Indeed. If it’s only Cornell, who cares? Riff-raff in-state, riff-raff in NY, what’s the difference?
No. I sometimes wish we were affluent enough to not worry about the cost of college but I don’t envy the poor kids on major FA, no.
" It could make a huge difference between, say, being admitted to HYPSM and, say, Cornell. If it’s the latter, then I wouldn’t feel as guilty, if at all. But, that’s just my opinion."
Talk about angels dancing on the head of a pin. There is no discernible difference here.
I am a huge advocate of being up front about what a family can actually afford in advance. I realize this is hard to predict, but estimators do help. I am also a huge fan of being up front with the idea that the child can apply to certain schools that will require being offered X scholarship to afford, and if that doesn’t happen, the student will be disappointed, but there are bounds of reality operating in this process and where that reality is differs from family to family. This is a way to avoid guilt.
From the point of view of a student. http://www.thecollegiateblog.org/2013/07/24/student-stories/
Yes, I feel guilty. We said we could afford the very expensive schools but I wasn’t clear about what going to an very expensive school would mean. I felt guilty when we sat down after the acceptances and said, look this is what is in your college fund. This is how much of it we can pay out of our salaries. Anything above that comes out of your college fund. D saw the wisdom of not draining her college fund for her undergrad or being able to stay a 5th year to do a double major. We weren’t vague on purpose. It just didn’t get ‘real’ until after the acceptances rolled in, and didn’t start thinking through everything. So, yeah, I feel guilty about that part. I should have laid it out like that back in spring of junior year, but I was inexperienced. Thankfully, D ended up at a school that became her top choice after all was said and done. Being recruited and given $, helped with that 
For S19, I already feel guilty. He is an even stronger student than his sister and with a driven personality that thrives on challenge. He making lists of his ‘dream’ colleges and I’m loathe to sit down and say ‘ok let’s get real and put some price tags on those schools.’ I can’t bring myself to do it now. I just can’t. ‘Sorry son, your parents are wealthy (based on EFC) and cheapskates. Bad combination.’
There were a few weeks in the winter that were uncomfortable. It was this feeling in the air that D felt…unlucky?.. to have us as parents. Or put another way, if she had wealthier parents she could go to her top pick.
The dark cloud has blown over. Again, no guilt, but it was definitely uncomfortable.
Really strong academically-oriented students can thrive on affordable college campuses. They can find challenges, peers, mentors, opportunities for research, clubs, intellectual conversations, etc. It is a a fallacy that only elite schools offer “challenge.”
The truth is that far more top students attend avg universities than elite schools. For every poster on CC who posts about how they sacrificed and saved and did whatever possible in order to ensure that their kids can attend whatever school they want, there are many more parents who exist who didn’t save or can’t pay or won’t pay. When combining the freshman population at all of the elite schools together, what is that # compared to just the valedictorians and salutatorians in this country. (Across the United States there are 26,407 public secondary schools and 10,693 private secondary schools. That means that there are approx 66,000 V&S’s alone. Granted not all high schools are strong academically, but there are 1000s of high schools out there with strong student body populations in general. That 66,000 also does not include international students or homeschooled students. According to a Mar 2015 WSJ article, “There are 1.13 million foreign students in the U.S., the vast majority in college-degree programs, according to a report to be released Wednesday by the Department of Homeland Security.”) Anyway, the point is that there are A LOT of strong students attending a broad spectrum of universities. They are not only found on a handful of campuses.
FWIW, a strong student who thrives on challenge and is internally self-motivated can use that to their advantage at a lower ranked school. They can use their strengths to find professors who want to mentor them, to do research for, and to get coveted internships.
It isn’t a doomsday scenario. Nor is it one that should bring depression, shame, despair, or suggestion that their futures are any “less” b/c they are attending college on a budget. That is the truth for probably the majority of their “intellectual peers.”
(I noticed too late that I forgot change my numbers, so I can’t edit my post. Originally I typed that there were approx 33,000 high schools in the country and then before Imposted, I actually looked up the #. So the reality is that there are closer to 74,000 V&S’s.)
There isn’t any point in feeling guilty if you feel you can’t afford a given educational option for your kid without imprudent levels of debt or cleaning out your retirement accounts. Making yourself financially vulnerable so that kiddo can attend a dream school isn’t doing the child any favors at all. On the other hand, I would feel guilty if I prioritized my consumption (cars, vacations, home renovations, a boat etc.) over “dream school.”
Much of this depends on what has been normal in your family. it may not be rational, but I personally would feel very guilty if I could not afford a 4-year residential college experience for my kid, as that is the baseline norm in my family. My parents paid for my undergraduate degree and their parents paid for theirs. I feel an obligation to pay it forward and would feel like a failure if I couldn’t. If you come from a background where put yourself through school and expect your kids to do so, it may be hard to understand this feeling.
@Mom2aphysicsgeek I feel guilty because we can afford it. We are one of those families that
and now when the day is fast upon us, we are balking at giving 150K at least extra (over our flagship) to top-20 USNEWS school—even if we ourselves went to one of those vaulted schools.
Our flagship is Univ of Washington, which we think is a suberb school but it is #52 so apparently is for “B students” (according to seniors not the adults!). Just last night I had yet another conversation with a HS senior mulling over final choices, Tufts was one. Senior: “I was so lucky to get into Tufts. I don’t feel like I can turn them down, but I actually didn’t really like the school anymore when I did the accepted student overnight and now I don’t I want to go so far away.” Me: “What about UW? You got in there too.” Senior: “UW is much, much lower ranked than Tufts. They are not in the same category. I can’t go there.” Me: “What?! How can you say that?” Son: “Mom, stop you’re sounding like dad.” Oh, sounding like the Stanford PhD, with 20+ tech patents, who who helped start 5 tech start-ups. Goodness, wouldn’t want to sound like that guy!
If we stick to our guns and tell our S19 that we think he can get fine education for the price of our flagship and that he should use the money we saved for him in a more prudent way, it means he has to scratch the top-30 or so off that stupid USNEWS ranking. He knows where his sister was competitive and he knows he’s a stronger student than her, so I know he’s eyeing the top-20.
So, yeah, I feel guilty. I feel very guilty. It’s stupid because it’s still 2 years away, but there you have it.
Totally felt guilty, which is why we acquiesced and ended up letting son ED to elite. Growing up one could go to the best school you could get into. If you could get in to an ivy, there was no way your parents would make you go to a state school…
The donut is the worst position to be in. For us, had we not had savings son would get almost full ride to ivy… but bc of our savings … nothing not a cent. You are literally penalized for saving. Its forced socialism. I don’t know any other industry/sector in America that operates like this… its not like this in healthcare, housing, finance, retail etc…
If I had to do over, I would not save -I would spend rampantly bc i think next in our country they will forgive all student debt…
We Cornellians are used to this sort of thing. It rolls off us like water off the back of a duck.
if everyone you knew growing up was able to go to any school they hit into, you knew a pretty lucky bunch. That was not always the case for everyone.
I understand the balk because it’s at odds with the idea of being very discriminating about what you do and do not spend money on-that’s how you scrimp and save over the years. And now you’re putting colleges through the same equation and all of a sudden you’re like, this is a sucky deal!
My husband says it’s like going to a car dealership and they tell you how much you’re going to pay for a car. It can be $0, it can be $500k. Who walks in going, I’ll take the worst deal you have!
That must be some savings, @runswimyoga , with retirement and education savings almost exempt and other savings tapped so lightly. I have to put in $1.4 million with a 100K salary to lose financial aid with Harvard’s NPC.
Let’s not count other people money here. We don’t have 1.4 mil in savings and we don’t qualify for FA.
If I have to do it all over again, I would be stay at home mom and not work very stressful job all those years since I have to give all my savings now for my DC education.
@liska21 - you have time now to set the expectations for your son. Let him know NOW that you can pay “x” for each year of college.
“You are literally penalized for saving.”
Disagree. Saving gives you choices.
@kepakemapa I’m not counting anything, but a rather strong claim was made (“almost full ride to an Ivy” if not for the savings) and in my experience assets have a lot less to do with net price than income does.
We hear a lot of “savers are penalized” here when they really aren’t. Especially if the savings is for retirement.
[quote] Retirement assets such as 401k, 403b, IRAs, SEP, SIMPLE, Keogh, profit sharing, pensions and Roth IRAs are not included in the calculation of EFC under any of the three EFC methodologies.
Parents’ total reportable assets will vary depending upon the EFC methodology, and from the reportable asset value a savings (emergency reserve) allowance of about $30,000 to $50,000 is subtracted to arrive at an available asset value. Parents are expected to use up to 5.64% (Federal) and 5% (Institutional and Consensus), of those available assets each year on college. Family controlled small businesses with fewer than 100 full-time employees, home equity and non-qualified annuities are not counted in the FM, but they are in the IM and CM, although, under the CM home equity is capped at 1.2 times the parent’s adjusted gross income.
[/quote]
Doesn’t seem “socialist” to me.
I’d say being too poor to afford college at all is the worst place to be, especially if you are the parent of a kid who can’t get into one of the tiny # of colleges that would actually meet the full need of the kid.