Seems that what is being discussed is asking grandfather for SUNY money, not Northwestern money. OP is financially shut out otherwise, unless some of the full ride schools are still taking scholarship applications.
What’s clear is that the SUNY schools are basically affordable. Cali should be putting all her effort into choosing one of them, and gently working on getting the small family contribution either from her parents or her grandfather, with her parents’ consent. If they really can’t or refuse to pay $10,000-$12,000 per year, then she should include them in the attempt to ask grandpa. It is a relatively small amount, and I have no doubt that somehow this family can come up with it.
Does anyone know whether some schools do fly-ins to attract those sweet sweet full pay dollars?
I have to say I wondered if the parents, by telling calicash they would pay nothing, were hoping she would ask the grandfather to pay instead? Maybe they want to ask him themselves but think she has a better chance of success?
I don’t have a suggestion better than the many already given. Just want to say good luck to you.
Probably. I felt this was very much the case at the special weekend we attended at the U of Miami. They want to show you what a great school it is, so that you will really want to attend, regardless of the price. I was definitely impressed with Miami and would love to send my son there…so their strategy worked, to some extent. It’s just that in our situation, finances trump pretty much everything else. However, we were sufficiently impressed that Miami is still on my son’s list, even though its the most expensive of all the “affordable” options, and would truthfully be a bit of a stretch. So yeah, it’s an effective strategy! 
That’s what I suspected. Cali and NU are at cross-purposes here. Cali wants to go to NU to ask for more aid, and NU wants her to come visit so that they can persuade her to attend and pay that sweet sweet full-pay tuition. This is not going to end well. Better to take Northwestern off the table entirely and concentrate on schools that are potentially affordable for the CaliCash family.
It breaks my heart that your parents are thinking about their short term comfort over your future. Sorry but shame on them. Very selfish.
Of course Cali can appeal to her grandfather and ask for $40k to pay for her undergrad, but I think it has the potential to become very messy very quickly. If Cali doesn’t have to borrow from (and repay) her parents, why should her older sibling? If grandpa is going to pay $40k for Cali’s education, shouldn’t her sibling get the $30k she needs to pay for hers? What about the other grandchildren? I can imagine Cali’s aunts & uncles wouldn’t be thrilled to see $70k go to the grandchildren in Cali’s family while the other granchildren got nothing.
I thought we were at the point where Cali was going to ask Grandpa for $10K a year to go to a SUNY, since her mother is currently ranting that her parents will give her nothing, zero, for college.
Yes you are so right! I think Cali should tell her parents that if NU doesn’t come up with more money, she needs just $11,000 per year from them, or grandpa, to go one of the SUNYs, and then gently try to get them to commit to where that money will come from. Yes it could get messy if grandpa pays, but Cali is in a real pickle here, and that money has to come from somewhere. Maybe he could pay just $5000 and the parents could pick up the rest?
How would admissions know that I would be full pay?
They have your financial aid forms.
If it’s an “admitted student weekend” or something like that, it’s usually mostly a sales pitch to get a high percentage of the students who attend to matriculate. They don’t know (or care) what everyone’s specific financial packages are, they just want to close the deal with as many students as possible.
@CaliCash Do you think there is a chance your parents will pay $41,000 or more for NU? Or do you think NU is pretty much impossible without a lot more aid?
It’s a fly-in. They don’t fly all students in, just the students they most want to attend.
My son has gone on two of those, and he they definitely wanted him. But he was a pretty much guaranteed full-tuition or full-ride scholarships at both schools that flew him in. NU has already come back with an unaffordable offer, so that’s not likely to change is it? And would it change so much that it’s suddenly within range for this family, that wants/needs a very low price?
Doesn’t that assume mom is willing to pay for everything else? Gas, insurance, basic living expenses can all take a bite out of a kid’s salary.
Yes as I qualified in post. 228
I know a mom like this, dramatic, selfish, unreasonable. She still won’t allow her spouse to send more than $50 for grand child’s birthday (he puts cash in envelope). She has been this way for ever, and the family relationships are strained.
My point, the OP knows his mom, and I don’t. She could be this way all her life, not just in the college years. The older sister went with a cheap option, and willingly signed their loans. The sister may be hoping that dad forgives the loans, but if he is cowed by the mom, she will have to pay them back.
@ calicash I just went back and read a goo number of your past posts regarding college money. A few things jumped out at me.
- You mention a few times how your parent income of $240,000 a year's is "misleading". No, it's not.
- You mention a lot how your sister is attending a local four year college while commuting...and that your parents expect her to pay them back the $8000 or so a year it is costing to send her there. This alone should have been sufficient to let you know that any amount over what your sister is oaying...is not likely going to be paid.
- You mention that larger earners spend more money. That is a personal choice. Anyone CAN spend less money.
- Your mom is paying $12,000 to help support a grandparent. You do understand that colleges also view this as a choice.
- You mention more than once how you are the cream of the crop, better than your sibling and cousins, etc. honestly, I think you need a small bit of an attitude adjustment. You are a member of the fsmily just like everyone else. Nothing you have posted here makes you sound any more special than anyone else.
- You say over and over that you have safety schools you would be willing to attend...but now that does not seem to be the case. Why?
And now my opinion…
- Start talking to your parents about realistically affordable schools. One where they have to pay $35,000 a year for two years and $70,000 for two years is not affordable. It is likely that they are tired of you telling them you earned this opportunity.
- Look at your more affordable options and right now...figure out how to MAKE them work for you and your family.
- Or take the advice of others and very quickly get an application in to one of the places where you could get a huge merit award.
I’m not sure what a college counselor will be able to tell you at this point. But I would strongly suggest the olive branch with your family. This could be the best decision in terms of helping you move forward.