Hi, I’m from New York and during the beginning of this college application season my top choice was George Washington University, with University of San Francisco as my second best choice. I also applied to HBCUs like Howard University and Spelman College to appease my mom’s side of the family. I got rejected from GWU, which is fine, but my dream school now is University of San Francisco. The city is beautiful and diverse just like the campus and the university, so much to do, so many organizations to join, and great study abroad programs, which is important since I’m majoring in International Relations/Studies. I see myself attending University of San Francisco, but my Mom is hellbent on me going to Spelman. San Francisco gave me 16k to balance out a ridiculous cost of attendance and Spelman gave me nothing, so both schools are around the same price. Finances aren’t even the problem however, since my Dad makes enough to pay for my college tuition, or at least half. The problem is, they don’t want me going across the country for college. They “don’t trust the people out there” or something asinine like that. How are they gonna cope with me being a United States Diplomat in the future if I can’t even go across the country for college? Spelman College is okay, but it was nowhere near my top choices during the beginning of admissions season. I don’t see myself there, their study abroad program needs improving… I just don’t believe Spelman College is a good fit for me. I’m now approaching the commitment deadlines for these colleges (5/1) and I am becoming increasingly frustrated with this situation I’m in. How do I go about convincing them that my heart is in San Francisco?
Well, college is very very expensive and if you need your parents to pay for college then you may not have a choice. A college education paid for by anyone other than yourself is a gift, not a right. That being said, your parents might be more open to listening to your wishes if you show gratitude and approach them like an adult. Make a list of pros and cons for both schools and ask to sit down and discuss the choices, why you like aspects of one over the other and vice versa.Be open to listening to their desires and objections. You still might not get what you want but you also may learn from each other and reach an agreement that prevents resentment and a summer of grumpiness and lack of gratitude before you leave for school.
It’s going to be very difficult to argue your point because objectively Spelman is MUCH better for your chosen field than USD. It’s even the designated college for diplomat-in-residence (there’s only one per big region in the US). In terms of international relations, it’s as good as GWU. It’s also got an semester exchange in DC, a thorough language requirement (mandatory for international relations) and its study abroad programs aren’t lacking either. They even have a national exchange that allows you to study at another woman’s college such as Barnard or Wellesley (do I need to explain their importance for foreign affairs?)
USD is just a regional, Catholic university, mostly known for Business (but not even the best business school in it’s region of California). Sure, the campus is pretty, it’s a solid regional school, but… academically and in terms of opportunities it’s nowhere near Spelman.
BTW, did you get into the honors program at Spelman?
If your dad can only cover half of tuition how are you paying the other half plus room, board, and travel expenses?
You could always take a gap year (or 2) to get a job and save money to pay for the college of your choice. Or after the gap year reapply to GWU. Going across the country to attend college entails a lot more expense than you probably realize and I agree with @NorthernMom61 , you really need to approach this in a much more mature manner if you expect your parents to even consider San Francisco. I am assuming you have made college visits to these choices also?
A lot of kids don’t get to go to their first choice school for one reason or another, including myself back in the dark ages. The really neat thing is almost all end up liking where they go and come back telling stories of how they’re glad life ended up pointing them in that direction. I’m in that group too.
In the end, life is what you make of it. If you want to carry resentment and grudges, you can, but it will only add stress to your life. If you want to embrace opportunities you have with an open mind, you can have some wonderful experiences.
Best wishes to you in your future.
I’m with @MYOS1634 on this one: Spelman is a much better name and much better school for IR. You can arrange to do a DC semester, a NY semester (at Barnard!), and a semester (or more) abroad in whatever your target language is. Coming out of undergrad with internships in DC & NY, experience living in another country and true fluency in a 2nd language will set you up well.
Btw, although the State Department does take students straight from undergrad, 1) it almost always takes at least a year - usually more- to go through the process, so you need to plan on a job (preferably relevant) for that time and 2) the success rate for FSO’s is much higher for people with a couple of years experience. Also, as you go through college, look for things like this: http://www.afsa.org/foreign-service-related-opportunities-students
Finally, your parents are not “forcing” you to go to a college you don’t love. You chose your college list, and apparently your choices are GWU, USF and Spelman (you don’t mention the outcome from Howard- did you get an offer? if so, why isn’t it on the list?).
Speaking as a mom, 25 year old @sovereigncara is a whole different thing than 18 year old @sovereigncara!
It comes down to what YOU can afford. Your parents are willing to pay for Spelman. Not USF. It’s like getting a scholarship for Spelman and not for USF. Why should they pay that kind of money for a school they do not want to support when there is one right there that they gladly will? It’s their money, not yours.
We can argue ad nauseam about parenting and what any given parent would do, but that’s not who is asking for the advice. Your parents are offering to pay $X for Spelman. Not for USF and that’s that. If you can persuade them otherwise, that’s between you and them. But you are lucky to have the college cost covered at wherever. I know many kids who have stipulations as to what their college choices are. Unless and until you can pay for your preferences, you are limited by the choices that you can afford.
San Francisco is a great city and I can understand wanting to go to school there. However, objectively, I agree that Spellman has a stronger reputation, and though I don’t know its programs enough to compare them, @MYOS1634 does a good job of laying out Spellman’s strengths for your area of interest. Having the Diplomat in Residence is an incredible opportunity for someone interested in diplomacy. I did take a quick look at its study abroad offerings, and Spellman partners with all the usual study abroad programs, so I don’t see anything lacking there. Atlanta is a terrific city, very diverse, with fun, distinctive neighborhoods to explore, from Sweet Auburn to Little Five Points and beyond.
USF is a mid-range Catholic school known for its basketball team and its nursing and business program – none of which are relevant to your interests.
Your parents only have 4 more years where they can control your choices. After that, they will never again have that kind of control over you. They are only human. Maybe they are just not ready for you to go that far away. It may seem unfair to you, but it really doesn’t matter. It is only 4 years. And you are getting a tremendous gift that most kids would be thrilled to get-- 4 years at a wonderful, residential college paid for by parents.
Its a myth that most kids get to attend their dream schools. Most kids, if they are lucky, go to an in-state public university because its all that their families can afford. The less lucky ones can’t even manage that. They struggle to get an education at community college while working part time and hoping to some day get a 4 year degree.
Many parents put restrictions on their kids’ college choices and distence is often one of them. It probably would have been better for your family to have made this clear up front, but that is water under the bridge now. Its too bad that you are disappointed. I understand your frustration, but in the end, you are in great shape. Take the gift.
@austinmshauri My dad can definitely pay for all of my college tuition, and I am blessed to have such a gift like that. I said at least half because having a parent willing to pay for your entire education is kind of a shock, since i was expecting to take out some student loans. He is definitely financially able to pay for all of my cost of attendance.
I really think some good points have been brought up here. But I think it’s also good to acknowledge the hidden potential costs of attending school across the country. My kid is not going to his first choice by a long shot either. In our case it’s WAY more expensive also.
I also told my kid we’d need to alot at least another 5K for a cross country college to cover travel, emergencies, etc. A neighbor’s kid went cross country and had a crises multiple times her freshman that had a parent traveling to her. It’s helpful to have extra padding to make that work. If you qualify for half tuition I’m guessing that piece might be difficult for your parents budget. A dollar to dollar equal offer isn’t actually equal in the eyes of someone thinking about that additional budget required.
You will have your whole life to travel and live wherever you want. I think your parents are thinking smart in this case.
No, @MYOS1634 I did not get into the honors program, and honestly didn’t think I would even be accepted at Spelman, my GPA weighted was below average for admitted students but not horrible.
Spelman is a great college. U of San Francisco has that location…but if you took location out of the picture…and put USF nearer to your home…would it be THAT appealing?
SF is a costly area. It’s not just the cost of the college, but also costs to do things in the Bay Area.
Look into study abroad at Spelman…or semester at another college (some schools do that)…or internship opportunities in different locations.
@collegemom3717 I did get accepted at Howard University, with a $5,000 merit scholarship, so it would be $10,000 a year cheaper than Spelman and USFCA. I didn’t talk about Howard in this because while my parents will still be happy if I choose HU (since it’s close to home, close to relatives in Baltimore) between the two HBCUs I prefer Spelman? If I went to Howard, I’d be constantly fighting for FSO internships between Georgetown students, GWU students, American students, and Catholic University students. Plus, Howard doesn’t have the exact major I was going for, so when I applied I foolishly applied as an interdisciplinary major with a concentration in international relations. I could still be a major in poli sci and become a diplomat, but at the time I didn’t know if it would favor the cone I wanted to work in. It’s a mix of factors why HU is third on my list after the acceptances and rejections came in
I recommend the OP not tolerate the parental overreach.
Since “finances aren’t the problem” tell these parents you will go anywhere you can afford, and do so!
You make your choices, you pay your own bills, welcome to adulthood. Or do you somehow believe their finances belong to you?
Most people aren’t in love with their college when they go there. They fall in love with it over time. It sounds like Spelman has everything you need, will get you to your ultimate goals, and your parents are willing to pay for it. Keep the end goal in mind and enjoy your 4 years.
The reality is that once you turn 18, your parents can’t “force” you to do anything.
You have choices. But they come with conditions. Welcome to adulting.
If your parents are paying for you to attend college, they’re going to have the final say on where their dollars go. That’s the reality: he who pays the bills decides what it buys and where it goes.
So if you choose to go to college, it looks like the choices are Spellman or Howard.
If you were my child, I would advise you to learn to love Spellman. It’s a fabulous school with a wonderful reputation. I’m sure there are lots of kids across the country licking their wounds because it was their dream school and they didn’t get in. So learn to love all that they love about Spellman.
Congrats on your Howard acceptance & merit!
I would quibble with some of your points about Howard- but it doesn’t matter, b/c from your post you have an option that you prefer!
And it just gets better!
Because your parents can and will spend an extra $40,000 to let you have that choice.
So, celebrate what you have!!.
There will be lots of San Francisco-type dreams over your lifetime (sometimes they look like cars or house or jobs or vacations). Some will happen- and they will work out. Some will happen- and they won’t work out. And lots of them simply won’t happen, because in the bigger scheme of things, they are not the overall best choice. None of us ever gets perfect at figuring out which is which, but most of us get better at it over time. Don’t see this as your parents imposing something unreasonable on you: see it as them doing their best to help you as you start making these decisions for yourself.
And again, a very real congratulations
My daughter wasn’t accepted to any of the colleges she loved. So we sent in the deposit to an OOS public flagship that accepted her with decent merit money. Then she got off the waitlist to one of the colleges she loved. A degree from that college would have cost $140k more than a degree from the OOS public flagship. We could afford either school but we said no to the more expensive school. We just couldn’t justify spending that extra money as we didn’t feel a degree from that school would be any more valuable to my daughter.
So your parents aren’t the only parents who “force” their children to attend a certain school. As many others have said, if you can’t finance your own education but you want to go to college then you have to choose whether to accept the constraints that those who are financing your education place on you.
Oh and fast forward and my daughter absolutely loves the school we “forced” her to go to.