<p>All parents out there, I need help. I really want to go to a college out of state (I live in Texas and I want to go to St. John's College in NM). I will be graduating as valedictorian of my class, I've never been in any trouble to speak of, and I am an independent and well adjusted individual. Money isn't even an issue (my folks can afford it), but they really want me to stay in state. Although they won't go out and say it, the reason they want me to stay is because my mom knows this girl whose father was bipolar, and as soon as she went off to college, she couldn't handle it and became bipolar as well. My dad suffers from bipolar disorder also, and my mom's afraid that the same thing will happen to me (since bipolar disorder is supposed to be genetic, but I only have a 10% chance of getting it). However, I fail to see my mom's logic. How would going off to college in Texas be any different? I'll still have to "adjust" to a new environment. Personally, I would think that going to a college in Texas that I don't want to go to would have a far more adverse impact than going to a college where I think I will fit in best, even if it's in another state. I can understand my parents' concern, but I'm right, aren't I? How can I convince them they're wrong?</p>
<p>Maybe you could ask your mother if she would be willing to go with you to speak to your father's doctor or another doctor about the likelihood of (1) your inheriting your father's condition (2) it developing in the next few years (3) what steps you would need to take if this did occur. It's likely that this will be enough to put her mind at ease - or maybe, you will discover that the real issue isn't about bipolar but about her own fears of your leaving home. </p>
<p>If you haven't already, try taking your mom to visit St. John's and some other schools, including some in Texas that she likes. She might come around to the idea of letting you go when she begins to visualize where you'll be. In the meantime, don't lock yourself into just one option - make sure St. John's is right for you and look at other choices as well. (By the way, I replied to your question about St. John's on the other board as well)</p>
<p>What role do you fill in your mom's life besides that of a typical child's role? Are you a confidante, support, right-hand-man if/when your father's illness is problematic?
Is there any chance that the worry is for her, and not for you? Just something else to think about...</p>
<p>See if your mother can seek some family counseling around this issue. If you are going to develop Bipolar Disorder, you can develop it anywhere. The major concern at your age is avoiding any kind of recreational drugs and limiting alcohol. Drugs can induce an early episode.</p>
<p>As far as managing stress is concerned your best off at a college that you feel is a good fit for you. If your mom can understand this, maybe she can help you find the right fit for you. It sounds like she's afraid of you moving away, but being close to home is not going to help if you don't feel comfortable at the school.</p>
<p>robyrm, that's a good perspective to consider, but my dad's illness has been under control for years...the last time he had an episode was about five years ago...a really horrible experience for those who have gone through that...anyhow, i don't really play that a big a role, i have an older brother who goes to the local community college and a younger sis in high school too, we all kinda support each other.</p>
<p>carolyn, thanks for the ideas, I'm gonna try them...also thanks for the other post.. i've looked into some other colleges (2 in tx-Southwestern and Austin College) but i'm passionate about philosophy (i've taken some classes at the local college in my spare time) i love to read, im a good writer, love to discuss (im on the debate team) so that's why St. John's is my no. 1 pick. I couldn't imagine having a better curriculum than the one they have there.</p>
<p>cookiemom,</p>
<p>i heard that alcohol and drugs is just a consequence of people who are disposed to having bipolar disorder, not a cause of it. Ive heard that mushrooms can activate a latent psychological disorder, but does marijuana have that effect? just wondering what you've heard</p>
<p>According to what I read here and there, anyone who feels he or she is at genetic risk for bipolar disorder had best not mess with any street drugs, or any excessive use of alcohol. There are DEFINITELY environmental factors in the development of bipolar disorder--it's just not clear what all of them are.</p>
<p>It is common for people do try to self medicate with alcohol and drugs. However, recent research shows that drugs, particularly marijuana, can trigger early episodes in those predisposed to the illness. It doesnt cause the illness, but it can cause it to show up earlier than if the person had never taken drugs. If you have a close relative with Bipolar Disorder, you're advised to stay clear of any kind of street drugs.</p>
<p>I think the advice of talking to your dad's doctor is excellent.</p>
<p>Also, maybe she is (irrationally) worried about you being out from under her watchful eye. People sometimes feel they can control things when they are "watching" them. Is there a way this fear could be allayed, for example, by you agreeing to have a counselor in NM with whom you could check in periodically, so she'd know that if you had a problem you would be able to swiftly get help? Not that I think this is likely-- but of course every mother fears that her child will be the only one to fall off the chairlift or suffer some other random event...</p>
<p>Good Luck!</p>
<p>I haven't read the other posts here, but tell your parents this:</p>
<p>my parents gave me a specific mile radius limit on how far I could go away to college, and while I did find a good match and had a wonderful four-year experience, I have never forgotten their arbitrary stomping on a life-influencing decision. If you have earned the stats and have the motivation to go further, and if it is financially feasible for the family, then I would hope they would consider letting you pursue your dream. </p>
<p>That said, every family is different and has different values and priorities and you and your parents have to negotiate this issue within that family. </p>
<p>On your side there is the potential for resentment; on theirs, of course, their concern is a genuine manifestation of their love for you. Both are valid.</p>
<p>As for the bipolar issue, if your mother has reason for concern, why doesn't she have you evaluated by a mental health professional?</p>
<p>Dizzymom</p>
<p>St. John's has a very distinct curriculum. Perhaps you could show that you can't find that in another school in Texas? Can you check and see what kind of mental health services are available at St. John's? Maybe your mother would feel better if she knew there would be help available just in case.</p>
<p>Let me echo the importance of avoiding alcohol and other drugs. Besides the potential for triggering the illness onset, use can obscure early symptoms. (I am a psychologist at a University Counseling Center)</p>
<p>You need to talk up how special St. Johns is with your parents. Maybe the admissions officer can speak with them too.They may think it is just like any other college. It's not. And if a student wants to go there, then they NEED to go there. What a great college! Good luck!</p>
<p>Your parents are right--going away to college can be the trigger for the first major manic episode.</p>
<p>However, do some research. Recent research indicates there are personality markers which appear to be common among a percentage of children who later develop a bi-polar disorder. The research indicates the disorder is there from birth--though the first full-blown manic episode might be delayed until the first break with ordered family life. </p>
<p>Do you live in a university town? You might check with an affiliated child psychiatrist and have yourself evaluated. A clean bill of mental health might calm your parents.</p>
<p>I don't see how going away to college will - in and of itself - trigger an episode any more than being forced to go to a local college would trigger an episode. Fact is that a lot of mental illness becomes evident around age 20. </p>
<p>Perhaps you could talk up the advantage that a school like St Johns has over a huge university like UT-Austin. At St Johns, you'll be in very close contact with your profs - and since it's exclusively an undergrad institution, your faculty will get to know you and are more likely to notice if something goes wrong. </p>
<p>Perhaps you could make a deal with your mother that you will apply to St Johns - and, if you're accepted, you'll have a meeting with her and whoever deals with student mental health issues on campus to find out what kind of resources are available. Sadly, colleges and universities are seeing more and more students who are mentally ill, so most of them are well prepared to deal with it.</p>
<p>Going away to college, a teenager has to organize an entire life for himself for the first time. It's much more daunting than living at home having meals and laundry and sleep looked after. </p>
<p>That challenge causes a higher level of stress. High levels of stress and lack of sleep can trigger manic episodes. A person who has bi-polar disorder would be wise to factor in a higher need for sleep and a lower stress tolerance.</p>
<p>But his parents aren't saying he can't go away at all - just that he has to stay in-state. Whether he's in-state or one state away, he's still going to have to get himself up every morning and do the laundry. Also, he hasn't been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder or shown any symptoms as far as we know. </p>
<p>Sounds to me like Daddy's bi-polar disorder was traumatic for Mommy - and we're very nervous. Or there's another reason why they want him in-state.</p>
<p>I would try to help but my kids think I'm psycho too. "Mom, please don't...."</p>
<p>wow thanks everyone for the advice!! I finally talked to them up front and was very frank with them...i used alot of yall's tips. we actually have some family friends living in NM and after telling her about the unique program they have over there, she was actually enthusiatic! its amazing what talking to your parents can accomplish hehehe, now i feel stupid about being so worried.</p>
<p>Deadhead, That is WONDERFUL news. Thanks so much for coming back and letting us know how it went. It sounds like your parents only want the best for you. Are you going to try to visit St. John's or have you already? From the way you describe yourself and your interests, I think it might be an excellent fit for you. Let us know where you end up.</p>