I am glad your mom understands! I think if you tell your dad to give you a year at school before they make a decision it will all work itself out. I wonder if scheduling in advance several visits would give him more comfort. You seem like a great kid and hope it all works out.
@RandyErika the OP is only 15 years old. He is up against his parents, who are standing firm in their decision. Even when many other adults are telling parents to rethink the decision, parents are unfazed.
I believe a counselor could help OP figure out small ways to assert and enforce boundaries now. As a practice towards enforcing bigger boundaries if/when the parents sit on the steps of his dorm waiting for him to return from classes.
Great job talking to your mom, OP. Maybe just let time and your mom’s persuasive powers do their work. Good luck going forward!
Hey everyone, had a pretty long discussion with my parents (including dad) regarding this today. It started out pretty bad, with him getting very angry and saying this is very selfish on my part. His logic is that if he wants to stay nearby and he won’t affect me in any way, how can I force him to not do that. It’s kind of like saying that I’m controlling where he goes. However, I told him that i won’t feel comfortable with them living 20-30 minutes outside of campus with them in basically the same city. I want to be able to feel completely separate. In the middle of the convo we finally took a turn for the better though!
I realized that my parents are actually quite open to the idea that I can choose how far they live from me, meaning they don’t have to live right out campus or in a 20-30 minute radius, but as long as I can drive over to them and see them for important personal things when necessary. I thought is actually awesome! I actually would love to be in a distance that is about ~2-4 hours from the college because I’m basically living a separate life from them and I can’t just drop by their house whenever I feel like. However, I have the opportunity to go to them on an important weekend. They accepted the idea quite well, and I’m actually really happy about it. So basically the plan now is that if I end up going to the East Coast, at least I won’t have to fly back for only the major breaks. Instead I can see them for important but smaller breaks a couple times a year. This keeps an ideal distance in my opinion. So basically, if I go to school in like Philly, they’d probably live near DC/Maryland or if I go to Boston, they’d probably live somewhere in western Mass or maybe NY/NJ. If it’s somewhere in the Midwest (basically Chicago) they probably wouldn’t move. I think this is going to actually give me a nice college experience but won’t leave me disconnected which is nice.
Can you all give me feedback on whether you think this may hinder my college experience in any way? I hope it doesn’t, but I’d like to hear your thoughts.
Sounds like a win-win!
@brantly Yay! Btw do you think it would be beneficial staying further away than that? I personally don’t think so, but I’m just curious.
being within a 2-4 hr driving distance is great!
I think it is fine. I’d still try to get them to wait until you’ve been in college for a year before they move, though.
I have a story I’ve told other places on CC, but I’ll mention it here again. When I dropped D2 off at her college, I sat next to a mom at a lunch for parents during orientation. This mom was from another country, and she asked when I was leaving. I explained that I hadn’t been able to get a flight out that day because orientation activities were over at about 4:30 pm (that is when they gently “separated” us from our kids after a reception with the college president for students & families 
), so I was planning to fly back across the country the next morning. This mom looked aghast, and told me she had rented an apartment across the street from the college and expected to stay to help her kid out for at least 6 months, although maybe with a bit of travel later in the fall to a relative in another part of the states. She planned to cook, do laundry, etc. I gently suggested that she might be able to get more traveling in than that (and sooner), as her D would likely be quite busy with classes and campus.
I asked my D later in the year about this, and she thought the mom had only ended up staying a month, then wasn’t around any more because the kid was too busy anyway. (This was a particularly rigorous school, I don’t think the kid had to fake anything!). So… OP, at least your parents are talking 20-30 minutes away. This mom was practically on campus!
@nvb123 Are you going to have a car at school? I’m thinking probably not the first year. So the number of driving hours is less important than public transportation options. For scheduled school vacations it’s easy to get a ride with another student going in the same direction. But for regular weekends, you might have to take public transit. So, if you are in Boston, and your parents are in NY, it’s easy to take Amtrack. The trains are frequent. If you’re in Boston and they’re in Western Mass, there’s a train from Boston to Springfield and Pittsfield, but it doesn’t run many times per day, I don’t think.
I understand that there’s no single right way to do things, so maybe there’s nothing wrong with these parents moving somewhere nice a few hours from their son. But it still feels weird to me (my issue, not OPs). Generally if there’s a perceived need for a student to stay close to home, the kid would limit their search to schools within a few hours of where they already live. In this case that could certainly include a bunch of good schools in the Midwest, no?
^^I actually agree with this. But the OP got his parents to back off from their original plan (20-30 minutes), so that’s progress.
I don’t think it’s really staying very close to them if I’m 2-4 hours away (that’s actually quite far, think about it!). I understood that they mainly want to be able to not miss more major things in life just because of travel difficulties (flight costs especially). I guess that makes sense. In addition, they know I definitely want to go the coast (especially east coast) for college so they don’t want me to limit myself to the Midwest because of them. Personally, I think this is an ideal I would want to have if I really did want to mainly go to schools in the Midwest too (2-4 hours away). It’s kind of striking a nice balance I think, and given the option I would choose what they are considering right now over anything else probably. At least I know for sure that I won’t be unexpectedly encountering my parents in Philly if they’re staying in some nice place down in DC. Plus, it gives them a better life too honestly than what they were talking about before!
Personally, I don’t really wanna push it further than 4 hours ideally, since that’s probably not something I’d really like because of unnecessary distance that probably doesn’t heighten my experience in any way (2-4 hours is barely different from 5/6, and more than that just creates homesickness and requires a lot of flying probably). Plus, my parents told me that if there really is something uncomfortable going on in college because of this, we can probably work it out and find a better solution (them moving further away). However, I doubt a 2-4 hour distance will give them an opportunity to have any unwanted physical influence on my college life.
Regarding applying to colleges in the Midwest, I’m applying to a couple like UChicago and WashU, but I honestly don’t rate these as high as east coast schools in my list because I just love the really nice vibe I get being on the coast. Still an option tho.
I think whether it’s weird depends entirely on the people and the situation.
If a set of parents moved to someplace two hours away from their son’s college, out of respect for his need for space, but then sat there forlornly waiting for him to call, text, and visit, or texted repeatedly themselves ("Son? It’s been eight days since we did your laundry - aren’t you out of socks?), then it would be weird in spite of the enforced distance.
But on the other hand, if they chose a community carefully and then proceeded to build a real life for themselves there - not a life that revolves around their college-aged child - then it could be healthy for everybody. Who knows, maybe they aren’t that crazy about where they live, and have only stayed there to give their child stability and continuity; and now that he’s done with school they’re champing at the bit to make a move. As long as they’re going to establish their own lives (and not pull up stakes again when their son spends a semester abroad or goes to grad school), I don’t think there’s any need to put negative judgments on it. I can certainly relate to the “why am I even still living here?” feeling after launching the last kid at college. (Although if I’d followed her she would have run away screaming, lol.)
I think OP has done a great job of navigating this and coming to what will hopefully be a positive resolution for all concerned.
Seems like a nice solution if you are happy with it. My daughter was 2 hours away and it was great going up to see plays etc and not having to drive all day. My son is 4.5 hours away and still we are able to go up to see him, football games etc.
But the excuse flights /fare are expensive. Sorry… To many flight deals and them “moving” and getting a new place would costs thousands at least. You would be saving them money by flying and them not moving… Lol…
Come to University of Michigan… Great school and they won’t have to move…
I think the 2-4 hour distance makes perfect sense. I know many, many families who set a distance radius for their kids for many reasons. For those kids the radius limited the schools they could apply to because the parents couldn’t move. You have an ideal situation where you can chose your school and still satisfy your parent’s wishes. Well done!
@gallentjill Thank you! This is definitely a win-win situation. I’m very happy!
@nvb123 congratulations. If you are very happy then that is what counts. Your parents see you as the adult that you are and are respecting your wishes. Nicely played 
If they have lucrative jobs, I’m thinking that they have to find work in a city. Go to school in a small college town. If they do move, the nearest city will be a couple hours away. (Mic Drop)!