Please comment/ grade this essay!! I'm taking the SAT tomorrow!

<p>QUESTION: "does knowledge of the past help our understanding of the present?"</p>

<p>Insight from the past complements our understanding of the present by providing fundamental reason. Several examples from a revolution, a women's movement, and a personal anecdote exemplify this notion.</p>

<p>When I was a child, I was eminently quiet and over-analytical about the most trivial things--I never put my hand up to answer questions because the fear of making a mistake in front of my peers terrorized me--I dreaded class presentations-- and most importantly, I was allergic to social interaction; I would become motionless anytime I conversed with any animate object-- it was abasing. Henceforth, the summer before high school, I realized that if I would be missing out on many propitious opportunities in life; thus, for the next 2 months, I underwent a metamorphosis. I bought new clothes, got a fabulous haircut, and went out of my comfort level by attempting to socialize with as many people as often. What I could have accomplished in the 14 years of my life at that point, was triumphed in 2 months. I can proudly say that I am no longer allergic to socializing, the vice- president of the school debate team, and the spirit- coordinator for student council! </p>

<p>Before 1978, China was comparable to present day North Korea; ostracized, antiquated, and poor. Nonehteless, the antagonistic reformers who fought for a non- communist economy for China revolutionized the nation. These reformers saw the prospectiveness of the capitalist market in America, and understandbly, these reformers yearned to mimick that type of robust economy.The reformists succeeded in cajoling the government, and manifested China into an entirely different nation of hope and great fortune. Today, China has the largest and strongest economy in the world, and continues to flourish. Ergo, the economy of present day China is the ameliorated result of impassioned reformers who protested for an efficacious economy to revitalize the nation.</p>

<p>In the early 1900's, women in Canada were not considered as "persons" according to The Canadian Charter of Rights. Rather, women were subjects of men that were essentially expected to solely "cook and breed." Notwithstanding, these traditional conventions for women were terminated when the Famous Five contended for womens' rights. The group of diplomatic, discreet and sagacious women went to the monarchy in England in hopes of altering the Charter of Rights. After a 6 month wait, England approved the groups' proposal and modified The Charter! Today, women in Canada have the right to vote, work, and receive an education, all because of the Famous Five's conquest! Without them, women today in Canada would still be objectified and typified to archaic female conventions. </p>

<p>After assaying my personal manifestation, the Famous Five, and the Chinese economy, knowledge of the past, indeed, avails our comprehension of the present. It is through comprehension of the copious vicissitudes of the past that elucidates where we are today.</p>

<p>(filled up both sides entirely, almost had to write outside of the margins!)</p>

<p>should I write less? I feel as if I write TOO much…</p>

<p>anyone? please help, I really want to get that 12!!! :)</p>

<p>please cc community, i really need critique!!</p>

<p>It feels really unnatural, like you had the thesaurus open next to you while you were writing it, and some of the words you used were used incorrectly.</p>

<p>which words? </p>

<p>and yes I know it sounds un- natural, but i’m scared that if i don’t use all this vocab, i won’t get a high score! and LOL i didn’t use a thesaurus while writing this! </p>

<p>any other critique?</p>

<p>oh yup i just realized i used eminently incorrectly, i meant to say habitually :expressionless: don’t know why i made that mistake!</p>

<p>but in general; flow of essay, voice, grammar, sentence variation, impact-- were those factors alright?</p>

<p>It looks like you spent a good deal of time working on this–are you sure this is going to be the essay prompt tomorrow and will you have all this memorized? Admittedly, I don’t know what the SAT graders are looking for in order to award a 12 to a particular essay. My daughter took the SAT once, with no prep and scored a 9. As to what you have written, my initial reaction is that you sound like a Thesaurus. The essay just didn’t flow easily and I rapidly lost interest in it. Sorry, just my two cents. SAT graders may be looking for essays like that however, but don’t try to write like this on your college application essays. You are obviously intelligent and diligent. I would try to sound more natural.</p>

<p>I have a few questions, actually:

  1. Did you think of all of these examples off the top of your head, or did you research them? Obviously you wouldn’t be able to do the latter during the actual test.
  2. Did you plan and write this in 25 minutes? If not, it isn’t really a valid reflection of how much/how well you will be able to write during the actual test.</p>