I never went to college. My teen luckily got into a large top university. I have access to my teen’s assignment portal (I do not bother teen or have convos about assignments, just monitor during adjustment). Teen is doing assignments but is literally failing almost everything in two 4-credit courses that are known to be tough. Avg, high and low scores show teen is near bottom of class. Now at week 3 I finally talked with teen, but teen seems slightly delusional, fails to grasp (insurmountable?) hole being dug with midterms rapidly approaching. I think fun teen is having socially is clouding an honest appraisal. But at what point are you supposed to know you’re in over your head?
Teen’s taking 15 credits, struggling in two 4-credit courses. Third 4-credit course doesn’t have any assignments graded, it’s writing that only count a few big papers. Should I encourage teen to drop one or both 4-credit courses before full refund deadline on Friday? Even dropping one makes teen less than full-time status, is that a big deal? Or should I be even more drastic? I know you have to let kids fail, but literally fail? Attending a prestigious college is a once in a lifetime chance and maybe teen just not mature enough right now. I don’t know what to do. It’s like watching a slow motion car crash and my gut is telling me the opportunity is being blown.
Classes dropped before Friday get fully refunded and don’t appear on record. After Friday will show a W grade and zero refund. Midterms are a week after refund drop deadline.
When my son was a freshman he was enrolled taking 15 credits and rushing a fraternity. He was struggling to keep up with an advanced math class and I had him drop it. The drop occurred later than your students and a W is on his transcript. He is now a junior and is doing fine.
I think it is perfectly acceptable to drop down to 12 credits as a freshman if the student is struggling. It is an enormous transitional time in their life.
OP - it depends on the school if they’ll let freshman drop below a certain number of credit hours. At my daughter’s school not only would it mean not being a full time student and being off track to graduate on time, but also could impact financial and merit aid. Also, depending on if they are core courses for your student’s major, that could mess up required sequences.
Also, at my daughter’s school, they establish the curve at the END of the semester. All the students know is what the mean was on exams and how they did in relation to that. The mean information doesn’t appear in the grade book (according to my daughter, because I don’t and can’t check (I didn’t want access)).
Is your child making use of all the tutoring opportunities available at school?
And most importantly, what does your child want to do?
Instead of dropping a course, encourage your student to go to office hours to get additional help. Three weeks is too early to determine your kid may fail. At the same time, he needs to balance out work/play, figure out what he needs to do bring his grades up. In college most courses are graded with a midterm and final, in between quizzes and homework do not count as much, which means he will be very well prepared for those midterms.
Your kiddo needs to also seek out tutorial services at his college. Every school has some sort of way to provide tutoring to students. He needs to sign up…now.
Agree with @oldfort office hours are set up exactly for this reason. Students can go, get clarification on what they didn’t understand etc.
And most important…something you don’t likely know…he needs to attend every single class.
I would suggest he also talk to his advisor.
You mention that dropping one class will make him less than full time. If he has need based financial aid…this could be an issue. He might not be eligible for full time financial aid for this term if he is a less than full time student. If he has merit aid, you would need to look at the provisions of his award. Some require full time status.
Also…adding…did you agree to a minimum level of performance in college? In the Thumper family, both kids attended pretty expensive private universities. We paid their costs to attend. BUT we were very clear that they could get D or F grades in any courses or they would be welcome to return home to attend a far less costly college.
That being said…getting poor grades on assignments probably would not have caused course failure.
Also, we did NOT monitor course progress online. We didn’t do that in high school either. We expected honest answers when speaking to our kids.
Tell him now if you haven’t before - you are good for 8 semesters of support for college and that is it. He has to be self supporting after getting that degree or if he drops or fails out. It would worked as a motivator for me when my dad did it, and helped motivate my kids. It wasn’t being mean — it was clarifying what I am willing to contribute of my family’s resources to their education.
I’d also tell him to find out about tutoring and office hours.
Echoing something already said in post #5: If your student takes less than a set number of credits, s/he is no longer considered full time – this can affect financial aid. If your student is receiving financial aid you can call the school’s FA office and ask.
If scholarships are based on merit, a failing grade may also impact eligibility.
Visiting office hours, tutoring, showing up to every single class and previewing assignments for help at writing centers and quantitative centers can make a huge difference.
It sounds like your student was fortunate to land at a great school…but this is the beginning of what can be a long road. Hang in there! Yes, it is a great opportunity – they need to learn how to handle it, and for some the learning curve is more drastic than for others. It is tough to watch them make mistakes, but owning their own decisions is also part of growing up.
S/he should know any requirements for staying in school, whether by your guidelines or the school’s (financial or academic) and be clear about them.
in some schools if they are below full time, they lose housing as well. My D17 got very sick at the beginning of the semester and had to drop one class, and now is at the minimum to be full time. When talking to the school about potentially having to drop another class we were told she would then lose her housing. the classes could be curved, and worse case, he would have to repeat one of the classes if he failed. Many kids have a rough first semester, and then settle down the rest of their college careers.
A lot of people criticize sports, but I have to tell you the required study tables gave my daughter a lot of structure in college. As a freshman she was required to attend study tables 8 hours per week. Every night she’d go to the library area set aside for athletes, check in, set up her area with her computer, tablet and books, and dig in. One big advantage was studying with another student (different sport) who missed class about once a week and she taught him the material, which reinforced it for her. She went to office hours with the prof and TA, she studied for hours. She was in bed at 10 pm. She still had a social life and joined a sorority, but studying came first.
It takes work. Encourage your child to meet with the professor to review the work graded to date, to set up a plan, to get tutoring from a grad student, to watch Khan academy youtubes, to get into a study group.
IMO, if he’s going to drop 2 of his 4 classes, he might as well drop out because he’s not taking college seriously.
So lots of smart HS kids struggle in college. One problem I see in my area is the smart kids don’t have to do squat to do well in HS. So they don’t learn really good study habits. First semester college is a big wake up call.
So in addition to the extra help – office hours, tutoring, etc. see if they have a “how to succeed in college” course. It’s usually designed for kids on academic probation and will teach study habits, time management, etc. You’ll have to search for it – usually like an academic support department. We found all sorts of “secret” classes and study help. They even have classes you take concurrent with the typically hard classes (say math) which teaches them how to do it.
You monitor assignments ?. That is a lot of work for you and it is ultimately your teens responsibility to stay on course. I would encourage open communication so they can come to you if struggling. Some assignments are a small portion of the grade. My senior DD recently told that between her internship, other academic demands and her Acapella she did not put a lot of effort in one assignment due to minimal impact on grade. Explore what is going on then follow some of the great suggestions. Hopefully your teen already has good study habits.
First check about finances and what happens if you drop below a certain amount of hours as others have said.
Then:
How does your kid feel? Go with that. It seems awfully early in the game to be dropping classes. 3 weeks is nothing unless it’s the quarter system.
I’m glad my parents never looked at my grades until the final bell rang. I dug myself out of a ton of holes along the way but I’m not sure how things work today. You need to have an inkling of how the class works (curves, class assignment weights etc)
Like someone said you don’t know what a curve will look like until the end. Eons ago I made a 56 on a midterm exam and it was a C. I made a 56 on the final too-- one of the highest grades in the class–an A. It worked out.
If your kid can stay full time (or it won’t hurt financially or trying to stay on a specific track) then I’d consider dropping one course just for breathing room while getting used to the college course load.
Sometimes there are one credit classes that start later in the semester - if this student drops a 4 credit class she might want to add one more credit back in. Advisors will know.
What classes is he taking?
Are the classes weedout (ie., introductory classes for engineering or pre-med at a large university)?
A 56 may be a C with the curve of the middle students are in the 50-60 range. However this student is at the bottom of his classes.
He may be overwhelmed and not dare tell his mom. He may not realize what’s happening (if he doesn’t check his online grade portal, he may not know his grades - some exams are multiple choice in an exam center which administers the test. The professor doesn’t “go over” the test in class like in high school, that’s what office hours is for. )
Is there still any possibility he add a “sports” or “study skills” class for 1 credit so that he remain full-time even after dropping one class? Indeed, remaining full time is crucial (below 12 credits may mean students have to reimburse financial aid, may mean losing dorm room…)
Registering for 16 credits including one ‘easy’ class or module makes the 4-credit drop possible.
Ask him whether he’s gone to office hours, for which classes, what happened (he you’d go with highlited notes and questions on things he’s not sure about from the lecture, the lab, the readings). Has he set up tutoring hours?
Teenagers fall prey to “magical thinking” whereby believing in yourself and occasional study would be sufficient to success in college.
If the grade is on a curve, a bottom grade means a D and two Ds for 8 credits could mean probation.
He needs to turn around now. Let him know what he needs to do and say you want to see C’s or higher on the next tests.
It is a big deal to go below 12 credits…housing and financial aid rely on you being full time.
The worst thing academically is to fail classes. I would have your child talk to his adviser and also the Counseling Office.
Can he get tutors for his tough classes?’
Does the college have a study skills office that can help?:
keep in mind that you may not have to pay for the courses but you still may have to pay for housing.
Talk realistically to your son and tell him you are considering asking him to withdraw from classes or possibly the school. He needs to tell you what the problem is. Sounds like socializing but you can’t be sure.
With his permission (or if you have a release) talk to a dean or whoever is appropriate about options.
Maybe nudge a meeting between son and said administrator to discuss those options.
I am a big believer in protecting transcripts. I would avoid W’s and F’s. They drag a kid down, result in suspensions of attendance and/or aid over time, and don’t go away.
It’s tough because three weeks is not very much time and things can turn around.
The answers depend a lot on whether he has financial or merit aid, and also the debt burden. Accumulating debt for F’s and W’s is a shame and some kids drop out but still have lots of debt.
The real question here is motivation. Clearly he is able. I would vote for taking him out honestly, but that is through long hard experience.
Can he switch one class to pass-fail to alleviate some of the pressure? Have a conversation ASAP with student and lay out all of the options. Sending good vibes.
@karenparent your experience with your son sounds very similar to my experience with my first kid. I hope the best for your family whatever happens. However, i know a lot about college and what the signs are. I mean, i work at a college. at two weeks into the semester, kid number 1 came to me with concerns…vague concerns but said no problem, etc. talking with other people i heard literally each perspective you see above. I even went to a work sponsored counselor who told me it’s way too early, this is normal, etc. don’t overreact, don’t be the helicopter mom, all kids go through this, blah blah blah. so i said to child…tough it out, buck up, get serious, go to tutoring, etc.
welllllll my gut feeling was correct. around halloween we had to pick up the kid from college, bring them home, navigate immediate mental health care, withdrawal from the semester (with no tuition refund), etc. it was devastating to the whole family. it took about 3 years to fully come back and student is now plugging away at that degree. but…if you are worried at three weeks i would not wait and see. i can’t help but remember the “wait and see” that turned into an ambulance ride to the hospital with low oxygen and a lung diagnosis…i so want to let them be independent, but yeah, that isn’t always a good idea. YMMV IME with troubled freshman student, @compmom has the best advice above.