<p>I was simply asking him if he was aquaman.</p>
<p>I am a parent from Ann Arbor with a D at Michigan and another at Earlham and a hs junior who wants to go as far as possible from Ann Arbor. While my D is flourishing at UM, it is too close-I only see her when she runs out of toilet paper at her campus house. She pines for a welcome home sign in the front yard each time she comes. </p>
<p>I think it is best for parents and kids to live a little outside their comfort level. That being said, four hours to Earlham seems like a big schlep-can't come down for a quick dinner or to comfort a sick kid. I think 45 min to a couple of hour is an ideal distance~you can't come without calling and yet you can make quickie visits. Once you hit the 4- 6 hour away point, you might as well be anywhere-it is just as easy to hop on a plane as it is to drive...but don't tell my youngest I said that!</p>
<p>Another parent chiming in here....
Realize that as parents, worrying and having a hard time letting go comes with the territory. Your parents love you and want what's best for you, even though what they think is best may not be what you think is best, or what really is best.
When my daughter started her college search she had USC and U of Hawaii on her list...we live in NY. I told her she could go wherever she wanted, that it was entirely up to her as she would be the one living there for 4 years. Did I really want her in HI or CA? Of course not, but it was her decision. She ultimately decided they were too far, and most of her choices are on the east coast, with the exception of Northwestern. I will miss her no matter where she goes, but it is now her time. As her parent I have to hope I have done my job and trust that she will make the right decisions, but those decisions will have to be made no matter how far away she is.
If I were you, I would sit down and calmly discuss the reasons why you want to go where you do and then I would listen to their reasons for wanting you to be close to home. Maybe they have concerns you aren't aware of. Then you can address these concerns and perhaps come to an agreement. If they are still dead set against it, maybe you can make a deal that they let you go for the 1st year and if it doesn't go well, you will transfer. Also, promise to keep in touch on a regular basis, phone calls, emails etc. Hopefully, it will all work out...good luck to you!</p>
<p>Have you sat down with your parents and told them that you understand their concerns and will miss them too? Have you taken the time to assure them that you have been listening to their advice and warnings all these years and that you are taking good values and common sense with you out into the world? Have you conducted yourself in an adult manner to show them that you are, in fact, mature and responsible? Maybe if you do those things, your parents will still shed a few tears (because, after all, you've been a large part of their lives for a long time), but will feel secure about letting you go. As a parent, I believe that most kids should be able to choose their colleges, but sometimes bad things do happen to people your age. Look at Natalee Holloway and Immette St. Guillen. Respect and understand their concerns and then assure them that you're on the right path. Good luck!</p>
<p>u gotta trust them and they will trust you. dont fight it, explain and express your wishes. My parents thus, allow me to go to US even tho I am living in India...</p>
<p>Plus, I never did anything to make em suspicious... so Im okay</p>
<p>My feeling is that all will be well. A friend of mine wanted to go from India and parents said no. finally she got full aid and that was the end of the discussion...</p>
<p>IMO, 2 hours is very close. The closest mall around here is more then two hours away.... Anyways, that won't help you convince your parents any. I would try to talk about the issues safety-wise; is it really a problem, or just a misunderstanding or whatever? Perhaps you could agree to take some sort of self defense class, or carry pepper spray? (Not that you shouldn't be prepared anyways.) If your parents threaten to remove funding, could you afford to pay for UCSD by yourself? You could agree to some sort of weekly dinner or phone appointment, and while this is an extremely close, it offers a lot more independence than Claremont.</p>
<p>I agree with zoosermom. Whatever you do, don't do it because of guilt.</p>
<p>Maybe they haven't gotten into full swing yet, but some of the threads on the parent's forum can be really pathetic. When the kids move out, some parents cry all week and set new records in maudlin.</p>
<p>My daughter is the light of my heart and I'm going to miss her madly, but I know going away is best for her. When we bring her to college, my goal is to turn and walk back to the car without flinging myself on the floor and grabbing onto her ankles. If I can achieve that, I will allow myself to cry the whole way home and then be prepared to be chipper and perky at the first phone call.</p>
<p>Your parents kind of remind me of what my mom did when I was looking at schools. We live in Georgia, and so naturally Emory was on my list as was Notre Dame (where my dad and grandpa went), but I really wanted NYC. When we visited Columbia, she was full of passive-aggressive jabs: about the city she would say "I can't believe anyone would want to live here," "this is where you want to live?" "does this really appeal to you?"; about the school she would say "the tour was so much better at U of Florida (my older brother's school)." She was full of stuff like that "If you went to Emory you could...," "If you go to Columbia you won't be able to...." Then I threw some similarly passive aggressive jabs back: when she'd say something about NYC, I'd say "Then it's a good thing you didn't apply here." We ended up getting angry at each other, and it really put a damper on the trip and the whole experience. I'm not sure if it was the security part of it or the distance or the fact that I was turning down my dad's alma mater. I would say to take the aggressive route rather than the passive aggressive. Ask them directly what their concerns are. The last thing you want to do is to leave your relationship with your parents strained if you won't see them for a few months.</p>
<p>BestMiller1, I totally agree with you. I'm going to California no matter what my parents say. It makes no sense to spend another 4 years in a place that I hate and that keeps me from being successful. That's wasting money right there. I'll stay until I graduate, but after that I'm out of there.</p>
<p>dusk123, I know how you feel with needing independence to really grown up. I feel like I need that as well and I'd tell that to your parents, emphasizing that you still care about them and that you'll visit. Give them a list of things that show why UCSD would be better for you in the long run. Good luck to you though, I know how frustrating it can be to reason with your parents.</p>
<p>start annoying the crud out of them, and leave a mess everywhere, be noisy, etc., and then they'll be happy when you leave ;-)</p>
<p>
[quote]
When we visited Columbia, she was full of passive-aggressive jabs: about the city she would say "I can't believe anyone would want to live here," "this is where you want to live?" "does this really appeal to you?"; about the school she would say "the tour was so much better at U of Florida (my older brother's school)." She was full of stuff like that "If you went to Emory you could...," "If you go to Columbia you won't be able to...."
[/quote]
... this is where knowing your child is important ... when my mom did this to my sister it usually guilted my sister into making the decision my mom wanted ... when my mom did this to me it virtually GUARENTEED I would do anything except what my mom wanted me to do (even if it was my first choice). And it is clear my 3 kids are very different in how they respond to parental feedback.</p>
<p>my parents are in a similiar situation, well not quite, the distance will be more like 4000 miles (Europe), but anyway, although i am partially annoyed about their clinging it's understandable, they have a hard time letting me go and i guess i wouldn't feel any better if they were just like 'oh it's great that you go far away, that way we don't have to see you that often'</p>
<p>I like that my son will be 75 miles from home; close enough if he gets sick or has an emergency and far enough from home to transition into adulthood.</p>
<p>dusk123, that really sounds like a bad situation. i don't see what the issue is if it's only 2 hours away from home, though...maybe you could sit down with your parents and discuss exactly how often you could come home--they may not really be thinking this through, and it might all be a lot easier than it seems w/ a little clarification.</p>
<p>i think zoosermom's advice is the best.</p>
<p>but above all--don't back down. don't be offensive and overreactive about it, of course, but make it clear that this is a big decision that will affect your future, even if they are paying tuition. (but say that you do appreciate that.) of course, if they refuse to pay if you go, i guess you'll have to try a different tactic. </p>
<p>my parents (like all, i guess) are going through the same thing, but to a lesser degree. my mom doesn't even want to think about me leaving virginia to go to notre dame...and my dad says every other day that he doesn't want me to leave. but i know they'll let me in the end. the question is though--will i want to go that far away if i get in? sometimes i just want to stay home myself.</p>
<p>this whole thing is kind of sad for everybody--including your parents, dusk, and eventually you, probably. good luck!</p>
<p>UC Berkeley is 8 hours from where I live, and my parents consider it "close to home" (as do I), and only complain when I talk about attending Amherst or Williams thousands of miles away.</p>
<p>I really think your parents are perhaps drawing on their protective instincts too much, which could hurt you in the end. Try to reason that you won't necessarily be staying away forever, just for the four years. Try to reassure them that you won't cut off contact with them or anything, but just not necessarily be physically near them. Maybe even pose the hypothetical situation (please excuse me if anything I say seems offensive, because I really don't mean it that way) that your parents most likely won't outlive you, and when they are gone, how are you going to survive by yourself unless you learn how to do so these next four years?</p>
<p>I wish you luck working out something satisfactory for everyone!</p>
<p>They don't realize that 5 minutes is two hours - either way you're gone.</p>
<p>Much thanks to everyone who replied...I just came back from having giant argument with them just now...I'm not all that happy but I think they're on their way to finally getting it...</p>
<p>heckkkkkkkkk yeaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! burn them into ashes with your argument.......tell them im gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......either you will help me pay for tuition or im getting student loan...........................choice is yours.....................tell JUST WAIT........tell them UCSD IS MY SUCCESS WHERE MY SUCCESS LIES AND NOTHING IS STOPPING, IM TO CLOSE, ESPECIALLY NOT THE TWO OF YOU!!!!!!!!!,......they will shocked and they wont talk to you for few days but they will eventually understand and they will accept the fact</p>
<p>I can sympathize COMPLETELY with everything you've said! It seems as if all the other parents have this "Go away! Find your path in life! Be independent" attitude towards their kids going away to college, EXCEPT for mine.
Good luck convincing them :)</p>