as evil - just really difficult to work with through college things or anything academic/career related. When I spend my downtime playing sports or video games, when we’re at the mall, or stuff like that our relationship isn’t as tense. She also makes my Dad happy, which I’m happy to see, and she does a good job with socializing and hosting friends and such at our house. It’s just school and college has been a huge red flag to her and has caused a lot of problems for me.</p>
<p>* I don’t know what I’ve done personally aside from set goals and work hard to get what I wanted*</p>
<p>That’s just it. By doing so, it highlights that her own kids never did that. It makes her feel bad about how they turned out. </p>
<p>Since your dad went to your graduation despite her manipulations, it does seem that he will stand up to her about important things. You do need to sit your dad down and work something out. You can say something like, “Dad, I understand that $8k isn’t affordable for you, so I’ve found a way to get $5500 and maybe a bit more (from working). But, I’m still about $2k short. Can you help me out with that?”</p>
<p>I would get confirmation from your Dad that in subsequent years he will continue to cooperate in filing fafsa and profile even if your stepmom objects.</p>
<p>Can you ask your grandparents to lend you the money on a short-term basis until you are able to access your savings account in December?</p>
<p>Also, instead of talking to your Dad, can you talk to your step-mom? Beg her, make her feel superior, let her hear what she wants to hear - use any trick you might have in yours sleeve.</p>
<p>I luckily got my Dad to myself for a few hours tonight - he’s not at all angry at my stepmom but DOES see it as unfair. He think I should be able to go and hopefully that is good enough to bypass/convince/whatever my stepmom. I also reminded him that we already planned to move in on Sunday and that he’s put some money toward going to BU - so that got him to start looking into other things. </p>
<p>My stepmom conveniently managed to make things difficult 2 days before leaving, but I’m hoping the sudden time constraint will work out in my favor.</p>