<p>Hi, I just wanted to know if you agree with my parents or they are just being uptight. I go to a decent school in math and science, and I generally spend an average of 12 hours a day in lecture, labs, and studying. On the days I take off, I usually spend my time either playing video games, going to anime conventions, or role-playing with one of the clubs at my school. Apparently, my parents think that because I do not party or have a girlfriend like a "typical college student", I still haven't matured. Are they just being irrational or do you agree that they have a point? If the latter, why?</p>
<p>Everyone needs down time doing something they enjoy. I wonder though if their concerns aren’t about your downtime but how you spend it. They may simply have blind spots about anime (I don’t get it either, but my freshman son lives it) thinking of it as simply cartoons. Or they may be concerned that your activities are isolating. Talk to them. If younare happy, tell them so, and that their concern is appreciated (it’s a sign of love)…but that you don’t want them to worry without reason. Reassure them.</p>
<p>hey projectile. growing about is never about having girlfriends and partying and whatnots, its about how you think. you see, a man(or woman, but not applicable in your case) keeps on growing up and learning, the sky’s the limit. but in your case, yes, if you think you are well off with all the people you know and all acquaintances, its ok. tell your parents politely about it. and discuss it properly if they keep bothering you. they are your parents after all, they are just worried and stuff. i know a plentitude(i dont think there is such a word) of people here who dont have girlfriends neither do they party, but i cant dare call them not “grown-up”. its just how you look at it. but anyways if you dont socialize much you should definitely try it. hope this helps.</p>
<p>Do you have goals and plans for what you want to do after college? Do you work or take internships during the summer months to help you reach your goals?<br>
For me, it’s not a matter of how you spend your free time. After all, some would think my hobbies are frivolous, too. What I would want to know as a parent is 1) are you happy with your social life and extracurricular activities, and 2) are you taking steps to make sure that you are prepared for independent life after college? If these questions are both answered in a positive way, then I wouldn’t be too concerned, if you were my kid.</p>
<p>I think you’re fine. </p>
<p>In fact, you can avoid a lot of trouble by pursuing personal interests instead of partying. The life of a “typical college student” can be kind of ghastly, especially if you don’t enjoy the company of people who are heavily intoxicated.</p>
<p>I notice that some of your personal interests involve other people, so you’re not isolated. You just do different things than the party-oriented people do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, we parents sometimes advise kids who don’t want to party to do exactly the sort of thing you’re doing at college – joining organizations that include people who share your interests. It’s a good way to have pleasant things to do and to meet interesting people along the way.</p>
<p>As for not having a girlfriend right now, that’s only a problem if you feel it’s a problem. If you do, you might want to expand your activities a bit to include more things where a lot of girls tend to be present. If not, don’t worry about it.</p>
<p>I think your parents should be pleased with you. Besides working hard academically, you’ve found ways to pursue interests and have a bit of a life. You sound pretty mature to me.</p>
<p>“Partying” is not a requirement for growing up. In fact, in many ways it is evidence of a failure to grow up. However, your parents may be concerned that your down time is spent in ways that don’t promote the development of social skills you will need to thrive in the economy. You may want to spend less time on video games and more time socializing with others your age who share your future aspirations.</p>
<p>I had NO IDEA what my kids did in their “spare time” while they were in college. If they had boyfriends/girlfriends at the time, they didn’t tell me. Ditto their EC activities at college. </p>
<p>How do your parents know your every move in your free time? It’s nice that you are sharing, but maybe this sharing is not giving them the info THEY want to hear. </p>
<p>If you are happy doing what you are doing…so be it. You don’t need to party and have a girlfriend to be happy.</p>
<p>You need a break from that school work. What you do in your free time is up to you. It’s sort of who you are. Maybe you’ll meet a girl that likes the same things. Maybe you won’t. Some parents start worrying early about not having grandchildren, which might be the case. They don’t know how lucky they are to have a dedicated student who is not getting drunk 3-4 days a week.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’ve never seen the upside of “growing up”, and have no plans to do so!</p>
<p>Your activities sound way better than partying to me.</p>
<p>GeekSon (check my name) doesn’t have much of a social life. It isn’t that I want him to “grow up” so much as that I want him to understand people and have a few friends. We are a fairly nonsocial family, but I want him to not be a total hermit.</p>
<p>Do you have friends? Would you bother to bring them food if they were sick? Would they do the same for you? Would they even notice if you didn’t show up for the role-playing club meetings? I’d imagine your parents have the same concerns.</p>
<p>Perhaps this is an indirect push by your parents to see grandchildren.</p>
<p>One of my kids is a big role-player and said it was quite social, Skyping with friends and making up storylines together with characters, working the plot. It took me a while, but I finally figured out: there’s not much difference between their weekly role-play session and my grandparents who walked over to friends’ apartments for cardtable board games, Canasta and Gin Rummy (a game, not liquor), and some bowls of weird licorice candy they passed around. They’re all just getting together to play a game with other people. </p>
<p>Your parents might not see anything beyond the fact that you’re on screens while you play. It bothers them. </p>
<p>OTOH…if you walked into a room full of strangers, and there were no screens available to anyone, how would you do there? </p>
<p>Could you converse with someone, look them in the eye, figure out whom you like better than the next person and move on (in-person social skills, in other words)?</p>
<p>As for girlfriends or dating, someday – even though people find each other online, and some 50% of all marriages today began with an online connection – there does come a point where a couple has to get off-line to meet.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And this is necessary for the production of grandchildren.</p>
<p>@paying3tuitions do you watch The Big Bang Theory. and did you see the part when penny kinda forces sheldon to spill out his guts about his online girlfriend(oh she wasnt his girlfriend!!) amy farrah fallow. my stomach ached with laughter when i saw it. </p>
<p>well sorry this was totally out of context.</p>
<p>@marian unless they wanna do it like sheldon:D</p>
<p>I think you’re fine (and sound a lot like my older son). That said it’s pretty natural for parents to worry about their kids social lives whether they think they are too active or not active enough. I know from experience that it’s a lot easier to find your significant other in college than it will be later in life, so if it doesn’t happen (and especially if there’s no sign that any effort has been made to look), we worry. In any event it’s your choice as long as you are happy with your life.</p>
<p>Usually the question about the girlfriend is a way of saying that they are afraid they won’t ever have their own grandkids to play with. That might be what you need to address. Happykid, for example, has promised that if she doesn’t have any of her own (with or without a spouse) she will bring home an adopted one (or two or more) for us to dote on.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine a worse basis for a relationship with a girlfriend than that you are doing it to make your parents happy. Boy, is that ever a recipe for disaster! You may want to ask your parents if they really think that’s a good idea.</p>
<p>I’ll say that I sometimes worry about stuff like this with my own kids. Not that I am so anxious for grandchildren, but I know that like anything else loving relationships don’t just appear by magic (movies notwithstanding). To a large extent, they take practice, and work. And people get more hidebound and set in their ways as they get older. I think one of the important tasks of growing up and becoming a mature adult is learning what kind of person you want to spend your life with, and how to build a lasting relationship with a person like that. That’s not the same thing as actually finding your soul-mate, falling in love, getting married, etc. It’s figuring things out so that when you do find a potential soul-mate you know what to do not to blow the opportunity. Also, it’s often the case that the kind of person you fall in love with the first time you fall in love is not the kind of person you will really love for a lifetime. There’s a whole bunch of trial and error involved in love and marriage.</p>
<p>So you are not doing that work yet. And in my book, that is a sign that you are a little immature in that area of your life. So what? It’s not like you, your parents, or anyone else can wave a wand and turn you into someone you aren’t. You will get there, I trust, and things will be fine. Until then, your parents will worry a bit because they love you and want you to be happy, not just now but for the rest of your life. Just like they should accept who you are, you should accept who they are, and all of you will be OK.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, the parental push is more obvious, in the form of parentally arranged marriages. Or, these days, every visit to the parents results in a parade of marriage candidates that the parents have arranged to visit at the same time.</p>
<p>OP, You sound like the Worm. I would have liked it if he developed a special friend in college, but it wasn’t happening. Two female friends beame special, but not to the dating stage. After first g/f, it becomes more of a priority. Bottom line, you need to grow at your pace, not at your parents’ pace. </p>
<p>PS. I totally understand and relate to the Big bang reference.</p>