<p>Schools are typically worse with merit aid with transfers compared to freshman admits.</p>
<p>^^Yea I know that, but my parents don’t grasp the whole transfer + international = little or no Aid concept.</p>
<p>But I did get get a small amount of academic aid from MSU which I wasn’t expecting at all. But my parents had told me that money wasn’t an issue before I started the process so I don’t know why she’s bringing it up now. And I made sure I touched all of these bases with them.</p>
<p>Well, we parents can tell kids that money doesn’t matter but, in the back of our minds, it frequently does. The economy has been unkind to many households the last three years and it can sow the seeds of doubt in the security of our jobs. Parents often try to shield their kids from the unpleasantness and uncertainties of life and sometimes it doesn’t come off well.</p>
<p>You have two distinct lines of argument, and I’d make that clearer. First, Mr. X won’t be influential. I’d explain why: Colleges want recommendations from people who know the student’s accomplishments. They don’t pay attention to general recommendations, even from powerful alumni. The tardiness of an application submitted at this point is your second line of argument. But I’d emphasize the first argument, because the second one is just going to annoy your mom. In her mind, if you had only submitted your application on time, Mr. X could have guaranteed your acceptance. So the most important argument to diffuse is the argument that Mr. X would have had influence if only you had applied to Rice.</p>
<p>@BCEagle I wish they wouldn’t try and shield me though, I understand how hard it is. And I in no way would want to put my family in undue hardships because of school.</p>
<p>@wjb, I’d never thought of it that way, wording my email the way I had was putting a lot of the blame on myself… I’ll fix it with you suggestion, thanks!</p>
<p>These lovely conversations go on all throughout the country (and elsewhere) this time of year: why didn’t you apply to this school or that school? Why is our FA info so late!! Why didn’t you have a financial safety? Why did you think they’d give your merit aide? etc. etc. etc.</p>
<p>Pay attention to the facts: * you’re more comfortable in school A (not Rice), * you GOT INTO school A, * Mr. Good Connection isn’t a guarantee you’d get in anyway, * you’re already late in submitting the application. One of the reasons why you’re transferring may even be because your present school wasn’t a good “fit”. You should focus on that.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to muddy the waters but for me the biggest factor is that the deadline is long past. When I come back from the grocery store and my kids tell me there is something that they want to buy at the grocery store I just tell them the time to tell me was before I went to the store, not when I’ve just gotten back. At that point the conversation ends up being over. There is nowhere else they can go with it. I don’t add any other details because that would give them something to argue with me about. Just, you should have told me sooner, the deadline is past.</p>
<p>If your mother wanted you to apply to Rice the time to speak up is more than a month ago. It’s too late now.</p>
<p>OP,
I would rephrase to your parents (especially Mom) a little more personally what another poster said on this thread: the reason that you will not do well academically if you go to a U you don’t feel “connected” to, no matter what the parents’ connections are, is that it is somewhere else where you are comfortable. Kind of like trying to force an arranged marriage when someone far more suitable is the person you’re ready to give your heart to.</p>
<p>Since the atmosphere seems pretty emotionally charged, I would consider writing it out in a note – first, or in substitute. I would explain that the research has shown (seriously) that students perform best in the settings in which they are happiest; that you understand how desperately Mom wants you to be successful, but that in order to be successful you must be happy as a prerequisite. Thank her for her passionate concern; explain that you need to make your way just as she needed to make hers.</p>
<p>And obviously Pea brings up a great point, but that could also backfire and cement the parental anger – that it’s “too late.” (That’s fuel for more blame and a reiteration of “If only…”) What really is the convincing argument is that even had you applied within deadlines, your heart is elsewhere. Parents aren’t always clear on adolescent feelings, or sometimes adolescents believe they’ve made their feelings clear. Sometimes when I’ve been exasperated with a daughter for not meeting a deadline for something that appeared to be a goal, she has told me later that there was a reason she missed the deadline: She didn’t really want the goal after all, although I had no way of previously knowing that from her words and actions.</p>
<p>Arguing that Mr. X will not be effective is vulnerable to this reply: “Well, what have we got to lose? Apply, ask him to help, and see what happens.” Then what will you say?</p>
<p>I would instead calmly state that you are happy with, comfortable with, and set on MSU. </p>
<p>Repeat calmly, as often as needed. </p>
<p>Calmly.</p>
<p>Stand your ground: simply make certain that you don’t apply to Rice. Just don’t do it. Not because of Mr. X, but because of Punkchique.</p>
<p>I completely agree with ADad. The discussion about whether or not Mr. X could get you in could go on forever. Tell her you are happy with your choice and done with the process. She’s just going to need time to get over it.</p>
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<p>I’m from the east coast, so I know the coastal bias. However, whether or not Rice is an outstanding school is not up for debate. Rice is not just a nationally ranked school that consistantly places in the top 50 on various lists, it’s internationally ranked in the top 100 as well. </p>
<p>If someone doesn’t think that Rice is an outstanding school, they are simply wrong.</p>
<p>Not that it hugely matters, but I am guessing MSU is Michigan State (not Mississippi or Missouri or Montclair or something).And out of curiosity, where are you currently attending? Were your parents OK with your selecting your current school, or was mom hung up on presitge when you applied for freshman year.</p>
<p>The reason I ask these q’s it that it is your moms issue, not yours. You are happy with your choice and Michigan State is a fine school, but certainly quite different than Rice in size, location etc (and yes, bigtrees, in ranking too. Sad that Rice is frequently unfamiliar to people in different regions, but this is also true for the Claremont colleges, for examlpe, and they are wonderful institutins of higher learning too.) </p>
<p>But I digress. YOur goal with your mom is to end the dialogue about this issue, not continue it. So with that I totally agree with Adad and pugmadkate. Don’t address wheteror not their friend could put in a good word for you, or even whether or not your several weeks late application would be considered. Just tell her “thanks for your suggestions, but I am thrilled to have been accepted to MSU and I would love it if you would be thrilled for me to”. End of didscussion. If she tries to continue the discussion (even via email), simply say “I am sorry you feel that way”. That says you hear her, understand how she feels, but there isnt more to me said on the issue. Additionally, its finals time. Better f to focus on exams thatn an unnecessary additional application. Good luck.</p>
<p>I agree that your primary reasoning with your mom should be based on your personal preference and the reasons your were not keen to apply to Rice in the first place.</p>
<p>But you could also point out that Mr. X made his offer in December, before any deadlines had passed. It is quite likely that even Mr. X thinks he can’t help much with an application that is submitted so late, and he probably wouldn’t be eager to try.</p>
<p>yes MSU means Michigan, and I’m currently at a small tier 3 HBCU where I’m extremely unhappy. The reason I came here was because I was offered a full scholarship. Now before I even accepted the scholarship my parents I had a discussion and we all agreed that I wouldn’t be here for more than a year, just to get my feet wet in the college experience in a small school that was similar to home. They also agreed that if I maintain a certain GPA they would be more than happy to pay for my future school, no problem. I am not a person who is overly concerned with rankings, once its a tier one school (and although its not nearly as highly ranked as Rice michigan does have some recognition) and I’m happy there, that’s all that matters to me.</p>
<p>And thank you all so much for your advice. I wrote her an email explaining myself and using a lot of the pointers you guys gave me. I’m just waiting for a response now <em>gulp</em></p>
<p>You know, what really matters is that you do very well at the school you are in. If you can bring off excellent performance at MSU you will go far, and you will get into grad school with no trouble. You don’t have to have gone to Rice. </p>
<p>Your parents are fretting because they think Rice will help you go farther in the working world than MSU. This is not true.</p>
<p>It might give an initial application or resume a second glance—but what will really bring you forward in the world is doing very very well wherever you are. There are Rice grads whom you will bypass in years to come. Get into the honors program and do independent research and whatever else you need to, to make yourself shine at MSU. </p>
<p>Mr Alum could not have gotten you into Rice unless he knew you very well and was able to speak about whatever way you are unique. AOs do listen to alums (who know what the school is looking for, the spirit of the school, etc) but only if they are speaking in this manner, not if they are trying to pull strings. And it is only one factor in the entire picture. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t dwell on the deadline issue with your mom because that will only give them a chance to say “Why didn’t you send it sooner,” etc, but as far as Rice is concerned, it is too late. Period.</p>
<p>Thanks for all you help guys.
My mom still hasn’t replied to my email or called so I figure she’s upset with me. And my older sister said that my mom said “She’s done with me”
So I guess I’ll have to deal with this when I go home for summer. <em>sigh</em></p>
<p>Thanks again :)</p>
<p>When she replies with whatever she is going to reply, I would stress that (while grateful for the alum’s offer) you don’t want to go to a school because strings were pulled for you. You want to attend a school that really truly wanted you. College is the beginning the real world, and strings don’t get pulled too often out there, so you want to start now by making it on your own and not with mommy or daddy or daddy’s friend’s help. Maybe she’ll see that her little baby is growing up and be proud. (fingers crossed)</p>
<p>Good luck and keep us posted!</p>
<p>Post # 28 said what I would have. You will do best where you want to be. Therefore you are most likely to get the best grades, essential for a premed hopeful. Your mom missed the boat- she should have encouraged you to apply to her choice of school a long time ago. Agree with the email choice - son and I do best that way. Concentrate on finishing this semester with good grades. Your mom will have time to adjust by the time you return. </p>
<p>I wonder if letting the alumnus know your mom wanted him to try to get you in after the deadline and your refusal to do so would help - if your parents are friends he may be able to tell your mom he couldn’t have done anything. This only works if you know the person well enough that you can enlist his aid in helping your mom accept your decision (you don’t want to make anything worse by involving him).</p>
<p>Happy you get to attend the school YOU chose. It is your life. That is much more important than pleasing your mother. Congratulations on doing all of the work needed to transfer and standing your ground with your mother. Don’t worry about the summer, it will pass- and you don’t have to worry about getting a grade for the experience.</p>
<p>To keep you guys updated (in case you want to know)
I spoke to my dad, he said not to pay any attention to my mom, he told me that I can go wherever I want to go. So that makes me happy. But my mom, is upset with me and says she has nothing to say to me anymore, but she’ll get over it.</p>
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<p>Rice is a highly selective school, by all accounts. Given that you’re past the application deadline, and by your own estimation not particularly qualified, I consider it rather delusional that your mother thinks that this man can get you admitted. Selective schools simply don’t operate this way. Students are not admitted “through the back door,” and the idea that a donor can “pull some strings” is ridiculous. Why on earth would admissions at Rice compromise their reputation? They wouldn’t, of course, and your mother needs to better understand the admissions process.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. Looks like problem solved. Good luck with MSU. Have fun with my region.</p>