Last night, I went to a party. I had a good time, but near the end of it, I was sitting with a drunk girl and a few other people were around her as well. We were all trying to make sure that she was okay. Then, a guy member of the house told me to leave because he thought that I was trying to make a move on her. I told him that I would never do that to a drunk girl because that’s not the right thing to do to someone who’s drunk, plus her boyfriend wasn’t at the party. But, then he keep insisting for me to leave, which made me upset, so I left.
Weirdly enough, the other people who were sitting with her didn’t seem to care about me sitting there in the first place. He was most likely drunk, so that’s why he probably got suspicious of me. Also, another girl accused me of touching her, but I didn’t do anything, and I would never do that to a girl as well.
Overall, I think it was just an interesting night to say the least. Stuff happens, but I know that this wasn’t my fault because people can act randomly when they’re drunk.
@bodangles No, my mistake, a girl accused me of touching herself, not the girl that who was drunk and sitting down. Maybe someone who looked like me did something to her, but this was the First time that I’ve ever been accused. If you were there, then you would’ve seen that I was just sitting near her and making sure that she was okay. But, there were other people around her as well, so if I was the only one there, then they might’ve got suspicious of me.
I’ll make this clear: I didn’t do anything wrong, but maybe they thought that I would do something, but I wonder why? I have no bad history of being creepy or weird at parties, but other people may think otherwise. I just hate it when people would think that I’d do something like that, but when you’re drunk, people can get those types of thoughts.
So don’t go get drunk with others at parties. Problem (at least if there is a problem with perception that is due to someone being drunk) is solved. Of course, you were drunk, and might have done something inappropriate to either girl that you misjudged due to your drunken state.
@intparent I was fully aware (not drunk at all) and I even if I was misjudged of doing that, I’m not guilty of doing anything. It was the other people who decided to accuse me who were actually drunk.
Your previous posts have talked about doing things other people thought were creepy and you didn’t understand why they felt that way (slipping notes under people’s doors repeatedly, talking as if you were in control of someone else’s social life). We are only getting one side of the story here. It’s possible that the girl really thought you had done something to her. What was the context? What had just happened when she told you you had touched her?
I decided to sit down on the steps just to take a break from the downstairs area, where the main party was, as the floor became wet and some spots felt like puddles. I sat down and there was a couch near the stairs area. The drunk girl was sitting on the couch and some people were there to make sure that she was okay. They didn’t care that I decided to join them. I decided to stay because I was actually waiting for my friend to drive me home because I didn’t want to walk back to my dorm room in the cold. Also, at one point, it was just me and the drunk girl because someone had to go somewhere for a minute and they told me to watch her. I just talked to her and nothing went wrong. It wasn’t until another girl came in and she said that I touched her at the last party. I said that I didn’t, but she didn’t believe me and then she eventually left. I never saw this girl in my life before or even at this certain party. I’m guessing that my “look alike” was at this party as well?
A little later, one of the house members came in and told me not to talk to the drunk girl. He thought that I was trying to make a move on her, which I wasn’t. He then told me to leave and I listened to him because I didn’t want to cause any problems. My friend was a little late because he was DDing that night and I was his last ride.
So, that’s the full story explained in more detail. Just a crazy night in general. I’m not even sure if my reputation will be affected if some people might remember me whenever I go back next week. But, I honestly don’t care. People got drunk, people said some things, and like I said in my first post, stuff happens and this most likely happens all the time at college parties.
Another reason to not go to a party alone, so your friends can stop you from inappropriately touching girls when you’re drunk.
I agree with the others in this post in not returning to that place. But then again, I see you have a habit of not taking the advice given to you in this forum, and rationalizing your odd behavior as “misunderstandings”
@OhSorryYo & @dj1028 I just found your posts unreasonably rude. I didn’t even do anything wrong. The guy thought that I would make a move on her, judgemental much? The girl thought that I touched her at the same party last week, but I didn’t. Wondering why they would think like that is beyond me. My only guess is that they didn’t recognize me and they got suspicious of me even when I explained to them that I would never do something like that.
I just can’t believe how some act people on this site. It’s bad enough that I got falsely accused. IMO, it could’ve happened to anyone. This site is supposed understand people on all different levels. I even explained my story in more detail. I would never do something like that to anyone. I’m not weird or creepy at all. Now, I understand that some of my behavior in the past has been questionable, but I’m only human and no one’s perfect. I’m fixing my past mistakes and if you really knew me, I’m actually a nice guy who tries to post stuff on here to get responses and thoughts from others. I also understand that not everyone will agree with me, but come on, this site is more than just academics. People seem to shun party topics on here. IMO, I like to make them appropriate for discussion.
I just don’t know why you think that I actually did that to them. It was a pretty stupid night IMO. Now, I don’t know how to fix my reputation on here, but I’ll still continue to post stuff. And in all honesty, I thought that people would be more understanding of my situation.
On an extra note, if you were there at the party with me, then you would’ve seen that I was innocent.
@sta3535 I think that you need to be smarter about this. It sounds like you are going to parties by yourself and you really don’t know the hosts or people there. That’s a problem. Because now you’ve found yourself in a situation requiring the benefit of the doubt. You should not be hanging out with really drunk girls especially by yourself. You could get accused of sexually misconduct very easily and how could you prove differently? That other girl thinks you touched her. Maybe you did accidentally. But now you’re marked. Why would you go back to this party scene. You’re asking for trouble. You could have been judged by subtle cues. The way you were looking at her. Something set them off. And if you go back, you’ll be the first one they accuse if something goes wrong.
@gearmom It’s true, but I do know some of the hosts. But unfortunately, maybe it’s just time to move on.
IMO, I think that I need better friends. They either don’t feel like going out or they change their mind. They also go to the apartment parties and they have a better chance at getting busted than the house parties. But, I live closer to the house parties, so I don’t have to go on a bus or walk all the way to them. Although, maybe I should just join them instead of going where I want to go.
Furthermore, it just gets so boring to stay in on Friday and Saturday night. I would usually go on my laptop and watch Youtube, post on different discussion forums, or whatever else I feel like doing. At my college, there’s only a limited of things to do. I could do other stuff besides partying, but it doesn’t compare to the fun that I have at parties. What ruins it for me is when this happens. I should probably just keep myself out of sticky situations. Maybe stay away from anything that’s a risk factor. Or maybe I should just take all the fun out of my life and just be a boring person.
Now, the last option was a bit of a stretch for me, but I still have a few other choices. It all depends on what my friends are doing that night and if they want me to visit them.
Overall, the way I wrote this explains how I’m feeling right now. Frustrated that this happened to me, but it wasn’t my fault in any way, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Man, this feels like highschool all over again… judged as usual.
@sta3535 The boy scouts require two adults to be with the boys. To protect the boys but also to protect the adults. Is there anything else that you can get involved with at your school. A volley ball club or something. Or just go with a friend? I would not return to that party before Thanksgiving. Give it a rest.
None of us was at the party and none of us knows exactly what went on. But the fact is that you seem to continually put yourself into positions where people feel you have acted inappropriately towards them. I’d add to the suggestions from others that you don’t go to parties alone and that you steer clear of any potentially compromising situations (ex. sitting alone with a drunk female). I would strongly suggest that you stay away from the house party scene for quite some time and go somewhere in a group with friends.
And FWIW, being judged does not end when you graduate HS nor will it end when you finish college --you will be judged throughout your adult work and personal life. You need to learn to behave in a way that leaves you free from any possible claims of impropriety.
It may be worthwhile to visit the counseling office at your college. Perhaps a professional can help you recognize situations that can be potentially compromising as well as any behaviors that may be taken the wrong way by others.
I’m actually one of the few users on this site that believes partying is a positive social activity in college. And on an extra note, if I was there at that party with you, I would be the second dude telling you to get off of that girl.
I also just realized that you’re the same guy that kept slipping creepy notes under girls’ doors, so I completely understand why those people told you to leave, and you posting “I’m not weird or creepy” doesn’t help your case. Don’t return to that house again, they will definitely remember who you are.
This is honestly going nowhere for me, but I’ll keep defending my innocence because I’m getting upset with people not understanding where I’m coming from. I simply asked for some advice and all I’m getting is people telling me to not do that to girls, you should get counseling, and a girl saying, “It’s him again”. Oh, give me a break. Although, I’ve actually received some good advice from @beerme, but it’s easier said than done just to fix my issues quickly.
Heck, I even talked to my parents about this and they were NICER than most of you on here. They actually understood me and they knew that it was just an “accidental inconvenience.” Maybe I might’ve been ruder on here, but it gets me upset when people aren’t as caring and helpful on here for some situations. I know what’s right from wrong. I actually wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I was just sitting near her and other people were around her as well. What’s wrong with trying to make sure that she’s okay? I wasn’t even pursuing anything at all, so I’m not sure why people didn’t read my post(s) clearly.
Furthermore, in this situation, I believe that the guy was immature for making that conclusion of me. You just don’t go around assuming that someone’s trying to get with someone. If you’re suspicious, then just ask them civilly. You don’t need to get all mad and say, “Don’t talk to her!” Unless if the guy is alone with her and she’s obviously drunk, then you might need to ask him. But still, I was surrounded by others and even then, it’s always wrong to go up to drunk girls and try to get with them.
Look, I’m not like this at all, I really am. I’m running out of things to say, but, if this doesn’t change anyone’s minds, then I don’t know what will.
@sta3535 you said on another thread you’re on the spectrum right? I’m also on the spectrum. You say you’re not “weird or creepy”, but many people on the spectrum act weird (me included) without realizing it. I didn’t see anyone on head actually saying that you necessarily did what you were accused of. Rather, many have said, and I agree, that you likely acted in a manner that was perceived as inappropriate, regardless of what your intentions were. Take this as a learning experience and don’t go back to that house.
If you think someone is sexually harassing someone else, there is no requirement to give that person a nice, gentle questioning about what they’re doing. You don’t seem to understand how serious these issues are. If I think someone’s being creepy to my friend, I’m not going to waste time trying not to hurt the person’s feelings. I’m not saying, “Hey dude, the way you’re touching my friend looks like you’re trying to take advantage of a drunk girl even though I’m sure you don’t mean it and are a nice upstanding citizen…”
I’m saying “Get the heck away from her,” probably with even stronger language.