<p>
If that’s how you feel, why don’t you help him with the research?
Maybe it is so overwhelming for your son, that he does not know where to start.
See what is it he likes about the school he wants to attend, and find 6 more with similar qualities, but with different levels of selectivity. Tell him to see which ones he might be interested in. This might get him started.</p>
<p>I loved the research part, too. My D felt overwhelmed by all the options, like a kid in a candy store. She liked small schools, big schools, city schools…lots of schools. However the ones she liked were often ones she’d heard about from a friend, etc–and expensive (out of our range) and not known for much/any merit aid.</p>
<p>I researched other options that offered things she was interested in and had the ‘vibe’ she liked. Three of her four ‘final contenders’ were schools I put on her radar screen. However, once ON her radar screen, she did all the applications/essays/lining up rec’s etc. If I hadn’t helped with the research, every one of her schools would have been both an academic and (huge) financial reach. </p>
<p>So I think helping to sort through options and perhaps presenting options the student might not have thought of can be helpful. The school she wound up at is one she intially turned her nose up at. Til she visited, and started comparing it to the others on her list.</p>
<p>I feel that adolescence these days ends in the mid to late 20s. So I helped my S with some of the research, visiting schools, and nagging about deadlines, essays, etc. He’s a 3rd year now and as time has gone by, I do virtually none of the work and very little advising. Once an adult, I hope he can help and advise me!</p>
<p>I struggled with this. But then I realized that I spent MANY years as an executive assistant/administrative assistant for grown men who needed much hand holding with their schedules, travel plans, and organizing. I then began to think why in the world would I NOT offer this sort of assistance to my own flesh and blood?</p>
<p>Thus, before my son set foot in college I helped him with any aspect of the application process he needed help with. Including applying for local schools he showed no interest in attending. One of which ended up being the college he chose. </p>
<p>My thinking is now he’s in college and he needs to start doing these things for himself and eventually will but I will always be there, as needed, as his admin assistant…</p>
<p>the problem is the pay SUCKS. :)</p>
<p>When DS was deferred from both his EA schools and down in the dumps, I went online and filled out the local State U application. It was pure data entry, took 30 minutes, most of it proving state residency. He got a ‘Yes, we love you and want you’ from them within 3 days. That brought a smile to his face.</p>
<p>It depends on the kid. For example, I would ask my son, “Do you want me to look up X?” If he said, “no” or “I’ll do it”, then I dropped it.</p>
<p>I did all the research for my d. It’s just the kind of person I am and the kind of person she is. I interviewed her to find out what she wanted in a school, checked back several times, and made a list. It’s not so much that she’s lazy, but she’s incredibly busy with work, school, and dance classes. And believe me, it took HOURS on the internet to get that list together. Luckily, I had the time and enjoyed doing it.</p>
<p>OP here. Thank you all so much for your responses so far. (Feel free to keep 'em coming.) They have all been remarkably helpful; there is a lot of love in these posts - as well as humor: thanks for that! In fact, a lot of these ideas will be great for kid #2 coming down the pike.</p>
<p>My son has always been very self-directed with whatever he pursues, and I’m just not feeling that with the college app process. I wonder if he says he wants to do it just because he is feeling lost right now, and just wants to have a plan, any plan, in place. If that is the case, I think I wish he would feel comfortable waiting until he is really drawn to it, because it seems like he’d get so much more out of it. Well, we will see…the parallel of the app process is the process of honing in to the interior voice. But we don’t have all the time in the world either, aggh.</p>
<p>For now, though, to start maybe we can talk him in to some college visits! That might help him bond with the idea…</p>
<p>It really depends on the kids. I would guess some will not mind a little help here or there. </p>
<p>I made terrible mistake in our DD’s case from her point of view. Being that she is the very first one from our family to apply to a US college, we know little about the process. SO I use what I know from my own experiences - prepare for tests very intensively and get higher scores to get into your dream college. She said I pushed her too much. </p>
<p>So, two years later with our son. I basically gave him a credit card to pay for tests and application fees. I gave him a list of schools and why I think he should apply. Did not really say any thing after that until the deposit is due. </p>
<p>In both cases, I did not read one single word of their essay nor proof read their applications. Comparing to most of the Chinese parents I know, I think I did not push much. </p>
<p>If we had a third child, I would probably do the average of the first two. Let him/her take their own test and pick their own school. But putting in some effort to the frame work.</p>
<p>The bottom line - give them all the love and support. Let them decide the level of involvement.</p>
<p>so many wonderful thoughts!!
The last one particularly struck me!!
@Danceclass: I did the same. We are US citizens in India and for better or worse started the process too late.
she is in the middle of 12th grade, SATs oct, subjects Nov, basketball team - incredible amount of work remains for her.
She does not have time for the internet - except some facebook/email 
But I know her best, her interests, the kinds of person she is so - i made the list and discussed points i was doubtful about over dinner/TV.
This was an enjoyable process for me - and saves her the time and the overwhelming feeling when you are faced with 3000+ choices. </p>
<p>Another poster talked about folders to get organized - i think i will do that.
pardon the small letters/typhos - typed in a hurry before work.</p>