<p>My freshman daughter's college is having their parent's weekend this coming weekend. She informed me today that she is going to have a ton of homework and a huge test the following week. She and her friends are setting up a dinner with the parents on Saturday night. She said that she doesn't have time to go out to dinner Friday (we fly in early Friday) or hang out at all Saturday so we'll just do the dinner Saturday night. In fact, many of her friends' parents aren't coming. I guess I was speechless. I understand the level of work, but we're flying in to see her and would really like to at least do dinner Friday night and had hoped to spend part of Saturday with her. I tried explaining that to her, but it didn't work - she has too much to do. Anyone have this happen? Should I just see her when I can and let her do what she thinks she needs to do?</p>
<p>A thought that may or may not work in your situation…The Parents weekend is planned many months prior…but the student’s Professor may still not work around that event, and the student is then faced with upholding her responsibilities to do well in school, and the desire to spend time with the parents.
Would you be able to achieve the same goal by changing your date for the visit? Ask your DD when she feels she can give you the time you both want??
This is what I did-and it relieved the pressure off my DD, and allowed for more time together than we would have otherwise.
-APOL-a Mum</p>
<p>Oh dear. Did she offer a reason she couldn’t get away for dinner on Friday? Maybe you caught her on a day that was very stressful? Were you actually speechless or did you talk about her schedule and what she might be able to do to get ahead of her homework to actually be able to fit more time with you? Maybe you can “help” her work out some compromises between end of class on Friday and the Saturday night dinner? Did she know you planned to fly out to see her? The fact that many of her friends parents aren’t coming really has nothing to do with her ability to juggle her schedule on a weekend but I suspect you know this. I’d try another conversation and offer some gentle, subtle suggestions about ways she can rearrange her “schedule” to accomodate your visit. You might also probe what her “other friends” who are arranging the Saturday dinner are doing with or without their children Friday night and Saturday during the day.</p>
<p>Parents’ weekend can be awkward; our first one involved waking S2 at 1 PM to find that he was hungover, had slept through the registration, and we were now too late for any football tickets, etc!</p>
<p>It does seem like the professors don’t hold back on the assignments, and they shouldn’t: this is an institution of education. No doubt you’re locked into the airline tickets and paying a higher price for a hotel room, so do the best you can in getting involved with the activities offered on campus: tours, exhibits, plays, sports and such. Give your daughter the space she needs. I would persuade her to see you at mealtimes. This could be takeout Chinese food or something on Friday so she could try to finish her work. On Saturday, pair up with another set of parents and find some activity to do. Don’t push it with your child.
This could all be part of a letting go process, and you shouldn’t take it personally. Freshmen are getting used to college schedules, and they do make mistakes. With my third, I started a month in advance by reminding him of our dates and asking that he keep the days as open as possible. We will see if it worked!</p>
<p>Take her out to dinner on Friday (she can make time for this) and quick shopping trip to restock snacks and necessities on Saturday (again, she can make time for this). Dinner (Friday and Sat) and the quick shopping trip should give everyone enough time for plenty of conversations.</p>
<p>Let her have the rest of the time to do what she needs to do. </p>
<p>Dinner in the evening and a short shopping trip sounds like a good plan to me.</p>
<p>Our D often felt we didn’t spend enough time with her on Family Weekend, and our S sounds like your D. We can take him out to dinner, but the rest of the time he needs to be studying. I think it should be reasonable to take S or D out to dinner both Friday & Saturday night - they do have to eat after all, as long as the dinner is not overly long.</p>
<p>If I were you I would feel very hurt and disappointed. It is hard to imagine that she could not manage to spend at least an hour with you on Friday. I would be very surprised if she really is going to study all evening on Friday and all day on Saturday. I would bet that she plans to party as usual and doesn’t want to give that up or consider calling it a night early so that she can arise before noon and see you and still get work done.</p>
<p>I’d consider trying to reschedule for another weekend, preferably in the spring, when she has gotten some of the separation issues out of her system.</p>
<p>D had a lot of work, as well. However, the College had many activities for parents during the day. I went to those, then we went to dinner and shopping. Saturday all the parents and the girls got together for a dinner together. It was great meeting the other parents.</p>
<p>It’s called planning ahead! She knew you were coming up for the parents weekend, why couldn’t she have studied ahead and did her homework beofre the weekend? In college, unlike high school, homework (problem sets and papers) and tests are generally assigned first few weeks of school, they don’t often get last minute work. </p>
<p>No, this situation would not be acceptable to me. I would cancel my trip if it was the case.</p>
<p>I’m going to parent’s weekend and I’m putting no expectations on D. The purpose of going is to see what the college has to offer, not to see D. I’m looking forward to wandering around the campus and going to classes and activities. In fact, I worry that she’ll feel obligated to spend time with me. What I really want, is to see her in the college environment, not going out with me to eat or shop. Don’t take it personally, it just means she is fully engaged in college life which is what you want anyway.</p>
<p>You need to decide if YOU want to make this trip. Is it possible to change the airline reservations to another time? If so, I would suggest you do this. We went to Parents Weekend for DS when he was a freshman and did just what others said…dinner together Friday, a little shopping in the mid afternoon on Saturday…and Saturday dinner. We also had brunch (on the late side) on Sunday. BUT for us is was a two hour drive. </p>
<p>We never went again on Parents Weekend because DS was always busy. And that was fine.</p>
<p>DD went to college across the country. Her Parent’s Weekend was in February. We never went. It was too far to travel for a contrived two and a half day event.</p>
<p>Personally I thought Parent’s Weekend at my son’s school was fine, but it was overcrowded with people, overbooked with parent/student activities, and expensive. We preferred to visit when there were less folks about…and we always took a friend or two of his to a meal while we were there.</p>
<p>Wow it’s good to know my dad is not the only completely non-understanding parent out there. He spent all of yesterday bothering me about him and my brother making the trip down to see me for today. I told both of them multiple times that I couldn’t because I have two tests next week and will be studying most of the weekend.
They did not back off until I actually called my mother to get them to stop with it. My mother understood and I told her flat out I wasn’t going out last night. She believed me because she trusts me and it was true. My father is of the mind of Consolation and thinks that I can’t possibly just have too much work and must want to avoid seeing him so I can party and upset him. My brother is ten, so at least he has a reason for being unreasonable.</p>
<p>Yes I’m online now, but this is a quick study break to unwind. Time with your family is not unwinding. Plus things like that always end up taking far more time than anticipated.</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate that you’re already locked into the weekend. Maybe next semester or year you can wait until she gets her syllabi (including test and paper due dates) before you decide what the best weekend to visit her would be.</p>
<p>Our son is a freshman (at the same school as ginab591 above) and we are not going to Parents’ Weekend, which is in mid-October. It’s his choice; he says most kids he knows do not have parents coming up. That’s fine with us as well. I wouldn’t force it. I guess the real question is: Is Parents’ Weekend about the kid or the parents? I think the former, but I guess some people think the latter.</p>
<p>My thought is that Parent’s Weekend is most useful freshman year. We will fly to Boston this year for it, but probably the other years we will opt for Columbus Day weekend (when there is a school holiday) or not at all. </p>
<p>Idea - offer to join D in the dorm cafeteria for a few meals. (Parents can usually buy a meal). She has to eat, and then you can spend time with her. Sat night can be special night out. She may opt for other meals out too after pondering the idea of parents in the cafeteria with her. </p>
<p>If she can bring roommate and/or friends when you eat out, you will get more insights on her college experience. It will cost more to pay for extra meals, but I bet you’ll be glad you did;</p>
<p>We only went to the first parents weekend, just so D1 wouldn’t feel left out. It was hectic and the town was too crowded, couldn’t even get a dinner reservation. After that first year, we would arrange to go up when D1 doesn’t have as much homework. We would drive up Sat, see her in the late afternoon and have dinner. We would have brunch with her following day, and drive home after that. </p>
<p>Parents weekend is really more for parents. It’s a good opportunity to see a child’s new environment - move in day just too hectic - and many colleges have planned programs for parents. Hey, considering the amount money we are paying for college, it’s not too much to get some show and tell, and it includes my kid putting on a smile for me.</p>
<p>Unless the parents think they’ll learn quite a bit about the campus, etc. on the parents’ weekend, which they often don’t since they often already know quite a bit about it beforehand, I think it’s best to coordinate the timeframe of the visits with the student since they’ll have times when they’re extra busy and times when they’re not and it doesn’t always coincide with events like parents’ weekend. It can also be nice to visit the campus on a more ‘normal’ less crowded time.</p>
<p>OTOH if the parents need to fly to get to the campus then they need some lead time to get flights/hotel so the student needs to understand this an plan ahead as well. </p>
<p>Most students will end up eating lunch and dinner anyway so the student should at least be able to squeeze in those times - especially if the parents are willing to make it a quicker lunch and dinner and not pressure the student to spend hours with them given the student has HW/studying to do.</p>
<p>What ever you decide to do, please don’t spend the time you have with your d arguing about how little time you have together. Enjoy the few precious moments. More is not neccessarily better.</p>
<p>I think kids also need to appreciate parents’ effort in visiting on Parents Weekend - hotel reservation (extremely hard at some schools), flight, time…Your kid is very lucky you are visiting. My parents never did because they always had something else better to do, and better way of spending the money. I would have been over the moon(made sure all my work was done) if my parents had made the effort.</p>
<p>In some colleges parents’ weekend is specially for parents. They have talk sessions, presentations, lab tours,… which are not available to parents during normal hours.</p>
<p>I have no time and money to go to these weekends.</p>
<p>colorado, you might want to consider coming to Boston on a weekend OTHER than Columbus Day weekend. It’s a busy tourist weekend in this neck of the woods and hotels and airfares tend to be high priced. And there will be the crowds. Also, there are tons of colleges in the greater Boston area and it seems that at LEAST one is having Parents Weekend every weekend in October. Find out when midterm exams are, and maybe take a long weekend AFTER those. My son loved the company at that time. Just a thought…and you won’t have as much trouble getting hotel reservations…or dinner.</p>