Plea for Parents Starting The College Process

Parents Forum
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<p>The problem is that at the beginning of the process parents don't know what the full cost will be. Even if the parents know they are not eligible for need-based aid, they don't know what merit awards may be available. </p>

<p>I think the main problem is miscommunication, and I also think that its possible that kids hear what they want to hear when parents discuss things early on. So "we'll see" gets interpreted as meaning "yes". </p>

<p>I can see from CareBear's past posts that she applied to a large number of very competitive reach colleges, and the end result is that she was accepted to all of her safeties and UCLA, but did not get into other reach colleges. So though CB now says that she has wanted to go to UCLA since she was a little kid, her college app strategy says otherwise -- and the parents probably didn't think they would be confronted with this sort of a choice. And when the parents were talking about the "best" school -- it was very possible they were thinking of the elite colleges that CB applied to. </p>

<p>In the end it's the parents' money. I really think that parents do have a role in deciding how much they are willing to spend, and that they have a right to look at qualitative factors - and some of the factors may not be apparent until the end of the process when all acceptances and all financial information is in hand.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
The problem is that at the beginning of the process parents don't know what the full cost will be. Even if the parents know they are not eligible for need-based aid, they don't know what merit awards may be available.

[/quote]

I disagree. It doesn't matter if the full cost is $50,000 or $200,000; the parents still can only afford so much money. It's simple for parents, but they don't want to do it: just say how much they can spend per child. Also, being parents, they should let their kids know good ranges of loans to take out (for example, it's silly for students to take out undergrad loans in excess of about $15,000) and if they are expected to work.</p>

<p>Pretty simple stuff. It doesn't matter if there is merit aid, need-based aid, or golden fish fall from the sky - there's still only a certain amount of money there, and the kids should be aware of that figure - long before they touch an application. This is a discussion that needs to happen when the kids are looking at schools during sophomore and junior year.</p>

<p>Part of finding a safety is finding an affordable school. The parents should be sure that the kid applies to a safety school with a COA that they can meet with their saved resources, assuming no financial aid. (Alternatively, if the kid applies EA to Harvard or Penn and the family earns $30,000/year, it's safe to say that the school will be affordable, given the pledges to eliminate the cost for families with those incomes.)</p>

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<p>Why is UCLA your dream school? Is it because of its location in LA? The reason I am asking is because I believe your state school (College Park) is also a quality institution. As someone else has mentioned previously, you will also find mediocre students at UCLA; that I can guarantee.</p>

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<p>So, on what grounds has it been decided that UCLA is "best" compared to the honors program at a relatively highly regarded state university? </p>

<p>People seem to be jumping to the conclusion that UCLA is the "best" school without considering the value of what is being offered locally. The mere fact that UCLA is ranked higher by US News does not automatically make it the "best" school. Especially for someone with an interest in journalism -- the in-state university offers journalism and UCLA does not. From other posts, I gather the young lady has been admitted the honors program at UMD College Park -- for whatever that is worth, which could be a lot or not much, I don't know, but it's worth considering. </p>

<p>So I'm saying that perhaps after weighing the merits of what is being offered in-state against what is available at UCLA, the young lady's parents are unconvinced that UCLA really is "the best." Throw in the price difference, and it makes sense, at least to me.</p>

<p>When parents talk about "the best" they may be using a different yardstick.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
It doesn't matter if the full cost is $50,000 or $200,000; the parents still can only afford so much money. It's simple for parents, but they don't want to do it: just say how much they can spend per child.

[/quote]
Well, parents can do what I did and tell my kid a low-end figure. Psychologically it's easiest that way. But it isn't really the most open way --so even though it is how I approach things, I can't fault a parent who adapts a more flexible, wait-and-see approach. </p>

<p>But the reality is that it is NOT a situation of parents can only afford so much, except for parents who are very low-end in terms of income. For those of us who are middle-class with secure jobs, good credit, & a modest amount saved toward retirement, plus enough in savings to weather an emergency -- there is a range. The range is from a level that is fairly easy to one that is difficult and involves some sacrifice and realigning of goals & priorities. On the sacrifice end it might involve parents taking on debt or postponing retirement, or giving up on something else they wanted to do. </p>

<p>1Down's post says it all -- there is a price point related to perceived value. A parent may be willing to make considerable sacrifices to send their kid to Princeton; but they may not be willing to make the same sacrifices for a college that they perceive offers a lesser quality of education. It's not that they won't pay or won't pay more -- it's just that they won't pay as much more. So it's very possible that CareBear's parents would have been willing to pay for UCLA at $25K, but not at $34K. </p>

<p>That is their choice to make. And as noted, it is choice made based on knowing all the alternatives. The fact that CB has been admitted to an Honors program at the in-state u. is just an additional factor. It isn't a matter of going for the cheapest - its a matter of choosing what seemes to offer the best value among the available choices. </p>

<p>We make these sorts of choices all the time. I know that kids want to be in control of the process and it is my preference as a parent to give my kids as much control and leeway as possible. But there are times when my judgment is going to be the final deciding factor, and certainly if there is a significant sum of my money involved, I'm going to have the final word. </p>

<p>I know that CB came here to vent -- and I think that's fine -- but what really should happen is that CB should sit down with her parents for a rational conversation. Instead of ranting about the unfairness of it all, it would be better for CB to look seriously at her choices. If there is something that UCLA offers and her in-state college does not, then she needs to be able to make the case to her parents by showing them what that is. If there are objective criteria she can articulate, then maybe she can convince her parents - or maybe they can come to an understanding as to how much the parents will have to finance and how much extra CB will need to come up with on her own. </p>

<p>And if she isn't able to make a strong argument based on objective facts, then I think CB should re-evaluate. All things being equal, it's fine to choose a college based on subjective impressions or gut level feel. But all things aren't equal in this case. CB's parents are looking at a huge price differential between two colleges that, in their eyes, are not that different qualitatively.</p>

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<p>"The problem is that at the beginning of the process parents don't know what the full cost will be. Even if the parents know they are not eligible for need-based aid, they don't know what merit awards may be available. "</p>

<p>But can't you get an estimate from the school (one without including merit awards/need awards)? You know--go to the school's financial aid office site and look and see that "Well at most we will have to pay x amount....and we can or cannot pay that" (even though it may change later because of awards).</p>

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<p>Parents really don't know what the final cost will be, especially if they are not eligible for need based aid. One $40K school offered $20K per year merit aid, another $40K school offered basically nothing in either merit or need. That's a big difference and it impacted how we perceived the respective values. </p>

<p>I agree that kids hear what they want to hear. After all, they are optimistic and full of enthusiasm. I remember having to add to this phrase to conversations several times "...IF we get enough financial aid."</p>

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<p>I hope I do not seem mean but your attitude stinks. To assume that your live will be miserable at your in state college(UMd-CP?) before you step onto campus, meet your roommate, begin taking classes goes a long way in assuring that you will be miserable.</p>

<p>Life throws curveballs at us all the time. It how we respond to these events which counts. If your attitude about this "curveball" is any indication of how you will react to other disappointment which come your way later in life, I feel sorry for you and hope you have the capacity to change. And I suggest that this is a great place to start!!</p>

<p>Let me assure you that if you are going to attend UMd-CP, the academic quality and opportunities will be very, very similar. Both are wonderful universities. If you manage to get a great roomie and dorm mates(and don't turn them off by copping an attitude) your social situation will be Nirvana. And don't minimize the advantages of having some hs friends in the community and living w/i easy driving distance from home. These can be very helpful in transitioning to college life. The weather-I can't help you there.</p>

<p>Broken dreams break us only if we let them. Accept the disappointment and put it as far behind you as possible right now. Create a new dream.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>PS. I agree with your point about being honest about college finances very early in the process. We had a family confab early jr year and he is as happy and successful as a college soph as he has ever been.</p>

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<p>I'm in a somewhat different situation: My parents told me up front that they would not be able to pay for my college education. (We have a lowish, one-parent income and six kids.) Fortunately, I got into Brown ED; like all the Ivies, it covers 100% of your calculated financial need, and with one other scholarship, that will be enough to pay for most of my education. </p>

<p>I really believe that your education is what you make of it. There was a study a few years ago (sorry I can't cite the source) where they tracked kids who were accepted to big-name schools and turned them down for whatever reason. Those kids, whatever school they ended up going to, had just as much success as their HYP peers. Moral? It's your aptitude that will make you successful, not your college choice. If you had the skills to get into your dream school, you have the ability to make your college education anything you want it to be- no matter where you go.</p>

<p>Good luck, and I hope your choice goes well...</p>

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<p>I would say it is definitely worth while to listen to what your parents are saying, My older sister ignored them and applied to all these out of state schools and ended up transferring to the school that my parents told her to look at in the first place. But they didn't offer transfer scholarships, so they lost money in the long run. You should absolutely look at all of your options.</p>

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<p>Calmom,</p>

<p>You are right - some parents will delay retirement, have a SAH parent work, or do whatever to send their kid to Harvard. Same isn't true for, say, Suffolk. (Not picking on anyone.)</p>

<p>It's a lot like the fact that people will pay more for a Volvo that will last for a zillion years than they would for a Ford Taurus; and they might make the stretch for the Volvo.</p>

<p>That said, there is a low number figure - and the parents presumably know what schools the kid is applying to. I'm a big fan of getting things in the open. Bottom line is - when the apps are in hand, or the kids are touring the schools, the parents should be very explicit about what will be paid for the school - or any school. Nothing wrong with saying, "We have $20,000 per year for you; State U is $10,000/year, so that's your safety; however, if you apply to Podunk and Slippery Rock, we'll only pay the State U cost, because you aren't getting more value from those schools." </p>

<p>I just think that there IS a number out there - or something close to a reasonable number - and therefore, parents should try to communicate that to their kids, ASAP.</p>

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<p>We did send our first kid to Suffolk CC. The second one has a lot of drive and academic success and the expenses are mounting. We are delaying retirement - big time - and making other sacrifices to pay for an expensive college. It is not just a status thing. The educational opportunities are good and the specific program she is interested is not available elsewhere. Even so it was a very difficult decision. At a certain point you just have to draw a line in the sand. Many parents would just not have had the choice, but we could make it happen. My D also has her financial contribution, which is a sacrifice on her part but really has only a minimal impact. Our decision was made partly when we looked at the 2nd and 3rd choices. They were still going to cost about 2/3rd as much and were clearly not great choices.</p>

<p>I think the car analogies are poor. This is not a matter of leather seats and luxury. If we do use a car analogy, I would say I was looking for a Toyota Corolla and ended up also buying cruise control,a/c and a really good stereo system. The lesser choices would have been a Yugo or a stripped down Corolla with stick shift and no carpeting.</p>

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<p>It's very true that parents should put the numbers on the table early on. But though everything is out in the open, that's not the end of the story. Even if you can afford the volvo, it might be worth driving the ford if the ford is drastically cheaper or even free. Like AA said, it's a matter of perceived value for the product.</p>

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<p>Calmom: Just because I applied, somewhat by force, to other schools doesn't overshadow the fact that I've loved UCLA for 5+ years.</p>

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<p>I would personally like to thank each of you for replying to my thread. Calmom is correct, I did come here to vent. Hopefully with the advice I've been given I can truly make the best decision for me, and my family.
I'm sure in the grand scheme of things whether I go to UCLA or Maryland, I'll be just fine. :)</p>

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<p>That is exactly right, CareBear. Believe it! You WILL be just FINE! :)</p>