@viewthroughkohl0 Lol hopefully he doesn’t. I understand where you’re coming from; my parents used to be pretty strict too, coming from a conservative cultural/religious background as well. Took me longer than my peers to be allowed to have a phone/go out w/friends by myself/wear makeup/blahblahblah. However, with time, they began to slowly let loose.
They don’t necessarily do this cause they don’t trust us, they just don’t trust “the rest of the world.” They mean well, as tough as it may be to accept. The key is to take small steps. Smaller steps lead to bigger ones. Neither distancing oneself completely nor “forcing” (for lack of a better term) of our ideas right away works. You have to slowly convince them to accept that there’s no harm in healthy fun, and that takes patience/time. Play nice as mentioned earlier, and you’ll start to see small changes in the way they see things, which could possibly lead to bigger changes.
Apply to lots of colleges - once all admissions are in, who knows?
I mean, if you got into a college that makes the community proud, would they keep you from going so that you can be 2 hours from them?
Have you applied to Emory’s Oxford campus?
If Emory doesn’t have women-only dorms, check whether they have women-only floors or corridors, or whether they have substance-free dorms, or quiet dorms. (Quiet dorms would be my pick, since substance-free may not just mean religious kids, but also recovering kids. Quiet dorms are just…quieter than the others.)
At all the universities you considered, regardless of how far they are, email the Muslim student association and the Muslim chaplain/university imam. Ask many questions, placing yourself in your parents’ shoes. Think about the answers they’d like to hear and ask the appropriate question.
If they don’t require a hijab but have a dress code, carry a long skirt in your bag at all times, then wear short-shorts and flip flops if you wish… Don’t ever mention boys. When they visit, make sure you have to put in hours in the library, have a study group, etc, but set time aside to go eat dinner with them and have them visit your dorm room (which will not be filled with piles of ketchup-stained tee shirts, dirty underwear, and empty beer bottles, of course, but pristine thanks to intensive cleaning. Ergo, buy the cleaning supplies ahead of time!!) If they track your phone, buy another one that you’ll use with your friends, and keep the official phone in a library cubby (see if you can get one, do that very early during orientation) or carry it to lunch, then drop it in your dorm room right after dinner say at 7pm, where it’ll leave for class promptly then spend the day in its library cubby. What a studious daughter, working so hard!
In a nutshell: Once you’re on campus, you’ll have your own life.
Can you apply to Mount Holyoke? What about Scripps (it’s in CA, so… same State as your relatives…)?
First off, I think it might be smarter to have your parents pay for your dream school. Speaking as a Muslim-turned atheist high school senior, I know how Arab families can be. While I wouldn’t recommend being deceptive as @MYOS1634 suggests, I think you should be up front with your parents and either express your concerns, or if you can’t, seek outside help from either a friend, therapist, or some sort of mentor- I’m sure many colleges offer support.
Also, at the end of the day, I’m sure your parents only want the best for you- if you can prove that you can handle the responsibilities of college by maintaining a high GPA and surrounding yourself by decent people, I think that most parents (yes, even Arab parents…) would be open to possibly giving you a longer leash and freedom.
Best of luck, and if you need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me
@viewthroughkohl0 Have you looked into all-women’s colleges? You could get a tremendously great education and your parents might be well pleased with the all-female aspect. My D attends Mount Holyoke and has a couple of friends who are neuro majors; it’s also well-known for its international studies. The student body is extremely diverse, with many internationals and strong communities of various ethnic and religious backgrounds. It’s a wonderful, very supportive and collaborative and intellectual environment. In addition (your parents don’t need to know this part!) it’s easy to socialize with men, if you so desire, because it’s part of the 5-college consortium with Amherst College, UMass, Hampshire, as well as Smith. There is also, though, a strong LGBTQ community on campus, if that is what you were implying with one of your earlier comments.
All in all, I’ve been extremely impressed with my D’s experience there so far, and recommend it highly.
What I would suggest is to apply to your dream schools and apply to the state school.
If you get into the dream school, try to “sell” it to them. Maybe you stay in a all women dorm or all women floor. You highlight the muslim student association, show them where the nearest mosque is and the Halal food plan.
@MYOS1634 : that’s similar to what I’d always intended on doing, but I’m not sure about the toll being so actively deceptive would take on me for such a prolonged period of time. Good tips though, and it’s likely that that actually will be me for the next 4 years.
@northwoodian : thank you and I hope so:$
@staceyneil : I tend not to thrive in all-women’s environments, even when men are nearby:# perhaps it’d be different in a university though - is there a lot of cultural diversity there?
- once all admissions are in, who knows?
Don’t ever mention boys. When they visit, make sure you have to put in hours in the library, have a study group, etc, but set time aside to go eat dinner with them and have them visit your dorm room (which will not be filled with piles of ketchup-stained tee shirts, dirty underwear, and empty beer bottles, of course, but pristine thanks to intensive cleaning. Ergo, buy the cleaning supplies ahead of time!!) If they track your phone, buy another one that you’ll use with your friends, and keep the official phone in a library cubby (see if you can get one, do that very early during orientation) or carry it to lunch, then drop it in your dorm room right after dinner say at 7pm, where it’ll leave for class promptly then spend the day in its library cubby. What a studious daughter, working so hard!