<p>And college is getting me so stressed out. Basically, my parents only want me to go to the U of I, which is fifteen minutes away, so I can come home like, every other day or whatever, and so I can be by them. They just don't want to let go. I'm seriously consider making a presentation board detailing what I want to do with my life and giving it to my parents. I don't know what else to do. They don't listen when I talk, they just start yelling at me. So that doesn't work. And just...gawd. I cannot go through senior year with everyone talking excitedly about the plans they have and me just....sitting there. Dreading what's coming. I just can't. I'll go into depression. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to make them understand. I'm a good girl...I get good grades, I don't drink or smoke or get laid, I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a stripper or something. I just want to go to a good college that I like and get a job that I like. </p>
<p>And if I don't at least try to get in anywhere else, I'll feel like I'm selling myself short. I didn't stress over getting straight A's to go to the U of I, not that it isn't a great school...it's just not for me. A super big state school just is not for me. And I want a choice in my own life. Basically, that's what's making me so super-depressed: my parents won't give me a choice, even though I'm the one who worked so hard to get where I'm at today.</p>
<p>I'm seriously depressed over this. Crying has become part of my daily routine. There seriously isn't a day that goes by without me crying, because there isn't a day that goes by without me being reminded of college. Everyone I know gets a choice, except for me. </p>
<p>I was looking forward to senior year...yes, even the stress that comes with apps and such, because it's something you do with all your friends. It's just...a part of growing up, in America. And my parents are stuck in 1970's India. </p>
<p>I guess I just need advice on how to make my parents see my point of view. Thank you.</p>
<p>I guess it's just that your parents are afraid to let you go to college further as it would then be harder to care for you and such. I do see how it would be convenient for you to say go home every weekend and maybe possibly more often than that, but also your parents have to be reminded of the fact that you'll have to learn to be a responsible adult when you enter college.</p>
<p>I would probably present the situation as saying how by being futher away from home, you'll have to learn to become more independent in your daily activities instead of being able to drive 15 minutes home to have your parents resolve the issue for you. Unless you're going to be commuting to college after your first year (and saving the costs for an apartment or even the dorms and the freshmen experience), there is not really any reason I see to stay at home. I guess you should just tell your parents that college should be a place where that you would enjoy going to because it is not cheap. Those college years will probably be the best years of your life (I haven't experienced college life yet...so I can't speak of this) but anyways it's off to the working world and earning a salary so I guess that it's important for you to enjoy the setting and professors.</p>
<p>I guess that's all. Good luck trying to discuss this topic with your parents. It would be a good idea to apply to a few more colleges so that you could see your true potential and maybe have an option of going to a more prestigeous college.</p>
<p>Even if it's true that your parents won't let go and are too controlling, consider whether your behavior makes them act this way. I don't think it helps your parents view you as a young adult capable of going off to college if you are depressed and crying every day, disinterested in college plans, and complaining about your life and the way your parents treat you.</p>
<p>I do not say these things to be critical. It is hard to act like an adult when your parents treat you like a child, but this is how life works. You need to demonstrate that you can handle adult decisions with calm and reasonable determination. So ... make a list of the reasons why you should and should not go to other colleges (including the specific colleges you are interested in), and also make a list of the reasons why you should and should not go the college your parents want you to attend. Be fair, because adults should be fair when they make important decisions. Sleep on it and revisit your lists over several days until you are confident and prepared. Then make an appointment to present your ideas to your parents and leave enough time for a thorough discussion. Your parents may need more time to think about your ideas and to discuss it at another time, when emotions are not as intense.</p>
<p>Even if this doesn't help you attain the results you want, I think you will be better off as a person if you approach this decision like the young adult you will soon be.</p>
<p>BTW, are you sure there isn't a financial aspect to your parents' wishes? Perhaps they are concerned about the cost of your education and want you to attend a college closer to home for that reason.</p>
<p>Oh I definately don't cry or complain in front of them. I try to act as maturely as I can. And I've done a lot of research on the college admissions process, and colleges, etc. but whenever I try to involve them in it, they just get defensive. I've tried presenting them with lists and data, as you suggested, but they start yelling. So what am I supposed to do?!</p>
<p>And yes, I'm sure there isn't a financial aspect to what they want. Even if there was, there are plenty of schools that offer merit scholarships and fin-aid.</p>
<p>Do you have relative or adult friend who knows your parents and would be willing to help out? Someone who supports your decision to go elsewhere and could talk to your parents, or help you in a discussion with your parents? How about a teacher you are close to? good luck!</p>
<p>Eh, I'm not close to my GC, at all, and she's so busy that she hardly has time to talk to ME about college, let alone my parents.</p>
<p>My aunt has stood up for me, and she's the only one in my family who supports me (I'm Indian, remember? Indian daughters are supposed to be submissive and do what they're told to do) but it was useless. They just won't budge.</p>
<p>Any other ideas? I'm thinking about seriously making a presentation board about it, compiling facts, data, and my emotions, on paper. What do you think?</p>
<p>As I understand it, you believe this conflict is due to a cultural issue related to your Indian heritage. Is this common in your family or have your parents adopted some American values? I agree it is difficult if they won't discuss this with you. It would be helpful to have more background regarding why they are so adamant that you should go to college close to home, e.g., whether their goal is protection/security, control, etc.</p>
<p>Having said that, what is the downside to making a presentation board? With the information you have provided, the only one I can think of is that it might irritate your parents if they view your actions as rebellious behavior and thus solidify their decision.</p>
<p>My only other thought is to identify a professional female who understands the cultural issues and who could give you advice on how to approach your family. I know you tried your aunt but can you think of another, unrelated resource in your community?</p>
<p>My sympathy. Husband is Indian, know many from India; it is a cultural issue. I presume you must know other Indian families whose children have gone to college- Find out where their children went, talk to them and their children; try to enlist their aid. Also, consider contacting someone at U of I who is of Indian origin - this may seem scary, but networking amongst the Indian community is common and should get support for your cause that your parents would value. Also, come up with a list of colleges you would rather attend, research them in the context of being Indian and present your case to your parents. At worst you'll end up at the big local public U like I did (I fell in love with it and never went home because I would have just ended up back on campus again). Don't panic. A lot will happen between now and next fall - at least they don't expect you to live at home and commute. I'm sure you can find support and your parents have a few months to adjust to letting go. I wish I could remind them that they moved far enough from their homes that even annual visits would be too much to expect.</p>
<p>Oh you all have been so incredibly helpful to me. Thank you so much for your words of adivice/wisdom...I honestly don't know any adult I could have brought this up with. Thanks again. I'll keep what every single one of you said in mind as I try and talk to my parents yet again.</p>