<p>No, jym626, only the bad things. I still remember the headlines about the Hillside Strangler–“Mother Made Him Wear His Dad’s Shoes to His Funeral”. Great…blame the mom if kid becomes a serial killer.</p>
<p>But we get to take credit for the good things they do!</p>
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<p>Well, you gotta admit. That’s pretty bad. And begs the question of whether or not his father was buried wearing any shoes at all!</p>
<p>There are a lot of parts to getting in to college – one of which is taking the time to fill out the app and meet the deadlines. There are a lot of people here on CC who moan about missing deadlines and is it still possible to get into their choice school. The OP obviously worked hard to get into college, but I don’t think that mom imposing rules with consequences that OP had control over (finish the app, then go to concerts) is not out of line at all. I also am fine with mom taking some credit for OP “getting into college” since she helped him with time management.</p>
<p>It would help OP to realize that a lot of people probably helped him get into college – teachers, counselors, parents, etc. – and be grateful for their help.</p>
<p>Something similar happened to me almost three years ago. It was not pretty - one of my teachers spoke to my mum on my behalf, and we didn’t talk for two weeks after that (I counted). Now our relationship is much better and based on my own experience, I think the first thing you should keep in mind is, what your mother said is in no way a final or condemnatory word on your college acceptance. You were doubtless a factor in your own admission to college, and your mother’s words don’t invalidate that. The reverse is also true: your mother believes she played a role in your acceptance to Macalester, and you won’t be able to talk her out of the idea - so let it go, don’t let it eat at you.</p>
<p>The second thing is, since you’re already going off to college, just hold out, don’t do anything to antagonize your parents. When you’re in college, you’ll be doing a lot of things on your own that your mum can’t take credit for. If you do well then, that’s a reflection on your ability to keep your affairs in order, and your mum will realize that.</p>
<p>As many here know, I’m a laborer and landlord, did not complete college. I’ve seen the value of it though for years, and tried to help instill a desire for it in my Son. I used the phrase “teach you about college” when I needed his physical help. I had to dig a number of post holes one day, and got his help. That posthole digger is a heavy tool going in, and far heavier coming out. I told son- "every time you lift that heavy load, ask youself-‘Why should i go to college?’. By the end of the day, Son knew the answer- so when he was an adult and needed this kind of work done he could afford to hire some dummy that didn’t finish college(like me) to do the labor. Happy to say my son is in last semester to get his B.S. Did I do it all? Heck no. Did he? Heck no. He was in the classroom, not me. But I influenced his desires, finances, and efforts, so yes, I helped.
Thanx to those who posted here giving specific examples to what I hinted at in my first couple of posts. The Op didn’t come out of a coma as a senior in high school with an application is his hand. He had years of influences from parents for years long before acceptance to college. Op also had a final push encouraging him to get his apps in. Many here saw a bigger picture than just the limited, one-incident provided by the Op.</p>
<p>^^^^ Liked this post very much.^^^^^^</p>
<p>It also proves that you don’t need a formal degree to appreciate an education and just because you don’t have the education doesn’t mean you’re not hugely insightful and intelligent</p>
<p>My take – The context of your argument can’t be ignored. Your mom wasn’t taking credit for your college admission at all. She was smacking down your words of defiance by pointing out that, left to your own devices, you were unlikely to follow through and obtain that admission.</p>
<p>From a parent’s perspective, it makes plenty of sense: Keep the kid at home, he has time to spend on college apps, he gets them done, he gets accepted, there is much rejoicing. Let him go out again, and he’s right back to slacking. She’s acting in what she understands to be your best interest, based on what she has observed from your behavior and its results. She probably hates the thought that she “has to” step in and keep you on the right track, and she probably worries herself half to death about how you’ll fare when you head off to Macalester next year. (Aside – Staying up nights worrying about you will not make her a pleasant person to be around. :D)</p>
<p>You shaped up. You did well. But then you slacked off. That puts you in a tougher position this time, because you’ll have to work twice as hard to earn her trust in your responsibility. You see, trust is earned over a very long period of consistent behavior – and it can be broken in one foolish act.</p>
<p>I’d suggest you try sitting down with her and working out a contract whereby you can earn a night out for a concert you’re really looking forward to, and gradually earn more privileges as the year plays out. Avoid petulance and childish recriminations in the process; you’re asking to be treated like an adult, so you need to behave like one. If you can get a contract, honor it to the letter and keep her informed along the way.</p>
<p>If you can handle this with maturity now, your relationship with your parents will be much better in the years to come. And you’ll be glad for that over time; you’ll gain much more from that relationship than you will from your memories of a few wild concerts with people you probably won’t keep in touch with after high school.</p>
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<p>Well, I don’t TAKE credit for the good things that my kids do, but I will admit that I am GIVEN credit for them by people…and not always deservedly so.</p>
<p>^^My comment was tongue in cheek…</p>
<p>I do believe, however, that if we, as parents, hold ourselves out as having the moral and other authority to set “policies” for our kids, we need to share in the credit and blame for the positive and negative effects of those policies. That’s why other parents might give you credit for your child’s achievements. Conversely, parents also sometimes (fairly or unfairly) chalk up “bad behavior” by others’ children to “bad parenting” by other parents.</p>
<p>^^pbr, your previous statement was not taken in a bad way by me, btw. </p>
<p>Bad parenting is definitely assumed by some in the case of your kid ending up doing naughty things. I remind people who think that way that Adam and Eve had Cain AND Abel…</p>
<p>^I’m glad, ellemenope. With a continuing eye to the OP, let me also say that I think most of us humans (including our kids) are in some way “hard-wired” to behave the way we do. My wife and I are blessed because our two kids, with seemingly little input from us, did mostly the right things at mostly the right times. Both are safely in or on their way to great colleges, and from my perspective, they both seemed to do it on their own. For example, we both tried like crazy this year to convince our younger to take fewer than seven AP classes (plus leadership class), but he refused to take our advice. He’s doing fine, but sometimes I wonder where he gets his stubborn, goal-oriented point-of-view. At least he got his interest in indie music from me (I think).</p>
<p>Congratulations on all of your hard work for Macalster! Relish in every moment of your college experience. Be grateful that you had the emotional & intellectual tools to make it happen. Your mother sounds a bit narsicstic but heck did you show her any appreciation recently?!! It might go a long way.</p>
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<p>I know it would go a long way with me, as a mother.</p>
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<p>I totally agree.</p>
<p>And, as I said earlier, she’s upset at her son’s success because it means he’s leaving. I think it’s the summer problems we always hear about beginning early. </p>
<p>OP, any updates?</p>
<p>I’ll speak for myself here, but, as a mom - there have been plenty of times I have said stupid things to my children. I just hope they don’t remember them all to throw back in my face at some future date.</p>
<p>Be angry, and then put it in a bubble and let it go. Yes, it was a “thunder stealing” moment, but it will pass.</p>