<p>I have read through many a thread to try and identify with a subject; but to my surprise I could not find a thread that applies to my source of anxiety: the college freshman that coasts and gets by on his intellect alone.
My child is a freshman at a very competitive private college. He attends classes, does the minimal amount of work to get by, parties "hard" on the weekends, dropped a class because he didn't think he'd pass (with the amount of work he was willing to put into it) and wound up with a B+, B, and C+ first semester. He is thrilled to be at this school; couldn't be happier.
Well, we are spending $54,000 a year for this education. We can afford it. We believe we have taught him the value of hard work and have not "spoiled" him. He worked this past summer (after graduation) to earn his spending money, and will work all this summer as well. We expect him to get a part time job as a sophomore. He went into school with the requirement that he had to maintain at least a B average.
Is there a problem? I'm not sure. There's an underlying nagging anxiety that I can't quite put my finger on.
Any advice, reassurances? criticisms?</p>
<p>If he keeps dropping classes (taking the minimum each semester) are you willing to keep paying $54,000 if he needs a 5th year?</p>
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<p>I guess my only comment would be that I personally wouldn’t want to be spending $54,000 per year for that level of commitment. But that’s a personal decision.</p>
<p>Actually I think this is a very typical freshman. He’s making friends and trying things beyond the classroom – hopefully a few of them things like bowling or skiing that could become lifetime loves. </p>
<p>Typical male, he has met your B requirement barely and precisely. </p>
<p>Oddly enough, you may be happier if you praise him – he was smart enough to find and get into a fine college. And smart enough to get out of a class that wasn’t working out. So, praise him for good work so far. Go ahead and tell him you are a bit nervous too about the partying. </p>
<p>Go read Seabiscuit. One of the things that let Seabiscuit become a champion was the good fortune to fall into the hands of an experienced trainer who had seen too many young, promising horses “burn up” by being pushed too hard, too fast. Seabiscuit’s trainer believed in rest and play. Good luck!</p>
<p>I guess the most you can do at this point is to set clear expectations (like B average, and graduating in 4 years?)
Hopefully he will “grow out” of the party mode - many students do - and will take advantage of the opportunity you are giving him by paying his tuition.
If he keeps his part of the deal, don’t fight with him. You can’t “make” him work harder at this point. It’s up to him to do it for himself, not for you.</p>
<p>I do understand your frustration, and I’d probably feel the same way. But I think it’s a battle you can’t win.</p>
<p>And you are right that, generally speaking, this is “your average college students”. The problem is that we all expect our kids to be above average. Sometimes they aren’t.</p>
<p>If the money isn’t an issue, and he’s living up to his obligations- a B and earning his spending money- so be it. Personally, I’d expect a little more.</p>
<p>I’d let him know that if it takes him more than 4 years to complete college, he’d have to foot the bill, and the same would be true if he had to take over any courses. I’d set a minimum gpa for him to maintain each semester for me to be willing to foot the bill. I think a 3.0 is reasonable, and is what many merit aid scholarships require. It’s high enough that he probably can’t totally goof off, and low enough that if he exceeds it, he can feel proud that he’s achieving due to his own motivation, not due to parental pushing.</p>
<p>I always think it’s good for students to have some skin in the game, so regardless of his grades, I would be expecting him to work during the summer to pay for at minimum his entertainment and clothing expenses. I don’t give allowances to college students.</p>
<p>So, in other words, I agree with your parenting. </p>
<p>Fall semester is typically when college students’ gpas are lowest. After that first semester of partying and glorying in their independence, they calm down and pay more attention to academics. This particularly is true of the kind of students who end up at highly competitive colleges. Saying this from personal experience: mine as a college student at a highly competitive private college.</p>
<p>Every time I see one of these threads or a variant I am SO glad I managed to pay my own way.</p>
<p>First semester freshman year? Relax and feel great about the fact that your son has weathered a transition than many fail to complete- he’s now a college student and a successful one at that. While I do think it’s good to make sure that your expectations for him are clear (graduate in 4 years, decent g.p.a), the rest is up to him.</p>
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Werd. Don’t think I even looked at privates.</p>
<p>Agree with the other posters. Keep your expectations for the B. Keep your expectations for finishing in 4 years. Make sure your son understands those expectations and the ramifications if he can’t “make it happen.” Praise him for surviving the fall at the same time you continue cautioning him about potential pitfalls. There are kids that don’t “survive” freshmana fall. Freshman fall was with our S1, his lowest GPA semester and his grades were posted when he was home for the holidays and I remember he clearly seemed “relieved.” He needed a 3.0 to keep his scholarship. His GPA has continually goine up each semester as he has settled down. Hopefully your “trend” will mirror ours and some of the others that are posting here.</p>
<p>It is good he’s still in school. I do not believe that taking nine credits a semester at 50K+ a year is sending a message of valuing hard work. I would tie a minimum number of credits to the grade requirement. </p>
<p>I just would not be willing to spend an extra 50-100K so that my kid has the required time to party “hard.” Toning down the partying so my kid could graduate in four years would show that he valued the gift of an excellent education.</p>
<p>How many credits did he end up taking?</p>
<p>Just wanted to offer some sympathy and let you know you’re not alone. DS#1 (current second year) has yet to see his first college A. I asked him if there weren’t any guts at his school (our term for easy classes back in the day) and he said every single class he’s taken so far has been fairly-to-very intense (this at a tier 2 LAC). He also was never one to worry about grades–only how his parents would react to them. Probably got into the schools he did based on strength of schedule, SATs, teacher recs. (He had more than one hs teacher who knew how bright he was even though he was making Bs/Cs in their class–in fact one who wrote one of his recommendations. He was not about doing homework he didn’t think taught him anything. He also is constitutionally unable to talk to a teacher about grades. Thinks it’s beneath him. Wouldn’t even tell a college prof that she’d added up his score wrong on one test. Part of me has to respect that.) </p>
<p>I do not beat him up about his grades. DH a little more so, but I really don’t see the benefit. Only makes DS miserable, and I really think does not improve the grades. He is keeping his merit aid and will graduate in four years. We have had several discussions about how this might impact his future, but I don’t want him to think he doesn’t have one. </p>
<p>I’m hoping to at least get rid of the Cs as he finishes up his requirements and can focus more on his major and minor.</p>
<p>And I don’t know if this is reasonable or maybe a tiny bit of grasping at straws on my part, but I do look around me at the kids I know who really are in trouble–DUIs, dropping out of school, living at home without being in school or working. There’s something to be said about a basically good kid who is on the right path. Even if he’s not a shining star. I believe way deep down things will work out the way they were meant to.</p>
<p>Your kid is happy. He hasn’t shot himself in the foot with those grades. He isn’t on academic probation. All in all I think you and he are doing great.</p>
<p>Hope he does a summer course to keep up and graduate on time. Maybe he should pay for the summer course.</p>
<p>I think I would be unhappy if my sons brought “home” Cs all the time from college but I would rationalize and probably come to grips with it based on the fact that the percentage of kids that actually start and finish college is not great. I read something yesterday, and I don’t know whether to believe it or not, but the article said that only 25% of boys complete their college degree. Oldest had a C first semester freshman and since has had a mix of As and Bs, and frankly at mid-junior year I’m as happy as a clam because I know know with certainty he will finish and all will be just fine. I can live with a kid that actually graduates and I can live with a kid that graduates with some sort of B average…</p>
<p>I read the original post and felt that, except for the dropping of the class, I could have written the exact same thing, right down to the price tag! S ended up with an A-, B+, B and a C+. It was his first C (+ or -) on a report card in his life. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but he wasn’t completely bummed either. I think our slightly shocked faces were enough for him to know we weren’t thrilled either. We were pretty clear when he was home over break that, while we didn’t think he did badly by any stretch of the imagination, if his time in college was just going to be about going to class and partying, he could probably do it for a heckava lot less than what we were paying somewhere else. We were also pretty clear that he had four years in which to finish and is something I might point out to your son (re: the dropped class) as well . </p>
<p>Over break another parent told me about their D who as a freshman had called to say she wanted to drop a math class or something. He said, “Sure, you can drop it but you’ll owe me $4750 for the class” (based on the school’s tuition divided by credits). He even explained how he would let her do it in installments. And since they had been parents who had followed through in most other things, she surely believed him. She ended up struggling through, using the math center and got a decent enough grade. Personally, I am hanging onto this nugget because we would totally follow thru on this as well.</p>
<p>From all accounts there is no grade inflation where he is, and we shouldn’t be too freaked out by the occasional C, and there will likely be a lot of B’s in there despite his working hard. While I obviously have no idea where your son goes to school, I don’t think he had a bad first semester by any estimation. The dropped class would be disappointing, but there are so many adjustments that first semester that I would not be overly harsh, but I would be crystal clear about the expectations and his commitment to his classes and maybe an interest or two outside of it beyond the party. Call it a mulligan and move on from here.</p>
<p>I will also agree with other posters who say that by sophomore year a lot of kids settle into a less party-driven lifestyle. But just because it’s average behavior doesn’t mean you don’t say anything along the way. Our son plays a spring sport so beyond the class and party, he also had to work out quite a bit all thru fall, but he needs this anyway for his own sanity, so he would have done that regardless. As it is, since he’s been back in early Jan, he’s also gotten involved in some intramurals stuff with some friends and so, I do think he’s already making some much better choices. I think there is a lot of time spent just getting to know people first semester (and the college party is, for better and worse, part of that), but now that there are some good friends and a comfort zone, it’s time to step up and do the work he’s capable of. Well, at least that’s what I am hoping for!!</p>
<p>So he ended up with only 3 classes first semester? OK for a freshman in transition, but ask him if he needs to take 5 classes another semester to balance that out and graduate on time.</p>
<p>Or summer school.</p>
<p>With D1 we had an agreement on what GPA she needed for us to pay the full fare, and what GPA she needed to belong to a sorority. That was before she entered college. Once she got there and started looking into various internships she realized that she needed minimum of 3.5 GPA to even get an interview at those firms. We also made it clear to her that we wouldn’t be supporting her after college, so it’s up to her to get a job to support the kind of life style she wants.</p>
<p>Freshman year is not too early in having life-after-college discussion with kids, may it be graduate school or job. In this kind of economic environment, the competition is fierce for a job, and that is also making graduate school a lot more competitive. A good friend’s son is asking me to help him get an internship at my firm, but with a 3.0 it is hard for me to push him ahead of other kids with higher GPAs.</p>
<p>D1 did party hardy the first year in college. Partying did slow down after the first year.</p>
<p>It’s a constant battle between their wanting to remain little kids having a good time with what they want to do, and us seeing the long view and urging them to grow up. My friend’s D, an otherwise bright girl, thinks it’s ok to get Ds in one (HS) subject if she gets As in the others. And that senior year transcripts don’t count, if you’re already accepted to a college.</p>
<p>Duh! you say, but sometimes it’s like talking to a wall.</p>