<p>My athlete son was exactly the same way, Momofwildchild. As we got further in the process, he did get involved and ended up taking over the process. But had I not jumpstarted him, he would have been terribly behind and not had the choices he did.</p>
<p>Jamimom,
Any advice on jumpstarting kids from your experience? By that I mean, getting them going without taking the process away from them. I would like to believe that my daughter will be ready to go for ED and/or EA, she would like to believe that she will be ready to go too. But, based on her past history with large complex assignments, I fear she'll build things up into more than they have to be, get overwhelmed and just junk the whole thing until deadlines loom. The thing is, I have promised her that I will not interfere, so my guidance from now on has to be of the gentle persuasion variety. So, any advice from an old hand like you would be most welcomed by me, and I suspect, many other :junior: parents.</p>
<p>Carolyn, </p>
<p>Is there any incentive that you could imagine that would serve as a reward for a "chunk of the job well done?" You could have a series of targets: </p>
<p>Phase 1: get hard copies of all apps; do rough draft of EC list & brainstorm list of possible essay topics by June 30= Reward </p>
<p>Phase 2: rough drafts of main common app/UC essays by July30= Reward</p>
<p>Pahse 3: 2nd drafts of essays by Aug 30= Reward</p>
<p>Reward would be nothing major, just something fun she'd like to do-- like take a friend out for sushi or have a BBQ for friends at your home. A "treat" of some kind acknowledges that she's using her summer to do this and you appreciate her giving up some leisure time. Maybe once the 2nd drafts are done, the treat could be to take a little fun trip somewhere.</p>
<p>With my D I waited half the summer with no action, and then said, "you can go out unlimited # of nights each week once the essays are done. Till then, you can only go out on weekends." They were done-- fast. But also, she had older friends who told her firmly to do them early, and she really did not want them hanging over her head... she was procrastinating and just needed a bit of consequence/incentive to kick her into gear. </p>
<p>I also had fears that the app stuff would mess up her fall semester grades because her main EC is a fall sport. It would just be too much at once. So I pushed her, and really, once she got going initially she kept track of it very well.</p>
<p>Phases 1,2,& 3 were accomplished within about two weeks once she began. Then, I had her put the essays away till the end of the summer before going through them one more time. Her final polish was right before sending in apps. She was SO HAPPY in the fall when all of her friends were freaking out and she was done.</p>
<p>It is funny to think back on this kid from one year ago because she has grown up so much since then and taken so much more responsibility for things that she's truly a different person now. </p>
<p>Finally, she made a big list on a piece of posterboard and put it on her door. It had each school, the email, phone & address, as well as all deadlines for each item and any updates as to what had been received. Really helpful because she could see at a glance what needed doing or checking. Also she had one large box under her bed (like a clothing store gift box but heavier) where she put all the essay drafts, catalogs, update mailers from schools she was interested in. This way nothing was lost in the sea of chaos that is her room.</p>
<p>Carolyn, the best way to handle large project paralysis is to break it down into smaller, more manageable segments. For example, start with simply collecting all the basic demographic info that is going to need to go on the common app, and filling that out so its handy to refer to later. Next, work on assembling a list of EC's and honors. Next, do a draft essay. Etc. </p>
<p>Also, ask your daughter if there are tasks that you can do for her -- my son was very much the director of his process, but he definitely put my secretarial and go-fer talents to use. One task I remember is that my son's school required community service, so he had tracked his hours in a database, but in no particular order -- I was assigned the task of going over the dates and numbers and correlating them in a way that would fit the common app's requirements as to number of hours per week, etc. I also had a very important role in drawing up lists and recording dates and deadlines, and also with scheduling interviews and college visits, and making airline reservations. </p>
<p>Now my daughter is a little different. After barking at me every time I brought up "college" for the past month, and making me promise not to discuss the issue until after her final exams, my daughter plopped onto the couch at 10:30 p.m. and announced she wanted to go over the list of every single college she had dog-eared in the Princeton Review book. So I said, "but you still haven't told me what areas you are interested in studying." She then wrote out a list of 15 or so different possible majors, some very disparate. We then spent an hour going through names, one-by-one, very rapidly in alphabetical order. She's scheduled a meeting with the school college counselor tomorrow, so I guess he asked her to bring a list of colleges she was interested in. </p>
<p>So, I don't know how it will work with your daughter, but my situation is that I need to keep my mouth shut, read her mind, do research on my own, and then be ready at a moment's notice to spend time with her, answer questions, and help her with whatever task she wants addressed. Should be fun .....</p>
<p>This is round 2 for me. D and I have an understanding. I will supply all clerical work for apps. She has alreadywritten up her resume/activity chart (thanks to the cc parent forum) and selected preliminary college list. D has prioritized how activities will be listed on application and supplied me with all data. I, in turn, help look up all scholarship possiblities and do some of the clerical for those apps. She has many essays in computer that she can plug in, so she makes that determination.</p>
<p>We have actually written up a contract - does that sound too obsessive? - but it works for us. The contract delineates what will be done when on a week-by-week basis. We both "negotiated" the terms and signed off on it. Saves a lot of arguing and nagging. </p>
<p>So far, so good, we're into week 3 and no problems...just 20 more long weeks or so to go...</p>
<p>No ED for us and probably not even EA; the list, which I thought was nearing a finalized state, seems to be in a state of flux again. However, my daughter does have several schools on her list (of the day) with rolling admissions, so I expect to see some early apps going out. Of course, what <em>I</em> expect may have nothing to do with reality!</p>
<p>Just to keep us on our toes, my daughter found out yesterday that she will probably have to have surgery at least once, if not twice, this summer. I told the doctor she won't even be home until mid-July, so surgery could not be right after school is out. The post-op bedrest may give her the time to work on her apps, but I'm not willing to bet the ranch on that proposition. And of course, the college visits I had planned for this summer are now up in the air. </p>
<p>I generally tend to be an obsessive planner/list-maker, so I'm beginning to think this is all just God's way of telling me to take one day at a time!</p>
<p>I find that the book, "Accept My Kid, Please" is a great, short read when you have a kid dragging the feet. But basically, I just went along with the calendars that worked for our family. For my second son who went through all of these auditions this past year, I knew that there was absolutely no way he could do much in January and February the way his schedule was. He could not see that until January and February. Nothing I could say was going to change the fact that he was that blind. So, I just made sure everything was scheduled by December unless it absolutely could not be. He complained about it as it did make his 1st term senior year very, very busy, and some things did have to go, but if I had not done that, it would have been even more problematic. The one audition that he did (Juillliard) in January was a disaster all around, not just the audition but the fact that it conflicted with another unmoveable event that was very important to him. In his case, in retrospect, doing everything so early was not so advantageous in terms of chances, but for his specific case, it really had to be done that way, something that I don't think he still fully understands. so sometimes I rode over their objections and just ploughed ahead even though much of the advice said that the kids should hold the rein.</p>
<p>DS#2 will be our 4th in 5 years. Sis this year was an athlete so the D1 vs. D3 was an issue, coaches calling vs.you calling the school for info also an issue, athletic money vs. academic merit and how much also an issue (while competing in the sport at the same time an issue), a major not present at all schools (architecture) and not time or money to visit any schools on our own, only those recruiting. Son, senior in the fall, will be very different than sis.</p>
<p>She was organized, aggressive, meticulous and highly pragmatic. No romanticizing (sp?) the process...she walked away from an ivy league offer, several top privates and our local uni on a full-ride. She opted for an out-of-state public (huge) with her major AND her sport with a top coach and a full-ride. She was methodical, son will be totally random. Whatever the wind blows on decision day, he will pick.</p>
<p>And he makes me nuts. He has received his Georgetown app, AFA paperwork, Harvard's app and a few others. He looked at them, put them in a pile in his designated bucket and said he would work on them when he gets home from his research at the end of the summer. So much for having him do some prep work on the apps before fall starts. He is taking his summer AP homework with him so at least he won't be cramming that in before school starts!</p>
<p>As far as ED, no he won't be applying ED. But maybe EA, and we did see how some schools are single choice EA, except for rolling or non-binding publics which might come into play regarding UNC-Chapel, since we are in-state.</p>
<p>He like redstar's son, is a football player who is also ranked #1 in his class and will have many AP's when he graduates. So it will be very different than his sis and even his other 2 older siblings. Combined with his beach-bum-surfer-dude's attitude and anti-homework policy I will be so glad when this is all over!!!!</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>finally got the copy of colleges that change lives by L. Pope and its a good book. Apparently teens have a 10 hour scope into their future. Explains a lot around here. Son is typical male. Wants clothes, not interested in what kind, much.(At least he 'wants' new clothes) Wanted to go to the prom, could not have been less interested in the tuxedo details, just pick one mom.</p>
<p>Ya know, if teens have a 10 hour window into their future, how in the world did people ever survive on the frontier - many of whom were teens, with wives or husbands and babies? How did the species survive?
Of course, my son's window is about 3 minutes, which is how long it takes him to talk you out of bugging him ;).</p>
<p>Sweetkidsmom, I like that "10 hour scope into the future." LOL!</p>
<p>SBMom, Jamimom, Calmom, Kat, Wishing - THANK YOU! You all had some great suggestions that I think will work well for my daughter. SBmom, your idea about the rewards was particularly useful, as was the suggestion of a separate box for all of the application stuff - excellent idea for my daughter whose room looks like a paper recycling plant at times.</p>
<p>I was assigned the task of going over the dates and numbers and correlating them in a way that would fit the common app's requirements as to number of hours per week, etc. >></p>
<p>Calmom, This reminded me of something that my daughter asked me last week after looking at the common app. She's volunteered for the same community service organization for the past four years, but the time she's put in has varied widely, depending on the projects they need her for. Additionally, she puts in a huge amount of time for them every year for a short one week period for an annual event. Is it OK to write "varies" in the hours section? Or would it be better to say something like 2-40 hours a week?</p>
<p>carolyn, My D had same issue. </p>
<p>There is a "weeks per year" category, so if it is simple (ie. 50 weeks @ 5 hours and 2 weeks at 40 hours) you can do it this way. </p>
<p>If it is complicated and really all over the map, do 52 weeks @ 5-40 hours, then put an asterix that says "see additional information" and use the designated blank page for additional info to write a sentence or two explaining the situation (Example: "most weeks are 3-7 hours answering phones, five weeks a year, during fundraising campaign, 10+ hours handling mailer; 2 weeks we're preparng for big auction event at 20+ and two weeks immediately preceeding/during/following the event are full time @ 40 hours") </p>
<p>They may not read it but at least you can be accurate.</p>
<p>Thanks SBmom, that helps a lot.</p>
<p>Screen name: lddavis03
Is your junior male or female:Male
Home state: Maryland
Preferred geographic location for college: Parents--East Coast S: No preference
Any specific things looking for in a college (large, small, urban, etc.):No preference
Child's possible academic interests: Molecular Biology/Math/Engineering
Schools currently on child's list of possibilities:Stanford/MIT/Duke/Harvard/UPENN/UNC--Daughter is a Soph/Southern Cal/Brown
Schools we've visited (whether or not child is still interested in going there): Visited: Duke/UNC/Stanford. Will vist MIT/Harvard/Brown/UPENN late summer after TASP at Cornell. So I guess you can add Cornell to the visit list.</p>
<p>Screen name: 1ofeach
Is your junior male or female:female
Home state: Mass
Preferred geographic location for college: East Coast
Any specific things looking for in a college (large, small, urban, etc.):Not too big. Lots of camraderie
Child's possible academic interests: Not sure
Schools currently on child's list of possibilities:Upenn, Brown, Lehigh, Holy Cross, Williams, Fordham
Schools we've visited (whether or not child is still interested in going there): It all starts this summer</p>
<p>Cangel, maybe our frontier society worked precisely because teens DON'T think much about their future. I mean who in their right minds would venture away from the cozy and familiar, off into the unknown to make a new life -- back in the days before credit cards and cell phones and jet travel? If they had given the idea half as much thought as we parents put into deciding whether to allow our kids to go traveling on spring break, I'm sure they would have figured out that the move was impossibly dangerous, fraught with hardship, and most likely to lead to a bad end. </p>
<p>Just a philosophical note - but maybe our hyperfocus on finding the right fit for a college, visiting all the colleges, exploring all options, weighing in prestige factors, etc. -- is something that holds this generation back. Too much planning and you miss some really great opportunities. </p>
<p>Geez... where would I be if my great-grandfather had thought he needed to visit America first to see if he would like it before he emigrated in 1880 in his late teens?</p>
<p>On the common app activities question -- In "Acing the College Application" Michele Hernandez advises creating a separate grid with more space for explanation on a your own paper - basically attaching your own activity sheet instead of using the common app one. I think her approach is overkill on the application itself, BUT I think it is an excellent way to start assembling the information. That is, instead of trying to fill in the teeny spaces on the Common App, create your own grid with space for all the information you want to put in -- have your daughter fill it out -- don't be afraid to help in terms of jogging memory, as you may remember things your daughter was doing in 9th grade that she has forgotten about. (Especially true for the types of commmunity service stuff we all do sometimes out of the goodness of our hearts rather than resume-building). </p>
<p>I think then you have a good paper to work from in terms of transfering information onto the Common App form. My feeling would be to try to fit stuff in on form, using notes like - "varies" - unless there are activities that are really unique or special. As to actual college apps, I think that can be decided on a case-by-case basis for each college. Even if you use the common app online, you don't have to fill it all out one time and submit it to all colleges simultaneously. You can fill it out, send to one, then make revisions, then send to college #2, and so on. So you can change and prioritize how you explain the EC's depending on the college. </p>
<p>For example,your daughter is looking at Earlham and you know they really value community service - plus they are a small school where the ad coms probably personally read over every application -- so it might be worthwhile there to have a separate sheet explaining what she has done. Another, larger college might not really care whether she worked 3 hours or 40 in a given week -- so you might just want to note the average number of hours. At the larger college, it is very likely that no matter what you write, some person with a clerical function in the admissions office is going to summarize and transfer the data into a common-app type form in any case, so you could just be creating more work for them in a context that the ad com will never see when you deviate from the form. </p>
<p>But for the summer, pre-preparation period, I do think setting things out in a very organized fashion on a separate paper with plenty of room for details is the best approach - because then you have something very easy to work from. It also gives you something that can be given to the teachers who are writing recommendation letters.</p>
<p>Geez... where would I be if my great-grandfather had thought he needed to visit America first to see if he would like it before he emigrated in 1880 in his late teens?>></p>
<p>LOL Calmom! :)</p>
<p>Screen name: YoMama
Is your junior male or female: Female Black
Home state: Santa Cruz CA
Preferred geographic location for college: #1 East Coast #2West Coast (nowhere in between)
Any specific things looking for in a college (large, small, urban, etc.): near cities like Boston, NY, Phil; 2,000-5,000 students
Child's possible academic interests: anthropology, cultures, languages
Schools currently on child's list of possibilities: Too Many!!! But were working on it.
Brown, HYPS, Columbia, Pomona, Dartmouth, Amherst, Hampshire, U of Penn, U of Chicago, Haverford, Swat, Vassar, Tufts, Barnard, Sarah Lawrence, CT College, UC Berk, UCLA </p>
<p>Schools we've visited (whether or not child is still interested in going there):
Reed, Lewis & Clark, Stanford, HYPM, Wesleyan, Amherst, Williams, Hampshire, Dartmouth, Brown, Columbia, Drew, NYU, U of Chicago</p>