<p>I think it is important that you daughter understand the realities of Ivy League schools, as well as the fact that she most likely has a good of a chance as an other student does as far as getting accepted. The harsh truth is that Ivy Leagues will only end up accepting a minimal number of the thousands of applicants that desire acceptance. I am a high school senior applying to several highly ranked schools, so I completely understand the pressure she is feeling. You almost have to "live outside" the college process. What I mean is, try not to let her get too wrapped up in what other people are saying/doing/etc. In this day and age, it is far too easy to get sucked into the competitive pressures of both parents and students alike who have their minds set on a certain school and who will do whatever it takes to gain acceptance. For me, it helped to simply not discuss my applications with my friends. They don't have to know where she is applying or when she is finding out. That way, if she is rejected for some reason, she can keep it to herself and not have people hounding her with questions.
Also, remind your daughter that if she has worked hard, her chances are just as good as any other applicant's! While a strong, committed student certainly deserves a spot at any top university, the fact of the matter is that there are unfortunate limitations in the amount of students they will accept. I guess what I am trying to say is that if she is rejected from these schools for some reason, there is most likely nothing that she could have done to better her chances. My uncle describes the admissions process as a bunch of letters being "thrown down the stairs" and the acceptances being the ones that happen to land at the top of the pile.
In short, I really wouldn't worry. Her nerves will run their course, and I have no doubt that wherever she ends up for college, she will be met with unwavering success. Best of luck to both of you!</p>
<p>"Well, she is also looking forward to attending UC Berkeley, since most of her friends would probably end up there. But unfortunately, she has become so insecure that she is also beginning to worry about not getting into UCs..."</p>
<p>No matter how spectacular your D's stats and ECs are, she is right to be worried about getting into highly selective colleges. This will be the most competitive year in history when it comes to college admissions. Places like Harvard reject 9 of 10 applicants, and most applicants are so highly qualified that most colleges in the country would be thrilled to accept them.</p>
<p>Bottom line: Make sure that in addition to reach schools, your D is applying to some schools that she knows she'll be accepted to, you know you can afford, and she feels confident she would enjoy and be academically fulfilled in while attending. </p>
<p>The most important rule: Love thy safety.</p>
<p>Focus on the aspects of Harvard & Yale that appeal to your daughter, then she may realize that many other colleges & universities offer similiar features. It may be that your daughter did not apply to enough schools to enjoy the luxury of eager anticipation. Regarding "other activities": ECs do not need to be outstanding, just focused.</p>
<p>I was just going to say what NSM said, but without her usual eloquence.</p>
<p>I wish my D had added a few more reaches to her list but the upside is that she had abundant admissions and financial safeties. Your pessimistic D really needs to bulk up the middle and bottom of her list if all she applied to were UCB, Harvard and Yale. </p>
<p>Andison's story will drive that point home. He was a high stat student who applied to his reaches and matches and was not accepted anywhere. It happens. check admit rates IN ADDITION to accepted student stats in order to get the full story.</p>
<p>andison's story should be required reading for all CC parents and their kids. Here's the link.</p>
<p>"He now attends his second choice, a private LAC that he has a 4.0 at, and is still pining for UChicago"</p>
<p>I realize this is off topic, but if he's still pining, why not apply to transfer? If he has a 4.0 in a challenging curriculum, he should be competitive.</p>
<p>The OP's OP specified that her daughter has applied to several UCs and state universities. So, while she's understandably nervous about her prospects at Harvard and Yale, and maybe Berkeley, it doesn't sound like she has neglected to apply to a few colleges where she will be accepted. The effort should be to make certain she is appropriately excited about what her life would be like at those colleges, not just Harvard, or not just Harvard or Berkeley.</p>
<p>Also, it's a common strategy for kids -- especially kids prone to pessimism -- to discount their chances as a means of steeling themselves against disappointment. If you get three such kids at the same lunch table, they can dig themselves a nice Well of Despair in no time. Without promising too much, it ought to be possible to remind her from time to time that she's a really good student, a good friend, a good daughter, and a good person, and that there's plenty of room in the higher education system at great colleges for people like her.</p>
<p>Hanna: Apparently the student is a German major at Kalamazoo College enjoying a four year scholarship. </p>
<p>JHS: Yes, I read that she had applied to several UCs & other state schools, but obviously--to me, at least--failed to apply to enough schools that match her interests since her anxieties are focused on a small handful of ultra competitive schools. Applying to appropriately matched schools according to one's interests & abilities is a key to arousing excited anticipation rather than stirring up thoughts of impending rejection & failure.</p>
<p>all my kids were born with some suspect gene which makes them hugely optimistic and confident, unlike their parents and grandparents who always assume the worst-- which is often the outcome.</p>
<p>So all I can do is console you that kids come out of the womb with much of their hard-wiring already in place. What you can do as a parent is to be a steady, reassuring voice in their head when you're not around, to remind them:</p>
<p>You love her unconditionally. Not because she gets good grades and high scores; not because she works hard at school and teacher's admire her; not because of what she does/performs but for who she is.</p>
<p>You want to help her through this next transition- get into a college she's excited about, get her moved in, ready and able to take on whatever comes her way.</p>
<p>You have no interest in her attending a college which gives you bragging rights but isn't a good fit for her.... so whether it's Berkeley or "never heard of you" U-- if it's the right place for her, you will be excited and ready to help her get settled into her new life.</p>
<p>She will internalize some of this. You can't change the dynamics of her personality, but you can absolutely give her an alternative script to the one she's using.</p>
<p>Now- "If I don't get into Harvard or Yale, which of course I won't-- I'll be doomed to go to college with morons and airheads. But why would Yale or Harvard take someone as boring and unaccomplished as me? Gosh, even Berkely is going to realize I'm not up to snuff".</p>
<p>Your new and improved script-- "Gee, it sure is stressful applying to college. So many talented kids end up at their second or fifth choice. I've got so many neat options... I can't wait to find out where I'm going to go next year. My parents are going to be so proud of me for doing well in HS. I'm not looking forward to the anxiety of the next few months but it will all be worth it once I've figured out where I'm going and then actually get there!"</p>
<p>Hanna-like ColdWind mentioned, my S is enjoying a nice scholarship at Kalamazoo. UChicago only accepts 50 transfers each year, and S is naturally discouraged by that number. We are hoping the longer he is at K, the more he will grow to love it.</p>
<p>iObject, your DD may be right to feel that H & Y are reach schools. I just heard that a son of one of our close friends did not get accepted ED at Yale. This kid had perfect SAT scores, was a national math/science award winner, swimmer, etc. (not to mention, quite personable). My daughter applied to Yale as a lark, just to see if she could get into an IVY. She did not, but since she hadn't invested much emotionally into the application, she didn't care. Luckily, she had been admitted to Northwestern and Michigan by then so she felt okay about the rejection. (She finally chose Michigan). This daughter has close friends who go to Georgetown, Emory, Indiana, UPENN, Wisconsin, Wash U., and Kansas and all I can say is that when they all hung out together at my house this past winter break, EVERYONE of them was happy at their school! I would recommend that she talk to some college freshmen who are home for winter break and she will realize in talking to them that people find their niche at ALL TYPES of schools. I also second the comments to keep her from reading CC. My kids find it amusing that I am still reading posts here. They thought that all the kids on this site needed to get a life. ;-)</p>
<p>I think one of the important points is to make sure that her 'parents' don't express any disappointment if she doesn't get accepted to a particular college. Hopefully by reading some of the reality on CC you realize that even some students with perfect scores and outstanding ECs get rejected from HYPS. It sounds as if you do realize this. </p>
<p>I also think it's important to educate the kids up front as to the realities of college admission. There are plenty of kids who still think that if they have a 4.0 or above, or are the val/sal of their HS, or have a high SAT/ACT score, or have outstanding ECs, they'll almost certainly get accepted to HYPS. Any kids (or parents) who think this are misinformed and setting themselves up for disappointment. It's best to be realistic, give it a shot if desired, and hopefully shrug it off if one doesn't make it in.</p>
<p>UCB/UCLA/UCSD are getting more and more selective as well - especially for certain majors (like engineering). If she's well positioned for HYPS then she's even more well positioned for the UCs so she should be fine. Just to be even more certain, it's best to apply to additional UCs as well. It's easy to do since it's just another checkbox on the form and a bit more of the app fee but it improves the safety odds and she might end up with another decision to make if she gets offered a Regents scholarship to, for example, UCD but not UCB.</p>
<p>
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We're on the East Coast...He chose UCSD because he preferred the professors who would be his advisors there, and he loves the place.
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Marion:
Is he enjoying the nice warm weather we're having right now? Does he get down to the beach near UCSD much?</p>
<p>I always tell my D not to worry about something that has not happened since it does not help. Worrying about something out of your control will diminish focus and efforts in other aspects of their lives that they can control. D says that sometime you cannot stop worrying. Well, they are old enough to find the ways to relax which are different for everybody. But it is crucial to keep a lead on staff like this or it might lead to a major depression.</p>
<p>Everyone, thank you for your thoughtful advice. I've convinced my D to retire from CC for a while and bought her a few books that she likes as distraction. Still, it is quite difficult to change her pessimistic outlook, since she has been like this before she started elementary school. </p>
<p>Even though she thinks that my attempts to comfort her are a bit "lame," I have repeatedly reassured her that I will be proud of her no matter what college she decides to go to. But telling her this is of little consolation to her because she is more concerned with competing against others than with what I think. Really, I sometimes can't help but feel that her being pessimist and competitive at the same time is a bad combination.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Marion:
Is he enjoying the nice warm weather we're having right now? Does he get down to the beach near UCSD much?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I haven't spoken to him in a week or so, but I know he likes to go to the beach whenever he has time.</p>
<p>For him, it's not just the relatively warm winters of the San Diego area that are appealing, it's also the relatively cool, low-humidity summers. He comes from the Washington, DC area, where winter has enough cold weather and ice/sleet/freezing rain to be annoying, but not enough snow to have fun with. And the summers in the Washington area are unpleasantly hot and humid. Having pleasant weather all year round is one of the big attractions of San Diego for him (although I hope he's working on his research, too).</p>
<p>
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I sometimes can't help but feel that her being pessimist and competitive at the same time is a bad combination.
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</p>
<p>Perhaps some form of counseling would be helpful to DD.</p>
<p>My D had very average statistics and feared that she would not get in anywhere. Her safety was the local community college. She did get into 3 of the 5 schools to which she applied (all early action except for one early decision). She did not get into her first choice school; however, a few days later, she was accepted by another school, with lots of financial aid, and she has not really looked back.</p>
<p>I think the anxiety is that they don't where they are going. Once they have an acceptance, they feel calmer.</p>
<p>It might be too late to find a rolling admissions school, but it sounds to me as though your D is being realistic -- this is a competitive year and a somewhat random process after a certain GPA and SAT/ACT are met -- ; she should also be aware that some of the CC posters inflate their statistics, flat out lie, or are imposters. On the internet, no one knows you're a dog, to quote the old New Yorker cartoon.</p>
<p>Great to hear, LC!</p>
<p>I wish I'd been a bit more pessimistic for my son when he was applying to colleges. I knew the odds, but still deep in my heart of hearts thought he'd beat them. That said, he actually did end up with excellent choices. He didn't get into his first choice, but turned down Harvard for a school that is better in his major.</p>
<p>I like to borrow a phrase from JPMorgan Chase regarding the economy that I thought is applicable to the college application process as well.</p>
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If you are not worried, you are crazy!
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</p>