<p>Many of D3’s friends came home this weekend, presumably to get to see their parents without the embarrassment of having their new college buddies find out that they have parents. (It’s Parents Weekend.)</p>
<p>It’s definitely one of those “highly charged” things. I suspect the OPs D put a line in the sand to lower expectations. It hasn’t been that long since the kids arrived and some will be able to return home for Thanksgiving. We’ve never gone because it’s a great distance, requires airfare and it’s only been 6 weeks since drop-off. It’s pretty easy to say no thanks to that invitation. They will be home at Christmas.</p>
<p>OP I bet if you talk to your D again, make Friday dinner something quick and easy like Pizza or as suggested Chinese, have her figure out where in her schedule she can spend alittle more time and arrange the Saturday dinner you’ll have reached a compromise.</p>
<p>Don’t feel badly, I bet if you polled college kids to see if they would like Parent’s weekend abolished…most would vote yes. the timing stinks, it’s aways fairly close (4-6 weeks) since the drop off and it’s right when the classes are gearing up and Thanksgiving when many are able to get home is right around the corner. It’s also just about the time the freshman are settling into their “new groups” and settling into to their new lives. Really not a smart time and all the colleges do this. Many of the parents that do show up are the “local” parents who drive a few hours, spend a few hours or overnight and head home which is ironic if you think about it because their kids could easily get home for a weekend. I know that doesn’t ease your hurt, but give your D a chance to compromise her wants with your needs.</p>
<p>I traveled 3,000 miles to visit my D. D was super busy and, while she tried, she had little time. I loved the little town and B&B so had a lovely time. I was surprised when she told me she could meet me for lunch but then had to leave, or she would do dinner and a walk but then had a social function. I got over it, put no pressure on her at all, by Senior year when I went to see her perform I was invited to the bar with all of her friends. If you go, be sure and be prepared to entertain yourself for chunks of time. I will bet that you will see her more than she thinks and that she is just feeling pressured right now. I also believe that it is really important for mom’s to be independent, or at least put on a good show, for our daughters. It helps our emerging adult daughters respect us and then they want more contact.</p>
<p>We had Family Weekend last week. We were there by 1:00 on Friday and stayed through Sunday afternoon. S knew all along we would come that weekend and his roommate’s family also came. He did have a lot of homework, with a test on Monday morning. In fact, he’d had 3 big tests that week and I had no doubt he did have things he needed to do over the weekend.</p>
<p>Earlier in the week, S told us he preferred to stay in the dorm instead of the hotel with us. At first, I’d just assumed we would pick him up Friday and have him with us all weekend. It was good to get the details worked out before we went, so we knew what the expectations were. The other kids were doing the same. Here on CC on a different thread, I read that it is unusal for kids to stay at the hotel with you. “You’re going to visit” as opposed to a family trip.</p>
<p>I was a little disappointed. However, it was nice to see him so comfortable in his new setting. He met us right away Friday, went to dinner , the mall, & then to a comedy show on campus for family weekend. He went back to his dorm at 9:00 because the kids had planned some ultimate frisbie. (No…I’m not naive. :)…they don’t do the party scene - yet).</p>
<p>We met the next morning for a department breakfast, then at 9:30 he went to line up for the football game. (VERY important to get good seats 
)He also chose to sit with his friends instead of us. (Even though we had a ticket for him in our section). To my surprise, in the parent section, there weren’t any students, just their parents.(Guess most sat in their usual section) Afterward, we went to dinner & Wal Mart, then dropped him off again about 7:30. We met for lunch Sunday and then started home. I definitely did not see as much of him as I’d hoped, but it was a nice weekend.</p>
<p>We’ve seen the campus several times. While he was waiting in line for the football game, we took in a couple of nice tours offered. From the general consensus of the hosts at those tours, most students were still in bed while their parents toured. We then felt lucky that ours got up early to go to breakfast with us.</p>
<p>We drove a few hours vs. flying. Sounds like it may be harder for you to go than for us. Can you make plans to eat or do things and still drop her back off to meet with friends ? Adjust your hours a bit and maybe you can work things out.</p>
<p>Don’t take it personally. I think they are still trying to fit in with their new crowd and are trying to do what everyone else is doing. Even though I know S would have had no problem spending the weekend with us at hotel, roommate doesn’t seem to have the same relationship with his family. He thinks his family is uncool. Maybe it is different with boys, but they are trying to be so mature. I think it is part of the process.</p>
<p>This is family weekend at my D’s school. We didn’t attend, but my in-laws (her grandparents) are there. She studied all Friday night so she could have time to spend with them on Saturday. They spent 9 am - 4:30 pm with her on Saturday. They were exhausted; they went back to their hotel for the evening. My D hit the books again as soon as they left. They were going to take her and her bf to lunch today and do some sight-seeing.</p>
<p>My D spends A LOT of time studying. She is now a sophomore at a top LAC and while she studied quite a bit in HS, it’s nothing like the hours she puts in now. She estimates she studies 8 - 10 hours a day.</p>
<p>Even though she has been able to get some studying in this weekend, she’ll probably compensate with less sleep this coming week to catch up.</p>
<p>Also, their school work isn’t always predictable. A couple of weeks ago an instructor assigned them Monday during class a paper due Thursday that was worth 25% of their semester grade. She already had a major test in a different class scheduled for that Wednesday. She got it all in, but didn’t sleep much that week. </p>
<p>Try to be understanding - she really may have a ton of school work to do.</p>
<p>The best weekend to avoid visiting is Parents’ Weekend unless you an alum of the school, your child is performing/participating in some function/sports event that you want to see, or the child prefers you come at that time. There are all sorts of activities set up for parents, but my main purpose in visiting is always to spend time with S or to see him perform, so we always time or visits to do that. We’ve actually flown halfway across the country to see him perform in a concert and the only time we saw him was at breakfast the day we left. (It was also a week after Thanksgiving and 2 weeks before he came home for Christmas break.)</p>
<p>We are trying to figure out how H & I can get there for events on a Wed. & Sat. when I have a meeting elsewhere (but close enough to fly) on Fri. & Sat. Will probably fly together to see S and H will stay there while I fly to my meeting and back. Thank goodness for free tickets!</p>
<p>DW visited DS after the first midterms. More relaxed, and DS was able to give mommy the grand tour of the school and city. Airfare was cheaper too.:)</p>
<p>so glad I am reading this thread. I will think twice about going on Parents WEekend next year when my d is a freshman (or at least if I go I will have fewer expectations of spending lots of time with her!)</p>
<p>I am very glad that my S’s school has Parent’s Weekend in the spring of freshman year, and Sophomore Family Weekend during sophomore summer.</p>
<p>The kids have had time to become accustomed to the college and are feeling less need to separate themselves from parents. It seems easier to balance parent-oriented events and spending time with one’s student. In fact, we actually had to miss things we would have liked to go to in order to spend time with the kid! :)</p>
<p>We went for Parent’s Weekend this year & won’t go again. We didn’t want her to feel “left out” if we didn’t go, but when I figure what I spent for the weekend package, football tix & hotel room 40 miles away ('cause the local ones were all booked up) it really wasn’t worth it. Lots of parents didn’t go (it’s a large state school) so we wouldn’t have been missed if we decided to go a different weekend. Maybe at a smaller LAC it’s different.</p>
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<p>I laughed a little when I read this, but then I wondered if this was the norm where you’re from. Perhaps different areas of the country do things differently. Or maybe this is your first to head off to college. Either way, I’m glad you had some quality time with your DS!!</p>
<p>D1 has stayed with us a few time when we visited because she could have her own bathroom, TV, room service, even spa treatments. But only when she wasn’t not too busy. I don’t think it’s that uncommon.</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but she doesn’t even have time to have dinner with you on Friday night? Seriously? Is she not planning on eating? She can’t take a break for 2 hours on Friday night when her tests aren’t until the following week? And she tells you this NOW, after you’ve booked (presumably non-refundable) flights?</p>
<p>I have a couple of ideas here. Either she’s afraid seeing you will make her homesick, or she has other plans. Yes, I believe she plans to study most of Friday and Saturday. No I do not believe she cannot give up 2 hours Friday night and 2 hours Saturday night to see her PARENTS who spent a lot of money and effort to come and see her. </p>
<p>If she didn’t want you to come she should have said so upfront. However, now it’s awkward, because if you force her to spend time with you, you may all have an awkward uncomfortable visit.</p>
<p>H and I always go to Parents Weekend. It’s the one time I know my kids aren’t giving up plans with friends in order to spend time with us. This year our oldest and youngest kids have Parents Weekend on the same weekend. The older one told us it was ok to go to his younger sister’s weekend, because “Parents weekend is for freshmen and its lame.” But… he eventually invited his grandparents to come, he texted me multiple times from the football game, and he told me we missed a great weekend. I think he wanted us there more than he was willing to let on.</p>
<p>I’m planning on attending at the end of the month flying across the country, sans H. First child, freshman. Will be 2 months since drop off and he won’t be coming home for thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Don’t expect to see him a whole lot, dinner friday, would like to attend his classes that are open for parents.</p>
<p>Was figuring on dinner saturday, but looks like he will be attending the “Rally to Restore Sanity” along with dormmates. Under 1 hr train ride to DC. So, I figure, I will also attend the Rally :). Not with him, of course. Would be too embarrassing to have mom tagging along, I assume. So don’t know if I’ll see hims saturday after all is said and done. Brunch sunday, and I’m thinking that’s about it.</p>
<p>I’d just like to see him, maybe meet some friends, see how he’s settled in his surroundings, maybe take him out to Target, get a hug. </p>
<p>Not planning on going in the future though.</p>
<p>Went to Parents Weekend my son’s first year, and he told me not to come back on that same weekend for the next three. The campus was crazy with lots and lots of parents. The hotel rates were sky high. We stayed 40 miles away from campus, and still, it was expensive. So, we did not go this year, and my son is just fine with it. Besides, he really is very busy with all sorts of campus things. He probably would have made time for dinner, and that’s about it.</p>
<p>My third kid started college this year and we haven’t been to a parent’s weekend yet. The kids always get adopted by someone’s parents for a dinner or two. They tell us not to come because they are busy with school work (it always seems to be right before midterms) and most of the activities are for parents only, not the college kids. It’s crowded, etc., etc.</p>
<p>We have been to 3 parents weekends. When our kids have needed to spend time studying, they just do it. We don’t feel that we have to be with them 24/7 over the weekend. But, everyone needs to take time out to eat and have some “mental breaks” so it’s a little odd for a student to think that she’ll be studying 3pm to midnight on Friday, all waking hours on Saturday except for a dinner break, and all day Sunday. </p>
<p>It’s only Tuesday, your D needs to spend as much time this week doing as much homework/studying as she can.</p>
<p>heck…many schools include a big list of activities and a football game for Parents Weekend. How do those kids manage??</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for all the insights. It really helped. I did talk to d again and told her that we were flying there to see her and we really wanted to see her for dinner Friday night, but we could make it quick if she had a lot of work or if she had more time, we could take her and one of her friends whose parents couldn’t come. She said ok, but it will probably be quick. I guess she doesn’t get the programming hw until Friday and it sounds like it has to be done and uploaded on Sunday evening - I remember her talking about that before. She’s very driven and wants to get great grades so she’s just being honest. After reading what everyone else said about the weekend, I feel much better. There are lots of things that parents can do so we’ll be happy with our dinners Friday and Saturday night. It might end up more than that - she went shopping this weekend and wants to show me what she bought. I must have caught her on a stressful day or maybe like some of you said, my expectations were too high.</p>
<p>Glad to hear it! Enjoy the weekend.</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s one way to spend Parents Weekend. Do what works for you and your kid…glad OP reached a compromise. At D’s school, Parents Weekend was only a few weeks after move-in. Many parents didn’t attend. The main activities were lectures lined up by the administration to answer questions. We live only 2 hrs away from the school so I think it would have been pretty poor form if we didn’t go. And we wanted to go…we didn’t care about the administrative stuff and just wanted to see D. She didn’t have a lot of work worries because it was so early in the school year. We came up on Saturday and D wanted to show us around a bit and go out to dinner. We had an extra room at the hotel because of S, and so we asked her if she wanted to stay overnight with us. She first checked with her roommate and then jumped at the opportunity! The extra room had only one bed and we couldn’t change it to a double because it was all booked up. So S graciously slept on the little sofa (mind you, he is almost 6 ft tall) while D got the bed. She was happy to take a “real” shower. On Sunday morning we all went out to breakfast (skipped the school brunch) and then we brought her back and left. I felt it was a success because my D got some TLC and the VIP treatment by her family and that’s what she needed.</p>
<p>For those of you who have kids who are stressing about work and other things, do what works. Find some compromise or go another weekend. Figure out your expectations in advance. I wonder how D would respond to Parents Weekend if it were held several weeks later.</p>
<p>Glad D’s school only has Parents Weekend freshman year. In the future we will coordinate another weekend and do the TLC thing…if D wants us to.</p>